How to deal with unconstructive criticism. Inappropriate destructive criticism

Yesterday we already wrote an article about... No matter what you do, you will be criticized. Moreover, they will criticize and make comments even when you have already achieved some significant success in a new business. That is, criticism is not always truly to the point.

Imagine the situation. You were striving for something, you just achieved something and suddenly people appeared who began to scold, express negativity and dissatisfaction with your initiative. This can be expressed in different ways. Starting from the fact that “you are doing something wrong” and ending with “no one will need this.” In a word, to continue to act in your own way without regard even to such negativity from the outside.

First of all, you need to understand that criticism is normal. Only those who do nothing at all make no mistakes. Exactly the same way criticism is usually received by those who are busy with business. It’s not for nothing that people have a saying: “Initiative punishes the initiator.” In this sense, the mere presence of criticism is not so bad. So you did something and got a reaction. Perhaps inadequate or painful, but often it is better than nothing.

Criticism from competent people who know their business will be more valuable. In this case, their criticism will be constructive and provide useful advice. Often criticism brings very valuable ideas and thoughts on how to do something better. People who speak their minds should be listened to.

But there are times when criticism is destructive for one reason or another. Perhaps they want you, or the person was simply not in an adequate state and you fell under his hot hand. We are all human and we cannot discount the so-called human factor. You always need to think whether this or that criticism was really constructive and whether it should be listened to at all. Logic will also help you understand the critic’s motives. You need to not only listen to criticism, but also be able to. In this case, it is necessary that will not necessarily coincide with the opinions of people around you.

Signs of unconstructive criticism

When you are criticized and carry only negativity and do not offer any alternatives- a clear sign of an unconstructive position, which can be easily equated to information noise and not react to it in any way. And phrases like “you’re doing something wrong”, “you won’t succeed” or “find normal work(in the sense that you are doing nonsense)” - all this can be safely called empty phrases, which you simply need to try not to pay attention to. Especially if these judgments are not based on objective facts.

Sometimes you can criticize out of envy or simply because they want you to be like the vast majority ordinary people. Sometimes unconstructive criticism can be driven by good intentions. However, we all know the popular wisdom that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

You just need to know that there will always be people, who will sincerely not like what you do. For example, there are aggressive opponents iPhone smartphones. Despite the fact that, objectively, the iPhone is traditionally what sets the bar for the entire smartphone market. No matter how cool what you do is, there will always be not only opponents, but even haters. This is fine.

For example, the creator of an affordable car Henry Ford at one time it was considered almost mentally ill. However, he did not pay attention to this criticism and continued to move purposefully towards his goals. You may be surrounded different points view and there may be different criticism. You should always see the rational grain in everything, and you should not react to empty emotions or outright nonsense.

So, destructive criticism- this is criticism that rather than helps the matter, it hinders it. Such criticism can be aimed at undermining your confidence in your abilities, humiliating you, and so on. Psychologists classify destructive criticism as a form of passive-aggressive behavior, and it can also become a form of manipulation.

For example, you were insulted in the expectation that you would take a defensive position, begin to make some mistakes, and maybe even soon abandon the new idea. Experienced psychologists They advise you to treat false and unfounded criticism without emotion and consider it as a form of manipulation of you. If you are swayed by emotions, you will be able to do what is expected of you. Restraint will help you avoid falling into an emotional spiral and will allow you to keep a cool head to make informed decisions.

In the end, we can assume that the person who criticizes you is not jealous at all and is not trying to manipulate you. Perhaps his judgment is fundamentally incorrect or he does not have complete information on one issue or another. In this situation, you should either ignore criticism or argue your point of view.

People who have chosen something a little unusual can often be subject to false criticism. life path. A simple person, seeing that you are different from him, may good intentions try to bring you back into the ranks of “normal” people like him. But who determines what is normal and what is not?

As a rule, we perceive criticism as a negative assessment of our activities, work, our personality or business. Criticism can be constructive or unconstructive, but whatever it is, it often remains painful for us. How to properly perceive criticism so that it gives us an impetus for development, and does not hurt our self-esteem?

How to learn to accept criticism

We must understand that we live in a world in which it is impossible to completely isolate ourselves from criticism and, sooner or later, everyone has to develop their own experience of its perception. And most importantly, we are criticized not only by our competitors, rivals and enemies, but also by those who truly love us, to whom we are not at all indifferent. First, parents and teachers criticize, then friends, loved ones, colleagues, and at the very end, rivals or enemies can criticize.

Types of criticism

Criticism happens constructive And unconstructive .

Unconstructive criticism - this is false information, which, as a rule, is based on envy, anger, greed, hostility, a one-sided vision of the world and man as such.

One should not pay attention to unconstructive criticism at all; I, in turn, upon detection constructive criticism I just sincerely feel sorry for this man and pray to God for him, so that he becomes kinder, and his negative energy does not affect me.

Critics who constantly criticize someone or something themselves live in hell already here on earth. Unfortunately, they don’t know how to enjoy life, and that’s why they get angry when others are happy and enjoying this life.
But there is other criticism, constructive.

Constructive criticism - this is truthful criticism, one that really corresponds to reality and truth.

Such criticism, as a rule, is extremely difficult for us. How to survive it? How should we perceive it? How can we make criticism, which is undoubtedly painful for us, become productive? How to learn to accept criticism addressed to you?

To accept or not to accept?

As a rule, when we hear comments addressed to us, each of us acts according to the same scenario. This happens instinctively:

The first reaction to criticism is negative . It’s very unpleasant for us; we want to immediately cut off this flow of reproaches.

Next we we reject everything said . It seems to us that the comments made are unfair, and instead of listening, accepting and understanding, we frantically search for an answer in our heads. What does it mean to answer?

After this, we still find what to answer and answer, that is, in fact, we justify ourselves , situation, products, time. We make excuses as to why this happened or why it couldn’t have happened otherwise, etc.

And most importantly, the fourth stage, since all other stages are done instinctively. At this stage we "digest" heard. There are two possible options here. First: we still reject criticism without thinking about it, and, as a result, we spoil the relationship with the one who criticizes us. The second way to criticize is to take control of our emotions and think about what we hear. We do this not in order to make things worse for ourselves, on the contrary, in order to fix something, if not now, then in the future. That is, in this way we transform information that is negative at first glance into useful for our own development.

We often face unfair criticism. It is extremely difficult to accept it calmly, because it is injustice towards oneself that a person endures extremely painfully. But responding to instincts by shouting and screaming is a destructive strategy. Then what should you do? First you need to work on your instant reaction. Not automatically responding to a stimulus is a sign of a very strong-willed person, but in our particular case, this approach will help cope with unconstructive criticism.

Working on the initial reaction

An immediate reaction to criticism is incredibly important - a lot will depend on how you behave. You can drag your opponent into a conflict or get out of the situation very competently.

Here are four steps to take to avoid saying too much in response:

Stay calm

It is very easy to lose your temper if you are unfairly accused and shower everyone with righteous anger, but at the same time significantly damage your reputation. Therefore, immediately after you have been subjected to unconstructive criticism, take a break and don’t think about anything. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. You'll think about it later.

Find your footing

Don't put pressure on yourself to find the most ideal answer, because most likely nothing useful will come to mind at that moment. Instead, use the old trick: calmly repeat the critical comment to the person to make sure you understood it correctly. Look the person straight in the eye and ask, “So what you mean is...” and convey the criticism in your own words. This way you will show him exactly how you perceived his words.

If his words really can be interpreted absurdly, then the criticism was unfounded. However, be careful to speak to the point and avoid the temptation to exaggerate what the person told you. For example, if he says that your sales system gives mediocre results, under no circumstances answer like this: “So you are saying that my sales strategy will ruin the company?” This response will put you on the defensive and show that you are being aggressive. Instead, make it clear that you genuinely want to get to the heart of the matter.

There are three ways to respond to unconstructive criticism:

• Respond aggressively and enter into conflict.
• Stay silent, feel depressed and harbor a grudge.
• Focus on your reaction and return the person's critical remark. You neither accept nor reject it.

Expand both points of view

The tactic of objectively repeating and returning a comment can irritate the critic and cause him to retreat. If so, then it's time to start a real constructive discussion. If you choose this method, then as often as possible start a phrase like this: “From my point of view...”, and when you feel that the person is ashamed of his criticism and his pride is hurt, you can use this phrase: “We have a misunderstanding. This happens to everyone, don’t worry.” This way you will not only gain respect, but also continue a constructive conversation. Also try to see the situation from his point of view. Perhaps he is right in some ways.

Stay polite

If, after you have returned the criticism back to the person, it comes back to you again, then it is time to buy some time for a good answer. You made it clear that you took the words exactly as they were intended. You can thank the person for the feedback, especially if it is your client. Don't be angry because it can swing the pendulum.

Of course, this is very difficult. You always want to respond rudely and with anger to a person who has unfairly accused you of something. However, such tactics have no advantages. Most The best way reactions - don't be offended at all. Set yourself up in such a way that you react to any criticism or even insult completely calmly: “What makes you think that I’m a fool?” Don't forget that if a person is angry and you are calm, it is noticeable to the public and people see who is who in reality.

Unconstructive criticism from the boss

If you are being criticized by your boss, then the problem becomes more complicated. Set up a one-on-one meeting with him and listen to him. Are you sure the criticism is not constructive? If you still understand that he is right, draw the appropriate conclusions.

If you are sure that you have been accused unfoundedly, remain tactful and express your point of view. Try not to make excuses, just tell him what you think about it. It is worth understanding that even if your boss realizes that he was wrong, this may hurt his pride. Therefore, try to smooth out the corners as much as possible and let him understand that there was simply a misunderstanding. Never convince your boss that he is wrong. It's no one's fault, it happens.

Moving the discussion into a constructive direction is the best way to deal with unfair criticism.

Increased self-esteem

Of course, after such criticism, your pride suffers. Even if you know you did everything right and don't deserve to be treated that way, your score may go down. Therefore, first of all, take care to increase confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Remember that the flaw lies in the other person's criticism and perception, not in you. You haven't gotten worse, you haven't received good feedback, which means there's no reason to worry. Practice and stay optimistic. Be aware that your skills are good enough and that criticism is unfounded.

We wish you good luck!

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Is criticism constructive?“Can I give you constructive criticism?” These are the six scariest words you can hear in your entire life. Partly because we each have our own idea of ​​constructiveness, and partly because no matter how well-meaning criticism may be, very few people are able to present it well.

And also because some people use it as a convenient excuse to pretend to be nice and lower your status a notch or two.

For one reason or another, criticism usually looks much more constructive from the point of view of the critic, rather than from the point of view of the person being criticized.

So is the expression " constructive criticism» internally contradictory?

I'll lay my cards on the table: I believe that criticism can be constructive. In fact, it is necessary if you want to become extraordinary. However, since criticism means many different things, I will start by explaining what I mean by its different types:

Constructive criticism

This is when someone has a certain opinion about your work or results and expresses it in a way that is helpful. Criticism can take the form useful advice(you are told what needs to be done) or simply thoughtful assessment (what to do next, in in this case you decide for yourself).

Constructive criticism can be both positive and negative (the critic may or may not like your work), and contain both praise and recommendations for improvement.

Here several features of constructive criticism:

• Objectivity- the critic clarifies his point of view without claiming to be omniscient.
• Specificity- detailed enough to understand exactly what the critic is talking about and what evaluation criteria he uses.
• Availability of examples- the critic supports his statements with specific examples.
• Relevant- the critic focuses on the essential aspects of your work.
• Takes into account nuances- the critic recognizes that the outcome can be measured in smaller units and there may be alternative methods of evaluation.
• Respect- the critic does not get personal, does not imply that you are a bad performer, and does not imply that you are capable of making the necessary improvements.

Whether constructive criticism is encouraging or not is up to you to decide. Of course, if someone praises you, you will most likely feel energized. But even if a critic exposes many mistakes and shortcomings, I would advise not to be discouraged, even if you are not in seventh heaven.

If criticism is truly constructive, it provides an opportunity to correct mistakes and improve. I can think of a few occasions when a critic respectfully but mercilessly “torn my work to shreds,” but when I left the room I was eager to move on to the prospects that opened before me.

One of your career goals should be to find good sources of constructive criticism. Like Feedback, it gives you an advantage, especially over those who are too selfish to accept any criticism.

Destructive criticism

This is when someone has a certain opinion, but either does not know how to express it correctly, or does not understand what he is talking about, or both.

I call this criticism destructive because of its effect: if you're not careful, it can seriously damage your motivation, creativity, and ability to learn. An equally accurate definition would be “incompetent criticism”: it speaks more about the mistakes of the critic, rather than of the criticized. If criticism is an art, the incompetent critic is an artist who can barely draw a stick figure.

Here typical features of destructive criticism:

• Bias- the critic speaks as if he is the bearer of the ultimate truth, and not a person who tends to make mistakes.
• Nebula- the work is rejected with vague formulations (“terrible”, “bad”, “no good”), without specifying what criteria the judgment is based on.
• Unsubstantiated- the critic does not illustrate his conclusions with specific examples.
• Not relevant- the critic introduces inappropriate criteria or focuses on unimportant aspects of the work.
• Sweepingness- general black-and-white judgments, non-recognition of gradation of quality and alternative points of view.
• Contempt- the critic is rude, aggressive, or does not show respect for the performer’s feelings.

If the incompetent critic is a reviewer, a heckler in the audience, or an internet troll, he can be ignored. However, if it's a boss or a client, you have a problem. Chapter 37 describes what to do then.

In our lives, we often encounter critical comments, and even more often unconstructive criticism. Of course, it is not easy to accept it calmly, because it is precisely unfair statements towards oneself that a person endures extremely painfully.

Instinctively, we defend ourselves from criticism with yelling, anger, and other negative emotions, and this is destructive to us and our health.

Each person can react to criticism completely differently. The reaction also depends on the person’s upbringing, on his individual characteristics character, his life experience. But in the end, we can summarize all the reactions and highlight three main ones. So, in response to criticism, a person can:

1. Show aggression, hostility and even enter into conflict.
2. To remain silent, at the same time feel depressed and harbor a grudge.
3. Focus on your reaction. You neither accept nor reject criticism.

“An enemy who reveals your mistakes is more useful to you than a friend who wants to hide them” © Leonardo da Vinci

How can you learn to calmly respond to criticism?

Your first reaction to criticism is truly incredibly important. You can drag your opponent into a conflict or get out of this unpleasant situation very competently.

To respond to criticism correctly, you need to remain calm.

It is very easy to lose your temper if you are unfairly accused and significantly damage your reputation. Take a break and take a few deep breaths, try to calm down and not think about anything. You'll think about it later.

Don’t look for perfect answers to criticism, because most likely at such a moment nothing useful will come to your mind. It's best to calmly repeat the critical comment to the person to make sure you understood it correctly. Look the person straight in the eye and ask, “So what you mean is...” and convey the criticism in your own words.

In your statements, be careful, speak to the point and avoid the temptation to exaggerate what the person told you. Let the person know that you sincerely want to get to the bottom of the matter.

In this way you will show him exactly how you perceived his words and this will be the most adequate first reaction to criticism.

The tactic of objectively repeating and returning criticism can drive the critic crazy and it's time to start a real constructive discussion.

Start your phrases something like this: “From my point of view...”, and when you feel that the person is ashamed of his unconstructive criticism and his pride is hurt, you can use this phrase: “We have a misunderstanding. This happens to everyone, don’t worry.”

Don't forget that if a person is furious and you are calm, this will be noticeable to others and your calm reaction to unconstructive criticism will only improve your reputation among your colleagues.

If, after you have returned the criticism back to the person, he returns to his words again, then it is time to buy some time for a good answer.

You shouldn't be offended by unconstructive criticism at all.

Set yourself up in such a way that you react to any criticism or even insult completely calmly: “What makes you think that I’m a fool?” Even if you now understand that you were accused without reason, still remain calm and tactfully express your point of view.

Try not to make excuses, just tell your opponent what you think about it. It is worth understanding that even if your critic understands that he was wrong, this may hurt his pride. If your boss criticizes you, try to smooth out the corners as much as possible and let him understand that there is simply a misunderstanding.

Of course, after such, and possibly unconstructive, criticism, your pride also suffers. Even if you know you did everything right and don't deserve to be treated that way, your self-confidence may suffer.

Take care to increase confidence in yourself and your abilities

Remember that the problem is the other person’s criticism and perception of your actions, not you as a person. You have become no worse or better, you did exactly what you thought was necessary to do.

Practice critical thinking to unconstructive criticism and remain optimistic. Draw the right conclusions and never doubt yourself. Be the best!