Perverted narcissists, psychopaths. The narcissist knows your weaknesses and keeps you in limbo.

created based on materials from two YouTube channels.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCruHGkgUgOZNVCOo8JHQQtA
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCB7LCzHOUccsEnPBUsUzbkw
This is not an advertisement, I don’t know these people, just useful information.

"Keep track of how often you have been in the victim state today.

keep track of whether you are the master of your life now or a victim.

there is no need to try, you need to take it and do it.

if you see a narcissist in every man, this is solely your internal reading of the people around you. if you are slipping into depression, you must fill your life so much with activity, color and interests that you do not have time to sit in depression".

What to do with these narcissists and with yourself?

1. isolate yourself from him as quickly as possible. break all contacts. This best way. If you stay, it’s unrealistic to leave a long-term relationship completely healthy.
2. if you decide to stay, take responsibility for staying and that you will be used and not considered a living person. you will be devalued, exalted, devalued, violated personal boundaries and used manipulation. yours emotional state will stagger.
3. always think, who benefits from this? Do I benefit from what he wants from me? many victims try to please narcissists, and this is the problem of the victim, not the narcissist. the narcissist simply asserts himself at the expense of those who are trying to please him, and for several years you have demonstrated to him that at your expense he can feel like a king. if you don’t hit him on the wrist, over time he will become more and more selfish, because his needs grow and his appetites have no bottom.
4. Recognize and change the behavior patterns that cause you to constantly stumble upon narcissists. Usually the victim unknowingly exhibits the behavior that narcissists are drawn to. Also analyze your childhood: what model of behavior was formed by your parents.
5. do not compare them with others in favor of these others - this will cause anger and later revenge. narcissists fear comparisons. Very.
6. Narcissists are afraid of losing their superpowers to manipulate you. It’s better not to resist, but to cunningly play along, forgetting about them as soon as they leave the room. Narcissists are afraid of the feeling of shame and if you immerse them in this feeling, you can get rid of them in full.
7. Observe yourself from the outside so that everything that the narcissist tells you is passed through not through emotions, but through analysis - why did he say this, what are his true motives.

8. Do not compete with other women for the narcissist and especially do not show him that you are competing for his attention with someone else. no one will get it. rather, even the one who wins it will be the most unfortunate.
9. which you attribute to narcissists. for example, he never does anything for you. narcissists only do things for you when there is some benefit. the rest of the time they spit on you, and you make assumptions about why they have changed so much and do not notice you.
10. Read about narcissists to stay informed.
11. Narcissists don't change and don't expect them to. get rid of this illusion. Moreover, he did something bad to you from the very beginning, and you allowed him to do it. only it probably wasn't so painful at first. but it was.
12. Remember what red flags you missed at the beginning of the relationship. There is no such thing as “at first everything was fine, and then it started.” it was not okay, but you stubbornly did not notice it. the victim teaches the narcissist from the very beginning that she is a victim. Additionally, you can answer yourself the question, why did you choose to close your eyes? find the secret benefits that you are hooked on.
13. The narcissist doesn’t trust anyone, so everything he told you “in secret” is some kind of manipulation.
14. everything they say to you in a fit of criticism (narcissists love to criticize everyone) is a projection of what is inside them and what they are afraid of in themselves. This doesn't apply to you.
15. You can hint that you understand who is in front of you, but carefully. “Do you want everyone to like you?”... then the narcissist will do everything to please you or will move away.
16. A pronounced demonstrative disregard does not help. On the contrary, they will come at you. It’s easier to pretend that you like him and everything is ok.
17. You can get rid of a narcissist if you disgust him.
18. You don’t need to worry about him. first learn to worry about yourself and live your own life happily. there is no need to be afraid of offending him by saying “you are rude to me.” instead, develop the confidence that you are not allowed to be rude. because if you are not sure that you should not be rude, the narcissist sees this well and will not accept attempts to persuade him not to be rude to you. he must clearly understand that after the first rudeness you will leave and no longer communicate with him.
19. Stop filming the Supernatural series about yourself. all signs, miracles, identical thoughts, telepathy, etc. are add-ons and the result of psychological processing. he can't see through walls or read your thoughts. everything is much simpler - he somewhere learned what he is telling you or has studied you too well and knows your reactions, knows how to provoke certain illusions in you.
20. do not allow them to violate your boundaries and take credit for your successes. talk about it constantly. discuss how you can and cannot work with you.
21. Only codependent partners can live next to narcissists for a long time, so instead of endlessly analyzing him, analyze your personality type.
22. Don't blame yourself because no matter what a narcissist tells you, they are always talking about themselves. the phrase “you’re a bad cook” is not intended to accuse you of failure, but to exalt yourself against your background. There is no need to take everything personally and fall into the position of a worthless victim. they never talk about you - even if they talk about you.
23. don't try to leave. if you decide to leave, you get up and leave. Victims and codependent people try, the strong get up and leave.

This article required to read for those who are in relationships with the most dangerous type of men - narcissists. Studies have shown that 10% of girls already at the age of 20 had contact with a narcissist. Both men and women are narcissists and they have certain characteristics.

Knight in shining armor Duke Narcissus.

Narcissist is easy man, who can be loved because they will seem confident, stable and ready to support us at any time. However, they often themselves create the situation from which you need to be “rescued.” This type of man is not uncommon, but they disguise themselves.

Daffodils artfully break all your usual supports that saved you before meeting them, so you have no choice but to turn to them for help. This is how you fall into their trap.

You're slowly but surely getting tight dependent from a narcissist. There is a feeling that you are not you can take care of yourself yourself, thereby strengthening your attachment.

The narcissist loves not you, but himself in the reflection of your eyes

You start to feel like it's just the two of you against the world.

The first step in the game of alienation is to create a Romeo and Juliet prototype connection with you, you begin feel, that it's you two against the world. Gradually you become paranoid, thinking that others want to make you unhappy, trying to harm you and separate you from your loved one.

Only with Romeo you can be happy and he saves you from these evil people who are trying to offend you. Main goal narcissus - so that you stayed only with him, therefore, if you hear from your man a good reason for phrases in style, then this is the first bell:

“Don’t talk to her, she’s not your friend, spend more time with me and not with your friends”

No, this is the ringing of bells, which means that you have met. The manipulator creates such an atmosphere that you begin to feel that he is the only one you can truly trust. Actually this is not true.

We've all been in relationships where we start to neglect old friendships, but if you're in a relationship with a narcissist... you may lose not only friends, but also family. One of the goals that a narcissistic man has is deprive you all so that you have time only for him, he will not spare even your family. By isolating you from everyone, they take away your resources and support, making you more dependent. They may even tell others that you are crazy or unstable.

The narcissist knows your weaknesses and keeps you in in limbo

Narcissus knows your weaknesses therefore, he uses against you what will hurt you as much as possible, in order to destroy everything that you value. For example, you hear phrases such as “If people knew you as well as I do, they would never communicate with you. You would be disgusted by them” or “If you do this, then I will take your children away from you”, “These people don’t like you, they are good, but you are not”, “Only I treat you well, others will wipe their feet on you "

Narcissists love to keep in limbo, and always give you an aggravating feeling of guilt. Do you know what you are good man, but you always do something wrong, for which you are constantly reprimanded. Just give the narcissist a reason to criticize you, believe me, he will not miss it.

The narcissistic personality is absorbed in the contemplation of his own beauty, his own importance or his own suffering and, with the help of a psychoanalyst, savors it rapturously, sitting comfortably on a bed of sadness.

Confusion and self-doubt

All these manipulations start small and get worse and worse. A narcissistic man does everything to make you think that everything is fine, to tire out your self-preservation instincts and you will not see that there really is a problem. You start to notice that something's wrong, but the narcissist does everything to make you think what you think.

If you make accusations against a narcissist, they will shift the blame onto you. As a result, you will have thoughts: “It’s not he who is bad, but me,” “I was the first to start the conflict, he was only defending himself.” When this happens, it means gone process of internal destruction. The purpose of this game is to confuse you so that you start doubting yourself. When this happens, you have lost and lost yourself.

You won’t be able to find any logical explanation for some of your partner’s actions - yesterday he said that you have a beautiful new dress that fit you like a glove, and the next day he declares that it makes you look fat, and it didn’t stop you from losing weight in order to against its background does not appear like a gray mouse. You will be kept in limbo so that you will completely lose your way.

Narcissists distract your attention

The final and most skillful element of the narcissist's manipulation is abstraction. They intelligently direct your attention in the direction that is beneficial to them. They act as skillfully as magicians.

Narcissus distracts you from important problems and leads you astray, directing your attention in the direction that it benefits him. Such actions lead to the feeling that your conversations and problems have no meaning.

How to recognize and break free from the influence of a narcissist

Take care of yourself, develop your personality.This is important in any relationship - develop your personality, do not lose close friends, no matter what, do what you love and do not give up on your goals.

Do what makes you feel you stronger, conquer the peaks, even if they tell you that you can’t handle it, and when you succeed, be sure to praise yourself. If you become a strong personality, then you will be able to resist the narcissist at an early stage and even not allow such a person to approach you at the dating stage.

If you have already fallen under the influence of such a person, then fight, you will be led astray, humiliated and manipulated, but you can handle it.

Analyze your partner's strange actions

To fully understand the situation, you need to keep in mind all the points that have been described above. Analyze your partner’s strange actions if, while reading the article, you found out your partner or friend, then you need to save yourself.

Pay close attention to your safety and emotional and physical health. Trust in this matter is an important factor, listen to yourself, which will help you recognize a narcissist.

How to break free from a narcissist's influence

If you recognize a narcissist, then it is not enough to just take care of yourself. It is necessary to fight it. He will leave and then return (they always come back), manipulating you, blaming you for all your troubles, threatening you, feeling that they are losing control over you.

You are dependent in this relationship, you need to admit this, as soon as you accept this, then your treatment will begin from this stage. Read, which will tell you how to realize and get rid of codependency. There is also a situation when your partner is not only a narcissist, but also

If you can't cope on your own, then there is no shame in ask for help. If your boyfriend/girlfriend finds himself in this situation, then you can save him and isolate him from the narcissist, but this will not be easy. The narcissist will do whatever it takes to get rid of you, to deal with him you will have to really want to help.

The Myth of Narcissus

Even the ancients had a story about a narcissistic young man. The instructive story tells about a pretty young man - Narcissus, who was in search of love. He had such a high opinion of his beauty that he even refused the beautiful nymph Echo. Soon after this, Narcissus accidentally noticed his reflection on the water. Unable to take his eyes off the picturesque face, he remained frozen in one place. Subsequently, a flower of the same name grew there, reminiscent of excessive self-love.

Thanks to the myth, egocentricity, which is destructive for a person, received a sonorous name. The collective image of a narcissistic and arrogant personality is ideally embodied in ancient legend. The short parable captured the essence of the pretentious and distorted self-perception that is common to all narcissists. Let us consider the phenomenon of narcissism in more detail.

Is narcissism a syndrome?

First of all, this is a complex mental disorder that causes harm not only to the “carrier”, but also to others. The matter is not limited to just inflated self-esteem and an inadequate need for people’s admiration. A person really thinks that he is superior to others (even relatives and partners). A narcissist demands special attention and royal privileges. He behaves arrogantly in society and treats its participants with contempt. Beginning in adolescence, the self-adoration of such people subsequently goes beyond all boundaries. A person develops obsessive fantasies about imaginary greatness. And high self-esteem does not justify this. For narcissists, it is rather inflated, not necessarily based on specific achievements in life.

The spectrum of mental disorder is quite large: from the “normal” narcissist to a pathological disease. The phenomenon can be classified as follows:

1. Constructive narcissism

This type of disorder is classified as so-called “healthy” manifestations. The need for dominance, communication and attention, one way or another, is characteristic of many of us. And it is not at all necessary to accuse all public people (athletes, politicians or actors) of excessive narcissism in advance. It is quite possible that a person simply wants to reveal his talent, help society, and realize healthy ambitions. The only exceptions are those people who achieve a high position in society in order to dominate others. By the way, this is the most common type of narcissism.

2. Vulnerable narcissism

This type of disorder is somewhat less studied because its representatives are difficult to identify. Behind a social mask and ostentatious bravado, they hide low self-esteem and mental vulnerability. Unlike the constructive type, vulnerable narcissists are afraid to show themselves in public: their sensitivity to criticism is too high. However, like the self-obsession of loved ones. Even phlegmatic and inconspicuous guys believe in their uniqueness and do not allow any doubts about it. However, they are easier to upset than public narcissists. Their self-esteem is shaky.

3. Narcissistic personality disorder

The extreme degree of development of narcissism is its pathological form (NPD). In this case, a person’s egoism goes beyond all moral boundaries. The behavior of a narcissist is akin to the habits of some wild animal. He easily makes reckless and immoral decisions, reacts aggressively to fair comments, and distorts even obvious facts in his favor. Such self-affirmation at the expense of others brings a lot of suffering to the loved ones and partners of the narcissist.

Narcissism and its symptoms

You can put together a number of factors that in one way or another influence the formation of a narcissistic personality:

1. Genetic factors (heredity really matters);

2. Biological (in individuals with NPD, scientists have discovered a lack of gray matter in the area of ​​the brain responsible for emotional behavior);

3. Social (if a strict parenting style can give impetus to the development of hidden narcissism, then constant praise - constructive type illnesses).

Excessive sensitivity, experiences of violence, family problems or permissiveness can also cause the development of the disorder. The onset of the disease can be determined by characteristic features:

- grandiose conceit and illusion of one’s own exclusivity;

- a sense of superiority and, as a result, a tendency to exploit others;

- absence of the slightest feeling of guilt for the heinous acts committed.

The narcissist skillfully devalues ​​others, and at the same time idealizes himself. This brings him some peace of mind. He is really concerned about his own image in the eyes of others, and does not allow criticism of it. He is in constant search of values ​​and status things that confirm his reputation as an exceptionally highly developed person. This is a supporter of bohemians, the elite class. A priori, a narcissist must be able to break any rules. All orders of a powerful person must be carried out unquestioningly, and motives must not be questioned. This is his credo.

At the same time, a person’s self-esteem may be unstable and fragile. The protective redoubts of the grandiose Ego sometimes so obscure the real personality that a person himself cannot understand himself.

Perverse narcissism and its treatment

Not every narcissist will make a mess if he is somehow offended. Many people with signs of NPD try to fight their disease. However, there is also a category of people who are truly dangerous to society. They are called perverted narcissists. A feature of the psyche of such children is a tendency to moral violence in all its forms. Abuse is often accompanied by a distortion of the present state of affairs. By constantly turning the words and arguments of a partner inside out, a perverted narcissist can easily drive him to suicide.

At the same time, they do not choose weak or inherently complex people as victims. Perverted narcissists are interested in successful representatives of the human race, full of health and strength. They squeeze their juices out so much that the victims still for many years psychological trauma has to be healed. Despite good camouflage skills, a perverted maniac can be identified by the following signs:

- negative attitude towards former partners, shifting responsibility for the breakup onto their shoulders;

- inability to admit one’s mistakes, as well as a tendency to judge and criticize others;

- the narcissist’s persistent desire to live together, to tie a partner to himself;

— visible deterioration in well-being, problems with psychosomatics after the start of a relationship with a perverted vampire;

- skillful imitation of human emotions along with the manifestation of reactions more likely to be characteristic of an animal or a psychopath;

- pathological envy coupled with a thirst for appropriation;

- taking pleasure in the suffering of others;

- conscious position of the victim to develop a guilt complex in the partner;

- denial of reality, avoidance of responsibility.

The goal of a perverted narcissist is to make others love him more than himself. Like a leech, it attaches itself to a person’s energy. At the first stage of the relationship, he uses the tactics of the “candy-flower period.” Treats you to your favorite dishes and gives valuable gifts. However, the feeling of inner insignificance, desperate envy and the illusion of one’s own greatness take their toll over time. Negative feelings ice shower spill out on the “beloved” person. Communication becomes terrible, respect for the personality of the other disappears somewhere, and behavior becomes inexplicable from the point of view of ordinary logic. Instead of a loving partner, a ruthless monster appears.

Such a drastic change is necessary for the narcissist to make his victim feel guilty about what is happening. The methodical destruction of a partner's self-esteem, his humiliation and declassification are only occasionally replaced by outbursts of a complacent mood. These short-term “honeymoon” revivals are needed only to keep the partner close, to form codependency.

Then comes the second stage of unhealthy relationships: the narcissist actively uses mental blocks and insidious tactics. Coldness in relationships, irrational attacks of anger, torture by silence, threats of separation, ridicule of the partner’s sensitivity, demonstrative non-compliance with one’s obligations, accusations of dramatization - all this is in the arsenal of a perverted maniac. He seeks to depersonalize a previously healthy human personality in order to completely subjugate it to himself.

Narcissism in women

The excessive ambition of women with NPD is immediately noticeable. They spend an enormous amount of time and money on caring for themselves and treat their partners with conscientiousness. They try to choose caring and sensitive men for themselves, so that they can then mercilessly exploit them. They have absolutely no respect for them, they almost directly call them rags. At the same time, they don’t consider it necessary to earn their own living; they look for sponsors. One more distinctive feature Female narcissism can be considered problems in relationships with their own children. There is no true love between mother and child. Women often demand too much and do not rest on their laurels. Parental narcissism does not bring joy to children in life. Men, at first, admire their arrogant ladies.

Narcissism in men

If you look at the statistics, NPD is more often observed in men. It all starts in adolescence and then progresses slowly and surely. The peak of the disorder usually occurs after 35, when a person achieves high status in society. He gets the opportunity to assert himself and prove his exclusivity to everyone around him. Male narcissists openly use their women to climb the social ladder. In borderline forms of the disease, they become domestic tyrants and moral abusers. However, by doing so, the two-faced guys only bring the moment of their loneliness closer. Not every woman can withstand their regime.

Narcissism and forms of its treatment

Since we have already dealt with the behavioral patterns and key symptoms of NPD, we will now present ways to treat it. The difficulty with the latter is that narcissists rarely turn to professional psychologists. They have difficulty admitting that they have problems. Most often, these guys come to the appointment because of a conflict with their partner. An experienced clinician will quickly recognize the behavior of a narcissist while observing their interactions.

Another reality that psychologists have to come to terms with is the impossibility of radical personality change. In the process of therapy, it is only possible to change a person’s attitude towards his own behavior, to open his eyes to the damage being done to all parties. Treatment can be considered successful if the client begins to better understand his meager emotions and discuss them with others. Learns to take responsibility, abandons exorbitant and unrealistic goals. Tolerant of strangers and own mistakes, takes criticism adequately. However, bypassing the narcissist's defensive posture is very difficult to achieve. Sometimes you have to play giveaway - to demonstrate your respect in every possible way to regulate a person’s self-esteem.

Treatment should take both individual and group forms. During group therapy, the patient learns to perceive and respect human dignity.

Narcissism and personality transformation

Freud wrote about pathological self-love in a negative aspect at the beginning of the century. Narcissism in psychoanalysis was viewed exclusively pejoratively: the patient was denied the opportunity for successful therapy due to his emotional impenetrability. In other words, they put an end to the person’s personality and rejected the person. Narcissism, according to Freud, has long served as a fundamental basis for psychological research, but further practice has shown the master’s judgments to be erroneous. Scientists have identified key disturbances in the interaction between the ego and the true personality, and have been able to classify mental disorders more structurally. Narcissism began to be considered not only in clinical psychiatry, but also in ordinary psychoanalytic offices.

Professionals have begun to recognize the objective reactions of a person with NPD who has gone through certain traumatic experiences. Determining a person's true identity allowed therapists to talk about the possibility of personality transformation. Moreover, modern world initially sets unrealistic standards that undermine the human psyche. Nowadays you need to be smart, rich, forever young, etc. to keep up with the times. The inability to be perfect undermines self-esteem and provokes mental problems in a person. Social media They may not directly cause narcissism, but they contribute in every possible way to its development. The narcissist, like any other person, gets an excellent opportunity for self-expression. At the same time, the level of his protection on the Internet increases many times: he can erase a negative comment or remove an unwanted interlocutor at any time. Low empathy finds its justification in virtual etiquette. And the show is exclusively positive aspects contributes to the consolidation of the disease.

Despite the fact that doctors now allow the treatment of mental disorders, internal self-improvement and transformation of a person is often an overwhelming task for him. A conscious and strong desire of the narcissist himself is necessary in order to achieve significant success in this direction.

sirin_from_shrm The four most common narcissistic games

Much has been said about the fact that creating “triangles” (triangulation) is one of the favorite forms of manipulation, which is often used by narcissists and people with personality disorders of group B. However, I think that in any relationship it is important to learn to identify at an early stage signs and warning signs that indicate behavior characteristic of narcissists or sociopaths. In this way, we will protect ourselves from exploitation and abuse and will be able to make informed decisions about who we want to spend our lives with, and we will also be able to set appropriate boundaries that will help us avoid negative influence toxic interactions.
I will describe four of the most common triangulation techniques used by narcissists and narcopaths and the motivations behind them.

Narcissists and narcopaths are very observant. They can smell a person's generosity and caring tendencies the same way a white shark in the ocean can smell a drop of blood from a mile away. Daffodils are observant and skilled predators. They control and exploit their partners... and not only their partners - they do this to everyone they come into contact with, playing on the weaknesses of others. This is why the love bombing phase is so important to the narcissist's success. No matter how confident and self-assured you are at the beginning of a relationship, from the constant attention, flattery and “love” that the narcissist showers you with “to the tips of his toes”, you are both literally and figuratively thrown off balance and become vulnerable by default.
You never entered into relationships with narcissists specifically to be abused and controlled. You were deceived into believing that you were loved, you were blinded by your own love, which is what made you a perfect target for manipulation and abuse.

Triangulation can be regarded as mediated communication in which one person acts as an intermediary between two others. To manipulate his victim, the intermediary (usually a narcissist) will invent, change or falsify the information conveyed, usually including some truth. There may be as many reasons why narcissists resort to triangulation as there are narcissists. But I'll tell you about four of the most common techniques and what motivates them.

1. Two with one blow. The narcissist needs control and craves adoration. To achieve this, he tells his partner as a third party - for example, a mutual friend, colleague, etc. - flirted with him. This stranger is brought into the relationship to hit two with one blow! Firstly, cause jealousy and uncertainty in the partner and subtly hint: “we don’t have anyone who is irreplaceable!” Unconsciously, the partner “tries to improve himself” in order to please the narcissist and become indispensable to him. Secondly, it creates the illusion of popularity and demand and sets the stage for competition between two providers of narcissistic supply. In this way, the narcissist not only “binds” the supplier to himself, he also increases control over him. Emotionally healthy people do not flirt with third parties or try to create feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partners and in the relationship, because they know that this is inappropriate in a serious relationship.

2. Recruitment of supporters. Another function of triangulation - the ability to control a partner, convincing him to agree with the narcissist's point of view or force the partner to satisfy narcissistic needs - is to attract a third party as a follower, a supporter of the narcissist in bullying (intimidation). Narcissists try to control their partner's opinions and beliefs by resorting to confirmation own opinion to the help of a third party, who, of course, knows the situation solely from the narcissist’s words. The narcissist must win and will use every person and his entire tactical arsenal to gain the upper hand. The third party is usually unaware of this and is “just trying to help” the narcissist. Typically, this role is assigned to a relative or one of his fans, whom the narcissist uses as a tool to convince, confuse or guilt the partner, forcing him to believe in the futility of his own actions and submit to the narcissist. Emotionally healthy relationships partners in a couple do not involve third parties and do not use intermediaries to resolve disagreements. They talk to each other. They do not use the power of someone else's authority to influence their partner and force them to follow their instructions. They respect each other and their relationship, and if they cannot agree, they seek a competent, impartial third party, such as a therapist or lawyer.

3. Separation. This method of triangulation involves pitting two people against each other, while the narcissist works behind their backs to undermine their reputation (one or both at once). The narcissist resorts to this method either just for fun, to control information, or to place himself in the spotlight and maintain his own impeccable image and look positive compared to the other two sides of the triangle. Or he wants to protect himself by presenting himself as the victim in the relationship when he feels that the partner is tired of his games and cruelty, thus he will pit one partner against the other and set the stage for a smear campaign about his marriage. Typically, the role of supporter is chosen by someone who, as the narcissist is sure, will always agree with him. Thus, he receives the support of a third party, portraying his partner as an abuser or a “deviant person.” To prevent communication between the supporter and the “bad partner,” the narcissist conveys distorted information to the partner that the supporter allegedly said about him and vice versa. This triangulation tactic also gives the narcissist greater power as he controls the flow of information and the interpretation of information. Everyone becomes isolated on the narcissist rather than communicating with each other, which gives the narcissist a good dose of resource. Emotionally healthy people do everything they can to create peace and harmony in their lives. None normal person does not support hostility and does not provoke the creation of chaos. Emotionally healthy people also do not enjoy spreading slanderous rumors about people behind their backs or sharing what others say about them.

4. Rejection & disposal. This triangulation tactic is used by the narcissist at the stage when he is about to end the relationship. Instead of talking about it with his partner, he tells other acquaintances so that they can hear the story from his lips in his interpretation. Sometimes he even attracts people who barely know their partner, if at all. The narcissist tells his partner about a conversation with strangers who agreed with him: the relationship has reached a dead end. Most likely, one of these “trusted persons” will be the one who replaces the current partner. After a breakup, the narcissist will openly brag about how happy he is in his new relationship. And if the ex-partner begins to be jealous or spy on the narcissist, the latter will enjoy a new version of the “love triangle” he created with his own hands. It goes without saying that emotionally healthy people do not tell third parties about such an important issue as ending a relationship without first discussing it with their partner. It also goes without saying that emotionally healthy people don't brag about new partners immediately after starting a relationship because it embarrasses them, and healthy people don't get into new relationships as quickly.

In judo there is a technique in which an athlete strangles an opponent by grabbing his neck, arm and legs - this grip is shaped like a triangle. This technique cuts off blood flow from the carotid artery to the brain, causing the wrestler to faint or even die if he remains in the hold long enough. He must either free himself from the triangle hold or the referee must stop the fight. If you notice any warning signs in your partner's behavior, think about how to get out of the relationship. You may not be able to cope, but how wonderful it is when toxic people leave our lives, and along with them, anxiety, depression and hopelessness go away!

Narcissism syndrome has become widespread among people, regardless of their age and gender, and has also become one of the most pressing problems in the field of psychology and psychotherapy. This phenomenon is caused by a personality disorder and can be corrected through preventive measures and targeted treatment using various tactics.

Narcissism - what is it?

Narcissism is a manifestation of human character in the form of excessive narcissism and overly inflated self-esteem. Those with this syndrome have a strong and changeable emotional background and an unrealistic perception of themselves. As a result, there may be increased attention or pathological love towards oneself, the desire for superiority in everything and among everyone.

Narcissists are selfish and envious, unable to sympathize and empathize, and need praise and recognition from others. But, despite all the negative aspects, people with this syndrome try to hide their helplessness, uncertainty and insecurity, and protect their fragile self-esteem from external influences. So, how to recognize narcissists in society?

Signs of Narcissism

Symptoms of narcissism are varied in nature. In this regard, they highlight the most common signs of the syndrome:

• An exaggerated sense of one’s importance (importance).
• Demanding increased admiration from others.
• Zero or strong reaction to criticism.
• A passionate desire to gain wealth, power, beauty, coolness and love.
• Confidence in one's own uniqueness and specialness.
• Lack of compassion and guilt.
• Envy and a contrived feeling of envy from others.
• Demonstration of non-existent achievements and success (boastfulness).
• Excessive self-confidence.
• Taking a defensive position.
• Arrogant attitude (behavior) and ambition.
• Sometimes malicious banter and insults.
• Showing anger and rage in controversial situations.
• Pursuit of mercantile interests.
• Fear of one's own inferiority.
• Masking one's negative sides and focusing on the shortcomings of others.

Pay attention! We can talk about narcissism only when a person exhibits 5 or more signs of the syndrome.

Reasons

The emergence of narcissism syndrome can be due to three main reasons:

• Anatomical.
• Psychological.
• Children's.

Anatomical reasons characterized by the following changes in the brain:

• thickening of the cortex;
• thickening of the outer shell;
• low activity in the place where empathy is formed;
• reduction of gray matter in the area responsible for compassion.

Additional information. Physical abnormalities in the brain that indicate signs of narcissism can be detected through MRI.

Psychological reasons are:

• low self-esteem;
• presence of a mental disorder (schizophrenia or similar);
• changed value system (media influence, etc.);
• unhealthy fanaticism, passionate idol worship;
• dependence on other people's opinions;
• psychological trauma;
• excessive care and cultivation of a sense of uniqueness.

Children's reasons occurrence of the syndrome (provoked by parents):

• inappropriate upbringing in childhood (permissiveness, pampering, idealization and frequent praise);
• lack of discipline in the child (what is not allowed and what can be done);
• parents’ refusal to develop healthy self-esteem in their child;
• lack of approval and support from parents (the child tries to earn it);
• standards of behavior imposed by parents through distortion of facts, due to which the child develops denial and defense mechanisms.

Important! Most often, narcissism syndrome develops in those who were deprived of parental approval and support in childhood.

Narcissism in psychology

Due to a damaged ego and impaired self-identity, narcissists often have difficulty communicating with other people, which leads to problems in their personal lives. It is difficult to cooperate, make friends and build love with those with the syndrome. According to psychologists, people with narcissistic tendencies are divided into 2 types:

• Classic narcissists (narcissists). Convinced of their own irresistibility, importance and genius. They do a favor by treating everyone condescendingly - allowing them to be admired, unrequitedly cared for and served.
• Insecure narcissists. They feel special and at the same time doubt everything constantly. They need regular attention and admiration from others. This type of narcissist most often includes stars who are trying to get rid of feelings of uselessness and lack of demand.

Endowed with narcissism syndrome, a person received in the past psychological trauma and mobilized internal resources to form a kind of halo around his person in order to create a false impression of importance and superiority.

Often people suffering from narcissism have an unkind attitude towards elders, children, animals and other animate objects that have the ability to concentrate attention on themselves. At the same time, those with the disorder can skillfully disguise their attitude towards the above-mentioned creatures, but they will not help them - this will reveal the narcissist.

It's important to remember that narcissists rarely care what they think. He is perceived exclusively as a gray mass, capable of listening to the narrator with interest. Carriers of the syndrome monitor their health with particular trepidation and demand a similar attitude from others.

Narcissism syndrome: how is it formed? (video)

The video talks about narcissism syndrome. What is he like? For what reasons does it occur? How does it manifest itself? And how to deal with this disorder.

Manifestations of narcissism in men and women

Features of the narcissistic syndrome manifest themselves differently in men and women.

Men with such a disorder they try to mobilize their strength to achieve only one goal - to become significant in their eyes and to others. This desire will help you achieve success in your career and gain material goods- Satisfy your ambitions. Having achieved the desired result, narcissistic men do not rejoice for long. After some time, they are faced with emptiness. As a result, desires and aspirations begin to grow exponentially.

It should be noted that up to 35 years of age, men with narcissism syndrome do not experience much anxiety due to the constant addition to the list of goals and tasks that require implementation. It’s just that with age they begin to feel more and more unhappy. Problems related to building relationships with other people, including family members, come to the fore. Outbursts of aggression may occur. Such a man acquires the title of domestic tyrant.

Narcissistic women They are also ambitious. Problems may arise in establishing contact with children due to excessive demands. Disappointment is also inevitable due to the fact that the child did not live up to expectations. It is noteworthy that such women quite often choose a calm and caring man as their life partner, whom they do not consider necessary to respect.

The situation is most complicated when each spouse is a carrier of the syndrome. In this situation, they will not be able to avoid the constant struggle for the title of the best of the best. Frequent sarcastic remarks and harsh criticism will quickly destroy the relationship between spouses, putting an end to the marriage.

Pay attention! Narcissism syndrome occurs more often in men than in women.

Diagnostics

Narcissism syndrome does not pose any serious danger, although it does cause some discomfort to others. If the disorder causes a lot of problems for the carrier, it is necessary to contact a psychotherapist for diagnostic measures. This will allow you to quickly begin to eliminate the disease.

Regardless of the causes of narcissism, first specialists conduct a physical diagnosis - they try to identify pathologies. If there are none, the specialist interviews the patient. Answers to questions and accompanying behaviors will help identify signs of the syndrome. Symptoms of narcissism can also be identified through special questionnaires or tests.

Most often, narcissism is quite easy to identify. Those with the syndrome are unsuccessful in many areas of life, and denial of the existing disharmony only strengthens the doctor’s suspicion. When communicating with patients, you should take into account their unique and harsh attitude towards criticism. In most cases, it is not the owner of the disorder who seeks help, but his relatives. Their detailed descriptions help the doctor form a picture of the patient.

A mandatory point when diagnosing narcissism syndrome is the exclusion of other disorders:

• antisocial (presence of alcohol, drug addiction);
• hysterical (using others and uncompromising manipulation);
• borderline (presence of anxiety and suicidal tendencies).

Treatment of narcissism syndrome

Before starting treatment, it is necessary to find an approach to the patient. Patients often take a defensive position when communicating with a doctor and demonstrate in every possible way control over the narcissism syndrome. Only a worthy specialist with a reputation and impressive appearance, and who also works in an elite clinic, can win them over. The arrogant attitude towards other employees of the institution will continue.

Another approach to treatment is that the doctor accepts the patient's superiority, but does not show leniency towards him. The specialist’s task is to regulate the patient’s self-esteem. The medical staff is guaranteed to show the necessary attention and respect.

Therapeutic measures to eliminate the disorder are determined by the doctor in each specific case. The following types of treatment are common:

• Individual.
• Group.

Individual therapy – work of a specialist with a patient one on one. The doctor must be able to recognize the signs of narcissism and be savvy in psychology. It is necessary to exclude criticism of the patient and recognize his importance in order to avoid injury to self-esteem. The doctor's expression of sympathy is inappropriate.

Group therapy is aimed at developing healthy self-esteem in patients and recognition of others as individuals. First, the therapist teaches the patient how to show empathy for other group members. With this treatment option, the specialist seems less authoritative - the patients’ anxiety and aggression begin to be controlled. The doctor’s task is to reveal the essence of the disease, and the patient’s task is not to leave the group during the revelation.

Narcissism is a personality mental disorder in which the narcissist believes himself to be the center around which everyone should revolve, and if this is not the case, the narcissist seeks new company in which he is a star, and people, like mirrors, reflect his grandeur.

What is a narcissist?

Ancient Greek myths are reflected in many mental personality disorders. Narcissism as a disorder in psychology was first described by S. Freud, a Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist. The name of Narcissus, a young man who fell in love with his reflection, became a common noun for a disorder called narcissism. A narcissist is a narcissistic person with inflated self-esteem and self-esteem; such children, men or women consider themselves the smartest, most beautiful and the best in everything. In dealing with others, the narcissist is arrogant and arrogant.

At their core, narcissists are neurotics, and if healthy narcissism is an integral part of an infant’s learning to love his body, then malignant narcissism is already a pathology. Conventionally, narcissists can be divided into two types: self-confident (the classic narcissistic type) and insecure. Both types crave admiration and recognition, but if a confident narcissist realizes that he is admired, then an insecure narcissist, even if he is in a crowd of admirers, feels useless. Confident narcissists include many successful people in high-level positions.

Signs of Narcissism

N. Schwartz-Salant in his book “Narcissism and the transformation of the narcissistic personality” devotes great value research into the phenomenon of narcissism, and if previously it was believed that this disorder is not amenable to psychological correction due to a special narcissistic armor-defense, then work aimed at merging with one’s identity as a person suffering from narcissism brings good results. The following signs allow a psychologist to suspect a “narcissist” in a client, which a person conveys through speech and behavior:

• demands to himself increased attention and approval;
• fantasizes a lot, fantasy themes often relate to fame, money, success with the opposite sex;
• envies other people's achievements;
• broadcasts his superiority over others;
• absent ;
• demonstrative behavior;
• focused on the shortcomings of others, does not accept criticism of himself.

Narcissism in men

They immediately attract the attention of others, wherever they are, and it’s not about beauty, although narcissistic men are confident in their irresistibility. There is a certain capriciousness in them, which essentially repels rather than attracts, so it is difficult for them to interact with society; people try to avoid true narcissists. You can’t listen to them again and all “I!” Yes, “I am!”, sometimes they also say about others, but with envy and negative statements. A woman who falls in love with this “capricious prince” will be greatly disappointed.

Who is a male narcissist according to the description, signs:

• It is important for him to shine and bask in the rays of glory, to shine everywhere;
• confident in his own grandiosity;
• , and greatness itself is a beautiful bright candy wrapper, with emptiness inside;
• tries to stand out from others with his appearance and bright clothes;
• crave endless applause;
• pay great attention to their appearance, the mirror is their second “I”, they are generally attracted to any mirror surfaces where they can admire themselves;
• They need women as their admirers, serious relationship avoid, keep their distance.

Narcissism in women

Narcissism, as a mental personality disorder, is also characteristic of the fair sex, and, oddly enough, nature itself encourages them to do so. For a woman to win the attention of a man, it is important to look great, and sometimes it is so addictive that you want to look in the mirror endlessly. But this does not always mean a manifestation of narcissism. How to recognize narcissism in the gentle half of humanity:

• her own appearance is the most important thing for her;
• infantile position in life - such women are rarely independent and earn their own money, they find male sponsors who support them;
• consumer attitude towards men, and in general towards loved ones and other people;
• often suffers;
• if a narcissistic woman becomes a mother, this is a great test for both, just as the narcissistic mother is cold and makes high demands on the child, the child suffers from a lack of maternal warmth.

Narcissism in children

Children's narcissism often manifests itself in the child's desire to manipulate and shift attention from others to himself. You should be wary and consult a specialist if the following manifestations of narcissism are observed in the child’s behavior:

• treats others as nonentities, with arrogance;
• shows aggression, likes to humiliate weaker and younger people;
• gathers an audience around him and brags, trying to arouse the admiration of other children and classmates;
• can provide “ostentatious” help to someone in need so that everyone can see and say what a great guy he/she is.

Narcissism - types

Narcissism comes in several forms, and it does not always become a disorder, being a variant of the norm. Forms of narcissism are usually divided into:

1. Normal– characteristic of each individual in the process mental development, the child gets to know himself through love for his body, then, growing up, chooses an object for love from environment. With normal personality development, this form of narcissistic self-unity does not violate the ability to adequately relate to oneself and others.
2. Pathological- ambivalent image of one’s “I”. A feeling of worthlessness, low self-esteem and a demand from others for constant confirmation of their importance, while there is a feeling of their grandiosity that others do not want to notice.
3. Malignant– love for another is impossible, it distracts from love for oneself.

Another classification of types of narcissism:

• constructive;
• destructive;
• perverse;
• deficient.

Deficit narcissism

A narcissist is a person, whether male or female, who is internally an insecure boy or girl in need of protection. Deficit narcissism is a form of constructive narcissism and manifests itself as an inability to be a holistic person. Self-esteem is inadequate, a deficient narcissist does not know how to realistically evaluate himself, he lacks autonomy, which gives rise to the inability to defend his views and have independent judgments. They seek approval for their actions and actions.

Perverse narcissism

This type of narcissism (pervertere - inverted) is pathological, and people suffering from this type of disorder can be called psychopaths. Communication with them should be extremely careful and limited. Perverted narcissism in a man or woman manifests itself as follows:

• do not take into account the opinions of others;
• use information received from another person in a distorted, defamatory form;
• They - energy vampires, and communication with them de-energizes the interlocutor;
• all the people around are pawns, they assert themselves at the expense of others;
• they are alexithymic - insensitive, frozen, but can perfectly imitate strong feelings while remaining cold;
• arrogant, a sense of superiority over others despite one’s own mediocrity or even mediocrity.

Depressive narcissism

In this case we're talking about about the depression that people with narcissistic disorder periodically experience. Narcissistic person, characteristics depressive state, which D.M. Švrakic called narcissistic “weakness” in this type of mental disorder:

1. Depression of defeat– a state when the narcissist understands that he is not an achiever, unlike others. Feelings of anger and envy.
2. Going into isolation– at the same time, feelings arise: anger and devaluation.
3. "Empty interval"- the narcissist experiences boredom and a feeling of emptiness, the narcissist’s “grandiose self” seeks new object for operation. A vicious narcissistic circle is formed.

Cerebral narcissism

The concept of narcissism includes multiple facets of manifestations and forms. A cerebral narcissist is a person who considers himself a highly intelligent person; if he is a man, then he is a misogynist and more often than not asexual. Women are needed to be reflectors of his glory. Sex for this type of narcissist is a simple mechanical action, without intimacy and commitment, but as a source for increasing the narcissistic resource.

Grandiose narcissism

Who is called a grandiose narcissist in psychology? There are vulnerable and grandiose narcissists, the former constantly doubting with low self-esteem, the latter with a sense of grandiosity and high self-esteem, and conspicuous overconfidence. The narcissism of grandiose narcissists is off the charts, they love to exploit others and cause feelings of jealousy in their sexual partners.

Clinical narcissism

Clinical narcissism includes all pathological and malignant forms of narcissism - essentially pathological mental personality disorders. Narcissism is most clinically manifested in relationships. If one of the partners suffers from narcissism, there can be no question of a full-fledged relationship. The narcissist always “pulls the blanket” on himself.

Secondary narcissism

In contrast to primary, healthy narcissism, which, according to S. Freud, is the natural development of personality in infancy, secondary narcissism is a disorder that essentially represents regression, defense mechanism or a turn of the psyche, libido 180° back to itself. Secondary narcissism is a pathology that is difficult to correct psychologically.

Causes of narcissism

Perfectionism and narcissism often go hand in hand; deep down, the narcissist is afraid of failure, so it is better for him not to show any activity other than demonstrative behavior. There are many reasons for the development of a narcissistic personality in a person. Biological reasons:

• in the area of ​​the brain responsible for empathy and emotions, activity is reduced;

• thickened cerebral cortex;
• The gray matter of the brain is underdeveloped.

Psychological reasons:

• parental hypo- or hyperprotection;
• inadequate assessment of oneself;
• destructively formed “I-concept”;
• sexual violence;
• various types of psychotrauma;
• excessive demands from parents;
• excessive praise and lack of criticism for the child’s unseemly actions.

Stages of narcissism

The development of narcissism according to S. Freud involves 6 stages:

1. The first year of a child's life, when at his first signal, they take care of him, feed him, swaddle him and make the baby feel like the center of the Universe. This is primary or healthy narcissism.
2. Second year of life– parents look at everything the child does with admiration or scold, feedback very important. If parents often react with anger, a narcissism deficit occurs.
3. Third year of life– constant admiration of the child and admiration alone (this often happens in an incomplete family) cultivates an excess of narcissism in the child.
4. Adolescence– the period when the previously laid narcissism begins to clearly manifest itself. A teenager concentrates on his body - if it is ideal, then the world around him is ideal.
5. Adult life. Narcissism is still undergoing changes; a person sees himself as the center of the world and everyone around him is obliged to him.
6. Final stage. People with healthy narcissism are not afraid of old age and body changes, but pathological narcissists are very afraid of old age, become depressed, and live in the past.