How to learn not to depend on the opinions of others and be yourself. People don't pay attention to you as often as you think

How to stop reacting to other people's actions

Good time. We can control all our feelings. Do you know how to stop paying attention to the opinions of others? If someone tries to hurt us, we have a chance to choose how we respond. Don't get angry at another person because they did something bad. Try to be calm. This article describes how to achieve this.

You should always remember that other people do things that have nothing to do with you. Each person only projects his inner world into objective reality.

Some people feel, talk, think. Others accept all this information.

1. How to see it?

If you understand that your actions are not related to other people, it will be easier for you to understand the idea described above.

For example, if you feel good but someone around you is sad, you will still think positively. You may not even notice that the person next to you is feeling unwell. Now imagine that you are sad, and next to you is a very happy person. You will be angry with him. You may try to ruin his mood, even if he is in a good mood. This happens because you feel bad.

In these two cases, you are projecting your state onto another person, although your initial mood has nothing to do with him.

If you obsess over people who feel the opposite way, it will be difficult to ignore them.

This idea does not exclude the possibility that some people are capable of abusing your psychological habit. Perhaps they will provoke you into aggression. But most people do not have this goal. They just say what they think. And you need to detach yourself from their feelings.

Nobody can control you. There is no person who can change your perception. Your brain is on your territory.

Your inner world consists of the experiences that you have accumulated throughout your life. It allows you to look at society from a certain perspective. You take all the information that comes into your head and interpret it so that it is consistent with your beliefs. Other people have nothing to do with this process at all. Your consciousness controls habits, behavior, criticism, pain. This is all just a projection of your inner world. If someone else provokes you, you can remain calm.

2. Good news

If you understand this theory, you can improve your life. If you hurt another person, it is not their fault. You can say that someone deserves punishment, but he only deserved it in your inner world. You have control over your consciousness, you must use this property.

3. Kill the cycle

We live in a very reactionary world. One person says something, and the other immediately reacts. A cycle appears that leads to sad consequences. More and more people are participating in this system. Something very bad could happen.

If you see that someone is provoking you into aggression, do not respond in kind. Just ignore this person and go about your business. You will save your time if you don't let it influence you.

Of course, this cannot be applied to certain situations in which you must protect yourself or a loved one.

4. Practice

The next time someone starts yelling at you, remain calm. If you start yelling back, things will only get worse. But if you answer in a calm tone, this person will feel a little ashamed. You will immediately see how quickly he will switch to normal communication. Maybe he'll just leave.

Now you know 4 ways to react to others and be calm at the same time. Share them with your friends, practice them in life and watch how it changes. Good luck with your training! See you in the next article.

It seems that everyone you meet deliberately wants to hurt you - push you, look at you disapprovingly. You feel like you're being targeted. And you kind of understand that you can’t please everyone. But reproaches do not allow you to breathe easy. Are gentle and kind people really doomed to suffer? How can we put up a shield so that condemnation cannot break through and wound the heart? How not to depend on other people's opinions?

You can’t take a step without looking back. And people just try to inject. It is bitter and insulting to receive a negative assessment. And you kind of understand that you can’t please everyone. But reproaches do not allow you to breathe easy. Are gentle and kind people really doomed to suffer? How can we put up a shield so that condemnation cannot break through and wound the heart? ?

This article is not going to teach you not to care what others think. We will talk about what unconscious processes govern a person who is afraid of any comments addressed to him. Understanding the underlying causes of a problem means doing the most important step to liberation from shackles. The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan will help you gain inner core and self-confidence, even if your opinion differs from the judgments of others.

How to stop depending on the opinions of others for the most fragile and vulnerable

It seems that everyone you meet deliberately wants to hurt you - push you, look at you disapprovingly. You feel like you're being targeted. Even a turtle has a protective shell, but a sensitive person has nothing to hide from negative impact from outside.

This is how nature intended - some people do not have “claws”. They are very sensitive to the opinions of others about themselves. But they have their own special techniques to succeed in life and stop feeling constant danger from other people. To do this, you first need to understand your characteristics.

The desire to please, to be liked, to receive praise comes from childhood and is natural for a child with an anal vector. He is dependent on the opinion of the main person in his life - his mother. However, the mother does not always understand how important praise is for the child, and therefore she rarely praises. But without receiving evaluation from the mother for a job well done, without receiving approval from her, the child becomes unsure of himself. He experiences fear of doing something wrong, fear of making a mistake. In the presence of an emotional visual vector, all experiences receive a special emotional intensity.

“Mom will love you if you clean the room quickly.” “Of course, go for a walk! “I don’t mean anything to you if you can leave when mom has a fever.”. Mom's small manipulations lead to big ones psychological problems child in the future, up to the “good boy/girl complex”. If you do not recognize the problem, the relationship of an adult person with society will be built according to the same infantile model.

A person values ​​quality in everything. And he makes the same demands on himself. He wants to be the best, do everything perfectly, have an impeccable reputation, family, and be known as a professional in his field. His natural desire is to be respected at home and at work. If he is not appreciated, his whole life seems to go wrong.

The owner naturally strives to touch the heartstrings of those around him; he wants to be the brightest and most impressive, loved by everyone. But if, according to a child’s algorithm, you want to be good for everyone as an adult, then difficulties arise. Such people treat any criticism very sensitively. For them, this is a manifestation of the dislike of others. And this is unbearable.

How can you not depend on the opinions of others and align your inner state?

The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan shows that every person has natural desires. By implementing them for the benefit of society, we get a feeling of inner comfort and joy of life.

But often we don’t know our desires and rush around at random in search of the right path. To gain at least some support in life, owners of the anal vector ask others for advice. They treat their elders with special respect life experience. Even when choosing new boots, they want an expert opinion: “What would you recommend?”.

But no one except ourselves can tell us what to do with our own lives. After all, each “helper” looks through the prism of his values ​​and desires, and they may have nothing to do with your desires.

Thus, blindly following the advice of a mother with a skin vector will lead a person with the properties of an anal vector to a joyless dead end. A fast, resourceful, dexterous mother, wanting the best, but focusing only on her abilities, will advise you to become a lawyer, economist or entrepreneur. Whereas a person with an anal vector does not have any internal resources for these professions, and such work will only bring him stress and a feeling of worthlessness.

When we understand ourselves, we cease to be plasticine in the hands of others. We choose our path unerringly, relying on accurate knowledge of ourselves and the human psyche as a whole.

What to do with your opinion?

Owners of the anal-visual ligament vectors consider themselves soft and incapable of simply saying “no,” even if they don’t want to agree at all. With this internal state life flows under the slogan: “I will do as you say. Just don’t judge me!”.

This is due to two natural characteristics of such people:

owners of the anal vector are afraid of disgracing themselves,

Those with the visual are the most fearful of all; at the root of all their fears is the fear of death.

Unconscious fears rule us. You can change the situation by realizing your fear and realizing the potential of your innate properties.

When a person does not go against his nature, he can express himself as effectively as possible for society and himself. For example, a person with the anal vector, who has excellent memory, diligence and attentiveness, does not go to work as a sales manager, following advice, but becomes an analyst, teacher or artist following an inner call. If he studies, acquires skills and becomes more and more good specialist in a field that suits him by nature, he is not stupefied by the fear of disgracing himself.

Those with a visual vector are born with a fear of death. They are not able to give a tough fight back. But they have their own means of achieving internal comfort - realizing themselves in culture. Yuri Burlan, at the “System-Vector Psychology” training, reveals that culture appeared thanks to people with a particularly sensitive soul.

Visual people, experiencing fear for their lives, managed to transform it into sympathy for others. They are the first who learned to feel compassion, rather than hostility, towards another person. They teach this to all of humanity to this day - through their creativity, medical and charitable assistance. When there is a big goal, all efforts are devoted to its implementation. The ability to help someone and the joy of self-realization leaves no room for fear of those who do not understand either themselves or anyone else.

A clear idea of ​​life, other people and oneself is formed at the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. And then the question of how to stop no longer bothers you.

Those who completed the training talk about how they freed themselves from the fear of doing something wrong:

“I was no longer bothered by other people’s opinions and fears of “what people will think.” The habit of mentally justifying yourself to someone, explaining, painfully proving has disappeared. Such internal dialogues took me so many sleepless nights, they simply exhausted me.

“I gave myself permission to live, even if I made mistakes, the excellent student complex is slowly gluing my fins together! And I carried it on myself for as long as I can remember.

I am slowly freeing myself from the fear of what people will think or say about me. I went to learn competitive swimming (I dreamed of it for many years, but was afraid). Because Now I don’t focus on other people’s opinions, there is no tension, and everything works out the first time!

I took out brushes and paints that had been abandoned after art a hundred years ago and began to paint. Previously, there was always a fear that I wouldn’t do it beautifully, I wouldn’t do it well, so I didn’t even sit down. And now I sit down and enjoy the process.”

Critics and brawlers

You can build joyful relationships with most people. But there are also those from whom you really need to be able to protect yourself.

It happens that the owners of the anal vector, created to pass on skills and abilities to younger generations, did not have adequate conditions for development, did not receive proper education. Such people continue to stubbornly stand on their limited idea of ​​​​how it should be, without delving into the essence of the issue. Then the main thing for them is not to “clear the fly of ointment from the ointment,” but, on the contrary, to criticize, denigrate and devalue.

Arguing with such people is like butting heads with an oak tree. Understanding that for a person, criticism is the only way to temporarily relieve tension, you can not take his attacks seriously.

Another category of people dangerous to health are those with an oral vector who failed to develop and acquired. Such people can put others under extreme stress. Their scream is like an injection of adrenaline. Some people fall into a stupor from him, others flee. Having acquired the skill of systems thinking, you will be able to avoid unwanted contact by anticipating the danger in advance.

How to choose your path in life

Experience the taste of pleasure from fulfilling your desires. Without tinsel and your own old traumas. Awareness of your own characteristics and the principles of human-human interaction will allow you to consciously choose your path through life and enjoy every moment of it.

“Before, at the whim of the boss, of course, unreasonable, I fell into a stupor, the meaninglessness, unappreciation, undiscovered OWN HUGE potential was instantly covered with a copper basin, I waited for someone to knock on my copper basin and apologize, then I could leave. Surprises now happen when I create them for myself.

It's not even a matter of total control over each step, but in understanding, simple awareness of possible results, just a couple of steps forward.”

“My own thinking appeared, and codependency on people, on their opinions and moods disappeared. And even those whom I, in my opinion, were unworthy of, became very pale and pale, and a craving for completely different people and events appeared. I think it just increased my self-esteem, which was sorely lacking all these years.

Some childish naivety and immaturity have gone away, and confidence has emerged that something can be changed in better side. Relationships with people in general have improved. My relationship with my mother has become better: she finally realized that I am a different person, unlike her. I think my behavior has changed and, as a result, her reaction to me has changed.”

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

We always worry what will others think of us, since it is directly related to our perception of ourselves as individuals. Other people's opinions really affect us in various situations, be it refusing alcohol during a party or deciding to work on ourselves and become more confident.

Often our choices - for example, choosing a job, choosing a significant other - and our actions are limited due to the fear of judgment and criticism from other people. This phenomenon poses a serious problem for many of us. Therefore, in this article we will look at effective ways, how to ignore what others think.

Why do we pay attention to other people's opinions?

Sometimes it's useful pay attention to the opinions of others. That part of our consciousness that is afraid of condemnation often protects us from bad actions. If we didn't care about those around us, we could, for example, run naked around the shops. Agree, this is very useful protective function our consciousness.

The reason why we pay attention to other people's opinions is that our perception of ourselves is based on the good or bad judgments of other people about us.

Because we think that part of our personality is how others see us (funny, “cool,” confident, shy), we strive to protect this part so that our personality does not suffer.

However, your personality is not what others think of you, it is... it is simply you. And if you are doing something that makes you feel guilty, then you should pay attention to it.

Stop caring what other people think

Hardly possible at all stop paying attention to the opinions of others. It is also unlikely that their opinion brings only harm. We are social creatures, and the reactions of others to our actions (for example, if we behave very stupidly) help us understand that we could behave more correctly.

But the problem of excessive worry and dependence on the opinions of others remains relevant for thousands of people. Having solved this problem, many of us would remove from ourselves all those restrictions that really are obstacles to a full, interesting life.

Imagine how different the world would be if we could all start doing the things we really want to do, become the people we want to become, and live the lives we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we could all participate in creating it... and that really is the purpose of existence.

The question arises: how not to depend on other people's opinions?

So, let's get down to action...

How to learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others?

1. Stop making up problems.

If your every action is accompanied by thoughts " what will others think?", then know: you are not the navel of the Earth, at least for those around you for sure. Most likely, in most cases you think that people judge you, although in reality they don’t care. You yourself do not form a detailed opinion about everyone you meet person, right?

Most The best way test it - try to go a little outside the usual and do something that is not entirely typical for you, and see how other people react. Most likely, only your friends and acquaintances will pay attention to and comment on your actions, but strangers will not care.

2. Put things into perspective

To people who never think about what others will say about them, this problem may seem strange or far-fetched. The fact is that as soon as you begin to closely examine such “problems”, you immediately understand that they are not worth such attention.
We only live once, and are you ready to let other people's thoughts ruin your life?
It would be stupid, wouldn't you agree?

Along with the fact that life is too short to worry about such things, there is another reason don't pay attention to other people's opinions: Their views change over time.

Suppose at some point in time people make fun of you because you wear yellow sneakers. You decide that this was the last time you wore them and you will never wear them again. What if the opinion of the person who laughed at you changes, and he himself starts wearing yellow shoes? Will you wear your sneakers again?

Or another example of dependence on other people’s opinions: a high school student was bullied because of his long hair, but six months later the fashion for haircuts changed and many guys in the class (including those who bullied him) grew long hair themselves.

People change their opinions, and what they think of you now may not matter in the future. You're not going to wait for fashion to change so that only people can consider you modern and cool? We hope that examples like this will help you understand the situation and put everything into perspective. You should not depend on other people's opinions!

3. Be confident

It seems that in almost any situation we not indifferent to the attitude of others. So how can you not depend on other people's opinions? Maybe we should try to reduce those times when we think about judgment from the outside? It is quite possible. The point is simply to be more confident in your decisions and actions.

Have you ever seen a person who, for example, dressed strangely or behaved differently from everyone else, and at the same time he would be perceived normally and not judged?

If you're wearing yellow shoes and you feel visibly uncomfortable in them, then people will understand and make fun of you - because they feel your awkwardness and, most likely, they will want to assert themselves in this way at your expense.

However, if you proud and confident If you walk around in these shoes, completely oblivious to other people's comments, then you will see that most people (if not all) will not even think about making fun of you. Thus, your dependence on other people's opinions will be minimal.

4. Learn to control your feelings

Once you begin to overcome the limitations that hold you back, or simply try become more confident, of course, you will immediately begin to be overcome by a variety of feelings, ranging from stress, anxiety and fear, right up to relief and joy. This state can be like a real roller coaster; It is very important here to be able to cope with such an influx of emotions.

Here simple steps that will help you with this:
Be aware of exactly what feeling you are experiencing at the moment - for example, fear or anxiety
Watch your emotions
Notice that as you observe your emotions, they are no longer a part of you.
Watch these emotions fade away
Once you can observe your emotions and feelings, you can separate yourself from them, it will be easier for you to cope with them. And you will learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others.

5. Accept yourself for who you are

If you constantly judge yourself, then you will undoubtedly think that those around you are also far from better opinion about you. Often the root cause of this is self-created beliefs that there is something wrong with you. Accepting yourself is not so easy, but it really helps solve the problem.

First of all, think about what exactly you don’t like about yourself and write it down on paper point by point. Now, look at these points and see if any of them can be changed. For example, if you are thin and don't like it, think about ways you can gain weight and gain weight. However, if you would like to be taller, you cannot change it. In such cases, think that things could be worse. So, if your height is 170 cm and you don’t like it, think about what it would be like for you if your height were two meters or even 150 cm. Your height may not be ideal, but there are people with more “non-ideal” height .

But such things only help for a while; if you constantly look for flaws in others or think about what else to change in yourself, then it will be very difficult for you accept yourself as you are.

Over time, you will begin to understand how unimportant the things you were previously so worried about turned out to be, you will begin to relate to everything more simply and stop worrying about trifles.

What's next?

The best way cope with dependence on other people's opinions- is to try to change your way of thinking and focus on different (more important) areas of your own life, and not on constantly worrying about what others will think of you. Life is too short to waste time on empty worries.

How often do we pay attention to other people's opinions? Yes, almost always. It is very rare to meet a person for whom conversations about him on the side would go unnoticed. It’s just that most people try not to show it, but in their hearts they worry. The opinion on the side can be different - positive or negative. In the first case, of course, pleasant sensations arise. Everyone wants to be liked by others. But in the second case, grief, anger, and sometimes hatred immediately arises.

So, is it possible to overcome dependence on other people’s opinions? For what reasons does one pay attention to rumors, advice and conversations, while the other really doesn’t care? Did he simply decide to ignore the ratings of strangers? How can you not care about other people's ratings?

How to stop depending on other people's opinions

Most of us depend on the opinions of others and try to live so that no one judges, scolds or whispers behind our backs. But we always try to deny this kind of dependence, not pay attention and assert: “Yes, I meant their conversations!”, “Let them tell themselves, I don’t care,” etc. But in reality everything is completely different. We carefully monitor who says what about us. And if we hear unpleasant things, then naturally we get upset. According to psychologists, most often the opinion of others “hurts” people with a depressed sense of “I”, who pay more attention to outside conversations, advice, etc.

When addiction occurs

It is not difficult to agree that dependence on the assessment of strangers occurs in people with weak character, by will. Such types, as a rule, are not able to gain self-confidence, make decisions, or take responsibility for actions and words. They are easily influenced by strangers - more strong-willed, stronger, more decisive. But everything would be fine if such exposure did not affect a person’s quality of life.

1. A person loses his “I”. Many people have encountered this situation. If not from your own example, then from someone else’s example, they noticed that a person cannot show his character, express own opinion under the pressure of external circumstances, that is, the opinions of outsiders. All this leads to the fact that the individual is practically unable to build his life based on his own plans and intentions.
2. Having submitted once, twice, three times to the assessment and advice of others, a person ceases to rely only on his own preferences. Out of habit, he waits for what others will say and cannot do anything without someone else’s opinion. That is, everyone around him directs him to the very “true path,” but without their opinion he simply wanders in the dark.
3. Parents' opinions are law! Since childhood, the child could not take independent decisions, his dad and mom did everything for him. That is, from childhood they are attached to the assessment of others, but cannot learn to draw their own conclusions, since they are not able to contradict adults. The same applies to other family members - older brother, sister, aunt, uncle, etc.
4. Peer pressure. Getting into kindergarten The child, indecisive and subject to pressure from parents, immediately falls under the influence of his peers. Next is school - here children are dominated not only by the opinion of authority, but also by the majority. If a group of girls indicated that this dress or shoes did not suit her, the child was worried. Further, having received a number of comments, ridicule, and injections, the child cannot do anything without the advice of strangers and their opinions. And the thoughts that arise in your head can be pushed aside, it’s easier to agree with the majority.
5. The opinion of the majority, the desire to be like everyone else. This type of addiction also occurs when a child enters society. In a class, a group, those who were in the minority have a hard time. And where the majority is concentrated, they shut it down; this is not news to anyone. So you can give up your own assessment and opinion and agree with the majority.
6. Fear of responsibility. Quite often we are ready to agree with the advice and assessments of others, so as not to be responsible for the actions that we embody own initiative. Well, why not? So, if the matter ends in a negative result, an unpleasant situation will arise. It’s easier to blame someone who gave bad advice or expressed their opinion. How often do we hear: “Why did you advise me to do this?!”, “Why did I listen to you, it would be better to act at my own discretion!” etc. Agree, a very convenient position - nowhere, never, and not to blame for anything!

Those who depend too much on the opinions of others have. He is absolutely not confident in his abilities and, remarkably, suffers from this. Because of their own insecurity, they are not able to advance in their careers, achieve good results and implement their plans.

Important: according to experts, you can be a slave not only physically, but also psychologically. It is people who are dependent on other people's opinions who are not the masters of their lives. And every now and then they turn around to see how outsiders will look or what they will say when assessing his actions.

Gullibility.

It would seem that this is a very positive character trait. But you shouldn’t blindly trust everyone; should you always accept someone else’s opinion as the truth? This is especially dangerous if the advice is given by envious people. Before you listen to the opinion of a friend who has no personal happiness. Who does not stand out for her beautiful appearance or cannot boast of having the same expensive things - think about why she would wish you well. Human envy is a character trait that is inherent in almost everyone without exception. It’s just that, depending on social status, wealth, position and external data, it does not manifest itself in some, while it suffocates others at night.

Is someone else's opinion always bad?

There is no person in the world whose dependence on other people’s opinions was absorbed with his mother’s milk. In fact, everyone is born a pure, independent person, whose future is built during childhood. But each of us must more or less correspond to the society in which he finds himself. And of course, you can’t ignore people’s opinions at all. A lot depends on this.

Just imagine a person who does not pay any attention to the reactions of others and, because of the extreme heat, decides to walk through the streets naked. Agree – this is a very ugly situation. Or a man on public transport doesn’t give a damn about the fact that a woman is standing next to him, but he sits and “doesn’t give a damn.” So an outside opinion is not always a bad thing.

Consider a very instructive story about how a young girl did not want to listen to the advice of her mother and friends.

“Natalia grew up in a large family, she had 3 older brothers. From childhood, she grew up as a sickly child and had little contact with her classmates. At school, communication was normal and close, but as for walks and entertainment, this is not about Natasha.

All this happened in the late 80s, then there were no mobile phones or the Internet, and he could not contact her at a distance. So, Natasha held out for a long time, but still “collapsed” under the pressure of the caring and loving Volodya. But the trouble is that her ignorance, ignorance of people played a cruel joke on her. She didn’t know what kind of person he was, and she became seriously interested in him.

And when they began to tell her from all sides that Vladimir was a true scoundrel, a terrible womanizer and a quitter, she no longer listened to anyone. The girl felt male affection for the first time and completely immersed herself in the relationship. Less than a couple of weeks after the adult close contact, Vova began to lose interest in Natalya.

And something happened that all girls, without exception, are afraid of. Having become the first man of young Natasha, Vova left her and continued to have fun in the company of unbridled girls and drink lovers. But our heroine suffered for a long time and did not know why she should live now. Fortunately, time heals, but it is impossible to completely get rid of the negative aftertaste. So is Natalya, she very rarely remembers this story. But as soon as she “pops up in her head,” she immediately feels shame, unpleasant emotions, and even more, a feeling of disgust towards this person.”

What is the story about, does anyone understand? It was about the need to listen to the opinions of others. I must say honestly, the heroine may have already understood that there is some truth in the assessment of outsiders. But she still hoped that he wouldn’t do that to her. So there are also situations in which someone else's opinion is important.

It is necessary to listen to the advice of strangers from childhood. After all, few children can immediately distinguish what is good and what is bad. For example, a baby throws porridge. What a parent should do is a remark. But not rudely, not in an orderly tone. Parents must explain and help the child understand what not to do.

Reasons for the development of addiction

We already know that an inferiority complex, low self-esteem, and inability to take responsibility and make decisions arise from an early age. All this is built and developed against the background of family. If it is unfavorable, then there will be more disadvantages.

Caring, trusting and harmonious relationships, the presence of love for each family member is a great platform. On which a strong, optimistic, respectful and friendly character of a person will be built. Therefore, to prevent a child from growing up dependent on other people’s opinions, it is necessary to eliminate the following signs:

1. Weak character. Types with this disadvantage are always more susceptible to external influence.
2. A person has already formed a driven nature, and he is ready to listen to others, just not to take responsibility.
3. From childhood, the child was suppressed by his parents. He could not do anything himself; initiatives were suppressed immediately. So, with age, a person no longer strives to direct his life, make decisions or take initiative.
4. Lack of perception of one's abilities and talents. In such cases, a person cannot defend his interests, because he is afraid of condemnation from the outside and withdraws into himself.
5. To make up for the lack of love and care from parents, the child is ready to fully comply with the opinion of an outsider and waits for his approval. So, he wants to feel that he means at least something in this life. Later, as an adult, he is ready to indulge in the assessment and advice of those from whom he expects recognition, kindness and love.
6. Education against the backdrop of stereotypes. Let's remember why our parents praised us? We ate well, washed thoroughly, flushed the toilet, washed our hands, etc. And listening to praise for all this, a stereotype developed in us - we are afraid of doing something wrong without someone’s recognition from the outside. So we are guided by someone else’s opinion, but we perceive it as correct.

So, we see that assessments and advice from the outside, someone else’s opinion, is a completely different or the same vision of the situation. In what cases should you pay attention to it, and when should you not? It all depends on the person, the situation and your assessment.

What are the signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions?

It is not difficult to identify someone who does not live by his own mind; just carefully study his habits.

1. Before doing anything, a person must think about how those around him will perceive his action.
2. When he hears criticism from the outside, condemnation of his actions, he immediately becomes despondent, becomes very nervous, suffers, and feels that his pride is very hurt.
3. Such a person is very afraid of being in the “language” of others and strives to do everything so that no one finds out about his misdeeds.
4. His actions are aimed at gaining approval and praise from others. And regardless of age.
5. In the event that his efforts are not appreciated, discomfort and emotional distress arise.
6. Even if it arises in my thoughts great idea, he keeps her “to himself,” but welcomes someone else’s.
7. He never participates in discussions and will never defend his own point of view.

Particular mention should be made of girls with a complete lack of their own assessments. Pay attention to how she dresses. If, following a cool and stylish friend, she immediately decided to buy the same blouse, then there is a lack of her own opinion. She imitates. It's the same with vacation trips. The dependent friend will repeat her actions in everything. And it doesn’t have to be what it is, she just completely trusts her taste and opinion.

By constantly listening to the opinions of strangers, you can completely lose not only your own “I”, but also the meaning of life. There is no need to strive for anything, all that remains is to listen with your mouth open to who will say what for you. This is natural slavery, as we have already talked about. Do you need it? No! Well, let's get down to it: it's time to throw off this unnecessary burden that's pulling you down.

How to get rid of dependence on other people's opinions

The main thing is to start working with the child’s character from an early age. Here are some tips for parents. After all, they are the ones who are responsible for his future. And if, thanks to their “efforts”, they raised a mumbler, unable to defend his own and everywhere worried about the opinions of others, then they did their job poorly. Yes Yes! Precisely work, because our task is to create conditions for the happiness of our offspring. And a person dependent on other people’s assessments is unhappy.

1. Never blackmail a child. And don’t even think about saying that you won’t listen to his poetry if he doesn’t eat porridge, etc.
2. Do not refuse to listen to his opinion, even if it is wrong. It's okay, with age the baby will get smarter and say more intelligible things. Let him regularly tell you his stories, admire, be indignant, be indignant or rejoice - all this is great. He manifests own emotions, and you, listening to his story, increase his self-esteem.
3. Share your opinion with your child; he should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.
4. Give your baby as much love as possible. No, that's wrong! Just love - sincerely, the way only your own mother and father can love. Let him grow up in complete safety, care, harmony. This is the only way you can instill confidence in him.
5. Be an example for your child in everything. Never swear in front of him and be sure to discuss family issues, reason, and make a common decision.
6. Don't let your child do whatever he wants. Everyone should know that only good, thoughtful actions are valuable.

To get rid of the annoying feeling that you are completely dependent on other people's opinions, follow the proven recommendations of experienced psychologists.

Be observant and watch yourself and your actions. Analyze each thought in detail and separate the bad from the good. And think about where the negativity came from. Once you find the source, you will be able to understand its reasons.

Don't be afraid to be alone because you don't support someone's assessment. If they respect you, they will communicate with you, and for this you need to have your own and independent opinion. If it doesn’t work out, learn to find benefits from solitude. Everyone needs to be prepared for the possibility that a moment of loneliness may arise. And if you don’t learn to experience it with dignity, the consequences will be terrible.

Decide on your preferences. You cannot live your whole life only for another person or in agreement with someone else’s opinion. Such people are unable to imagine their own perspective. Stop watching how others achieve their goals, it’s time to implement what you have conceived and decided on your own.

Do not listen to other people's opinions, especially from envious people, rivals and competitors. It is not safe! Trust only your loved ones and family.

Give vent to your emotions periodically. We all tend to accumulate pain, resentment, aggression, negativity, etc. within ourselves. Don’t keep them to yourself, none of us are “wooden” and no one is able to withstand the onslaught of internal negativity. Spill them out! Of course, we are not talking about pouncing on someone and taking out your anger on them. As soon as you get rid of poor balance using training and other accessible and harmless methods, you will immediately feel light.

Set boundaries. If you know the line beyond which you should not cross, then it will be much easier for a person to defend his position. And have your own opinion on everything. If you feel unsteady, your position is weak. In order to get rid of it, think about your actions. And carefully analyze what you decided to do, what you decided to talk about, etc.

Don't be captivated by illusions. You should never assume that your counterpart is an ideal person and his opinion is the ultimate truth. This doesn’t happen, even great minds tend to make mistakes. So you shouldn’t rely in everything on someone you respect, value, and honor. Everything needs to be weighed in detail, listened to different points vision, listen to your own and make a decision.

What society says

Considering the fact that our world is full of people with different morals and characters, no one is surprised by anything anymore. You can be dependent on other people’s opinions, or, on the contrary, dictate your own; in any case, this is considered the norm. If you are worried about what others will think of you, forget it. But as for how someone else’s opinion influences the construction of your destiny, then you still need to think about whether this quality is appropriate for a promising future? Of course not - you must develop yourself, increase your self-esteem, pose your own questions and find answers to them. Otherwise, others will live your life for you, and you will only have to follow someone else’s advice and please other people’s opinions.

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.

More than once or twice I have heard questions and reflections on the topic:

How to treat other people's opinions?
Is it possible to ignore other people's opinions?
I react strongly to the assessments of others, I am dependent, this is probably bad...

If we briefly summarize the results of such thoughts and debates, it turns out that there are only a few main points of view:

• You shouldn’t pay attention to other people’s opinions at all, they should be ignored. After all, by becoming dependent on other people’s assessments, we cause great harm to ourselves.
• To ignore the views of others, to show demonstrative independence means to be a self-absorbed egoist, to the stake!)) In addition, this also leads to bad consequences - after all, if a person cannot look at himself from the outside, then his bad qualities will only get worse.
• We need a balance between not giving a damn and a soul open to other people's spitting. Then you won’t be particularly upset by negative opinions, but you won’t miss out on any valuable information about yourself.

As the intelligent reader will certainly guess (and others hardly wander around), I cited these views only in order to express my own thoughts on this topic. They are very simple. And, in my opinion, this approach completely removes the problem of “how to properly relate to someone else’s opinion.”

A small digression. For some reason, the idea of ​​the importance of opinions has been drummed into us since childhood. I know it’s an incomprehensible phrase, but there’s no other way to say it. Everyone around is sure that the opinion of Comrade A or Mr. B is a damn important and significant thing. Don't believe me? Have you ever heard phrases like these:

“We have grown up, we have our own opinion” (proudly)
“I may be wrong, but this is my opinion!” (threatening)
“Everyone has their own opinion” (conciliatory)
“You wrote complete nonsense - a masterpiece! It's my opinion!"

Agree, the subtext of each such phrase is “any opinion is a super-important thing,” as if eliminating all objections! Such thoughts are present in society; they exist in almost all of us. This is the cause of problems with fear and dependence on other people’s opinions.

Let's remember these conclusions and move on. Let's conduct a thought experiment. Imagine that you took a dozen pieces of paper, wrote the word “beautiful” on the first, “pleasant” on the second, “disgusting” on the third, and so on. Then they put the pieces of paper in a hat, said “The weather today...” and pulled out the piece of paper at random and read what was written there.

Is this an opinion? Why not? Where are the guarantees that the statements of other people that you take to heart (or contemptuously ignore) were born in a more worthy way, with the bloody sweat of the soul and mind? A?

Someone else's opinion is just words. Words and nothing more.

If an opinion is not supported by powerful arguments, why should you care? There is no point in listening to him, there is no point in ignoring him. There is no point in reacting emotionally at all. Otherwise, you need to react to the parrot’s cry of “Durrrrak!”

This is all theory. Let's look at the practical side.

Situation 1.
A person worries because others evaluate him low.
What to do: calmly figure out what the reason is negative opinion. Relate to your own values ​​and priorities. Option A: a person finds a flaw in himself. Option B: a person understands that the reason is connected with what he himself considers to be a virtue. In the first case, you need to make an effort, in the second - remain yourself, without reacting to others.

Situation 2.
A person worries because those who are dear to him and whose opinion is important to him are dissatisfied with him.
What to do: calmly, without emotions, talk frankly, discuss the details and reasons for the complaints.

The main thing in such matters is to be frank with yourself.

By the way, very often we make judgments for others - “this little girl hates me” (she just looked askance once), “this man thinks that I’m a bungler” (but in fact, he simply considers all women to be bunglers, regardless of their business acumen).

Other people's views on you and on anything in general are important only in two cases:
A) when they correctly reflect the actual state of affairs (whether this is so is revealed by calm analysis)
B) when they change the behavior of this person, influencing your life through him.
Very often we misjudge other people's perceptions of ourselves.(because we treat him emotionally and biasedly)