How to change your life in 21 days. Must-read books

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We tend to think that in order to change in life we need to do something grandiose and large-scale. Take it and move to another country or quit your job. Or one Monday go in for sports and switch to proper nutrition. It seems to us that we need to gather all our will into a fist, grit our teeth and act. Trying to do everything at once is the most common and main mistake in any endeavor!

The power of small steps is an effective approach to forming a healthy habit.

Grandiose deeds are, of course, good. But the supply of willpower is very limited and does not last long. Therefore, in any changes you need to use the “power of small steps.” This means that changes will occur little by little, but constantly.

What are the advantages of the approach?

For example: add one squat (or other exercise) every day. We set a goal: to squat 100 times in 21 days, create a schedule of squats from 1 to 100 for 3 weeks and follow this schedule every day.

Habit Formation

We don't do 100 squats at once because it's very hard.
By adding 1-2-3 times a day, progress will be made every day, the body will get used to the load and the brain will remember that such exercises are the norm, thus forming a habit.

Personal best and victory over yourself

Every day we win another small victory and set our new personal record. It motivates well.
As a result, the main goal will be achieved and a useful habit will be formed. This will happen gradually and painlessly.

Visualization of progress

Drawing up a training program and recording progress clearly shows your achievements and gradual approach to ultimate goal. You can't imagine a better visualization!

Formation of healthy eating habits

What we do out of habit does not require willpower. Everyone has daily rituals: brushing their teeth, taking a shower, making coffee. Often we don't even notice how we do automatic actions.

The same approach can be used in switching to proper nutrition and losing weight. By gradually changing your diet, you can completely switch to a new one, which will become familiar and ordinary.

If the goal is to lose 5 kg in a week, then it is very difficult to do this, and it is dangerous for health, but losing 1-2 kg per week and after 21 days becoming slimmer by the same 5 kg is already a more achievable and correct goal.

Reward is the best motivation

Every action that expends energy must be rewarded. It has to do with motivation.

For example, you brush your teeth so that your breath is fresh and your teeth are white - this is the reward for your actions. Moreover, our brain is designed in such a way that the reward should come immediately after the action; it is difficult to convince it that something needs to be done now, and the reward will come sometime later.

Praise yourself! This can be anything: for example, complimenting yourself to your loved one or a gesture of victory (shouting “hurray” and hitting yourself in the chest with your fist) or just tell yourself “who’s great? I'm done!" or finally, eat something tasty, but not very harmful. Everyone can have their own reward, but the main thing is that there is one.

Three main components of any habit:

Trigger
Action
Reward

The trigger can be an event, a person, or even a time (for example, Friday evening) - this is what starts the habit. You can't break a habit as long as there is a trigger and a reward. But the action itself can be changed. In this case, the reward for the new action should be equivalent or very close to the reward for the previous action. This can be explained using the example of eating sweets: if you replace sweets with dried fruits, then the habit of eating sweets itself remains, the reward in the form of a sweet taste remains, and harmful effects for the figure are reduced.

Correct goal setting: do not lose, but gain!

We all like to gain rather than lose. It's important to keep this in mind when setting goals.

For example: instead of "I want to lose weight " set a goal "I want to be slim" or instead "I want to stop eating sweets" set a goal "I want to start eating right and being healthy", "change yourself in 21 days" and so on.

Do you feel the difference? Motivation becomes not negative, but positive. Don't lose, but gain. Negative motivation and a system of self-punishment are the wrong path that does not bring good results.

One failure is not a reason to go into the lead!

Everyone always has breakdowns - this is our nature. But if you fail once, this does not mean that you can turn away from the path to your goal and completely lose track. If you ate something harmful or missed a workout, it’s okay, you need to cope with weakness: don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t grieve about this breakdown. Nothing is lost: we need to pull ourselves together and keep moving forward!

35 296 1 Have you ever thought that our life consists of habits? But this is really so. Every day we get up in the morning and wash, brush our teeth, have breakfast, go to work, and these are the real habits that have become a need. And how about ?! ABOUT! It's already more difficult. You have to overcome yourself.

Throughout life, a person constantly acquires new habits and also gets rid of unnecessary ones. But sometimes, you just realize that you urgently need to change something in your life. So why not start now. After all, if you follow certain rules within 21 days, then we can say that you will make a start for change. Now we will talk about how to change yourself and how to develop new habits in 21 days.

What is a habit?

Before you get used to doing any specific actions, you need to understand what the word “habit” actually means.

Habit – This is a certain model of behavior of an individual (human), the implementation of which develops into a need.

Simply put, a habit is an action that a person performs automatically without thinking about it. The emotional, psychological and physical state of the body depends on its implementation.

Our character is based on our habits. Therefore, there is no need to look for those to blame. It's always easy to do. But changing yourself and your attitude is difficult. Change yourself and you will notice how people around you change, how situations change and new opportunities appear.

What are the habits?

At first glance, habit is a rather simple concept, but even it is divided into 2 types. Habits can be harmful and useful.

Harmful very easy to acquire almost automatically.
Useful habits require overcoming a person's psychological and physical barriers. Without certain attitudes, it is difficult to turn any action into a habit.

What do habit and reflex have in common?

A correctly chosen habit becomes a reflex that forces the body to rebuild. The following experiment was carried out. A volunteer who liked to be different from other people decided to change his biorhythms and sleep during the day and stay awake at night. For 21 days, he rested during daylight hours and worked at night. After the habit developed, he decided not to sleep during the day for one day. By evening he was sleepy and lethargic, but as night fell, he felt cheerful and active again. This proves that habits are part of reflexes. That is, under certain circumstances, the body ignores the setting and performs its usual actions.

Become happy in 21 days - fashionable flash mob

Developing habits is not only useful, but also fashionable. A few years ago, such an intercontinental flash mob was popular. Anyone could take part in it. Each participant wore a purple bracelet on their wrist, after which they were not allowed to complain about anything for 21 days. If he still had vague thoughts, he had to take off the bracelet and put it on his other hand, after which the experiment would begin all over again.

The purpose of this action was to teach people to be optimistic and stop complaining about life. Project participants noted that the flash mob helped them change their better side. They began to look at life differently, and the experiment allowed them to become happy in 21 days.

How the 21 day rule works

Every day, millions of people try to develop a wide variety of skills, but not everyone succeeds. Psychologists have come up with one simple rule that, in their opinion, helps achieve the desired goal.

If you repeat the same action every day for 21 days, it is recorded in the subconscious, and we begin to do it unconsciously, i.e. automatically. To bring it to automation is our goal.

Experts in the field of psychology argue that daily work during this particular period deposits an attitude in the subconscious, thanks to which a habit is developed.

A habit transforms into a need over time. How? Let's consider interesting example. small child parents force them to relieve themselves in a designated place. Over time, the importance of this process “reaches” his subconscious and he begins to ask to go to the potty. The habit of going to the child's potty, over the course of several years, develops into the need to go to the toilet.

Why does it take 21 days for a habit to form?

This is a completely logical question that interests everyone who has set out to instill in themselves this or that habit. I wonder why not 30 days or 35, but rather 21 days? In fact, this number is scientifically based, but to understand why it takes 21 days to form a habit, you will be interested in knowing a few historical facts.

The first person to put forward the “21 days” theory was plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz. In 1950, he noticed that his patients, after operations on their appearance, got used to their appearance only after 21 days. He described his hypothesis in the book “Psychocybrnetics”. After the doctor’s work was lauded by society, people started talking about the theory everywhere.

20 years later, psychologists from London questioned the claim that a habit is formed in 21 days. They conducted their study in which 96 volunteers took part. It lasted 12 weeks. Each was given a task to regularly perform some specific action. After the end of the experiment, after analyzing all the results, they found out that the period of habit formation is different for each person. This is determined by the individuality of each person. Getting used to performing a certain action occurs within 18-254 days.

Another study was carried out by American scientists on astronauts. 20 people took part in the experiment. Each of them was given glasses that they did not have to take off for 30 days. These glasses were special. The secret was in the lenses. When putting them on, the world turned upside down (in the literal sense of the word), that is, the astronauts saw an inverted image.

Scientists noticed that it was after 21 days that the brain of each of the experiment participants adapted. If the glasses were removed on the 10th or 19th day, then the experiment had to be started again, because the effect disappeared. After the volunteers got used to seeing the upside-down world, they were allowed to take off their glasses. After which their brains were rebuilt again for 21 days.

Many consider the results of US scientists to be unreliable, since the astronauts did not take off their glasses during the entire experiment, which lasted about 300 hours. If you rely on their results, then in order to accustom yourself to daily jogging, you will have to run for 21 days, interrupting only to sleep.

Having studied the results of all the studies conducted, we can say that a habit is developed in a minimum of 21 days, and a maximum of 254. This is influenced by many factors, which we will now talk about.

How to force yourself to move forward

If you decide to acquire any useful habit and doubt your willpower, try to come to an agreement with your “I”. For example, you decided to read books before bed and thus develop, but you don’t know how long you will last. Think of habit formation as a 21-day experiment. This time will be enough for you to understand whether you need it at all or not.

Main! Just start doing it. Do it once and just repeat it tomorrow. So, day after day. Stop reading, go and do it! It’s also important to remember that over the years you will regret that you didn’t change something in your life, that you could have been more decisive! Think about it, root it in your head, say it out loud if necessary, when it’s hard to tear yourself away from the couch and go do what you planned.

And the first habit on the list is getting things done. Hold out for 21 days. Prove to yourself that you can do it.

For a habit to become a part of your life, it must bring joy, harmony and a sense of self-satisfaction. So don't be afraid to experiment and take action.

Take a piece of paper and write down 10 habits that will make your life better. Then choose the most desirable one. Commit to yourself that you will perform the action regularly for 21 days. Take a calendar and circle these days. Next to each date, put a plus if the task was completed today, or a minus if not. Such visibility will help you control the execution of actions and make you proud of yourself.

If at the end of the experiment you realize that you still don’t like the habit, quit it and start the experiment with a new task.

For example, if you read scientific literature every day for 3 weeks before bed, and after this period you do not feel satisfied, stop torturing yourself. If you still want to expand your horizons, try reading easy-to-understand books, poetry, classics, etc. By going through them, you will definitely find your favorite works and can develop a habit in 21 days.

Step by step steps to form a habit

Forming a habit is a rather difficult and responsible process. It consists of several stages that must be completed. Now we will tell you how to do this step by step.

Decision-making . To develop a habit, you need to understand that you really need it. Besides this, you still have to want to get it. Desire will control your actions and help you overcome the difficult period of 21 days. For example, you decide to eat only healthy and healthy food in order to lose weight, feel healthy and vigorous. In this case, when you want to eat sausages, your subconscious mind itself will stop you.
Start. If you have a goal, then take action. Don’t put off such an important matter until “later.” Don't wait for a new week, month or Have a good mood, because the habit will accompany you throughout your life.
Repeat for the first two days . After you have started active actions, you need to hold out for the first 2 days. This is the initial distance that will have to be overcome.
Repeat throughout the week . This is the second distance that needs to be covered. Every day, no matter what, perform the intended action. Habit formation does not include weekends and holidays.
Repeat for 21 days. By doing the action during this period of time, you will realize that you are doing it automatically. That is, the process of forming a habit is already bringing the first successes.
Repeat 40 days . It is necessary to continue to monitor the development of the habit after 21 days. After all, three weeks may not be enough. It depends on the complexity of the habit, motivation and individual characteristics person.
Repeat for 90 days . After you complete the steps for exactly 90 days, you can say with great confidence that you will form a sustainable habit.

How not to break down?

We are all human and we tend to doubt. This also applies to habits. Sometimes, depending on his volitional abilities, it is very difficult for a person not to go astray from the intended path. Now we will share little secrets that will not only help you develop a new habit in 21 days, but will also strengthen your willpower.

Give yourself a reward , which you can afford if you don’t freeload and complete everything on time.
Use positive reinforcement : self-hypnosis, imitation of someone, in general, anything, as long as it helps you not go astray from your intended path.
Constantly motivate yourself . Without proper self-hypnosis, you will not achieve the desired result and will not understand that you really need the habit. If you find it difficult to do this, seek help from family and friends who believe in you. They will charge you with positive emotions and return you to the right path. In addition, look around you; those around you must have noticed the changes that have occurred in you. Positive feedback from friends and colleagues is also an excellent motivator. For example, if you decide to go to the gym, then within a couple of weeks you will notice how your body is changing. People around you cannot help but notice this. They will definitely speak positively about your habit, and your family will encourage your endeavor. This is what will force you to move on, without stopping there.
Make sure you perform your actions regularly . Habit formation does not tolerate even the shortest breaks. In case of failures, you will have to start all over again. Only daily work on yourself guarantees positive result. It’s like taking pills: if the doctor tells you to take them 3 times a day for 4 weeks, then that’s what you need to do, otherwise the disease will return, and the result of the treatment will be meaningless. To make this easier, keep a diary of your successes and write down every day that the action was completed, what emotions it caused you, who appreciated your undertaking. When you feel like giving up, look through your notes. They won't let you stop halfway. Today it is fashionable to blog, so why not start now. A sense of responsibility to a large audience of readers will not allow you to stray from your intended path. And people, by the way, really love such experiments and watch them with pleasure.
Make enough effort . It's easy to get used to bad habits, useful - are obtained through hard and painstaking work. Remember this and constantly work on yourself. If you want to quit, think about how much you have already done to make the habit a part of you. Once you realize how far you have come and how much you have endured, you will not want to stop.

Tips from successful people to help you form a habit

Probably each of us, at least once in our lives, looked at successful, rich and self-sufficient people with envy. But they became like this thanks to the right habits. Having developed them in themselves, they were able to achieve what they wanted. Here are a few secrets from successful people that will help anyone develop a habit.

Plan your every day . Write down all your actions that you want to perform during the day. Through some experimental studies, it has been proven that you need to do 6 items on your list per day. This is exactly the amount that can be realistically completed, regardless of their volume. Don't forget the habit. By doing it at the scheduled time, you will not be able to avoid doing it.
Develop several habits at once . For example, if you decide to lead healthy image life, then go to the gym, eat right, etc.
Test yourself for “Weak”. Simply put, challenge yourself to change yourself in 21 days. For example, standing in front of a mirror, tell your reflection, “Are you weak in not eating fast food for 21 days?” Your subconscious will rebel, and this will allow you to hold out for the cherished 3 weeks.
Self-development. Always develop, strive to learn something new, expand your horizons. The more useful information you learn, the wiser you become. And the knowledge acquired throughout life helps in many situations, including influencing the process of forming habits.
Exercise regularly. This is beneficial for the physical, psychological and moral state of a person.
Smile. No matter what, smile at everyone. If you don't find reasons to be happy, smile anyway. First, you can imagine yourself as an actor playing his role. Over time, you will realize that you really like this state, because in return people answer you in the same way.

All recommendations work in reverse order: you can engage in both self-development and, for example, developing positive habits in your children. Methodical, environmentally friendly, helpful, and you can develop any skill in your children. Children who have more conscious, ingrained and regular habits are more successful both among their peers and in the world. adult life. Habit formation is based on discipline. Discipline your child, but at the same time show by your example that everything is possible and then he will succeed too.

Every person has a million habits. Some of them are good and some are not so good. But they all directly influence the formation of our character. If you don’t like something about yourself, then the same habits will help you correct the situation. Simple steps, which you will do for 3 weeks, will become a habit, and after 3 months they will transform into a need. Developing habits in 21 days is not at all difficult, the main thing is to believe in yourself and go towards your goal.

The 21-Day Mental Diet by Brian Tracy

In order to change your life (and in any direction), you need very little - just start taking action. But this “simple” is not always that simple. Sometimes we know what to do, but these actions seem scary to us. And sometimes we have neither a clear plan nor an understanding of how to make this plan. Perhaps these 60 small steps will help you finally start doing at least something.

And even if after 20 steps you realize that this is not your plan, you will be ready to make your own plan. Your eyes are afraid, but your hands are doing well?

1. Create your own “Calendar for clearing the House of unnecessary things”, distributing the cleaning of various areas of the home over the days.

Day 1: Sorting through magazines

Day 2: Disassembling the DVD

Day 3. Sort out books

2. Live by the mantra: “There is a place for everything and put everything in its place.” Try to follow the following 4 rules for all 10 days:

If you took something, put it back later
If you open something, close it
If you drop something, pick it up
If you take something down, put it back

3. Walk through your home and find 100 things that need fixing or a little touching up. For example, change a light bulb, cover a hole in the wallpaper, screw new socket etc.

Happiness
4. Finally, follow the advice that psychologists from all countries and completely different views repeat - write on a piece of paper from 5 to 10 things for which you are grateful in your life every day.

5. Create a list of 20 small things you enjoy doing and make sure you do at least one of these things a day for the next 100 days.

For example, eat your lunch on a bench in the park, walk in the park with the dog in the evening, 1 hour of watercolor painting, etc.

6. Keep a diary of your mental chatter - that is, write down your thoughts and feelings that arise throughout the day. For example, how many times a day have you accused yourself of something, how critical are you of others, how many times a day have positive thoughts come to your mind, etc.

7. For the next 100 days, try to have a good laugh at least once a day. Laughter therapy is the best cosmetologist and a good cure for stress.

Study or self-development

8. Choose a difficult book that you still haven’t decided to read, but wanted to. Read it in 100 days from cover to cover.

9. Learn something new every day.

For example, the name of a flower, the capital of a distant country, the name of your favorite dog breed, etc. And in the evening you can go over in your head all the new things you learned over the past day, take out a dictionary and learn a new word. This way you can quickly and easily expand your vocabulary.

10. Stop complaining for the next 100 days.

Negative thoughts lead to negative results.

Every time you feel like complaining, try to stop yourself.

Try Will Bowen's Change Your Life in 21 Days method:

A sip of good mood | Change your life in 21 days. Will Bowen Method

“It all started with one person, and now there are more than 5 million like-minded people. A simple priest, Will Bowen, studying people and their behavior, came to the conclusion that our thoughts depend on what and how we say, and they, in turn, influence our emotions and actions. It turns out that we all very often complain, criticize, and gossip. Don’t believe me? Check it out!

Will Bowen invited everyone to change their lives for the better - wear a regular purple bracelet and for the next 21 days live without complaints, criticism, gossip and discontent. If during these days a person forgot and uttered “forbidden” words, he had to hang the bracelet from one hand to the other and start counting the days again. Continue until the bracelet lasts on one hand for 21 days in a row. The effect of such an experiment exceeds all expectations!

The people who went through this program changed beyond recognition. This did not go unnoticed, and their friends and relatives joined this experiment, put on the bracelet and invariably changed for the better.

Why is such a simple method as living without complaints so effective?
The attitude itself is important. From the moment you wake up, you know that you can’t talk about negativity, but the most The best way to do this, start noticing the positive in yourself, the people around you and in the world
Self-control over yourself, your thoughts and what you say increases, and this is very important for any person. Now you are just learning, but every day you will become more aware
During this experiment you will learn a lot about yourself, about your thinking and lifestyle." (Will Bowen, "A World Without Complaints")

11. Set your alarm 5 minutes earlier every day for 100 days. Try to get up immediately after the alarm clock rings, open the windows, and do some light exercise. In 100 days you will wake up much earlier without special effort, and most importantly - without harm to health!

12. For the next 100 days, keep “Morning Pages” - a simple stream of consciousness in the morning, which you will write down in a special notebook. This should be the first thing you do after you wake up.

13. For the next 100 days, try to focus your attention on the thoughts, words and images of who you want to become and what you want to achieve.

Finance

14. Create a budget.

Write down every penny you spend in 100 days.

15. Search good advice on finance on the Internet and select 10 of them. Try to follow them for the next 100 days. For example, going to the store with a limited amount of cash and without a credit card, doing several things in one trip to save on gas, shopping only according to a list and eating beforehand, etc.

16. Pay in stores only with paper money and put the remaining change after shopping in a piggy bank. After 100 days, calculate how much you can save.

17. For 100 days, do not buy anything that you do not really need (this means quite large purchases). Use this money to pay off a loan (if you have one) or put it in a deposit account for six months.

18. For 100 days, devote at least 1 hour a day to finding or creating a source of additional income.

19 Time management

For the next 100 days, carry it with you everywhere. notebook. Write down all the ideas and thoughts that come to your mind, make your to-do list, add new appointments literally on the go right after your calls.

20. Monitor how you use your time for 5 days.

Use the information you've gathered to create your "time budget": the percentage of your total time spent on the things you do each day. For example, house cleaning, time to travel to work, rest, etc. Make sure you stay within your budget for the next 95 days.

21. Identify a low priority task that you can not do for 100 days, and replace it with something that is really important.

22. Identify 5 ways your time is wasted and limit that time for the next 100 days.

For example, do not watch TV for more than 1.5 hours, do not spend more than 1.5 hours a day on social networks, etc.

23. For the next 100 days, stop multitasking and do only one important thing a day.

24. For the next 100 days, plan your day the night before.

25. For the next 100 days, do the most important things on your to-do list first, and then everything else.

26. Over the next 14 weeks, review each week. During your weekly survey, answer the following questions:

What have you achieved?
What went wrong?
What did you do right?

27. For the next 100 days, at the end of each day, tidy up your desk, sort out your papers and office supplies.

So that every morning you will have order on your desktop.

28 Make a list of all the promises and commitments you have made for the next 100 days.

Then take a red pen and cross everything off your list that won’t bring you joy or bring you closer to your goals.

29. Over the next 100 days, before you switch from one task to another during the day, ask yourself whether this is the best use of your time and resources.

Health

30. Losing about half a kilo of weight requires burning 3,500 calories. If you reduce your calorie intake by 175 each day, you will lose approximately 2.5 kg after 100 days.

31. For the next 100 days, eat vegetables 5 times a day.

32. For the next 100 days, eat fruit 3 times a day.

33. Pick one of your favorites, but not too many. healthy dishes, and replace it cold turkey for 100 days.

34. In the next 100 days, eat from smaller plates to control the amount of food you eat.

35. For the next 100 days, drink 100% juice instead of high-sugar substitutes.

36. For the next 100 days, drink only water instead of soda.

37. Make a list of 10 easy and healthy breakfasts. A hearty breakfast means a healthy heart!

38. Make a list of 20 easy and healthy dishes that you can eat for lunch and dinner.

39. Make a list of 10 easy and healthy snacks.

40. Use your healthy meal lists to plan your meals for the week ahead. Eat this way for the next 14 weeks.

41. For the next 100 days, keep a food journal to see if you are deviating from your menu plan.

42. For the next 100 days, spend at least 20 minutes exercising every day.

43. For the next 100 days, always carry a pedometer with you (or just download an app on your gadget) and try to walk 10,000 steps a day.

44. Set up your scale and hang a chart with your bathroom. At the end of each of the 14 weeks, weigh yourself and record data on weight loss (gain), changes in waist size, etc.

45. For the next 100 days, set a reminder on your watch or computer to repeat every hour to drink water.

46. For the next 100 days, meditate, breathe, visualize—make it your daily ritual to calm your mind.

Relationship

47. Every day for the next 100 days, find something positive about your partner and write it down.

48. Over the next 100 days, keep an album of your joint activities and start scrapbooking.

At the end of your experiment, give your partner the resulting album and a list of all the positive things you observed during those 100 days.

49. Determine for yourself 3 actions you will take every day for the next 100 days to strengthen your relationship. It could be saying “I love you” or a hug every morning.

Social life

50. Chat with someone new every day for the next 100 days. This could be your neighbor with whom you have never communicated before, your comment on a blog where you have never written anything before, a new acquaintance on social networks, etc.

51. For the next 100 days, focus on connecting with people you admire and respect.

52. Over the next 100 days, if someone has offended or upset you, think for a minute before you respond.

53. For the next 100 days, don't even think about making a final verdict until you've heard both sides.

54. For the next 100 days, try to do at least one good deed a day, no matter how small it is.

55. For the next 100 days, praise everyone who deserves it.

56. For the next 100 days, practice active listening. When the interlocutor speaks, listen to him, and do not rehearse your answer in your head, ask again to make sure that you heard everything correctly, etc.

57. Practice compassion for the next 100 days. Before you judge someone, try to look at the matter from their point of view. Be curious, find out more about the other person (his interests, beliefs, etc.)

58. For the next 100 days, live your life and don’t compare yourself to anyone.

59. For the next 100 days, search good intentions in the actions of others.

60. For the next 100 days, constantly remind yourself that everyone is doing the best they can.

Often, to achieve important goals in life, a person needs to acquire new habits. How to do this correctly?

Surely each of us at least once in our lives is faced with the need to acquire a new habit. It could be anything: getting up early, healthy food, morning exercises, various workouts, etc. It all depends on the goals you set for yourself and the methods by which you plan to achieve these goals.

And, as practice shows, starting a new, especially useful, habit is not so easy. For three days now, it seems, I’ve been getting up at five in the morning – and now every day will be the same. But no. After several days of “exemplary behavior,” you only need to oversleep just once, and lo and behold, the habit is gone.

Another example that is quite well known to many ladies is diets. When you endure it, you endure it for two days, three, four, and on the fifth... at night you find yourself near the refrigerator, devouring rolls and sausages. Sound familiar? But I decided quite seriously: I won’t eat junk food! Only vegetables and fruits! Why doesn't it work? Let's figure it out.

So, first you need to decide what a habit is? The word seems to be familiar, but everyone interprets it differently.

IN general view, a habit is a certain pattern of behavior that has developed over time, the implementation of which becomes a need. This is a certain “unshakable truth” that is operating in your life at a given time. And giving it up or changing it to something that you think is more suitable is sometimes not at all easy.

It's like quitting smoking. It seems like there is nothing complicated - you wake up in the morning and you no longer smoke. But why then do so many people fail to quit? What's stopping them? I even remembered an anecdote on this topic: “I don’t understand how people can’t quit smoking? I’ve already quit a hundred times!”

But at the same time, thousands of people around us are successfully “starting” new good habits. And they succeed. Perhaps they know something that we are not aware of? Let's try to open the curtain.

Stages of Habit Formation

The most important thing to always remember is that desire alone is not enough to develop a habit. Of course, it is very important to understand what you really want, but at the same time you need to work and act.

So, the stages of developing a habit:

1. Decision making. This is very important stage, it is the starting point for habit formation. At this stage, a person asks himself questions: “What do I want? How can I achieve this? What habits can help me with this?”, and, after determining the right habit decides to develop it himself.

At this stage, the main thing is not to fall into the trap of “unfounded promises” to yourself, because in this case the decision will remain simply in words, without reinforcement by action.

2. One-time action. If you decide, for example, to get up early, do it at least once. Move.

3. Repeat two days in a row. This is already more difficult than getting up early once. It will require some effort on your part.

4. Repeat daily for a week. This task is already more difficult, especially if you take into account the social factor - there are no days off in forming habits, so you will have to get up early on both Saturday and Sunday.

5. Repeat for 21 days. This time is considered minimal for habit formation. If you managed not to “move out”, this is already a great reason to be proud of yourself!

6. Repeat for 40 days. During this time, according to scientists, the habit is developed and consolidated 100% until the opposite is developed. After this period, you can already relax a little - the usual thing will be done easily, without effort or “forcing” yourself.

Why, in fact, is 21 days necessary to form a habit? Why not 10, not 30, not 50? Who came up with this number?

As it turns out, this number has a scientific basis. Was held in the USA interesting experiment. Each member of the created experimental group (a total of 20 people participated) was given special glasses, the lenses of which turned the image upside down. Participants in the experiment had to wear them all the time, 24 hours a day.

After a certain time, the participants’ brains learned to flip the image themselves and began to perceive it as normal. The brain adapted to inverted pictures. The peak of such revolutions occurred precisely on the twenty-first day.

But as soon as people stopped wearing these glasses for at least one day, the brain returned to normal operation, and it took 21 days again to flip the image!

Thus, during the experiment it was found that habit formation occurs in 21 days. But every pass takes us back to the first day. Even if in fact he is the twentieth.

What to do with “breakdowns”?

Undoubtedly, a person who has a very strong motivation to develop a habit will find the strength not to “break.” For example, if you have to go to work by 8 am, and it takes at least an hour to get there, then you will have to get up no later than 6 am, even if you are a hopeless night owl. But, if you really like your work, you get sufficient moral and material satisfaction from it, most likely, you will easily develop the habit of getting up early. And no special coercion is needed.

But if you don’t have very high motivation, it’s very easy to break down. I overslept once and off we went. One cake is not scary. And two, three, four... and now the habit is gone.

What can you advise in this case? The recipes are not new at all:

1. Work with motivation. If you want to form a new habit, knowing that “this is how it should be,” you won’t deceive your brain with this wording. He will answer you: “Who needs it? To me? For what? I already have a good life,” and he will be right.

People for the most part tend to do only what is necessary, what they cannot do without. Why improve something that already works?

To cope with this situation, come up with good motivation for yourself. Realize for yourself what this or that new habit will give you. What prospects await you in the future thanks to her? How will your life improve? How much brighter and richer will it become? You must imagine this as clearly and clearly as possible. This is the only way you will really want to achieve, firstly, your goals, and secondly, consolidating the habits leading to them.

2. Maintain regularity. Even if you do something for 21 days, but skip the fifth, eighth, twelfth and twentieth days, this is not yet forming a habit. Each omission devalues the previous efforts spent. You have to start from day one again. Therefore, try to survive all these days without “absenteeism”.

3. Put in enough effort. Nobody said it was easy. On the contrary, it will most likely be very difficult. Use all your willpower, and victory will definitely be yours! After all, you realize why you need this, what it will lead to, which means you probably have enough strength and patience to achieve desired results and don't give up!

Overall, the process of forming habits can be quite fun and interesting. The main thing is to set your priorities correctly and firmly pursue your goals.

All successful people were able at one time to put habits to their service. And to add more luck and prosperity to your life, you should listen to the advice of the “successful people of this world.” And the recommendations are:

1. Plan. Make a plan or schedule for the day, week, month, year. Hourly daily planning helps to avoid “time holes” - wasting precious hours on unnecessary, unconstructive, and unproductive activities. But plans are very useful for forming habits.

2. Introduce several habits at once. Wholesale is not only cheaper, but also easier. For example, get up early and do exercises. Or add a contrast shower. All these habits will begin to be closely intertwined with each other, and by doing one thing, you will automatically begin to do the second.

3. Challenge yourself sometimes. Test your stamina and endurance. Who said you can't and won't cope? Not so! Prove to yourself what you are capable of. Nothing stimulates the formation of good habits more than an exciting competition, but not with someone from the outside, but with yourself! You won’t even notice how, in parallel with the development of a new habit, such important qualities as perseverance in achieving goals, discipline, and the ability to self-control will be formed.

4. Strive for continuous development and self-improvement. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Learn something new, work on yourself, and these grains will bring a good harvest.

5. Periodically go on an “information diet.” This means stop watching TV and aimlessly surfing the web. Read and watch what brings you closer to your goal, helps your professional growth and development, and enriches you. There is a lot of negativity in the media. Think: do you need it?

In any case, if you do not live alone in the forest, you are unlikely to be completely isolated from the world. If something out of the ordinary happens, you will definitely be informed about it. But the nerves will be intact. As well as productive time.

6. Be sure to include physical activity in your life. Even a short exercise in the morning is not just a good habit that will keep you healthy. It is also a huge contribution to the energy bank, bringing daily dividends in the form of a charge of vigor and strength necessary to complete important tasks. Not to mention the fact that you will have to forget about drowsiness, malaise and the phrase: “I don’t have the strength...”.

7. Smile! You've probably noticed that successful people always make a positive impression on others. First of all, this is the merit of a smile. The ability and desire to smile is a good, healthy habit. Every morning stand in front of the mirror and “keep your smile” for 3 minutes. Over time, the smile will begin to “turn on” automatically. However, this is what you need! Just 3 minutes a day will help you become a successful person. Isn't this a reason to try?

All these simple tips designed to make your life better. After all, if this does not happen, then why try, what to strive for? Good habits They help you live not only longer, but also brighter, more efficient, and richer. Would you agree that it's a decent price to pay for a little work?

The habits you need and a happy life!

We all have to deal with toxic people at some time or another. It's about about people with manipulative tendencies, making subjective judgments and inconsiderate to the feelings of other people. Communicating with such members of society can be very uncomfortable, especially if you are forced to see each other every day.

But first, let's define who these toxic people are. Here are 9 signs of a toxic person.

1. They talk more than they listen.

Toxic people have narcissistic tendencies and are unable to focus on anything other than themselves. This is contrary to the Buddhist worldview, in which compassion and kindness towards others (and oneself) are of paramount importance.

2. They think they are never wrong.

Everything they say is right, and everything you say is wrong. Toxic people do not want to learn and react very harshly to criticism.

3. Drama follows them everywhere.

They always experience some kind of tragedy. But if you offer advice, they will simply say that it won't work.

4. They build all relationships for show.

All their love affairs are ostentatious, since they do everything only so that other people can see it. They don't know how to simply enjoy relationships.

5. Them personal experience- this is the standard with which they compare everything.

They evaluate all things based on their personal life experiences. For example, if they hate yoga, then it is 100% a waste of time and there is no point in arguing with them.

6. They often lie.

To some extent, they benefit from their lies, so they lie without a twinge of conscience.

7. They lack tact when communicating with other people.

Some of the signs of toxic people are a lack of empathy and a feeling of superiority over others. They are proud of their honesty, so they never bother choosing words when they want to achieve something from others.

8. They try to control other people.

They want you to act in a certain way for their benefit.

9. They love to talk about others.

They love to mock others behind their backs in order to increase their own self-esteem.

“The deeper your awareness of the present moment, the calmer you will be towards manifestations of hostility. And the more you think about it, the more deeply you will understand how much this person must suffer inside to behave this way. This knowledge will allow you to treat these people with the necessary degree of empathy and compassion, which will enable you to remain as calm as possible when dealing with them.

After all, with enough compassion and insight, you can easily put out the fire of hostility... When people see that they are being treated well despite hostility, they themselves change their behavior for the better. By helping them get rid of the poison that sits inside them, you are thereby helping yourself, since in the end you will see another person who is disposed towards you in a positive way.”

Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan- February 18, 2019

Entrepreneur and marketer Dan Waldschmidt shares provocative and sometimes sobering ideas on how to improve your business on his blog. Here are 26 more such ideas. (In the original, the tips are selected according to the letters of the English alphabet.)

Achieve more. Get things done. Stop starting - start finishing.

Believe in more. Remember that you have the strength to conquer the world.

Communicate more. Stop thinking that everyone already understands you. Share with people what motivates you.

Admire more. Bring the world a sense of wonder and excitement. Be unexpected.

Impact more. Help others recognize the changes they want to make.

Give more. Live for the love of others. Give to others as much as you would like to receive.

Help more. Lend a helping hand even when you need both hands to do your own thing.

More innovation. Be a creator, a puppeteer and an artist. Design something beautiful.

Unite more. Help people, ideas and opportunities find each other. Connect them.

Get on your knees. Humility will take you further than arrogance and the tendency to blame others.

Learn more. Never be satisfied with what you (think) you know. Open your mind.

Achieve more in more. Take the resources you have and tailor them to your needs.

Cherish and grow. Attract good people in a great relationship. Let people be your priority.

Be a pioneer. Leave your mark. Take risks and move into the unknown.

Make more boundaries. Learn to say “NO” to good opportunities that don’t offer you great prospects.

Repair more. Fix all the “people problems” in your life. Fix your financial problems and sort out your health.

Specialize more. Do one thing well - instead of doing a dozen things poorly.

Experiment more. Press all the buttons. Turn all the handles. Formulate your own conclusions.

Discover more. Stop paying attention to superficial problems - look into the soul.

Win more. Stop losing. Start doing things that bring quick wins.

Analyze more. Be honest about your intentions and motives.

Shout more. Speak out loud and loud about what matters most to you.

Turn around more. See what everyone else thinks is necessary for you and do the opposite.

Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan- February 18, 2019

When we feel unhappy, there is no need to despair. We need to gradually change our thinking and behavior so that these changes bring us closer to happiness.

At such moments, moving forward, continuing your path in life becomes difficult if there is no serious motive to do so. But such a motive is not difficult to find, it is you yourself.

When we don’t take care of satisfying our emotional needs, when it seems to us that nothing depends on us, the world seems to turn upside down.

You can try to cheer yourself up, you can tell yourself “time heals everything, the dark streak will pass...”, but this doesn’t really help. We need to “take fate into our own hands.”

Yes, there are times when nothing makes us happy. But you can’t let bad moments turn into a bad life...

We'll explain how to do this.

Strategies for situations when nothing makes you happy

If nothing makes us happy, if we feel that for three months we will have to live in a terrible mood, with insomnia, with apathy, with loss of interest in everything, we should consult a doctor.

It is quite possible that we have depression, and we need to consult with a specialist who will make a diagnosis and tell us how to deal with the disease.

The diagnosis of depression may not be confirmed. In any case, the strategies we will discuss will be useful.

Be aware of your rhythm: everything happens slower now

We feel bad, we cannot and should not hide it. Why smile and pretend that everything is fine when we are sad and feeling apathetic?

Don't try to fake feelings you don't feel.

You have the right to be sad and sad. Negative emotions also bring certain benefits; they show us that “something in our life needs to be changed.”

Recognize that your mind and body now operate more slowly. They seem to tell us that there is no need to rush, but that we need to delve deeper into our thoughts in order to understand what is happening and find a way out of the current situation.

Focus not on how you feel, but on what needs to be done.

In this state, you often feel angry, sad, you want to sleep, and then talk to someone.

You need to focus your attention not on what you feel, but on what needs to be done.

I need to look good.
I need to be alone.
I need new dreams.
We need to start all over again.
You need to stop being sad.
I want to be needed by people.
I want me to have high self-esteem.

Do something every day to make you feel better.

You cannot improve your condition instantly. You need to work on this constantly, gradually changing your thinking and behavior.

These small daily actions improve our emotional condition, and we gradually begin to feel better.

To be happy, you need to be able to give up some things and even people. This is not always easy to do and requires some courage.

We must learn to listen to our needs, to our conscience. Then we will be able to understand that certain things contradict our essence, they do not allow us to be happy.
Refusing also means completing certain stages, life “cycles”. It is important to be able to identify what no longer brings us anything good, does not enrich us, what makes us feel bad.
It is often no one's fault that we are unhappy. Or rather, our fears and self-doubt are to blame, which close the door to happiness for us.

Learn to identify these internal “pests” and get rid of them. There shouldn't be any effort involved.

Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan- February 18, 2019

Some people think you are dominant. Some people just think you're rude. But none of them are right. These words don't really reflect your personality.

Strong people don't need to win, they just don't want to let other people get in their way. Of course, some people may be afraid of you. But that's only because they don't understand how you can be so comfortable with yourself that you don't need anyone else.

Here are eight signs that you have a strong personality that might intimidate some people.

1. You don't like excuses.

Strong personalities do not tolerate excuses. When you are a strong personality, you don't want to listen to people who are bored about everything. You're better off focusing on what you can do and how you can overcome obstacles to do more.

2. You care about what you put into your life.

How strong man, you do not rely on other people, you clearly understand “who” you are, “why you are needed” or “what you can do.” You recognize that some people need to do the same in order to feel better.

3. You hate talking about nothing.

Useless conversation is terrible. If you are a strong person, you have a lot of ideas. You don't want to waste your time gossiping about people when you could be changing the world.

4. You cannot tolerate insensitivity, idiocy, or ignorance.

Strong personalities are the result of being caring and informed. There is a huge difference between them and dominants.

Because you've spent time and effort using your brain, you hate it when people make snap judgments about things they know nothing about. This is probably yours best quality, but not because you can use your knowledge to influence people. This is because you can use it to encourage people to actually think about what they are saying before they do it.

5. You know how to listen

Strong personalities know how to listen. You'd think people would appreciate it. But in reality, being heard and encouraged is a fear for people who are not used to it.

6. You don't need attention

Strong personalities don't need attention. Most people you meet think you excel at charisma, but that's not true. The amount of communication you have is off the charts, not because you want it, but because people need people like you.

7. You are fearless

Okay, that's not true. There are probably a couple of things that you are afraid of. But the difference between you and other people is that you don't let that fear dictate how you live your life.

8. You strive for growth and development.

Insecurity is an opportunity for you to do better. You know you're not perfect, but if you try to learn and grow, despite the risk of looking stupid.

Publisher: Knarik Petrosyan- February 18, 2019

I recently received three emails with the same message: “I’m ready to start over.” This synchronicity caught my attention and made me think. All three people described in detail situations from their lives, and all three simultaneously asked the same question:

“I don’t know what to do, where to go, I only know that I want to be successful... But what should I do?”

Obviously, it is not so easy to find an answer to such a radical and open-ended question. But I'll try to do it - for all of us. I offer you 5 principles and strategies that I live by myself. These are 5 ways to change your life at any age.

1. Focus less on the future and more on today.

I agree, it’s absolutely normal to plan for your future. But - not to the detriment of today. The truth is that no matter how smart you are, and no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to accurately simulate your Tomorrow. Even people who always have a carefully thought-out plan (for example, all the steps to become a doctor, run a business, etc.) actually cannot predict what awaits them along the way. It would be naive to hope that everything will turn out exactly as you planned.

Life rarely goes according to plan. For every person who set a goal for himself and walked towards it unhindered until he achieved it, there are hundreds of those who started strong and confident, but never reached the finish line. And if this happened to you, it's okay. Unforeseen circumstances and new opportunities may appear in front of you like mushrooms after rain.

Perhaps in order to correct your perspective, strengthen your determination, and perhaps to help you understand that you are going the wrong way and should turn around. It is possible that the place you find yourself in tomorrow does not even exist today. For example, just 10 years ago it was impossible to imagine that you could make a career at Google, Facebook or Twitter.

So, if you can't plan for your future, what should you do? Focus less on the future. Focus on what you can do today, no matter what Tomorrow brings.

Read. Write. Learn new things and practice them. Test your new skills and ideas. Create something new. Work on your relationships. All this will help you when you encounter unforeseen circumstances in the future.

One of the best ways to get started with all this, I think, is to do or create something, even very small, in your free time. Most people spend their free time on things that are completely useless for their lives - watching TV, playing video games, social media And so on. One year of such pastime - and you will have absolutely no ideas or desires left.

But if you draw every day, or learn graphic design, or write a blog, or open and run your own YouTube channel, or write a business project, or spend more time with people with relevant skills... in a year you will be able to create something or do. In addition, you will receive a colossal life experience, because you can proudly say: “I created this and that that many people cannot do.”

It should be noted that this is possible not only for young, easy-going people, but also for each of us - regardless of age. It’s very simple: every day take at least a small step in the right direction, day after day, and so on for the rest of your life.

2. Focus on the journey itself, not the achievements.

We gain the most valuable experience in life not in achieving something, but in searching for ways and solutions. The most important thing is your journey to the endless horizon, when goals move with you, and you are calm and confident.

Why do we have to constantly move forward, move from one point to another? To understand the difference, to realize how the previous one differed from the next one, to see what is between the two points of your path. In the process, a lot of wonderful things will happen to you: you will meet your love, you will become stronger, you will gain invaluable experience. It is impossible to achieve all this without moving forward, without your journey through life.

In other words, the right journey is our destination.

3. Do difficult things.

If you want to stop growing and stop, make up an excuse for yourself. Lots of excuses. And, conversely, if you want to get out of this “trap,” do things that literally push you out of your comfort zone. Do something you've never done before.

There is no reasonable justification for not doing this. Not a single one - to repeat the same mistakes with enviable persistence. Life is too short. You must finally throw off your shackles and feel free.

One of the most important skills you can acquire in life is to learn to be comfortable outside of your comfort zone from time to time. Because truly worthwhile and magnificent things come into our lives only this way - hard, painfully, with effort.

Acquiring each new skill is not easy. Building a business is hard. Writing books is difficult. Getting married is also not easy. And raise children too. And keep in good physical shape. Everything is not easy and requires our efforts and efforts.

If you don't learn to do difficult things, you won't do or achieve anything.

How to achieve all this? Purposefully do things that are difficult for you every day. Start with the smallest things and gradually increase the complexity of the tasks. Start with 10 minutes if you find it very difficult at first.

Practice every day for a month until you reach a slightly more difficult level. Try, for example, meditating or practicing writing every evening for at least 10 minutes - for starters. When you feel that the level of discomfort has decreased, you can increase the time of exercise.

4. Make peace with uncertainty.

Developing the skill of “implementing difficult things” is directly related to the feeling of uncertainty. For example, if you decide to start your own business, which is commendable and wonderful. But if you are afraid of uncertainty, you may miss a lot.

You cannot know for sure how things will go, and in order to quickly respond to all challenges, you need to use new opportunities: come up with new projects, make new acquaintances. All this, of course, only adds uncertainty.

But if you accept uncertainty, you will open up a sea of new possibilities. Of course, no one promises that it will be easy...

Sometimes you won't even fully understand which direction you're going. Each step will be difficult and will seem impossible. But you must remember that as long as you follow your intuition and take at least a small step towards your goal every day, your internal GPS will lead you to your destination.

You will realize that you good man and you do everything right. That you are in the right place at the right time. Trust your instincts (intuition). Relax. You know what you're doing. Living is learning along the way.

Don't forget: life is a pretty risky business. Every decision you make, every initiative, every step is a risk. Even in the morning, when you get out of bed, you are already taking quite a bit of risk. In truth, life is about being aware of this risk and accepting it, and never fooling yourself. The choice is small: either do not get out of bed, consoling yourself with illusory safety, or take risks and live.

If you simply ignore your feelings and allow uncertainty to defeat you, this is bad. After all, you will never know anything for sure. And this uncertainty is even worse than finding confirmation of your worst guesses. After all, if you are wrong, you can always correct everything and continue the path forward, without looking back and without fear of what awaits us ahead.

Afterword: When you learn to accept discomfort and uncertainty, you will be able to handle absolutely anything. You will be able to do what you were afraid to even think about yesterday. For example, travel the world and blog about it, write a book, start your own business, move to another city, learn to play some musical instrument, change your profession, sail to the island of your dreams with your family and much, much more. You don't have to wait years to do this. You can do this now, but with one condition - you will have to accept discomfort and uncertainty. Well, remember: better late than never.

5. Work on your relationships with other people.

There are people whom you consider good, and there are those whom you absolutely dislike. There are fake and hypocritical ones, and there are real and sincere friends. There are people who hurt you to the core, and there are people who will help heal these wounds. It's up to you to decide who you spend your time with.

True friends are always honest, they will always come to your aid - exactly at the moment when you need it most. Maintain relationships with people who support you and keep their word.

The truth is, if you spend your time on bad and unnecessary relationships (personal or professional), and vice versa, you spend little time strengthening good relationships, you will fall into the trap of fleeting romances and superficial friendships. Understanding this will still overtake you one day, so carefully analyze your relationship.

How to build healthy, lasting personal and professional relationships? How to find friends with whom you will grow and become better? How to meet the right people?

Have a conversation! Talk to a lot of people every day, even if it's uncomfortable for you. Bosses. Colleagues. Subordinates. Professors. Workers. Mentors. Neighbours. Friends. Friends of friends. Everything! This is how a “network” of your people is built.

I had three jobs after graduating from college (then I started my own business), but I was only interviewed by my first employer. The other two offered me a job without wasting time on conversation. At the same time, they were guided only by the recommendations of the previous employer. And this is normal practice: ask those you trust about a person.

If you start building a “network” of your people today, it will work for you for many years to come. You will meet familiar acquaintances, new colleagues former colleagues etc. This is like a snowball effect and should continue throughout your life.

Again, don't think that this only applies to young people who easily make new acquaintances. This can be done easily at any age. There would only be a desire.

The main thing is to be sincere and honest in any relationship. When someone gives you the opportunity to work for them, their greatest fear is that you will not live up to their expectations. Therefore, people who are always honest and care about their reputation have better chances in life. Try to always be open and sincere in your relationships with everyone. If mistakes are pointed out to you, have the courage to admit them and work on them. Try to look beyond your personal or professional relationships when evaluating people—whether they're your boss or your subordinate.

If you adhere to these principles, you will easily gain a good reputation and build healthy and strong relationships with other people. And this is the best way to get Good work, investing in your business or making a good friend.

Afterword

If you adhere to the principles described in this article, your life will change dramatically. You will be able to do and achieve much more than other people. There is no need to even compare here. You will have a lot of new opportunities: build a career, create something incredible with someone, come up with a business idea, acquire skills for your further growth, etc.

Of course, you don't have to do all this and choose the easiest path in life. Thus, we continue to move along the usual circle of old problems and despair.

Or you can start making changes already from today, and make sure that the world around you is also changing.

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