How to not be a shy person. Steps to Overcoming Shyness
Feelings of shyness, embarrassment and awkwardness can take anyone by surprise. This does not depend at all on whether you are an introvert or an extrovert by nature. Perhaps this happens more often with people of a more quiet and modest disposition, but in life anything can happen. And an extrovert can get into a situation that puts you in an awkward position and makes you feel shy. Shyness is very closely related to such feelings as awkwardness, excessive modesty, shyness, and constraint.
Where does this feeling come from?
As soon as you go out in public or find yourself in an unfamiliar circle of people, shyness overcomes you and you can’t do anything about it. You begin to experience it when your attention is excessively focused only on yourself. You track your every step, gesture, words, and begin to control all your actions. And it begins to seem to you that all the attention and glances of people are focused on you, and they notice your every flaw. Such narcissism causes excessive sensitivity to any words of others, and this makes you feel even more shy and constrained.
Let's look at the feeling of shyness with psychological point vision. This feeling is based on three components: excessive awkwardness, low self-esteem, negative self-attention. The feeling of awkwardness arises because you are constantly trying to control yourself everywhere and in everything, especially in the company of new people. Low self-esteem is formed from the fact that you see only your negative sides and traits. Negative self-attention is created in situations when you did something differently than you would like, made a mistake, made a mistake in public.
Is it possible to cope with shyness?
Coping is not only possible, but necessary. Below we will describe methods that will help you with this.
1. Understand the reasons for the formation of shyness
Observe this feeling, when it occurs, under what circumstances, why and how it manifests itself in you. Understanding yourself is the first and most important step to any change or improvement in life. The answers to these questions will become the basis for further work above oneself.
2. Give up the habit of constantly evaluating yourself
How I look, how I stand, what I say, do I behave this way, how do I look from the outside, and what others think about me... Constant control of yourself and the situation will keep you in constant tension and constraint. You will not be able to relax or communicate easily with other people. Nobody evaluates you; people, in fact, pay little attention to each other. Everyone is busy with their thoughts and themselves, and they don’t care about you. So you can breathe freely, no one is watching you closely. Instead, direct your attention inward. Just watch your thoughts.
3. Try to see your strengths
Undoubtedly, each of us has our own unique characteristics and qualities. Find them in yourself, look at yourself from the outside, what do you have that you could be proud of. This will help you improve your low self-esteem and restore your self-confidence. Focus your attention on your strengths until you realize your originality and uniqueness.
4. Learn to accept yourself
Only after you do this will you like yourself again. Stop self-criticism. Love yourself for being an individual, because there is no such person in the entire Universe, and there never will be again. Learn to like yourself, accept your body, your face with all its advantages and disadvantages.
5. Observe people
To shift your focus away from yourself, try to pay attention to the people around you, especially when you are in crowded places and a feeling of awkwardness creeps into you. During a conversation, be extremely attentive to what your interlocutor says, how he expresses his thoughts, and how he behaves in society. This will tell you how to behave.
6. Say only good things about yourself
It's no secret that any spoken word carries a certain energy that can influence you. What we often repeat about ourselves is what we become. This happens unconsciously. But you can make this process conscious by repeating some positive statements and affirmations. Gradually, it will take root in you and work for your benefit. If you tell yourself every day that you are sociable, courageous, active people who love to be around other people, it will happen. You will be able to verify their effectiveness and efficiency for your personal growth.
7. Pay attention to moments when you feel shy
After conversations, cases and different situations, where you were shy and felt awkward, analyze them. You need to learn to take advantage of each such moment, work through them in a way that reveals yourself. You can always turn a situation around to your advantage, using every mistake as an opportunity to work on yourself. Just be an observer of your feelings.
8. Don't be afraid when they tell you no.
Very often it is in such situations that a person feels awkward and shy. After a refusal, people are afraid to ask or ask for something again. However, you should not be afraid of refusals; it all depends on your attitude towards them. Do not take them painfully; be prepared that they may say no to your request. Absolutely everyone in this life is denied, and you are no exception. Learn to accept rejections and react calmly to them. No, no, ask someone else for what you need. Learn from this for yourself and draw conclusions. By the way, it would also be a good idea for you to learn how to refuse people in a gentle manner. Being trouble-free is a thankless task that is not valued by anyone.
9. Don't demand too much from yourself
When a person sets a high standard for himself and fails to cope with it, and as a result he will be disappointed in himself and his abilities. Set realistic goals that you can achieve. Every small victory will develop your self-confidence. Self-esteem will begin to grow, and then you will be able to achieve much more.
10. Don't compare yourself to other people
Everyone is good in their own special way. We are all created differently, and when you compare, you erase your individuality and uniqueness. The very desire to be like someone has a negative effect on you. New complexes and condemnations arise. You are beautiful exactly the way you were created, why should you be like anyone else.
11. Start performing in public
This is a great method to quickly overcome shyness. Learn to express your opinion, speak first among friends and acquaintances, then at meetings and meetings with strangers or unfamiliar people. You can continue to perform at large quantities of people. Just prepare your speech in advance to be sure. Meet new people, thanks to this you will develop your communication skills.
12. And lastly, be sure to complete the following task
Think, or better yet, write down somewhere all your successes, victories, achievements that you have had. When you write all this down, you will be surprised how much you have accomplished unnoticed. Return often to this list of your victories. This will restore your self-confidence. Shyness grows because you do not believe in yourself, that you are capable of much. But when you look at this list of successes, even if they are small, you will be pleased with yourself. And this is the most important thing. Love, value yourself, work on your qualities and fight complexes. And you will certainly succeed.
It is better to start solving a problem with analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel constrained. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” specify what kind of people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in authority.
When you break a problem down into parts, it seems more solvable.
Then try ranking the situations you wrote down in order of increasing anxiety (calling a stranger is likely less anxiety-inducing than speaking in front of an audience).
In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome increasingly difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.
2. Capture your strengths
Another list that will help you in the battle with embarrassment should concern your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is... Fight it mercilessly by reminding yourself of your own brilliance (this is not a joke).
Try to find the downside even to shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should also be used.
3. Decide on a goal
Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with your life, but you need to explain to yourself exactly how it interferes with you. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.
Even though I perform, write, and host a radio show, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to come out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I could ensure that my message was delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself. public performance and meeting new people.
Eric Holtzclaw
4. Exercise
Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life need to be systematically eradicated. All this applies to both sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.
- Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is launched in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go the opposite way and take actions opposite themes, to which you are accustomed. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Get into the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking your interlocutor a few questions.
- Talk to strangers. Try talking to someone at least once a day stranger(better with a random passerby). You'll likely never see him again, so feel free to sharpen your communication skills on him.
- In general, communicate more. Try to take every opportunity to connect with people. Tell jokes, agree to speak, say hello to people you often meet but never greet.
- Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party, but are afraid to approach him? Practice on people present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about getting to know each other, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the desired person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
- And always be prepared for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with your audience. This will give you confidence.
5. Focus on others
The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you are focused on another person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.
6. Try new things
Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will have a positive impact on your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can sign up for sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such activities help to relax.
7. Watch your body language
Making eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and holding a firm handshake communicate to others that you are confident and approachable. Moreover, with these signals you trick your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.
8. Say “no” less often
A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say “yes” to the opportunities that life presents.
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10. Don't advertise your shyness.
You should not concentrate your and other people's attention on the fact that you have problems with communication. This way you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the attitude that shyness is your permanent trait.
Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that it is an accident, talk about it frivolously, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never describe yourself to strangers as a shy person. Let them make up own opinion and notice your other, more interesting features.
Do you know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.
I have always felt that the habit of being shy limits me greatly. I don't like myself when I'm shy. After each embarrassment, my confidence crumbled and melted like April snow. And how can I stop being shy?
And then I learned that embarrassment is a way by which I shift responsibility for my life, for my successful development, from myself to some norms, decency, morals and beliefs that other people have come up with. Someone came up with decency and norms that limit me and do not allow me to live the life of my dreams, but I am happy to be shy and be content with little.
I noticed that mostly people are preoccupied with their own problems, and no one cares about my personal experiences, my shortcomings and embarrassment about this. And if so, then it is simply stupid and unreasonable to forbid yourself to live a full and rich life.
Watch a short video where I show an experiment that proves this:
And then I decided to get rid of the habit of being shy forever. Several techniques or methods that can help you too helped me stop being shy. Here they are.
1. How to stop being shy through interest in people
When surrounded by people, instead of thinking about how I look and how others evaluate me, I pay more attention to the people around me, to what and how they say. I'm listening carefully. I show my sincere participation. And my attention moves away from my clumsiness and awkwardness towards the merits of other people. And, of course, people feel and appreciate it.
2. How to stop being shy through focus on action
When I am completely absorbed in the process, when I am focused on the work that I am currently doing, then I forget about my shortcomings and what people might think about me. If I completely transfer my attention from myself to the matter that I am doing at the moment, then I simply do not have the opportunity to think about something else, for example, that I will make some kind of wrong impression on others.
On this topic, I liked Andrey Vydryk’s video about the path between the pits. When he rides a bicycle, he does not pay attention to ditches and stones, but is completely focused on the narrow strip of road along which he needs to ride. And he drives along it. And the pits are left behind.
A simple exercise to improve concentration is counting steps. I developed the habit of counting my steps. I count my steps when I leave the house, walk from the car to the office, or just walk the dog. Sometimes some crazy thought distracts me, I get lost and start over. And thus my attention is always sharpened, like a surgeon’s scalpel.
3. How to stop being shy about openness and transparency
I feel embarrassed when I hide something, when I hide something from people around me. As soon as I start talking about it myself, I immediately stop being ashamed of it. Moreover, you can start not with a live conversation, but with writing about it in personal diary. Then write about it on your blog. Then tell about it in social network. And by this moment it’s not at all scary or ashamed to talk about it everywhere.
4. How to stop being shy through p gaining self-esteem
The more I value myself, the less reason to be embarrassed. A simple way to constantly increase self-esteem is to say to yourself the phrase “I like myself.” Jack Canfield told me about this method in one of his books. As soon as I start repeating the phrase “I like myself,” my shoulders straighten, the top of my head stretches up, my smile lifts my cheeks! And in this state I can talk to anyone and about anything.
5. How to stop being shy with list of your successes
A great exercise for overcoming shyness is to make a list of 100 of your successes. I first did this exercise at Nikolai Latansky’s “Breakthrough to Success” training. Everyone has hundreds of successes, starting from the first “A” in school and right up to the ability to use the Internet and find the necessary knowledge there. Indeed, how much has already been done in life, how many results have been achieved... Such a list is useful to carry with you (I have it on my iPhone) and re-read in moments of doubt or uncertainty.
6. How to stop being shy gasping
When I start to worry or worry, I imagine that I am breathing through my eyes. I inhale through my eyes, then exhale through my eyes. I learned this from Zhenya Malinovsky, my yoga instructor. As soon as I relax my eyes and face, the whole body automatically relaxes, tension, excitement and anxiety go away. And as a result, it helps to stop being shy.
7. How to stop being shy through visualization
From time immemorial, visualization has been used by sorcerers and wizards. When I'm scared or embarrassed to do something or ask something, I imagine in my imagination how I do it, how I ask it. I imagine how well everything works out for me, how I smile and rejoice the desired result. This approach increases confidence, makes you feel powerful, and really works.
8. How to stop being shy action
As is known, The best way overcome fear - meet it halfway. It's the same here. I stop being shy as soon as I start acting. Inna Dekhant recently wrote excellently about this, calling it the 20 Seconds of Courage Principle. As soon as the desire arises to do something, say something or ask something, you need to do it immediately, within 20 seconds. Straightaway. Without analysis and plan. And then shyness is simply left behind.
9. How to stop being shy through going beyond the usual
I am a believer in habits and I know that the path to success is getting rid of inhibitory habits and acquiring promotional habits. But there is one habit that contradicts the very essence of habits - the habit of going beyond the usual. Sorry for the pun)))
The more often I do something unusual, the less fear and embarrassment remains!
And I want to end with a quote from my favorite classic Leo Tolstoy:
“Just tell yourself: in everything that happens, it is the will of God, and the will of God is always good. And you will not be ashamed of anything and your life will always be good.”
Please click "Like" or write in the comments what new things you learned about how to stop being shy.
Don't know how to stop being shy? Are you constantly blushing? We offer effective tips to combat shyness! Take note!
I want to talk to you today about such an interesting character trait as shyness!
For many, this is a problem and most finally dream stop being shy but doesn't know how...
So, let's go figure it out and put everything in its place! 😉
Our shyness very often prevents us from realizing our desires.
It is because of shyness that we are afraid to perform on stage, meet people and talk to our boss about.
By squeezing ourselves into certain boundaries, we prevent ourselves from becoming happy.
As a result of many restrictions, people develop various complexes.
Without once doing what we really want, we begin to regret, get angry and create even more different complexes.
The presence of complexes greatly affects the personal life of any person.
After all, he cannot meet beautiful girl because he considers himself scary.
He cannot ask what time it is from a stranger, because he considers himself annoying.
In this article we will try to loosen up, let out all our fears and concerns, let's finally let's overcome shyness!
Tip 1. You will overcome shyness when you realize all the moments in which shyness plays against you!
Remember the moments in your life when shyness played against you and did not allow you to enjoy the moment.For example, you passed by the girl of your dreams, did not learn to dance, did not perform on stage, etc.
Once you are fully aware of the moment, ask yourself, do you really want similar situations to happen again?
If the answer is no, then you are ready to move on to the second tip.
Tip 2. To stop being shy, you need to surround yourself only with confident people!
IN in this case The right environment is important for you!
What does it mean?
If you are surrounded by shy, downtrodden and undecided people, then you will become like that.
Even if you stand out from the general background by being less shy, you will still be shyer than relaxed people!
That’s why start communicating with people who sometimes do crazy things.
Even if at first you will be the most downtrodden in the company, do not be afraid, this will soon change.
Remember: it is better to be the worst of the best than to stand out from the worst!
But where can you find confident people?
Yes, anywhere!
You can meet them in clubs, at the gym, internet cafe or on a dating site.
Maybe there are confident people among your friends, but you just don’t communicate with them.
You can stop being shy thanks to people like this!
Tip 3. Want to overcome shyness? Start playing sports.
It was at this point that many began to think - how are sports and confidence connected?However, these are two inextricably linked things.
Playing sports develops fortitude and self-confidence.
Please note that many athletes eventually go into politics or become world-famous coaches.
So they have no shyness!
For example, if you are a fat, notorious lazy person, then you will not quickly gain self-confidence.
However, once you start playing sports and see the first glimpses of abs, you will become more confident, stop slouching and finally begin to slowly fight shyness! 😉
Many often do not agree on something or are simply afraid to go against public opinion.
Don't be afraid to speak up!
After all, perhaps it is your thoughts that are hidden that can lead humanity to world peace.
However, many people are not always ready to voice their ideas.
This happens mainly due to fear of the unknown.
After all, we don’t know how others might react to our thoughts: they might ridicule them, crush them with criticism, or consider them nonsense.
It is precisely this state of affairs that will cause 100% harm, and any undertakings will be abandoned.
Stop hiding your thoughts!
Don't be afraid to speak up and don't pay attention to criticism.
Remember, people used to be burned at the stake for just mentioning that the earth was round.
Now it's all around round earth fly spaceships and satellites.
Pessimists will never make confident people!However, our brain is designed in such a way that bad things are remembered much easier than good things.
Pessimists, before saying anything, will consider several bad options for the development of events and, after their “wise” thoughts, will not do anything!
If you really want overcome shyness, start looking at things optimistically.
For example, if you want to meet a beautiful girl, then feel free to meet her.
And when playing out possible events in your head, think not that she will send you away, but that she will fall head over heels in love at first sight! 😉
Able to overcome embarrassment.
Even in a situation where you have been turned away, do not be sad.
If the acquaintance failed, it doesn’t matter, the next one will definitely be positive.
This is how you gain self-confidence!!!
In order to stop being shy, you must feel important, and this will not happen without good self-esteem.If you value yourself, you will value your future.
Such thoughts will allow you to act as you see fit without regard to other people's opinions.
And success will finally help you get rid of the remnants of shyness!
And most importantly, don’t put off implementing the above tips, but start right now!
After all, the first advice is very easy to implement, and then all the rest will follow! 🙂
But shyness begins in childhood...
We also look at advice from a famous psychologist:
how to overcome shyness?
I hope this article helped you understand some options for solving the problem!
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Of course, it would be much worse if people were not embarrassed at all. But everything should be in moderation. It is believed that this trait is established in childhood. But not necessarily embedded in early age stays with forever. Influenced environment, various circumstances the child may not.
How can an adult stop being shy?
To answer this question, you need to find the reason. Why are adults shy? And those who are shy themselves can explain this to us best.
They most often say: “I won’t succeed,” “I can’t,” “I can’t handle it,” “I don’t know,” “I don’t know how.” Shy people lack self-confidence, they are overcome by fears, and they program themselves in advance for failure. For some reason they consider themselves worse than those around them and therefore are afraid of strangers.
But, if you look at it, the abilities of shy people are much higher than those of those around them. It turns out interestingly, some have very weak abilities, but they achieve great success, while others are very capable, but they never achieved anything.
So what's the secret?
Never lose your enthusiasm and presence of mind. If we, in infancy, after the first fall, had stopped trying to walk on our own and started thinking how funny we looked at that moment when we fell, we would not have learned to walk.
In order to stop being shy, don’t be afraid to make mistakes! Not after the first defeat, do not think about what others will say about you, take criticism calmly.
Analyze your failure and move on towards your goal. A lot of famous and successful people were shy, but they benefited from this quality. Thank God that getting rid of shyness does not require surgery.
There are many ways to get rid of shyness.
Firstly: you need to think less that you will definitely find yourself in some stupid situation.
Secondly: you should always try to be in public, not withdraw into yourself, communicate more with strangers.
Thirdly: always remember: everything that happens to you is your personal business, and the opinion of others is only their opinion, and it has nothing to do with you, and does not affect your personal in any way.
And most importantly, ask yourself: what could you achieve in your life if you weren’t shy? Try all these rules. After all, you are no longer a shy person - are you?!