If you recognize yourself in the description of a person who feels rejected, it means that you have experienced the same feeling towards a parent of the same sex. It is this parent who first opens the existing wound. And then rejection and dislike towards this parent, even to the point of hatred, become completely normal and human.

The role of a same-sex parent is to teach us to love—to love ourselves and to give love. A parent of the opposite sex must teach them to allow themselves to be loved and to accept love.

Without accepting the parent, we just as naturally decide not to use him as a model. If you see that this is your trauma, then know that it is this rejection that explains your difficulties: being of the same sex with an unloved parent, you cannot accept yourself and love yourself.

Fugitive does not believe in his own worth, he does not value himself at all. And for this reason, he uses all means to become perfect and gain value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The word “NOBODY” is a favorite in his dictionary, and he applies it to himself and others with equal success:

"My boss said I was nobody, so I had to leave".

“When it comes to economic matters, my mother is a nobody”.

“My father is simply a nobody in a relationship with my mother. My husband turned out to be the same; I don’t blame him for leaving me.”.

In Quebec they prefer the word "NOTHING":

"I know that I am nothing, others are more interesting than me".

“No matter what I do, it doesn’t work; I still have to start over every time.”.

"I'm okay, okay... do as you want".

One male fugitive admitted at the seminar that he felt worthless and a slacker in front of his father. “When he talks to me, I’m crushed. If I’m able to think, it’s only about how to escape from him; where do all my arguments and self-control go. His mere presence depresses me.”. A runaway woman told me how, at the age of sixteen, she decided that from now on her mother was for her nothing after the mother stated that it would be better for her not to have such a daughter, it would be better for her to disappear, even if she died. Avoiding suffering, the daughter has since completely distanced herself from her mother.

It is interesting to note that it is predominantly the parent of the same sex who encourages the flight of a child who feels rejected. Most often, in stories about children leaving home, I hear a phrase from a parent: "Are you leaving? Very good, it will become freer here". The child, of course, feels his rejection even more painfully and becomes even more angry with the parent. This type of situation easily arises with a parent who is themselves suffering from the same trauma. He encourages withdrawal because the remedy is familiar to him, even if he doesn't realize it.

Prominent place in the dictionary fugitive The words “does not exist” and “non-existent” are also occupied. For example, to the questions: "How are you with sex" or “What is your relationship with such and such a person?” he replies: "Their does not exist", whereas most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.

Fugitive also loves words disappear, vanish. He can say: "My father treats mother like a prostitute... I would like to disappear" or "I wish my parents were gone!"

Fugitive seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. Both in the family and in any group of people, he is suppressed. He believes that he must endure the most unpleasant situations to the end, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he sees no options for salvation. Here's an example: a girl asks her mother to help her with her homework and hears in response: “Go to dad. Can’t you see that I’m busy and he has nothing to do?” The first reaction of a rejected child will be to think: “Well, again I wasn’t polite enough, and that’s why mom refused to help me.”, and then the girl will go look for a quiet corner where she can hide from everyone.

U fugitive Usually there are very few friends at school, and subsequently at work. He is considered withdrawn and left alone. The more he isolates himself, the more invisible he seems. He finds himself in a vicious circle: feeling rejected, he puts on a mask fugitive so as not to suffer; he fades so much that others stop noticing him; he becomes increasingly lonely, which gives him even more reason to feel rejected.

And now I will describe to you a situation that was repeated many times at the very end of my seminars, at the moment when everyone tells how the seminar helped him. It was with great surprise that I discovered the presence of a personality I had not noticed during the two-day seminar! I ask myself: "But Where has she been hiding all this time? Then I see that she has a body fugitive that she arranged herself so as not to speak or ask questions during the entire seminar, and that she sat behind the others the entire time, trying not to be visible. When I tell such participants that they are too shy, they almost invariably respond that they have nothing interesting to say, which is why they didn’t say anything.

Really, fugitive usually says little. Sometimes he can talk, and talks a lot - he is trying to assert his importance; in this case, those around him perceive pride in his statements.

U fugitive A SKIN PROBLEM often develops - so that it is not touched. Skin is a contact organ; its appearance can attract or repel another person. Skin disease is an unconscious way of protecting yourself from being touched, especially in those places that are associated with the problem. I have heard more than once from fugitives: “When they touch me, it feels like I’m being pulled out of my cocoon.”. The wound of the rejected one aches and makes him eventually believe that if he goes into his own world, he will not suffer anymore, since he himself will not reject himself and others will not be able to reject him. Therefore, he often avoids participating in group work and hangs out. He hides in his cocoon.

Therefore fugitive easily and willingly goes on astral travel: unfortunately, these journeys are more often made unconsciously. He may even think that this is a common occurrence and that others happen there as often as he does. In thoughts and ideas fugitive constantly scattered; Sometimes you can hear him say: "I need to get myself together"– it seems to him that he consists of separate pieces. This impression is especially typical for those whose body resembles a structure made of disparate parts. More than once I have heard from fugitives: "I feel like I'm cut off from other people. Like I'm not here.". Some have told me that they sometimes clearly feel their body being split in half - as if an invisible thread is cutting it at the waist. One of my friends had this thread dividing her body at chest level. As a result of using the detachment technique that I teach in one of my seminars, she felt that the upper and lower parts of her body were connected and was very surprised by the new sensation. It helped her realize that she hadn't truly been in her body since she was a child. She never knew what it meant to be earthbound.

At seminars I notice fugitives, mainly women who like to sit on a chair with their legs crossed under them; it seems that they would be more comfortable sitting on the ground. But, since they hardly touch the ground, it is not difficult for them sneak away. But they pay money to attend our classes, and this fact confirms their intention - or at least the desire of some part of them - be here, although it is very difficult for them to concentrate, to “collect themselves”. So I tell them that they have a choice - to go to the astral plane and miss what is happening here, or to remain anchored in their place and be present in the present.

As I said above, fugitive does not feel either acceptance or goodwill from a parent of the same sex. This does not necessarily mean that the parent is rejecting him. It is his, fugitive, personal feeling. This same soul could come to Earth in order to overcome the trauma of humiliation, and incarnate with these same parents with exactly the same attitude towards their child. On the other hand, it goes without saying that fugitive tends to experience the experience of being rejected more than any other person - say, a brother or sister - who does not have this trauma.

A person experiencing the suffering of a rejected person constantly seeks the love of a parent of the same sex; he may also transfer his search to other persons of the same sex. He will consider himself an incomplete being until he wins the love of his parent. He is very sensitive to the slightest comments from this parent and is always ready to decide that he is rejecting him. Bitterness and embitterment gradually develop in him, often turning into hatred - so great is his suffering. Don't forget that it takes a lot of love to hate. Hatred is strong but disappointed love. The wound of the rejected is so deep that of all five characters fugitive most prone to hatred. He easily passes the stage of great love in order to surrender to great hatred. This is an indicator of severe internal suffering.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, then fugitive he himself is afraid of rejecting him and restrains himself in every possible way in his actions and statements towards him. Because of his injury, he cannot be himself. He resorts to various tricks and precautions to avoid rejecting this parent - he does not want to be accused of rejecting anyone himself. On the other hand, he wants a parent of the same sex to curry favor with him - this allows him to not feel his rejection so acutely. He does not want to see that his suffering as a rejected person is caused by an internal, unresolved trauma, and the parent has nothing to do with it. If fugitive experiences the experience of being rejected by a parent (or other person) of the opposite sex, he blames himself for this and rejects himself.

If you see the trauma of being rejected in yourself, then for you, even if your parent really rejects you, it is very important to understand and accept the following thought: “it is because your trauma is not healed that you attract a certain type of situation and a certain parent.” As long as you believe that all your misfortunes are the fault of other people, your trauma cannot be healed. As a consequence of your reaction to your own parents, you will very easily feel rejected by others of the same sex, and you will always be afraid of rejecting someone of the opposite sex yourself.

The deeper the trauma of the rejected person, the more strongly he attracts to himself the circumstances in which he finds himself rejected or rejects himself.

The more fugitive rejects himself, the greater his fear of being rejected. He constantly humiliates and underestimates himself. He often compares himself with those who are stronger than him in some way, and thus develops a belief in his own second-classness. He does not notice that in some areas he may be superior to other people. He will never believe that someone would like to make friends with him, that someone sees him as a spouse, that they can truly love him. One mother told me about her children: they tell her they love her, but she doesn't understand for what they love her!

Everything turns out so that fugitive constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, he provokes the situation; if he is not elected, then he feels rejected by others. One young man from a large family told me that his father never entrusted him with anything, from which the child made a categorical conclusion that all other children were better than him. And it’s not surprising that now the father always chooses one of them. A vicious circle has formed.

Fugitive often says (or thinks) that all his deeds and thoughts are worthless. When attention is paid to him, he gets lost, it begins to seem to him that he takes up too much space. If he takes up a lot of space, he thinks that he is disturbing someone, which means he will be rejected by those whom he disturbs. Even in the womb fugitive Doesn't take up extra space. He is doomed to languish until his injury is healed.

When he is talking and someone interrupts him, he instantly takes this as evidence that he is not worth listening to and habitually falls silent. A person who is not burdened by the trauma of the rejected person, in this case, also concludes that his statement turned out to be uninteresting - but not he himself! to the fugitive it is equally difficult to express his opinion when he is not asked: he feels that his interlocutors will see this as confrontation and reject him.

If he has a question or request for someone, but this person is busy, then he will not say anything. He knows what he wants, but he does not dare to ask for it, believing that it is not important enough to bother others.

Many women say that even in adolescence they stopped trusting their mother for fear of not being understood. They believe that to be understood is to be loved. Meanwhile, one has nothing in common with the other. Loving means accepting another, even if you don’t understand him. Because of this belief, they become evasive in conversation. And it turns out that they are always trying to get away from the subject of discussion, but are afraid to start something else. Of course, they behave this way not only with their mother, but also with other women. If fugitive- a man, then his relationships with his father and other men are exactly the same.

Another distinctive feature fugitive is the desire for perfection in everything he does: he believes that if he makes a mistake, he will be condemned, and being condemned for him is the same as being rejected. Since he does not believe in his own perfection, he tries to compensate for this by the perfection of what he does. Unfortunately, he confuses “to be” and “to do.” His search for perfection can reach the point of obsession. He wants everything so passionately do It is clear that any work takes him an unreasonably long time. And ultimately, this is why he is rejected.

Reaching its limit, fear fugitive goes into panic. At the mere thought of the possibility of panic, the first thing he does is look for somewhere to hide, run away, disappear. He would prefer to disappear because he knows that in a state of panic he will not move at all. He believes that by hiding somewhere, he will avoid trouble. He is so convinced of his inability to cope with panic that he ends up giving in to it very easily, even when there is no reason for it. The desire to hide, to disappear is deeply characteristic fugitives; I have more than once encountered cases of regression to the embryonic state. Such people said that they wanted to hide in their mother's belly - another evidence of how early this begins.

Attracting to himself, like a magnet, people and situations he fears, fugitive in the same way provokes circumstances in which he panics. His fear, naturally, further dramatizes what is happening. He always finds any explanation for his flight or evasion.

Fugitive panics especially easily and freezes with fear in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex (especially if they in any way resemble this parent). He does not experience this fear with his parent and with other people of the opposite sex; it is much easier for him to communicate with them. I also noticed that in the dictionary fugitive The word "panic" comes up quite often. He might say, for example: "I feel panicky at the thought of quitting smoking". Usually a person will simply say that it is difficult for him to quit smoking.

Is our ego does everything he can to keep us from noticing our injuries. Why? Because we ourselves gave him this mandate. Unconsciously. We are so afraid of reliving the pain associated with each trauma that we use every means possible to avoid admitting to ourselves that we are experiencing the suffering of a rejected being because we are rejecting ourselves. And those who reject us came into our lives to show us how much we reject ourselves.

Fear of your own panic in many situations leads fugitive to the point that he loses his memory. He may even think that he has a memory problem, but in fact he has a fear problem. During course seminars "Become a mass entertainer" I have seen this picture more than once: one of the participants, fugitive, must speak in front of others and tell something or hold a mini-conference; but even when he is well prepared and knows his material, fear in last minute grows to such a level that everything flies out of the speaker’s head. Sometimes he simply leaves his body, and it freezes in front of us, as if paralyzed - like a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this problem is gradually resolved as he overcomes his rejection trauma.

It's interesting to see how our traumas affect our relationship with food. A person nourishes his physical body in the same way as his mental and emotional body. Fugitive prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other strong emotions. Of all the listed types fugitive most prone to anorexia: he almost completely refuses to eat because he seems too big and plump, although in reality the opposite is true. Weight loss below normal and exhaustion is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes appetite wins, and then fugitive with greedily attacks food - this is also an attempt to disappear, to dissolve in food. However, this method fugitives rarely used; More often they are attracted to alcoholic drinks or drugs.

Runaways have a weakness for sweets, especially when they are overcome by strong fear. Since fear robs a person of energy, it is natural to assume that introducing sugar into the body can replenish the loss. Indeed, sugar gives energy, but, unfortunately, not for long, so you have to replenish it in this way too often.

Our traumas prevent us from being ourselves; Because of this, blocks arise in the body and, as a result, diseases. Each character type has its own special ailments and diseases, determined by its internal mental structure.

Here are some typical ones: fugitive illnesses and ailments.

He often suffers from DIARRHEA - he rejects, throws away food before the body has time to absorb the nutritional elements, just as he rejects a situation that could be beneficial for him.

Many suffer from ARRHYTHMIA - irregular heart rate. When the heart begins to beat like mad, they have the feeling that it wants to break out of the chest, fly away; this is another form of wanting to avoid a painful situation.

I have said before that the wound of a rejected person is so painful that fugitive It is quite logical that hatred develops towards a parent of the same sex, whom he, while still a child, condemned for the suffering caused to him. Forgive yourself, however, for hating your parent fugitive cannot and prefers not to think and not know about the existence of this hatred. Without giving himself the right to hate a parent of the same sex, he can lead himself to CANCER: this disease is associated with bitterness, anger, hatred - with mental pain experienced alone. If a person manages to come to the recognition that he hated or hates a parent, there will be no cancer. He may develop an acute illness if he continues to harbor plans hostile to this parent, but it will not be cancer. Cancer most often manifests itself in someone who has suffered a lot, but only blames himself for it. It is really difficult to agree that you hate your father or mother, because it means admitting that you are evil and heartless; it also means admitting that you are rejecting the parent whom you yourself accused of rejecting you.

Fugitive does not give himself the right to be a child. He forces maturation, believing that this way he will suffer less from his injury. For this reason, his body (or some part of it) resembles the body of a child. Cancer indicates that he did not give the child in himself the right to suffer. He did not accept what is humanly fair - to hate a parent whom you consider to be the culprit of your suffering.

Among other diseases characteristic of fugitive, we also see disturbances in RESPIRATORY FUNCTIONS, especially during panic.

Fugitive susceptible to ALLERGIES - this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He may also choose VOMITING as an indicator of his disgust towards a certain person or situation. I have even heard such statements from teenagers: “I I want to throw up my mother (or father)." Fugitive often wants to “throw up” a situation or a hated person and can express his feeling with the words: "This is a sickening man" or "Your conversations make me sick". All of these are ways to express your desire for someone or to reject something.

Dizziness or fainting are also suitable remedies if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases fugitive is saved by COMA.

Fugitive A person suffering from AGORAPHOBIA uses this disorder when he wants to avoid certain situations and people that can cause him to panic (more about this behavioral disorder will be discussed in Chapter 3).

If fugitive Abuses sugar, it can provoke pancreatic diseases such as HYPOGLYCEMIA or DIABETES.

If he has accumulated too much hatred towards the parent as a result of the suffering he has experienced and is experiencing as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop a DEPRESSIVE or MANIAC-DEPRESSIVE state. If he is planning suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they take action belong rather to the category of the abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

To the fugitive with childhood, it is difficult to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, so he strives be like the hero or heroine he adores, he is ready to get lost, to dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl passionately wants to be Marilyn Monroe; this lasts until she decides to be someone else. The danger of such deviation in behavior is that over time it can turn into PSYCHOSIS.

The illnesses and ailments listed above are also possible in people with other types of trauma, but are still most common in those who feel rejected.

If you find yourself with rejection trauma, then it is more than likely that your same-sex parent also feels rejected by their same-sex parent; Moreover, there is a very high probability that he feels rejected by you too. This may not be realized by either party, yet it is true and has been confirmed by thousands of human fugitives.

Remember: the main reason for the existence of any trauma is the inability to forgive yourself for the wound inflicted on yourself or other people. Forgiving ourselves is very difficult because, as a rule, we do not even know that we are judging ourselves. The deeper your rejection wound, the more unmistakably it indicates that you are rejecting yourself - or rejecting other people, situations and projects.

We blame others for what we do not want to see in ourselves..

This is why we attract those people who show us how we behave with others or with ourselves.

Another means of realizing that we are rejecting ourselves or rejecting another person is shame. Indeed, we experience shame when we want to hide or hide our behavior. It is normal to find shameful behavior in which we reproach others. We really don't want them to discover that we behave in the same way.

Remember: all of the above is experienced only if the suffering rejected person decides to wear the mask of a fugitive, believing that thereby he will avoid suffering proportionate to the depth of the trauma. He wears this mask in some cases for several minutes a week, in others almost constantly.

Behavior characteristic of fugitive, is dictated by the fear of repeating the suffering of the rejected one. But it may also be that you recognize yourself in some of the behavioral characteristics described above, but not in all. A complete match of all characteristics is almost impossible. Each trauma has its own forms of behavior and internal states. The way a person thinks, feels, speaks and acts (in accordance with his traumas) determines his reaction to everything that happens in life. A person in a state of reaction cannot be balanced, cannot be concentrated in his heart, cannot experience well-being and happiness. That's why it's so important to recognize when you're reacting and when you're being yourself. If you succeed, then you have the opportunity to become the master of your life, and not let fears control it.

My goal in this chapter was to help you understand the trauma of being rejected. If you recognize yourself in a mask fugitive, then in the last chapter you will find complete information on how to heal from this trauma, how to become yourself again and not suffer from the feeling that everyone is rejecting you. If you do not find this trauma in yourself, then I advise you to turn to those who know you well for confirmation; this will eliminate the error. As I already said, the trauma of the rejected person may not be deep, and then you will only have certain characteristic traits fugitive. Let me remind you that you should trust first of all the physical description, because the physical body never lies, in contrast to its owner, who is quite capable of deceiving himself.

If you detect this trauma in someone around you, you should not try to change him. Instead, use everything you learn in this book to develop more compassion for other people so you can better understand the nature of their reactive behavior. And it is better to let them read this book themselves if they become interested in the problem, than to try to retell its contents to them.

Trauma of the Rejected

Until relatively recently, a person, already quite old, could not understand why it is so difficult for him in life to achieve everything that others easily achieve? How is it that one has to make almost inhuman efforts, and at the same time, figuratively speaking, mark time, while for another, every step becomes not just a step, but a real takeoff? And only with the increasing popularity among ordinary people of the science of psychology, it became known that there are certain human injury, which predetermine his life not just from birth, but long before him. This is exactly what the trauma of the rejected is.

What is the concept of an outcast?
By turning to the dictionary, you can find several definitions of what a “rejected” or “rejected” person means. I would immediately like to point out that this concept is radically different from the concept of abandonment, since its meaning is not that a person, until recently needed and needed by many, suddenly found himself alone, but that he was initially not accepted, rejected.

The most striking example when a person is rejected even before his birth is the birth of an unwanted child. And not only one who is essentially not needed either by the woman herself or the family as a whole, but even just a child of the wrong gender. Few future parents attach importance to their words when everyone around them is told that they will definitely have a boy (girl), because it cannot be otherwise! And let those around you perceive this as a good joke, and even jokingly “sympathize” when expectations are not met - nothing can be corrected: the baby, before it has even been born, has already received all the difficulties that the trauma of being rejected entails.

However, even if such a development of events was avoided, and mom and dad received the desired son or daughter, this is not a guarantee that this problem will not affect the child later. We draw your attention to the fact that it is not necessary to be bad parents (accepted in modern society understanding of this word) to reject their children. Human injuries The dangerous thing is that they are inflicted on him subconsciously, i.e. It is very difficult to influence and avoid such developments in any way. But everything happens in a trivial way: eternally busy parents “redirect” the child to each other, citing the fact that there are more important things to do. Perhaps, having grown older, a person is able to evaluate such situations objectively, but in childhood With each such “redirection,” his understanding becomes stronger that his parents do not need him, that he has no right to exist.

What happens to the life of the outcast?
In a nutshell - nothing good. Moreover, while the child is small, and the sad outcome of events could have been prevented, no one pays attention to the manifestation of signs of rejection: all the child’s attempts to feel his importance, to prove to himself that he exists, are perceived by the parents as whims and in most cases are harshly suppressed. What could it be? Most often, the rejected person tries to hide, to become invisible, but paradoxically, he does this in such a way as to attract as much attention as possible to himself, thereby causing even greater dissatisfaction with his parents. The circle is closed: adults deprive the child of their society as punishment, and he, feeling rejected, does everything he considers right to get into this society.
As the child grows up, so do his complexes. Now a person with such a trauma is trying not to attract the attention of those who, in his opinion, rejected him, but initially tries to make sure that he is not rejected - simply to avoid contact with such people. And if, nevertheless, interaction cannot be avoided and communication does not occur as one would like, the rejected person will blame himself for everything and move even further away from the one who, in his opinion (usually subjective), rejected him.

Consequences of the trauma of being rejected in adulthood
If anyone believes that human injury that he received in childhood remain there forever and do not cause him any problems in adulthood - he is seriously mistaken. The adult life of a former rejected child is a constant escape, attempts to hide, disappear, become invisible. It is quite clear that such bangs will not be either successful in business or happy in your personal life.

Knowing that he will react to rejection with panic and powerlessness, such a person will do everything in advance to avoid contact with people who can reject him. It would seem that what’s terrible about this? There are a lot of people in the world and you can always find your own circle of friends. However, in reality, everything is much worse: with each person whom the outcast manages to avoid, his own significance, his importance in the society where he works or lives, decreases in his own eyes. Further, the situation worsens: the outcast gradually convinces himself that he is much worse than all other people, which means he has no right to live like they do: he has no right to success, to love, to the care of loved ones. This is how truly highly qualified specialists in one field or another drive themselves into the shadows, believing that they are not capable of anything. Moreover, the depth of the trauma can be judged by how often such a person is rejected by others, because, expecting to become rejected, he himself attracts those situations in which this is exactly what happens.

How does the Fugitive appear?

The Rejected Trauma is formed in the first two years of life. In general, all five traumas are formed between the ages of two and five years, if we take the theory of reincarnation out of the equation and bring the processes described by Liz Burbo to a more realistic basis, which can be freely observed in life situations families with children of this age.
When we talk about the age of up to one year, we are talking about the age at which any situation is considered as a situation of sufficient or insufficient trust in the environment to live.
The Rejection problem that Liz Burbo talks about is that the child is unable to understand what is happening around him. The child only feels that the situation is not the same, it is uncomfortable and unpleasant to be in, and she lacks support from her parents.

What is the essence of the injury?
Fugitive Trauma is a situation in which a person does not have enough trust in the environment they are in to live comfortably. Moreover, he constantly experiences this mistrust. “I’m okay when I’m not there,” he thinks, trying to hide from the world.
“Normal” here means that the likelihood of an increase in the usual level of discomfort is minimized.

How does the Forsaken escape?
This will not necessarily be connected with the mask that Liz Burbo describes, so focus literally on external description not worth it. Trauma manifests itself in behavior and can be noticeable in everyday or social habits. It can be seen especially clearly in familiar speech forms. “Don’t pay attention to me”, “I’ve already left”, “I’m okay, I’m like this”.">

Try unexpectedly asking the Fugitive:
- How do you feel?
“No way,” he will most likely answer.
How is this “no way”? After all, we are not all incorporeal, and there are always some sensations in the body, ranging from comfort to pain. And an adult, if only he is alive (and if this is not the Fugitive) is able to understand how he feels and find words to describe. What about the Fugitive? But he really doesn’t feel himself at all, he calls his body on major holidays.
Another standard answer for the Fugitive to a simple everyday question:
- What do you want?
“Nothing,” he traditionally answers.
Damn it, if he wanted something, someone would teach him it. They are especially good at the moment of choosing something.
-What are you going to do?
- Nothing.
You can complicate the task:
“Do you want ice cream with jam or with nuts?”
– ...
In response to such a “super complex” question, the Fugitive may withdraw into himself and not return.

Why does trust play such a significant role before the age of one year?
Heavy text about the eight ages here.

Liz Burbo

10/17/2005 | Visitors: 218519

• The fugitive's voice is weak and powerless.
• The addict has a childish voice with a hint of complaint.
• The masochist often decorates his voice with feigned intonations, portraying an interested person.
• A rigid person's speech is somewhat mechanical and restrained.
• The controller has a loud, booming voice.

Each type has its own style of dancing:

• The fugitive doesn't like dancing. If he dances, his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say, “Don’t look at me for too long.”
• The addict prefers contact dances, in which there is the opportunity to cuddle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he is hanging on his partner. His whole being radiates: “Look how my partner loves me.”
• A masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: “Look how sensual I can be.”
• The controller needs a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. From him comes the call: “Look at me.”
• Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness and inflexibility of his legs. He is very attentive and tries not to lose his rhythm. He attends dance courses more often than others. The most rigid ones stand out as serious, stand very straight and seem to be counting their dance steps. They seem to be telling their appearance: "Look how well I dance."

Which car do you prefer? The following characteristics will tell you which of your subpersonalities determines your choice:

• The fugitive loves unobtrusive cars of dull color.
• An addict prefers cars that are comfortable and not like everyone else’s.
• The masochist chooses a small, cramped car that barely fits in.
• The controller buys a powerful, noticeable car.
• Rigid prefers a classic, working, durable car - he wants to get full value for his money.

You can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the way you dress.

The way a person sits shows what is going on in his soul when he speaks or listens.:

• The fugitive cowers, trying to borrow as much as possible less space In the armchair. He loves to tuck his legs under himself: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to escape.
• The addict crawls in the chair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of the adjacent chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.
• The masochist sits with his legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, and therefore feels uncomfortable.
• The controller sits leaning back with his entire body and crossing his arms as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of his interlocutor.
• Rigid sits completely straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms - when he does not want to feel what is happening.

Many times during conversations, I noticed how my guest changes his posture depending on what is happening in his mind. As an example, I will describe a person with traumas of injustice and abandonment. When he tells me about his life problems, his body relaxes, his shoulders slump slightly - he is experiencing his abandonment trauma. A few minutes later, when I ask a question about a topic that he doesn't want to touch, his body straightens, his whole body becomes rigid, and he tells me that he is fine in this area. The same thing happens with his speech - the manner of speaking can change several times during the conversation.

You can give any number of such examples. I am sure that in a few months you yourself, observing your own behavior and physical signs, will easily recognize which mask you put on and at what moment, what fear is hiding behind this mask. It will be just as easy for you to recognize and decipher the masks of those around you.

I discovered another very interesting fact related to fears. You have already noticed that I everywhere indicate the strongest fear inherent in each type of character. So, I became convinced that each wearer of a certain mask is not aware of his fear, but those around him can easily see what exactly he is trying to avoid at all costs.

• The fugitive's greatest fear is panic. He cannot properly realize this because he hides, disappears as soon as he begins to panic, or even before it begins. Those around you see panic without difficulty - it is almost always your eyes that give it away.
• The addict's greatest fear is loneliness. He doesn't see this because he always arranges himself to be in someone else's company. If he still finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time. When there is no physical partner, the telephone and TV replace his company. It is much easier for his loved ones to notice and feel this great fear of loneliness even when surrounded by people. His sad eyes also give him away.
• The masochist's greatest fear is freedom. He does not consider and does not feel free due to the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decides to do. He doesn't look at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides constrains him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind if he just wants to. His eyes are wide open to the world, showing great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.
• The controller is most frightened separation and renunciation. He does not notice how intensely he creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which it excludes further communication with individuals. By creating and attracting situations to himself in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations. Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and willingness to meet new people prevent him from realizing how many people he has cut out of his life. Others see it much better. And his eyes give him away too. When he gets angry, they become tough and even instill fear, which can alienate many from him.
• Rigid is most afraid coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. But those around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, tough behavior, especially when he believes that he is being unfairly accused of something.

The first step to healing trauma is RECOGNIZING and ACCEPTING it; this, however, does not at all mean approval and consent to its existence. Accepting means looking at it, observing it, not forgetting at the same time that a person lives for this purpose, to resolve problems that have not yet been resolved.

If something hurts you, it doesn't mean you're a bad person..

When you managed to create a mask so as not to suffer, it was a heroic act, a feat of self-love. This mask helped you survive and adapt to the family environment that you yourself chose before you incarnated.

The real reason we are born into a certain family or are attracted to people with the same trauma as us is that, from the very beginning, we like others to be like us. That is, we turn out to be no worse than others. But time passes, and we begin to notice the shortcomings of others, we no longer accept them for who they are. And we try to change them, not realizing that what we do not accept from others is part of ourselves, but we do not want to see it, because we are afraid of the need for change. We think that we will have to change ourselves, when in reality we should heal ourselves.

This is why knowing your own traumas is so beneficial: it allows you to focus on healing them, rather than trying to change yourself.

Don't forget, too, that each of these traumas was formed as a result of the accumulation of experiences from many previous lives, so it is not surprising that you have a difficult time coming to terms with your trauma in this particular life. In previous lives you did not succeed in this, so you should not expect that the problem will be easily resolved with a simple wish: “I want to get well.” Moreover, the will and determination to heal your traumas are only the first steps towards compassion, patience and tolerance towards yourself.

At the same time, you will develop the same attitude towards other people; these will be the main fruits of your healing work. I know that when reading the previous chapters you discovered corresponding traumas in your loved ones; it probably helped you understand their behavior better and therefore be more tolerant of them.

As I've warned before, don't get too hung up on the words used to define trauma or masks. You may, for example, experience the trauma of being rejected and feel betrayed, abandoned, humiliated, or a victim of injustice. Someone may treat you unfairly and this will make you feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed or abandoned. As you see, It’s not the experience itself that’s important, but how you feel the experience. This is why, when it comes to pinpointing an injury, one must look to the physical body characteristics before looking at the behavioral characteristics. The body never lies. It reflects what is happening on the emotional and mental planes.

I know that many people are increasingly turning to cosmetic surgery to improve certain features of their physical body. In my opinion, they are playing a cruel joke on themselves: if the injury cannot be detected by physical signs, this does not mean that it has been healed. Many of those who have used the services of aesthetic surgery have been very disappointed when, two or three years later, what they so wanted to remove or hide reappeared. By the way, it is for this reason that aesthetic surgery specialists never give a lifetime guarantee on their work. On the other hand, if you truly love yourself and correct your body through surgical means, while at the same time continuing to work emotionally, mentally and spiritually on your injuries, then there is a very high probability that your body will better accept surgical help and it will will be beneficial for him.

Many people play cruel jokes with their physical body, but there are even more who do themselves a disservice at the level of behavior and internal attitudes. In my “Character and Trauma” seminar, the following episodes are regularly repeated: I describe injuries in great detail, some participants clearly see one of the injuries in themselves, and their body just as clearly shows another.

For example, I remember a young (about thirty years old) man who said that from very early childhood he had been experiencing the trauma of being rejected. He suffered from a lack of stable, secure relationships, which he believed was due to numerous instances of rejection. Meanwhile, his physical body showed no signs of being rejected. Finally I asked him: “Are you sure you are experiencing the suffering of being rejected and not a sense of injustice?” I then explained to him that his body was most likely showing the trauma of injustice. He was very surprised. I suggested that he take his time and think about it for a while. When I met him a week later, he enthusiastically told me that during this time a lot had become clearer, and he now realized that, of course, he was suffering from the trauma of injustice.

This example is typical. The ego does everything it can to prevent us from seeing our true traumas. It believes that once we touch these injuries, we will not be able to control the pain associated with them. It also persuaded us to create masks for ourselves to help avoid this pain.

The ego always thinks it has found the most easy road, but in fact it only makes our life more difficult. When life is controlled by mindfulness, at first it requires some effort from us and seems difficult, but in fact, mindfulness greatly simplifies our life.

The longer we wait to heal our traumas, the deeper they become. Every time we experience a situation that awakens and opens our wound, we add a new area to this wound. The wound grows; the more serious it is, the stronger the fear of touching it. A vicious circle is formed, which can lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder: It seems to us that everyone is trying to cause us suffering. Rigid, for example, sees injustice at every turn, and his reaction is to become obsessed with perfection. A pronounced fugitive feels rejected by everyone and convinces himself that no one will ever love him again, etc.

Acknowledging our own traumas has the important benefit of finally starting to look in the right direction. Before this, our actions resembled the behavior of a patient who is looking for a good cardiologist, when in fact he has impaired liver function. Likewise, that young person who considers himself rejected may spend years trying unsuccessfully to heal the trauma of the rejected person; and just by touching your true trauma, he gets the opportunity to identify his problem and begin treating the real disease.

I want to emphasize here that wearing the mask of an addict and suffering from emotional dependence are not the same thing. Individuals with the trauma of abandonment and, accordingly, the mask of a dependent do not necessarily suffer from emotional hunger. Why is that? Because we become emotionally dependent when we suffer from emotional hunger, and we suffer from emotional hunger when we don’t love ourselves enough. And in this case, we seek the love of other people in order to convince ourselves that we are worthy of love, that we can be loved. Any mask appears precisely to show us that we are preventing ourselves from being ourselves because we do not love ourselves enough. Don’t forget that any behavior associated with one mask or another means a reaction, not self-love.

• THE TRAUMA OF THE REJECTED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE SAME SEX. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. There is, however, a high probability that this person the opposite sex did not reject him, but abandoned him.
• THE TRAUMA OF THE ABANDONED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the addict tends to believe that he has been abandoned by people of the opposite sex, and blames them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of abandonment with a person of the same sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his sex has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.
• THE TRAUMA OF HUMILIATION IS USUALLY EXPERIENCED WITH THE MOTHER, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is involved in his physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then all you have to do is apply what has been said to the male or female version.
• THE TRAUMA OF BETRAYAL IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the controller usually believes that he has been betrayed by people of the opposite sex, and tends to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, he blames himself mainly and is angry with himself for failing to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is very likely that what he perceives as betrayal by people of his own sex is in fact an experience that activated his trauma of injustice.
• THE TRAUMA OF INJUSTICE IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE SAME SEX. That is, the rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he blames not this person, but rather himself - for injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a person of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Severe suffering can even drive him into destructive rage.

The more suffering these injuries cause, the more justified and human it is to be angry at the parent we hold responsible for them. Later we transfer this bitterness and hatred to people of the same sex as the parent whom we blame for our suffering. It is quite natural, for example, that a boy hates his father if he constantly feels that he is rejecting him. Then he will transfer this hatred to other men or to his own son - and will feel that he, too, rejects him.

We are angry at this parent - unconsciously - also because he has the same trauma as we do. That is, he becomes in our eyes a model, an example of a person with this trauma, thereby obliging us to look at ourselves. And we, generally speaking, would like to see a different model, although we usually do not realize this. This is what explains our desire not to be in any way like our parents. It is unpleasant for us to see our reflection in them. Trauma cannot be healed except through true forgiveness of one's parents and oneself.

On the other hand, when any of the five traumas are experienced with someone of a different gender than the parent we hold responsible for our trauma, then we become angry with ourselves. It is during such periods that we tend to punish ourselves, using an accident or any other means of physical harm.

It is human nature to believe in punishment as a means of atonement for guilt. In fact, the spiritual law of love states just the opposite. The more guilty we consider ourselves, the more we punish ourselves - and the more inevitably we attract the same situation to ourselves. In other words, the more self-blame, the higher the likelihood of experiencing the same suffering again. This feeling of guilt prevents a person from forgiving himself and thereby taking a decisive step towards healing.

In addition to guilt, we very often experience shame - when we blame ourselves for hurting someone, or when others blame us for the suffering they caused. I spoke in more detail about shame in the chapter devoted to the trauma of humiliation, since shame is most clearly manifested in a masochist. However, every person in one situation or another has to experience a feeling of shame. This feeling is especially intense when we do not want to admit that we are causing others suffering that we ourselves would not want to experience.

In cases where serious crime or violence is committed, it must be remembered that the offender has his own injuries that cause him such pain that he loses control of himself. That's why I often say: No evil people in this world, there are only those who suffer. Not here we're talking about about forgiving such people, but you need to learn to have compassion for them. Blaming and punishing them will not help them. Even if we remain unconvinced, we can sympathize with them. This makes it easier for us to recognize our own traumas and the traumas of others.

According to my observations, cases where a person suffers from only one injury are quite rare. As for me, I have already mentioned that I have two main traumas that I must heal in this life - injustice and betrayal. I experience the trauma of injustice with people of my own sex and the trauma of betrayal with people of the opposite sex. Since injustice was experienced with my mother, I notice that when I experience this emotion in connection with a female person, I blame her for the injustice. When injustice comes from a male representative, I am more inclined to self-blame and feel angry at myself. Sometimes I'm even ashamed. It also happens to me that I perceive injustice on the part of a man as betrayal.

And in my body, as in the body of everyone who suffers from these two traumas, you can see the masks of control and rigidity.

I also noticed that many people have a combination of two other traumas - abandonment and rejection. They wear the masks of the addict and the fugitive, respectively. Sometimes the upper body shows signs of one injury, and the lower part shows signs of another. In children, there is a difference between the right and left sides. With practice, it becomes easier and easier to identify masks by eye over time. When we trust our own intuition, our “inner eye” distinguishes them instantly.

When a person's body matches the mask of the controller, but at the same time sag slightly and appears loose, or you notice the eyes of the addict, you can consider that he is suffering from the traumas of the betrayed and abandoned.

Of course, other combinations are possible. Someone can stand out with the voluminous body of a masochist and at the same time the straight, rigid posture of a rigid person. This indicates two traumas - humiliation and injustice.

People with the large body of a masochist and the small legs and ankles of a fugitive suffer the trauma of being humiliated and rejected.

Three, four, or even all five injuries are possible in one person. In this case, usually one of the injuries dominates, while the others are less noticeable, but they can be minor and that’s all. If one of the masks dominates, it means that the person uses it for protection more often than others. If the mask appears occasionally and briefly, this means that the person feels the trauma associated with it weakly. If one mask dominates, it does not follow that it reflects the most important of the traumas.

Indeed, we always try to hide those injuries that cause us the greatest suffering. I have already said in previous chapters that we create a mask of rigidity (injustice) and a mask of control (betrayal) as masks of control and strength in order to cover up the trauma of the rejected, abandoned or humiliated. This power allows you to hide what causes the most excruciating pain. This is why so often one of these traumas only manifests itself with age: control has its limits. The rigid mask, due to its controlling nature, is more capable than others of covering up other trauma. A rigid masochist, for example, may long time control your weight; when the strength to control runs out, he will begin to gain weight.

The soul that came to Earth to heal the trauma of betrayal is looking for a parent of the opposite sex who is strong, strong, knows how to take his place, does not lose control and is not too emotional. At the same time, the controller wants this parent to be sensitive and understanding, so that he can be trusted, so that he meets all expectations - then he, the controller, will not feel abandoned and betrayed. If this parent now shows indifference, the child will feel abandoned; if the parent shows weakness in something or cannot be trusted, the child will perceive this as a betrayal. If the parent of the opposite sex is too domineering, aggressive or rude, between them (during the child’s adolescence) a relationship is most often established from a position of strength, which feeds the trauma of betrayal in both.

Man is great at coming up with good reasons and explanations when his body begins to change. He can be understood - he is not ready and does not want to look at himself, and it is especially difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the human body has such wisdom. He does not want to agree that every - even barely noticeable - change in the physical body is a signal that draws his attention to something that is happening in his soul, but which he does not want to see at that moment. If only a person understood that when the body decides to draw his attention to one of the internal processes, it means that in fact it is his internal GOD decided to use his physical body to help him realize that he already has everything he needs to confront what he is so afraid of! And yet we are afraid to open our wounds and continue to wear masks to cover them, preferring to believe that these wounds will someday disappear on their own.

Remember: we only put on our masks when we are afraid of suffering, afraid of opening the wound that we think the mask is protecting. All the behaviors described in previous chapters are used only in situations where we are wearing masks. Once the mask is on, we are no longer ourselves. We learn behavior that matches the mask we wear. The ideal would be to learn to quickly recognize the mask we are wearing so we can immediately identify the trauma we are trying to hide, without criticizing or judging ourselves. Perhaps you change your mask once or several times during the day, or perhaps you leave it on for months or even years before another injury resurfaces.

The moment you realize this, be happy that your injury was noticed, and be grateful to the occasion or person who touched the wound, for this touch allows you to see that the wound has not yet healed. But at least you already know about it. And thereby you give yourself the right to be a human being. It is especially important to give yourself time—to give yourself permission to have the time you need to heal. When you can regularly say to yourself, “Well, I put on such and such a mask, and therefore I react in such and such a way,” then your healing will be in full swing.

I repeat, I have never met a person who exhibited all of the listed signs of a particular injury. Full description of each character is provided to help you recognize yourself by some of the behaviors associated with your trauma.

Now I will briefly remind you how you can notice that you (or another person) is wearing a mask.

• When your REJECTED trauma is activated, you put on the mask of a fugitive. This mask makes you want to leave the situation or people because of which you think you will be rejected; you are afraid of panic and feelings of powerlessness. This mask can also convince you to become as invisible as possible, to withdraw into yourself and not say or do anything that would encourage others to reject you. This mask makes you believe that you are not an important being enough to occupy the place you occupy, that you do not have the right to exist in the fullness in which others exist.
• When your Abandoned trauma is activated, you put on the mask of an addict. It makes you like a small child who seeks and demands attention - you cry, complain and obey everything and everyone, because you do not believe that you are able to act on your own. This mask forces you to resort to various tricks so that you are not left alone or so that they pay more attention to you. She may even convince you to get sick or become a victim of some circumstances in order to get the support and help that you so crave.
• When the trauma of HUMILIATION is activated, you put on the mask of a masochist. It allows you to forget your own needs and think only of others in order to become a good, generous person, always ready to provide services even beyond your capabilities. You also manage to put on your back the chores and responsibilities of those who usually neglect them, and you do this even before they ask you about it. You do everything to be useful so as not to feel humiliated. Thus, you manage to never be free - this is very important to you. Whenever your behavior or your actions are motivated by fear of shame for yourself or fear of humiliation, this is a sign for you that you have put on the mask of a masochist.
• When you experience the trauma of BETRAYAL, you put on a controlling mask that makes you distrustful, skeptical, cautious, domineering and intolerant - all of which are associated with your expectations. You do everything to show that you are a strong person, and you won’t allow someone to fool you or use you so easily, much less decide for you - rather, everything will be the other way around. This mask forces you to be cunning, even to the point of lying, just so as not to lose your reputation as a strong man. You forget your own needs and make every effort to make others think that you are a reliable person and can be trusted. In addition, this mask requires maintaining ostentatious self-confidence, even when you do not trust yourself and doubt your own decisions and actions.
• When your INJUSTICE trauma is activated, you put on a mask of rigidity, which imparts coldness, harshness, and dryness to your movements and tone of voice. The body also becomes as rigid and rigid as the behavior. This mask forces you to strive for perfection everywhere, and in connection with this you often experience anger, impatience, criticize and reproach yourself. You are overly demanding and do not take into account your own limitations. Every time you control yourself, hold yourself back, even be cruel to yourself, this should serve as a sign that you have put on your mask of rigidity.

We put on a mask not only when we are afraid to experience trauma in connection with someone or are afraid to see that we ourselves are causing someone to experience trauma. We always do this either out of a desire to be loved or out of fear of losing someone's love. We internalize behavior that is not true to who we are. We become someone else. Since the behavior dictated by the mask requires some effort from us, we accordingly have expectations regarding other people.

The source of our well-being should be what we ourselves are and what we do, and not praise, gratitude, appreciation and support from other people.

Do not forget, however, what tricks the ego is capable of when it distracts you from the awareness of your traumas. The ego is convinced that if you become aware of them and eliminate them, you will remain defenseless and suffer. Each of the five characters allows themselves to be fooled by their own ego in their own way:

• The fugitive convinces himself that he is seriously engaged with himself and other people - so as not to constantly feel like he is being rejected.
• A dependent person loves to pretend to be independent and tell everyone who wants to listen to him that he is very happy alone and that he doesn’t need anyone else.
• The masochist convinces himself that everything he does for others gives him the greatest pleasure and that in this way he truly satisfies his own needs. He is unparalleled in his ability to say and think that everything is going great, and to find any explanations and excuses for people and situations that have humiliated him. The controller is sure that he never lies, that he always keeps his word and that he is not afraid of anyone or anything.
• Rigid loves to tell everyone how fair he is and how bright and problem-free his life is; he wants to believe that he has many friends who love him for who he is.

Mental trauma must be treated, just like physical trauma. Have you ever had to constantly pick at a hated pimple on your face in the hope of getting rid of it quickly? And what is the result? And the fact that, thanks to your efforts, the pimple lived much longer than it should have. This always happens when we don't trust healing powers own body. In order for a problem (whatever type it may be) to disappear, it must first be accepted and given unconditional love, and not drive away from the threshold. Your deep emotional traumas also need you to recognize them, love them and accept them.

Let me remind you that loving unconditionally means accepting, even if you disagree, even if you don’t understand the reasons.

Loving injuries, loving pimples on your own face means, therefore, agreeing that you yourself created them, and not by accident, but to help yourself. Instead of eradicating acne, you should use it to become aware of some part of yourself that you don't want to see. After all, in fact, these pimples are trying to attract your attention, to make you understand, among other things, that at present you are apparently afraid of “losing face” in some situation and that this is preventing you from being yourself. If you adopt this new internal attitude, you will look at your acne completely differently, won’t you? You may even feel grateful to them. By making this decision, choosing to experience a new mental attitude, you can be sure that your acne will disappear faster because it will receive love and appreciation for its useful mission.

What should you take? First of all, the fact that everything that you fear from others or for which you reproach them, you yourself cause to others, and especially to yourself.

Here are examples of how you can sometimes harm yourself.

• A person suffering from rejection trauma intensifies this trauma whenever he calls himself insignificant, when he believes that he means nothing in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.
• A person suffering from the trauma of abandonment reinforces this trauma every time he gives up something important to him, when he allows himself to fall, when he does not take care of himself enough and does not give himself the necessary attention. He frightens others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus ensures that they leave and he is left alone again. He causes a lot of suffering to his body, creating diseases in it to attract attention.
• A person suffering from the trauma of humiliation strengthens this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and downplays his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, unkindness, lack of will, opportunism, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that don't suit him and that he always gets dirty. He makes his body suffer by giving it so much food that it is impossible to digest and assimilate it. He causes himself suffering by taking on other people's responsibilities and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.
• A person suffering from the trauma of betrayal intensifies this trauma whenever he lies to himself, whenever he instills in himself false truths, whenever he violates obligations towards himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work himself: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, because he does not trust them. He is so busy controlling and checking what others are doing that he has no time for himself.
• A person suffering from the trauma of injustice reinforces this trauma by being excessively demanding of himself. He does not take into account his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself because he is too self-critical and has difficulty noticing his positive traits and work results. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the shortcomings of what has been done. He suffers because he does not know how to give himself pleasure.

I talked above about how important it is to accept your injuries unconditionally. It is equally important to accept the masks that you have allowed your ego to create to cover up these traumas and to reduce suffering.

To love and accept trauma means to acknowledge it, to understand that you came to Earth in order to heal this particular trauma, and to accept your ego’s attempt to protect you.

Finally, also thank yourself for the courage with which you created and maintained the mask that helped you survive.

But today this mask is more likely to harm you than help you. It's time to decide that you can survive even with injury. You're not the same anymore Small child, who was unable to bandage his wound. You are now an adult, you have experience and your own mature vision of life, and from now on you intend to love yourself more.

In the first chapter, I mentioned that when we create trauma for ourselves, we go through four stages.

At the first stage we are ourselves. The second stage is a feeling of pain when we discover that we cannot be ourselves, because this does not suit the adults around us. Unfortunately, adults do not understand that the child is trying to discover himself, to find out who he is, and instead of allowing him to be himself, they mainly instill in him what he should be.

The third stage is rebellion against the suffering experienced. At this stage, the child begins to have crises and resistance to parents.

The last stage is capitulation, giving up positions: the decision is made to create a mask for yourself so as not to disappoint others, and most importantly, so as not to relive again and again the suffering that arises due to the fact that you are not accepted for who you are.

Healing will be accomplished when you go through all four stages in reverse order, starting with the fourth and ending with the first, where you become yourself again. And the first step in this journey back is to become aware of the mask you are wearing. The five previous chapters will help you understand it, each of which is devoted to a separate injury.

The second stage is a feeling of indignation, rebellion when reading these chapters, unwillingness to admit one’s responsibility, the desire to blame others for one’s suffering. Tell yourself in this case that it is completely human to resist when you discover something in yourself that you don’t love. Everyone experiences this stage in their own way. For some, rebellion and resistance take on distinct, vibrant forms, while others tolerate it more calmly. The intensity of indignation and rebellion depends on your openness, readiness to accept, as well as the depth of the trauma during the period when you begin to realize everything that is happening in you.

At the third stage, you must give yourself the right to the suffering you have experienced and to anger towards one or both parents. As you relive the suffering you experienced as a child, you will be imbued with more empathy and compassion for the child in you, the deeper and more seriously you go through this stage. At this stage, you should leave your anger at your parents and gain compassion for their suffering.

Finally, in the fourth stage, you become yourself and stop believing that you still need your protective masks. You take it for granted that your life will be filled with experiences that serve to learn what is beneficial for you and what is harmful. This is SELF-LOVE. Since love has great healing and inspiring power, get ready for various changes in your life - both at the level of relationships with other people and at the level of your physical body.

Remember: loving yourself means giving yourself the right to be who you are at the moment. Loving yourself means accepting yourself, even if you do to others what you reproach them for. Love has nothing to do with what you do or what you have.

Being yourself is an experience.

Thus, loving yourself means giving yourself the right to sometimes hurt others by rejecting them, abandoning them, humiliating them, betraying them, or treating them unfairly against your own will. This is the first and most important stage on the path to healing your injuries.

In order to overcome this stage faster, I advise you to analyze everything that happened during the day every evening. Ask yourself which mask took over and made you react in such and such a situation, dictating such and such behavior towards others or towards yourself. Take some time to write down your observations; especially don't forget to mention how you felt. In the end, forgive yourself and give yourself the right to use this mask: after all, at that moment you sincerely believed that it was the only means of your protection. I remind you that blaming and punishing yourself is the best remedy consolidate your reaction and repeat it every time in similar situations.

No transformation can take place without acceptance.

How can you know that you are fully experiencing this acceptance? Only one thing: when you see that your behavior, which traumatizes others or yourself, is part of the human being, and when you agree to accept all its consequences, whatever they may be. This understanding of responsibility is the main thing you need to truly accept yourself. Since you are a person, you cannot be liked by everyone and you also have the right to certain human reactions that you may not like. At the same time, you should neither judge nor criticize yourself.

Acceptance is thus the trigger that begins the healing process..

To your great amazement, you will discover that in fact, the more you allow yourself to betray, reject, abandon, humiliate and be unfair, the less you do it! Isn't this paradoxical? However, if you have been following my work for some time, this should not surprise you. In any case, I do not require faith and understanding from you, because these concepts cannot be obtained intellectually. They must be obtained through personal experience.

I repeat this great spiritual law of love in all my books, seminars and conferences because it needs to be heard many times before it is truly learned. If you give yourself the right to inflict on others what you yourself are so afraid of that you create a protective mask for yourself, then it will be much easier for you to give others the right to act in the same way and sometimes do things that open up your wounds.

Take for example a father who decided to disinherit one of his daughters because she resolutely rebelled against him. She did not want to study diligently and “go out in public,” as her father expected, knowing her abilities. She may perceive his decision as betrayal, humiliation, injustice, etc. – depending on what trauma she came to Earth to heal.

I knew a young woman who had this experience; she perceived it as a betrayal, because she never thought that her father would come to such a decision. She still hoped that her father would come to terms with her choice and give her the right to solve her own life problems.

The only way for her to heal this trauma and stop attracting situations in which she experiences betrayal from close men is, first of all, to understand that her father also experiences her behavior as betrayal. The fact that his daughter does not live up to his expectations looks like a kind of betrayal to him. He probably tells himself that after everything he has done for her, his daughter should be grateful, should become a decent young woman of whom he would be proud. He probably hopes that the day will come when she will come back to him, tell him that he was right, and sincerely ask for his forgiveness. Everything that happens between this father and his daughter shows us that he experienced the same trauma of betrayal with his own mother, and she, in turn, also experienced it with him.

When can we verify what our parents experienced in early age, then it turns out that history repeats itself from generation to generation; it will continue to be repeated until true forgiveness is accomplished. This helps us gain more understanding and compassion for our parents. When you open your wounds, I strongly recommend that you find out from your parents whether they also experienced the same thing? Remember that their experience was not necessarily the same as yours; but they felt the same wounds as you, and they accused their parents of the same things that you accused them of.

Our path becomes easier when we stop blaming ourselves for the actions that were dictated by our traumas, and when we accept that this is our human nature. Then we do not feel such embarrassment in conversations with our parents, we are not afraid of accusations from them, and this helps them to open up without fear of our condemnation. By talking with your parents, you will help them take the path of forgiveness for their parents. You will help them feel like people who have a right to their wounds and certain reactions and actions dictated by them, sometimes directly opposite to their intentions.

When you talk to a parent with whom you have experienced trauma, I encourage you to ask them if they have experienced the same trauma with you. For example, if you are a woman and tell your mother how you experienced the suffering of a child rejected by her as a child, ask her if she, too, has ever felt that you rejected her. This will help her free herself from long-held and most often unconscious emotions; thanks to you, your mother can become aware of them. Then you can talk to her about her relationship with her mother. (This example also applies entirely to the man and his father.)

I want to remind you that if you have idealized the parent with whom you experienced trauma, and even more so if you adore and deify him, then it is quite natural that it will not be easy for you to give yourself the right to be offended or angry with him. Tell yourself in this case that if this parent has an aura of sainthood in your eyes, then he probably had the trauma of injustice, but he learned to control himself quite reliably and not show his feelings to anyone. Masochistic types often appear saintly due to their selflessness.

Here are the most important signs that your injuries are healing.

• Your REJECTED trauma is close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic occur less and less often.
• Your Abandonment trauma is close to healing if you feel good even when alone and if you need less someone's attention. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the work yourself.
• Your HUMILIATION trauma is close to healing if you give yourself time to think about whether it meets your needs before you say “yes” to someone. You have less to put on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limitations for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying or unnecessary.
• Your trauma of BETRAYAL is close to healing if you no longer experience such violent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means weakening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work you have done, you feel good even when others do not notice or recognize your achievements.
• Your injury of INJUSTICE is close to healing if you allow yourself to be less than perfect and make mistakes without getting angry or criticizing yourself. You can allow yourself to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without fear of their judgment and without being ashamed of a temporary loss of control.

One of the main benefits of healing from mental trauma is that we get rid of emotional dependence and become independent. Emotional independence is the ability to understand what you want and take all the actions necessary to realize your desire; and if you need help, you know how to ask for it, without reducing your request to the only and irreplaceable person. An independent person will not say: “How can I be alone now?” when someone disappears from his life. He is hurt, but deep down he knows that he can live alone.

I hope that opening up to your traumas will bring you true self-compassion and that it will help you find greatness. inner world, experience less anger, shame and malice. I understand that it is not so easy to come face to face with the cause of our pain. Human beings have invented many ways to suppress their painful memories, and it is very difficult to resist the temptation to resort to one of these methods.

But the more we suppress our painful memories, the deeper they become embedded in the subconscious. And the day comes when our control is exhausted, memories float to the surface, and then the pain is even more difficult to relieve. If you truly take on your traumas and heal them, then all the energy that was spent masking your pain will be freed up, and you will be able to use it on more productive tasks - you will build the life you want, while remaining yourself.

Don't forget that we are all on this planet to remember who we are: we are all GOD experiencing the experiences of earthly existence. Unfortunately, we have forgotten about this on our long journey, in a string of countless incarnations since the beginning of time.

To remember who we are, we need to recognize who we are not. For example, we are not our traumas. Whenever we suffer, it is because we think we are something we are not. When you suffer from guilt because you treated someone unfairly or betrayed someone, you feel like you are the source of injustice or betrayal. But you are not experience; you are GOD experiencing on the material planet.

Another example: when your body is sick, you are not the disease; you are a person experiencing the experience of blocking energy in some part of the body. We call this experience a disease.

LIFE IS WONDERFUL AND PERFECT

It is a continuous sequence of processes that leads us to the only meaning of our existence, namely:

MAN MUST REMEMBER THAT HE IS GOD

I repeat: the creation of masks is our greatest betrayal - oblivion of our own DIVINITY.

I will end this book with verses from the Swedish poet Hjalmar Soderberg:

We all want to be loved, And if not, then they admired us, And if not, then they were horrified, And if not, then they hated and despised us. We strive to awaken feelings in the soul of our neighbor, no matter what. The soul shudders before the emptiness and longs for contact at any cost.

Typology of characters (Alexander Lowen and Lise Burbo)

1. Trauma of the rejected - the fugitive mask - schizoid type

Characteristics of Rejected Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: from the moment of conception to one year; with same-sex parent. Doesn't feel the right to exist.

Mask: fugitive.

Parent: same sex.

Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dictionary: “nothing”, “nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I’m sick of...”.

Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intelligence. Transitions through stages of great love to periods of deep hatred. Doesn't believe in his right to exist.

Sexual difficulties. He considers himself useless and insignificant. Seeks solitude. It's stewing. Able to be invisible. Finds various ways to escape. Easily travels to the astral plane. He believes that he is not understood. He cannot allow his inner child to live in peace.

Most afraid: panic.

Nutrition: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as escape methods. Predisposition to anorexia.

Typical diseases: Skin, diarrhea, arrhythmia, respiratory dysfunction, allergies, vomiting, fainting, coma, hypoglycemia, diabetes, depression, suicidal tendencies, psychosis.

Fugitive diseases:

Among other diseases characteristic of a fugitive, we also see disorders respiratory functions, especially during times of panic.

The fugitive is susceptible allergies- this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He can choose vomiting as an indicator of his disgust towards a certain person or situation. I have even heard such statements from teenagers: “I want to throw up my mother (or father).” The fugitive often wants to “sick up” a situation or a hated person and may express his feeling by saying: “This is a sickening person” or “Your talk makes me sick.” These are all ways to express your desire for someone or to reject something.

Dizziness or fainting- also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases, the fugitive is saved coma.

Fugitive, suffering agoraphobia, uses this disorder when he wants to avoid certain situations and people that can cause him to panic (more about this behavioral disorder will be discussed in Chapter 3).

If a fugitive abuses sugar, it can cause pancreatic diseases such as hypoglycemia or diabetes.

If he has accumulated too much hatred towards the parent as a result of the suffering he has experienced and is experiencing as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop depressive or manic-depressive state. If he is planning suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they take action belong rather to the category of the abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

Since childhood, it is difficult for a fugitive to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, so he strives to be like the hero or heroine he adores, he is ready to get lost, to dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl passionately desires to be Marilyn Monroe; this lasts until she decides to be someone else.

The danger of such deviation in behavior is that over time it can turn into psychosis.

Structure schizoid character.

Description

The term "schizoid" comes from "schizophrenia" and means a person who has a predisposition to a schizophrenic state. This includes the splitting of the personality as a single whole, for example, thinking is separated from feelings. What a person thinks seems to have little apparent connection with what he feels or how he behaves; withdrawal, rupture or loss of contact with the world or with external reality. A schizoid individual is not a schizophrenic and may never become one, but a predisposition to this disease is present in his personality, usually well compensated.

The term "schizoid" describes a person whose sense of self is diminished, whose ego is weak, and whose contact with the body and with the feelings is greatly weakened.

Bioenergy conditions

Energy is removed from the peripheral structures of the body, namely from those parts through which the body is in contact with the outside world: the face, hands, genitals and legs. They are not fully energetically connected to the center, that is, excitation from the center does not flow freely to them, but is blocked by chronic muscle tension at the base of the head, shoulders, pelvis and hip joints. Therefore, the functions performed by them are separated from the feelings in the human heart.

The internal charge tends to “freeze” in the center area. As a result, a weak impulse is formed. However, the charge is explosive (due to its pressure) and can erupt in the form of violence or murder. This happens when defenses can no longer hold back and the body is filled with a huge amount of energy that it cannot cope with. The personality is divided into many parts, resulting in a schizophrenic state.

The defense consists of a pattern of muscle tension that together continuously holds the personality, preventing the peripheral structures from being filled with feelings and energy. Muscular tensions, such as those described above, are responsible for cutting off the peripheral organs from contact with the center.

Defense is therefore problematic. In the waist area there is an energetic splitting of the body, and as a result of this - disintegration of the integrity of the upper and lower halves of the body. Bioenergy analysis is shown in the diagram.

Physical aspects

In most cases, patients with such signs have a narrow and tight body. Where paranoid elements are present in the personality, the body is fuller and more athletic in appearance.

The main areas of tension are at the base of the skull, in the joints of the shoulders, legs, pelvis and in the diaphragm. The latter is usually so powerful that it splits the body into two parts. The main compression is concentrated in the small muscles that surround the joints. Therefore, in this type of character one can observe either extreme rigidity or hyperflexibility of the joints.

The face is mask-like. The eyes, although not empty, as in schizophrenia, are lifeless and do not make contact. The arms hang, more like appendages than extensions of the body. Feet tense and cold; they are often everted; body weight is transferred to outside feet.

There is often a noticeable discrepancy between the two halves of the body. In many cases they do not appear to belong to the same person.

For example, under stress, when a person assumes an arched position, the line of his body often appears broken. The head, torso and legs are often at an angle to each other.

Psychological relationships

The person does not feel whole /14/. The tendency towards disunity, which arises at the bodily level due to insufficient energetic connection between the head and the body, leads to a split personality. Thus, you can find a pose of arrogance combined with humiliation, or a virgin who feels like a whore. In the latter case, the body seems to be divided into two parts - upper and lower.

The schizoid character exhibits hypersensitivity due to a weak ego boundary, which is the psychological counterpart of the lack of peripheral charge. This weakness reduces the ego's resistance to external pressure and forces it into self-defense.

Such people avoid close, sensual relationships. In fact, it is very difficult for them to establish such relationships due to the lack of energy in the peripheral structures.

The desire to always motivate actions gives schizoid behavior a tinge of insincerity. This has been called “as if” behavior, i.e. it appears to be based on feelings, but the actions themselves are not an expression of feelings.

Here it seems important to provide some data on the origin of this structure. These are the summarized observations of those who have studied this problem, treated and analyzed patients with such disorders.

In all cases there is clear evidence that the patients were rejected by their mother at an early age, which they perceived as an existential threat. The rejection was accompanied by hidden and often open hostility on her part.

Rejection and hostility developed in the patient the fear that any attempts at contact, demands or self-assertion would lead to his own destruction.

From childhood comes a lack of any strong positive feelings of security or joy, frequent nightmares.

Typical of such patients is both detached and unemotional behavior with occasional outbursts of rage, which is called autistic.

If either parent repeatedly intervened in the child's life during the oedipal period (for example, for sexual reasons), which is very common, then a paranoid element was added to the main symptom. This made some activity possible in late childhood or adulthood.

In all this, the child has no choice but to separate himself from reality (the intense life of the imagination) and from his body (the abstract mind) in order to survive. Due to the fact that his main feelings were horror and mortal rage, the child fenced himself off from all feelings through self-defense.

Dance manner:

· The fugitive does not like dancing. If he dances, his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to say: “Don’t look at me for too long.”

Car selection:

· The fugitive loves unobtrusive cars of a dull color.

Sitting posture:

· The fugitive shrinks, trying to take up as little space as possible in the chair. He loves to tuck his legs under himself: when he is not connected to the ground, it is easier to escape.

Fears:

· The fugitive's greatest fear is panic. He cannot properly realize this because he hides, disappears as soon as he begins to panic, or even before it begins. Those around you see panic without difficulty - it is almost always your eyes that give it away.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of being rejected is experienced with a same-sex parent. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury rejected you are close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic occur less and less often.

2. Trauma of the abandoned - mask of the dependent - oral type

Characteristics of abandonment trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between one and three years, with a parent of the opposite sex. Lack of emotional nutrition or a certain type of nutrition.

Mask: Dependent.

Body: Elongated, thin, lacking tone, sagging; the legs are weak, the back is curved, the arms seem excessively long and hang along the body, certain parts of the body look flabby and sagging.

Eyes: Big, sad. Attractive look.

Dictionary: “absent”, “alone”, “can’t stand”, “eat”, “don’t leave”.

Character: Victim. Tends to merge with someone or something. Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement. Experiences difficulty when having to do or decide something alone.

Seeks advice, but does not always follow it. Child's voice. Takes refusals painfully. Sadness. Cries easily. Causes pity. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad. Physically clings to others. Nervous. Pop star. Strives for independence. Loves sex.

Most afraid: Loneliness.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Bulimia. Loves soft food. Eats slowly.

Typical diseases: Back pain, asthma, bronchitis, migraines, hypoglycemia, agoraphobia, diabetes, adrenal diseases, myopia, hysteria, depression, rare diseases (requiring long-term attention), incurable diseases.

Diseases of the abandoned:

Asthma- a disease characterized by difficult, painful breathing. Metaphysically, this disease indicates that a person takes more than he should and gives with great difficulty.

Problems with bronchi are also very likely, since the bronchi are metaphysically connected with the family. If an addict suffers from bronchial diseases, then this indicates his family dissatisfaction: it seems to him that he receives too little from his family, that he is too dependent on it. He would like to believe that he has a strong place in the family, and not fuss around trying to get this place.

Under the influence of his fusional subpersonality, the addict attracts problems to himself pancreas(hypoglycemia and diabetes) and adrenal glands. His entire digestive system is unstable because he considers his nutrition to be inadequate, even if physically it is quite normal. Even though the deficiency is only emotional, his physical body receives messages about the lack of food and reacts accordingly - reflecting the mental state.

Myopia It is also very common among addicts. It represents an inability to see far, and this is associated with fear of the future and, especially, with a reluctance to face the future alone.

An addict who cherishes his sacrificial subpersonality too much can lead himself to hysteria. Psychologists say that a hysterical personality is like a child who is afraid that his pacifier will be taken away and he will be left alone. Therefore, such a person tends to noisily demonstrate his emotions.

Many addicts develop depression, when their trauma causes them great suffering and they feel helpless, they do not receive the love they so crave. This is also a way to attract attention.

The addict suffers migraines, because it prevents oneself from being oneself, blocks one’s “I am.” He fusses too much, resorts to all sorts of tricks just to be what others want him to be, or almost completely lives in the shadow of the people who love him.

I also noticed that addicts very often attract rare diseases requiring special attention, or so-called incurable diseases. Let me remind you that when medicine declares a certain disease incurable, then, in fact, it reports that science more I have not found reliable remedies against this disease.

The illnesses and ailments listed above can also occur in people with other types of trauma, but they are most common in those who experience abandonment trauma.

Oral structure.

Description

We describe a personality as having an oral character structure if it has many of the characteristics typical of the oral period of life, that is, infancy. These characteristic features are a weak sense of independence, a desire to hold on to others, decreased aggressiveness and an internal sense of need for support, help and care. They signify a lack of implementation in infancy and represent the degree of fixation at this level of development. For some people they are masked by consciously adopted compensating attitudes. Some individuals with this structure exhibit exaggerated independence, which, however, is unable to withstand stress. The main experience of the oral character is deprivation, while the corresponding experience of the schizoid structure was rejection.

Bioenergy conditions

“Oral character” is characterized by low energy levels. The energy is “not frozen” in the center, as in the case of a “schizoid character,” and flows to the periphery of the body, but its flow is weakened.

The reasons for this are not entirely clear. Linear growth is prioritized, resulting in a long, thin body. The only possible explanation is that delays in maturation allow long bones to grow excessively. Another factor may be the inability of underdeveloped muscles to keep bone growth under control.

The lack of energy and strength is most noticeable in the lower part of the body, because the development of the child's body begins from the head down.

The charge level of points of contact with the outside world has been reduced. The eyes are weak with a tendency towards myopia, the level of genital arousal is reduced.

This bioenergetic state is shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body is usually long and thin, consistent with the Sheldon ectomorphic type. It differs from the body of a schizoid person in that it is not very tense.

The muscles are underdeveloped, not sinewy. This developmental deficiency is most noticeable in the arms and legs. Long, poorly developed legs are a typical feature of this structure. The feet are also thin and narrow. The legs don't seem to be able to support the body. The knees are usually brought together to provide additional stability support.

The body may fall sharply due to partial weakness of the muscular system. General physical signs of immaturity are common. The pelvis may be smaller than normal in both men and women. There is often little hair on the body. In some women, the growth process is completely delayed, and their bodies resemble those of children.

Breathing in people with an oral character is superficial, which is explained by the low energy level of their personality. Deprivation at the oral level reduces the strength of the sucking impulse. Good breathing depends on the ability to take in air.

Psychological relationships

People with oral personalities have difficulty standing on their own two feet, literally and figuratively. They tend to lean on or hold on to others. But, as I noted earlier, this flaw can be hidden by an exaggerated posture of independence. Collectivism is also a reflection of the inability to be alone. There is an increased need for contact with other people, for their warmth and support.

An individual with an oral character suffers from an inner feeling of emptiness. He constantly wants to fill this void at the expense of others, although he can act as if he is providing support for himself. Inner emptiness reflects the suppression of an intense feeling of longing for something that, if expressed, would lead to deep crying and breathing more freely.

Due to low energy levels, an oral personality is prone to mood swings from depression to elation. Proneness to depression is pathognomonic of oral personality traits.

Another typically oral trait is the “they owe me this” attitude. This can be expressed in the idea that society is obliged to provide him with a means of livelihood. This belief arises directly from early experience deprivation.

Etiological and historical factors

Early deprivation may be due to the actual loss of the mother's warmth and support due to her death or illness, or her absence due to the need to work. A mother who herself suffers from depression should not be allowed to see her child.

Often found early development, ability to speak or walk earlier than usual. I explain this development as an attempt to overcome feelings of abandonment by becoming independent.

There are also often other experiences of disappointment in early life when the child tried to reach out to his father or siblings for contact, warmth and support. Such disappointments can leave a person feeling bitter.

Depressive episodes occur in late childhood and early adolescence. However, children with the oral type do not exhibit autistic behavior, unlike children with schizoid type. We must admit that schizoid elements can be in the oral structure, just as oral elements can be in the schizoid.

Dance manner:

· The addict prefers contact dances, in which there is an opportunity to cuddle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he is hanging on his partner. His whole being radiates: “Look how my partner loves me.”

Car selection:

· The addict prefers cars that are comfortable and not like everyone else’s.

Sitting posture:

· The addict crawls in the chair or leans on a support - on the armrest or on the back of the adjacent chair. The upper part of the body is tilted forward.

Fears:

· The addict's biggest fear is loneliness.. He doesn't see this because he always arranges himself to be in someone else's company. If he still finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is alone; but at the same time he does not notice how feverishly he is looking for something to do, something to fill his time. there is no physical partner, the telephone and TV replace his company. It is much easier for his loved ones to notice and feel this great fear of loneliness even when surrounded by people. His sad eyes also give him away.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of abandonment is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex. That is, the addict tends to believe that he has been abandoned by people of the opposite sex, and blames them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of abandonment with a person of the same sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his sex has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury abandoned you are close to healing if you feel good even when alone and if you need less attention from others. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the business yourself.

3. Trauma of the humiliated - mask of a masochist - masochistic type

Characteristics of the trauma of the humiliated:

Awakening Trauma: from one to three years, with a parent who is involved in the child's physical development (usually the mother). Lack of freedom. Feeling humiliated by this parent's control.

Mask: Masochist.

Body: Thick, round, short stature, thick dense neck, tension in the throat, neck, jaw and pelvis. The face is round and open.

Dictionary: “worthy”, “undignified”, “small”, “fat”.

Character: Often feels ashamed of himself or others or is afraid of causing shame. Doesn't like fast walking. Knows his needs, but does not listen to them. He puts a lot on his shoulders. Uses control to avoid shame.

Considers himself unkempt, heartless, a pig, worse than others. Tends to merge. He arranges himself so as not to be free, since “to be free” for him means “to be unrestrained.” Sometimes he is unrestrained, then he is afraid to cross the line of what is permitted.

Loves the role of mother. Overly sensitive. Punishes himself, believing that he is punishing someone else. Strives, wants to be worthy. Often feels disgusted. Increased sensuality is combined with shame in sexual behavior. Doesn't take into account his sexual needs. It plays out in food.

Most afraid: Freedom.

Nutrition: Loves rich, fatty foods, chocolate. He is gluttonous or, conversely, eats in small portions. She is ashamed to buy and eat “treats” for herself.

Typical diseases: Pain in the back, shoulders, throat, sore throat, laryngitis, diseases of the respiratory tract, legs, feet, varicose veins, sprains, fractures, liver dysfunction, thyroid gland, itching, hypoglycemia, diabetes, heart disease.

Diseases of the Humiliated:

Very often there is pain in back and a feeling of heaviness shoulders, because the masochist takes on too much. The back pain is mainly due to his feeling of lack of freedom. Pain in the lower back is usually associated with material problems, in the upper back - with the emotional sphere.

He may get sick respiratory tract when he is suffocated by other people's problems.

Troubles often happen with kicks And feet — varicose veins,sprains,fractures, When he is afraid that he will not be able to move, he brings upon himself physical troubles that actually prevent him from moving.

Work is often disrupted liver, because he is overly concerned with other people's problems.

Pain in throat, sore throat And laryngitis- inevitable companions of a masochist, because he constantly restrains himself when he wants to say something, and especially when he wants to ask.

The more difficult it is for him to realize his needs and express his demands, the higher his likelihood of illness thyroid gland.

In addition, the inability to hear one’s own needs often provokes scabies, itchy skin. It is known that the expression “I’m so itching...” means “I really want to...”, but the masochist suppresses his desire - he is ashamed to desire his own pleasure.

Another physical problem that I often see in people of the masochistic type is bad job pancreas and, as a consequence, hypoglycemia And diabetes. These diseases manifest themselves in people who hardly allow themselves sweets and pleasures, and if they do, they are tormented by a feeling of guilt and humiliation.

The masochist is predisposed to heart diseases because he doesn't love himself enough. He does not consider himself such a significant being to give himself pleasure. A person’s heart sphere is directly related to his ability to receive pleasure and enjoy life.

Finally, firmly convinced of the inevitability of suffering, the masochist quite often dooms himself to surgical intervention.

Structure of a masochistic character.

Description

Masochism in public opinion equates to the desire to suffer. I don't think this is true for an individual with this character structure. He suffers, but since he himself is not able to change the situation, the conclusion suggests itself that he wants to remain in it. I'm not talking about people with masochistic perversions, about people who strive to receive blows from their sexual partners. The masochistic character structure describes a person who suffers and whines or complains but remains submissive. Submission is the main masochistic trait.

If an individual with a masochistic character demonstrates a subordinate position in external behavior, then he is completely different inside. On a deep emotional level, he has strong feelings of anger, denial, hostility and superiority. However, they

are blocked by fear and can break out through inappropriate behavior. The person resists the fear of breakthrough through muscular patterns of inhibition. Thick strong muscles restrain any direct manifestation and allow only whimpers and complaints to pass through.

Bioenergy conditions

Unlike the oral structure, the masochistic structure is energetically fully charged. However, the charge is fixed inside, although not “frozen.”

Due to strong inhibition, the peripheral organs are weakly charged, resulting in no discharge or release of energy, and expressive actions are limited.

The restraint is so strong that it leads to compression and a sharp decline in the body's strength. Weakness is observed in the waist area as the body bends under the weight of its tension.

Impulses moving up and down are dampened in the neck and waist, which explains this person's strong tendency to experience anxiety.

Extension of the body, in the sense of lengthening or stretching itself, is greatly reduced. The decrease in elongation causes the structure described above to shorten.

physical characteristics

For the masochistic structure, people with short, fat, muscular bodies are typical.

For unknown reasons, body hair growth usually increases.

A characteristic feature is a short, thick neck showing a retracted head. The waist is correspondingly shorter and thicker.

Another important characteristic is the tuck of the pelvis forward, which can be described more literally as a tucked and flat butt. This pose resembles a dog with its tail between its legs.

This position of the pelvis, along with tension pressure from above, causes bending or sharp weakening of the body at the waist.

In some women, you can see a combination of rigidity in the upper half of the body and masochism in the lower half, expressed by heavy buttocks and hips, a tightened pelvic floor.

All people with a masochistic character have dark skin due to stagnation of energy.

Psychological relationships

Due to powerful inhibition, aggression in such individuals is significantly reduced. Self-affirmation is similarly limited. Instead, there is whining and complaining. Whining is the only sound expression that easily passes through a constricted throat. Instead of aggression, provocative behavior is observed, which causes a strong reaction from the other person, strong enough to enable the masochist to react hot-tempered and unrestrained.

Stagnation of energy due to strong inhibition leads to a feeling of “getting stuck in a swamp”, the inability to move freely.

The position of submission and obsequiousness is characteristic of masochistic behavior. On a conscious level, the masochist identifies with the attempt to please; however, on a subconscious level, this position is rejected by bitterness, negativity and hostility. These repressed feelings must be released before the masochist can react freely to life situations.

Etiological and historical factors

The masochistic structure develops in a family where love and acceptance are combined with strong pressure. The mother is dominant and sacrificing; the father is passive and submissive.

The dominant, self-sacrificing mother literally suffocates the child, who is made to feel intense guilt for any attempt to declare her independence or assert a negative attitude.

A strong focus on eating and bowel movements is typical. This is equivalent to pressure from above and below. “Be a good boy. Please your mom. Eat all the food... Empty your bowels regularly. Let mom see...” and so on.

All attempts to resist, including temporary outbursts of irritation, were suppressed. All people with a masochistic structure in childhood had temporary outbursts of irritation that forced them to stop.

The common experiences were feelings of being trapped, which produced only a reaction of bitterness, ending in self-deprecation. The child saw no way out.

As a child, the patient struggled with deep feelings of humiliation when he tried to "let it out" in the form of vomiting, soiling, or disobedience.

The masochist is afraid to stretch out an arm or a leg or stretch out his neck (the same for the genitals) for fear that they will be cut off or he will be torn from them. There is strong castration anxiety in this character. Most powerful is the fear of being cut off from the parental relationship, which provided love, but under certain conditions. We'll look at the implications of this in more detail in the next section.

Dance manner:

· A masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the pure pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: “Look how sensual I can be.”

Car selection:

· A masochist chooses a small, cramped car that he can barely fit in.

Sitting posture:

· The masochist sits with his legs spread. In most cases, he chooses a place that is not suitable for him, and therefore feels uncomfortable.

Fears:

· The masochist's greatest fear is freedom.. He does not consider and does not feel free due to the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to those around him, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decides to do. He doesn't look at others when making a decision. Even if what he decides constrains him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind if he just wants to. His eyes are wide open to the world, showing great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of humiliation is usually experienced with the mother, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what has been said to the male or female version.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury humiliated You are close to healing if you give yourself time to think about whether it meets your needs before you say “yes” to someone. You have less to put on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limitations for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying or unnecessary.

4. Trauma of betrayal - mask of control - psychopathic type

Characteristics of Betrayal Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between two and four years of age, with a parent of the opposite sex. Collapse of trust or unfulfilled expectations in the love and sexual sphere. Manipulation.

Mask: Controlling.

Body: Radiates strength and power. A man's shoulders are wider than his hips. A woman's hips are wider and stronger than her shoulders. Chest wheel. Belly too.

Eyes: Intense, seductive gaze. Eyes that see everything at first sight.

Dictionary: “separate”, “do you understand?”, “I can”, “I can handle it myself”, “I knew it”, “trust me”, “I don’t trust him”.

Character: Considers himself very responsible and strong. Strives to be special and important. Does not keep his promises and obligations or makes efforts to keep them. Lies easily.

Manipulator. Seducer. Has a lot of expectations. The mood is uneven. He is convinced that he is right and strives to convince others. Impatient. Intolerant.

Understands and acts quickly. A good performer because he wants to be recognized. Circus performer. Hard to trust. Doesn't show his vulnerability. Skeptic. Afraid of breaking or withdrawing from an obligation.

Most afraid: Disconnections; divorce; renunciation.

Nutrition: A good appetite. Eats quickly. Adds salt and spices. He may not eat for a long time while he is busy, but then loses control over eating.

Typical diseases: Diseases of control and loss of control, agoraphobia, spasmophilia, disorders of the digestive system, diseases whose names end in -itis, oral herpes.

Diseases of betrayal:

Agoraphobia due to his fusional subpersonality, like that of an addict. On the other hand, the agoraphobia experienced by the controller is marked primarily by the fear of insanity, while the agoraphobia associated with the dependent mask is motivated more by the fear of death. I want to emphasize here that doctors often confuse agoraphobia with spasmophilia (agoraphobia is defined in Chapter 3).

The controller especially attracts to himself diseases of control, management - all kinds of dysfunctions joints throughout the body, and most often knee.

He is most prone to diseases involving loss of control in certain organs of the body - bleeding, impotence, diarrhea and etc.

When he feels completely helpless in some situation, he can break down paralysis.

He often has problems related to digestive system, especially with liver And stomach.

He is also prone to diseases whose names end with -it. Here I refer you to my book “Your Body Says: Love Yourself!”, which details how these diseases are especially common in individuals who, under the influence of their many expectations, are prone to impatience, anger and disappointment.

The controller often has oral herpes— it arises when, consciously or unconsciously, the controller considers members of the opposite sex to be “nauseating types.” Moreover, this good remedy control, allowing you not to kiss others.

Structure of psychopathic character.

Description

This character structure requires some introduction. This is the only character type that has not been described or analyzed in my previous works. It can be a very complex structure, but for the sake of brevity and clarity I will describe simple form this violation.

The essence of the psychopathic position is the denial of feelings. It differs from schizoid, which is disconnected from feelings. In a psychopathic personality, the ego, or mind, turns against the body and its feelings, especially sexual ones. This is why the term “psychopathy” originated.

The normal function of the ego is to support the body's desire for pleasure, not to destroy it in favor of the ego's mental image. In all psychopathic characters there is a great investment of energy in the mental image of the person. Another aspect of this personality is the desire for power and the need to dominate and control.

The reason this character type is difficult is because there are two ways to gain power over others. One is bullying or overpowering another; in this case, if a person does not challenge the bully, then he begins to feel like a victim. The second way is to influence a person through a seductive approach, which is very effective against naive people who fall under psychopathic power.

Bioenergy conditions

There are two body types that correspond to two psychopathic structures. The suppressive type is more easily explained bioenergetically, and I use it for illustration. Gaining power over other people is achieved by rising above them.

In this model, there is a noticeable shift of energy towards the head end of the body with a concomitant decrease in charge in the lower part of the body. The two halves of the body are noticeably disproportionate, with the upper half being significantly larger and more dominant in appearance.

A wary or distrustful look. Such a person does not strive to get closer to others and does not understand them. This characteristic psychopathic personality. For most, there is a certain tightening around the diaphragm and waist that blocks the downward flow of energy and feeling.

The head is energetically overloaded. This means that there is an overstimulation of the mental apparatus, leading to constant thinking about how to gain control and dominance over the situation.

The need for control is also directed against oneself. The head is held very tightly (you should never lose your head), but it, in turn, holds the body tightly in its power.

The energy relationships are shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body of the suppressive type shows disproportionate development in its upper part. This gives the impression of a puffed-up person and matches his inflated ego image. We can say that this structure is overweight at the top.

She's also tough. Bottom part the body can no longer exhibit the weakness typical of an oral structure.

The second type of body, which I called seductive or destructive, is more regular and does not have a puffy appearance. The back is usually too flexible.

In both cases, there is a disruption in the flow of energy between the two halves of the body. In the first type, the pelvis is weakly charged and held rigidly; in the second, it is too charged, but isolated. Both types have obvious compression of the diaphragm.

There is also noticeable tension in the ocular segment of the body, which includes the eyes and occipital region.

Strong muscle tension can also be felt in cervical spine along the base of the skull, in the so-called oral segment. This tension is associated with the suppression of the incipient impulse.

Psychological relationships

A psychopathic personality needs to control someone, and although it may seem that she controls the person, she herself also depends on him. Thus, there is a degree of orality in all psychopathic personalities. They are described in the psychiatric literature as having oral fixation.

The need to control is closely related to the fear of being controlled. To be controlled means to be used. We will see that in the past, individuals with this character structure have had struggles for dominance and control between parent and child.

The desire to be on top, to achieve a goal is so strong that a person cannot admit or allow defeat. Defeat puts him in the position of a victim; ergo, he must be a winner in any situation.

Sexuality is also always used in this power play. He (man) is seductive in his apparent power or in his soft secret temptation. Pleasure in sex is secondary to achievement or conquest.

Denial of feelings is usually denial of needs. The psychopathic maneuver of such a person is to make other people need him so that he does not have to express his needs. Thus he is always at the center of the world.

Etiological and historical factors

In all character types, a person's past explains his behavior. I could make a general statement that no man can understand his behavior unless he knows his past.

Thus, one of the main tasks of any therapy is to explain life experience patient. In the case of this personality, this often seems quite difficult because the psychopathic tendency to deny feelings includes the denial of experience. Despite this, much has been studied in bioenergy regarding the occurrence of this problem.

The most important factor in the etiology of this condition is a sexually seductive, deceptive parent. The temptation is covered up and exists in order to satisfy the narcissistic needs of the parent. It aims to bond the child with the parent.

The seductive parent is always the rejecting parent, rejecting the child's needs for support and physical contact. The lack of necessary contact and support explains the oral element in this character structure.

Seductive relationships create a triangle that places the child in the position of challenging the same-sex parent. This creates a barrier to the necessary identification with the same-sex parent and subsequent identification with the seductive parent.

In this situation, any achievement of contact makes the child extremely vulnerable. The child will either rise above the needs (upward shift) or will satisfy his needs by manipulating his parents (seductive type).

There is also a masochistic element in the psychopathic personality, which arises from submission to the seductive parent. The child cannot rebel or leave this situation; he only has internal protection. Submission lies only on the surface; nevertheless, to the extent that the child obeys openly, he acquires some intimacy with the parent.

Masochistic elements are strongest in the enticing or seductive version of this character structure. The initial surrender must evolve into a masochistic submissive role. Then, when the seduction has worked and the other person's attachment is strong, a sadistic quality arises.

· The controller has a loud, booming voice.

Dance manner:

· The controller needs a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, this is an opportunity for him to show himself. The call comes from him: “Look at me.”

Car selection:

· The controller buys a powerful, visible car.

Sitting posture:

· The controller sits with his entire body leaning back and his arms crossed as he listens. Having taken the floor, he leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of his interlocutor.

Fears:

· The controller's greatest fear is separation and renunciation.. He does not notice how intensely he himself creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which he excludes further communication with individuals. By creating and attracting situations to himself in which he renounces someone every time, he at the same time does not see that he is afraid of these situations. Rather, on the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and willingness to meet new people prevent him from realizing how many people he has cut out of his life. Others see it much better. And his eyes give him away too. When he gets angry, they become tough and even instill fear, which can alienate many from him.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of betrayal is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex. That is, the controller usually believes that he has been betrayed by people of the opposite sex, and tends to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, he blames himself mainly and is angry with himself for failing to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is very likely that what he perceives as betrayal by people of his own sex is in fact an experience that activated his trauma of injustice.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury betrayal you are close to healing if you no longer experience such violent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means weakening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work you have done, you feel good even when others do not notice or recognize your achievements.

5. Trauma of injustice - mask of the rigid - rigid type

Characteristics of Injustice Trauma:

Awakening Trauma: Between the ages of four and six, with a same-sex parent. Duty to be dutiful and perfect. Blocking individuality.

Mask: Rigid.

Body: Direct, tough and, to the extent possible, perfect. Good proportions. Rounded buttocks. Short stature, tight clothes or tight waistband. Restricted movements. The skin is light. Clenched jaws. The neck is tense and straight. The posture is proud.

Eyes: The look is radiant, lively. The eyes are light.

Dictionary: “no problem”, “always, never”, “very good, very kind”, “very specific”, “exactly”, “quite fair”, “of course”, “do you agree?”

Character: Strives for excellence. Envious. Detached from his own feelings. Often crosses his arms. Productive - to be perfect. Overly optimistic. Alive, dynamic. Often justified. Very reluctant to ask for help.

Laughing over trifles - to hide your sensitivity. The tone of voice is dry and tense. Doesn't admit that he has problems. Doubts the correctness of his choice. Compares himself according to the principle “who is better - who is worse.”

Has difficulty accepting anything: he considers it unfair to receive less than others, but even more unfair to receive more.

He very rarely allows himself pleasure, as he usually feels guilty about it. He does not take into account his limitations, he is too demanding of himself. Controls himself. Loves order. Rarely gets sick, is indifferent or ruthless towards his body. Choleric. Cold, does not know how to show his feelings. Likes to look sexy.

Most afraid: Coldness.

Nutrition: Prefers salty dishes to sweet ones. Loves everything crispy. Controls himself so as not to gain weight. Feels ashamed and makes excuses when he loses control over food.

Typical diseases: Nervous exhaustion (occupational), frigidity (women), premature ejaculation or impotence (men). Diseases ending in -it- tendinitis, bursitis, arthritis, etc.

Torticollis, constipation, hemorrhoids, spasms and convulsions, poor circulation, impaired liver function. Varicose veins, skin diseases, nervousness, insomnia, poor vision.

Diseases of injustice:

He feels the rigidity of his body as inflexibility or tension at the top backs, V neck, as well as in flexible areas (ankles, knees, hips, elbows, wrists, etc.). Rigid people like to crunch their fingers, thus trying to improve their flexibility. In a word, they are able to feel the shell with which their body is bound, but they do not feel what is hidden under this shell.

Already mentioned nervous exhaustion.

Diseases whose names have an ending -it: tendonitis, bursitis, arthritis. Any disease with a similar name indicates a very common condition among rigid people - suppressed internal anger hidden in the body.

Rigid may suffer pain or curvature of the neck due to the fact that it is difficult for him to see the wrong, unfair, in his opinion, side of things or events.

Very often observed constipation And hemorrhoids- because it is difficult for him to relax, to stop restraining himself in everything.

Characteristic of rigid spasms And convulsions- reactions of a person who tends to cling or hold back due to fear.

The inability to give yourself pleasure provokes problems blood circulation And varicose veins.

Problems are common dry skin.

Pimples on the face indicate the fear of making a mistake, losing face, not being up to one’s own expectations.

Rigid people often suffer psoriasis. They bring this disease on themselves so as not to be too good or too happy - this would be an injustice to others. It is curious that outbreaks of psoriasis often coincide with holidays, vacations, or a period when everything is going well and happily.

Disorders are common liver due to suppressed anger.

Common occurrence - nervousness rigid., although for the most part they control it well, so that outwardly it is invisible.

Quite often observed insomnia, especially among those rigid ones who do not know how to calm down until they do their job in a timely and flawless manner. They think so hard about what they have to do that it wakes them up and can't go back to sleep.

Violations vision arise because it is very difficult for a rigid person to see that he made a bad decision or misjudged the situation. He chooses not to see what he considers imperfect; in this case he does not suffer so much. He often uses the expression “It’s unclear” - which also does not help improve his vision.

Rigid structure.

Description

The concept of rigidity comes from the tendency of these individuals to hold themselves rigidly—with pride. The head is held quite high, the spine is straight. This would be a positive feature if it were not for the fact that this pride is protective and inflexibility is unyielding. A rigid character is afraid to give in, equating this with submission or falling. Rigidity becomes a defense against the underlying masochistic drive.

A person with a rigid character is wary of being deceived, used or trapped. His caution takes the form of restraining impulses from unfolding and spreading. Restraint also means to hold your back, hence rigidity. The ability to hold back is based on a strong ego position with high degree behavior control. Moreover, this is supported by an equally strong position regarding the genitals, thus focusing the personality's attention on both ends of the body, establishing good contact with reality. Unfortunately, the emphasis on reality is used as a defense against the pursuit of pleasure, and this is the main conflict in the personality.

Bioenergy conditions

In this structure, there is a fairly strong charge at all peripheral points of contact with the environment, which favors the opportunity to check reality before taking action.

Containment is peripheral, allowing feelings to flow but limiting their expression.

The main areas of tension are the long muscles of the body. Tightness in the flexor and extensor muscles combine to cause rigidity.

Naturally, there are different degrees of rigidity. When inhibition is moderate, the person is animated and vibrant.

The bioenergetic state is shown in the diagram.

physical characteristics

The body of a person with a rigid character is proportional and harmonious. It looks and feels whole and connected. Despite this, some elements of irregularities and distortions described above for other types can be seen.

An important characteristic is the liveliness of the body: clear eyes, good color skin, liveliness of gestures and movements.

If rigidity is strong, then positive factors, mentioned above, deteriorate accordingly: coordination and grace in movements decrease, the eyes lose some shine, and the skin tone may be pale or grayish.

Psychological relationships

People with this character structure are usually worldly oriented, ambitious, competitive and energetic. Passivity is experienced as vulnerability.

A person with a rigid character may be stubborn, but rarely angry. Part of his stubbornness comes from his pride: he is afraid that if he does not insist on his own, he will look stupid, and therefore he is reserved. Partly it arises from the fear of submission, that is, of losing freedom.

The term "rigid character" has been adopted in bioenergetics to describe the most common factors in several differently labeled personalities. Thus it includes the phallic, narcissistic man, whose focus is on potency, and the Victorian type of hysterical woman, whose character Reich described in Character Analysis, and who uses sex as a defense against sexuality. Old-fashioned obligatory character also belongs to this broad category.

The rigidity of this character is like steel. Rigidity is also seen in the schizoid structure where, due to its frozen state, its energy system is ice-like and very fragile. Generally, people with a rigid character cope effectively with their lives.

Etiological and historical factors

What is interesting about the background behind this structure is that a person with this character has not experienced severe traumas that create more serious defensive positions.

The most significant trauma here is the experience of disappointment in the desire to achieve erotic satisfaction, mainly at the genital level. This occurs when child masturbation is prohibited, as well as in relationships with a parent of the opposite sex.

Rejection of the child's desire for erotic and sexual pleasure was seen by the child as a betrayal of his desire for love. Erotic pleasure, sexuality and love are synonymous in the mind of a child.

Due to strong ego development, a person with a rigid character does not give up this awareness. As the diagram shows, his heart is not cut off from the periphery. He or she is a being who acts with the heart, but with the limitation and control of the ego. The desired state would be to give up this control and trust the heart.

Since the open expression of love as a desire for physical intimacy and erotic pleasure is faced with rejection by parents, a person with a rigid character moves through circuitous paths in custody to achieve his goal. He does not manipulate like a psychopathic character, but maneuvers to achieve intimacy.

The significance of his pride lies in the fact that he is attached to this feeling of love. Rejection of his sexual love hurts his sense of dignity. Likewise, insulting one's self-esteem is tantamount to rejecting his love.

I have one final note. I have not discussed treatments for these problems because therapists do not treat character types, but people. Therapy focuses on people in their immediate relationships: to their body, to the ground on which they stand, to the people with whom they interact, and to the therapist. This is the basis of the therapeutic approach. However, in the background there is knowledge of character, without which the therapist will not be able to understand the patient and his problems. An experienced doctor can easily move from one area to another without losing sight of them.

· Rigid speech is somewhat mechanical and restrained.

Dance manner:

· Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness and inflexibility of the legs. He is very attentive and tries not to lose his rhythm. He attends dance courses more often than others. The most rigid ones stand out as serious, stand very straight and seem to be counting their dance steps. They seem to say with their appearance: “Look how well I dance.”

Car selection:

· Rigid prefers a classic, working, durable car - he wants to get full value for his money.

Sitting posture:

· Rigid sits completely straight. At the same time, he can move his legs and position his entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes his rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms when he doesn’t want to feel what’s happening.

Fears:

· Rigid people are most afraid of coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reign around him. As a rule, he is loyal to his friends. But those around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes, but in his dry, tough behavior, especially when he believes that he is being unfairly accused of something.

Trauma by gender:

· The trauma of injustice is experienced with a same-sex parent. That is, the rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he blames not this person, but rather himself - for injustice or impropriety.

Healing Traumas:

· Your injury injustice You are close to healing if you allow yourself to be less than perfect and make mistakes without getting angry or criticizing yourself. You can allow yourself to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without fear of their judgment and without being ashamed of a temporary loss of control.