Don’t marry skinny people and other rules of family life in Rus'. Family has become a neighborhood, how to revive a marriage? My husband and I lived in an ordinary family

Do you want to live happily with your beloved husband? Dreams of a strong and healthy family are common to all women, but many do not know the key points that make home a place of love and prosperity.

Secrets of peace and tranquility in the home

One of the main secrets of a strong relationship is doing things together. Spending time together and enjoying each other's company may seem like trivial advice, but this is what will strengthen and prolong your marriage's happiness and give new meaning to your relationship.

Have fun while spending time together. Get busy physical exercise together, go for walks, find an activity that you both enjoy. It doesn’t really matter what it is, the main thing is that you both like it.

Look for a reason to have a good laugh. Those who love healthy laughter and good humor manage to maintain relationships longer. It is much easier to find a common point of view on any problem if you laugh at it a lot and together reduce the degree of anxiety.

Very often families do not tend to say such polite phrases as “Thank you!” "Please !" " Bon appetit!", considering them formalities. But in fact, courtesy in the family is a kind of lubricant that makes family life run smoothly and easily.

A happy family can be easily recognized by the affectionate attitude of its members towards each other. Tender care - main secret peace and tranquility in the house. Surely you are trying your best to provide your husband and children with everything they need - clean clothes, hearty food, order in the house.

When you are caring for members of your household, think about how you can do so in a more gentle way than usual. Invite your household to have dinner not in a commanding tone (“Sit down, eat!”), but in a soft voice. Don’t scold your children and spouse, don’t reprimand them for every T-shirt thrown on the floor, don’t start scandals over trifles.

If you think that “otherwise nothing will get through to them,” consider a few tricks on how to get your family to maintain order without shouting or using an offensive tone.

Many women, when asked how they manage to live happily with their husbands, say that they have found a balance between working for the benefit of the family and taking care of themselves. Honestly, if you are an experienced wife and mother, then you know that a woman is forced to take care of herself while others are busy: the husband is earning money, the children are growing up.

If you do not love yourself, you will very soon lose your strength and health. Loving yourself in this case means thinking about the future, because your loved ones will always need your support, and for this you must be a healthy, strong, calm, self-confident woman.

How can a woman who devotes herself to marriage and home live happily ever after?

Take time to recuperate:

• eat right;
• get enough sleep;
• exercise;
• maintain your appearance;
• communicate with your friends.

These are the key points that give a woman the strength to live happily. Caring for others is great, but don't forget to take care of yourself.

How to live happily and richly

When people get married, they promise each other to be together in riches and in poverty, but everyone understandably expects a more optimistic version of life. To preserve existing benefits and achieve new ones, become a diligent housewife for your husband. This means taking practical steps, as well as working on yourself and your relationships psychologically.

How to save money and energy for your husband:

• the funds that you both allocate for family needs should be discussed: you have the right to know what will happen if, for example, you do not have enough money for food. Is this the last money or will the spouse be able to cover additional expenses? You must have a clear idea of ​​what your family can and cannot afford, otherwise it will be very difficult for you to manage your finances in ignorance;
• men usually have little idea of ​​the expenses needed for a family, wife and children. Keep notes and ask your spouse to discuss them with you once a week or at the end of the month. He will have a clear idea of ​​expenses, and both of you will save your nerves from money-related scandals;
• give your husband his direct responsibility - to purchase large volumes of food for the family. It is almost impossible for a wife to save on groceries if she constantly runs to the store to buy one thing or another. You are required to find out where purchasing is cheaper and how to make products last longer;
• You don't have to live in luxury to live richly. Together with your husband, make sure that you have the best that you can afford, but not more expensive - this way you will feel financially secure and from time to time you will be able to afford small holidays for your family;
• a happy family should give up such expensive and bad habits, such as smoking, drinking alcohol (except on special occasions, birthdays, etc.). Don't waste money on factory-made medicines when you can get by with home care, herbal teas and folk remedies. But don’t let your loved ones (and yours) feel unwell to a point where treatment will cost much more than if you had caught it in time;
• buy unprocessed foods - meat, cereals, oil, vegetables and fruits. Everyone knows that the price of semi-finished products and sausages includes the cost of their production. If you can constantly prepare home-cooked food, be sure to do it for your family, because this way you will save a lot of money that can be spent for the benefit of the family or saved for the future;
• mend clothes and shoes whenever possible, learn how to do simple cosmetic procedures yourself, don’t spend money on trifles - this will help you stay within your budget. With the money you save, you can buy something worthwhile for your family, decorate your home, or give yourself a modest piece of jewelry. This way you will feel more satisfaction than from a dozen small purchases that do not make you richer or happier.

“I want more freedom!”: how to find a middle ground

Many happy families admit that what helps them maintain their marriage is some kind of outlet in life, a passion, a hobby, perhaps communication with personal friends and girlfriends, and not just with mutual friends and relatives.

Make it a rule to respect each other's privacy. Stop the urge to secretly check your mobile or email your other half. Such attacks are clearly perceived as crossing the “red line” and even violence against the individual. Groundless jealousy and suspicion need to be cut at the root.

Interest in the husband’s personal affairs (calls, letters, conversations) is good only at certain moments, but obviously not when he returned home after a difficult working day. Give each other the opportunity to feel free and relaxed in the family.

But too much freedom can be harmful. When one or both spouses devote a lot of time to life outside the family, a loss of trust between them is not far off. Work on trust in your marriage.

To live a happy marriage, it is worth making an effort - not to flirt or get too close to members of the opposite sex. If you do this, even in your thoughts, know that you are mentally preparing yourself for an alternative relationship by neglecting your partner.

This alternative makes you believe that some problems with your husband can simply be left to chance. In fact, their solution requires your undivided attention, and strangers have no place in your thoughts. Naturally, you have the right to expect the same position from your spouse.

Be together more often, show affectionate care, save each other's strength - and yours. family happiness will be durable and long lasting!

Starting a family is a responsible undertaking. If today we live in a civilized world and adhere to certain rules morality, then in ancient times everything was different.

Today's women try their best to be slim, because that's what most men like. But if we were suddenly transported to the times of peasant Rus', then no one would even pay attention to the skinny young lady, giving preference to the rosy-cheeked donut. Yes, men, by the way, would also have liked life in that time, because earlier in Rus', betrayal was not considered adultery at all, but was just fornication.

Skinny people don't marry

For many centuries, the ideal of beauty in Rus' was a plump, wide-hipped woman bursting with health. In those days, men did not favor skinny women at all. Thinness was a symbol of either poverty or illness. Also, matchmakers in those days were afraid to take a “yalitsa,” that is, a barren girl. It was believed that thin girls would not be able to get pregnant or carry a child. They often have a narrow pelvis, so in ancient times they often died during childbirth or the child died. One way or another, our ancestors considered thinness a sign of ugliness and degeneration.

There's a mole on my cheek, and love in my eyes...

Nowadays, a mole on the cheek is synonymous with beauty, but previously the owners of such moles were not married. Any marks on the body are large birthmarks, moles - were considered serious flaws for the future bride. The presence of a small scratch, sore, or even a runny nose could jeopardize the girl’s future marriage. In this regard, they tried not to show the bride to anyone and to heal all scratches and bruises just before the wedding.

Was healthy, became thin

Brides were carefully guarded before the wedding also because there were “well-wishers” who tried to interfere with the wedding. For example, Tsar Mikhail Fedorovich wanted to marry the poor noblewoman Maria, but his mother was not happy with this candidacy. When the wedding was supposed to take place, the bride fell ill. The cause of the disease was simple - the girl was poisoned by cakes with stale whipped cream, which Mikhail Fedorovich’s mother slipped to her. Although her health was fine, this fact became the reason for the termination of the engagement. At that time, everything was used - both witchcraft conspiracies and women's tricks.

Dress up for going out

If the girl could not leave the walls of her parents’ house alone, then married woman she had no right to go anywhere, even to church, without her husband’s permission. But if she did leave the family nest, then in full dress: with furrowed eyebrows, rouge and whitening, “moreover, so rudely and noticeably that it seems as if someone rubbed a handful of flour over their face and painted their cheeks red with a brush.”

The wives of noble people rode in closed carriages covered with red taffeta, where they “sat with the splendor of goddesses.” The horse was decorated with fox tails. Servants were running nearby.

Quilting - alone

“Domostroy” (a set of rules and instructions of the 16th century) introduced some restrictions into familiar relationships. It was recommended to beat your wife “not in front of people, to teach her in private” - “beat her politely with a whip, holding her hands.” There was also another call to humanity in the collection: “...don’t beat me by sight, don’t hit me in the heart with a fist, or a kick, or a staff, or anything made of iron or wood.” Because whoever “beats like this out of the heart or from the heart, many stories come from him: blindness and deafness, and a dislocated arm and leg, and a finger, and headaches, and dental disease, and among pregnant wives and children, damage occurs in the womb.” Foreigners were amazed that with all this, “Russian wives saw heartfelt love in frequent beatings and scourging, and in their absence - dislike and dislike of their husbands towards themselves.”

Spending the night with a strange woman is fornication, not adultery.

Sex with an unmarried or single person was not considered adultery at all and was called “fornication.” Men were often not punished for it, but women could be sent to a monastery or given lashes. An adulterer was someone who had a long-term relationship with someone else's wife or a mistress and children from her. True, other options were also considered - for example, in “Metropolitan Justice” (XII century) it was told about two wives living with one husband, and in “The Tale of the Murder of Daniil of Suzdal and the Beginning of Moscow” (XVII century) two “sons of the Red” boyar A bunch of people “lived with the princess in demonic lust, bound by Sotonin’s law, oppressing their body with prodigal love lust, defilement in adultery.” The infidel was fined in favor of the church.

A married woman caught in fornication should be beaten with a whip, and then spend several days in a monastery, eating water and bread. After which her husband beats her a second time for neglecting her work at home. The husband who forgave the harlot should have been punished.

For the guest - vodka and a kiss

Showing your wife to a guest was the greatest sign of respect. In 1643, Prince Lev Shlyakhovsky liked the Holstein ambassador Adam Olearius so much that he took him to a special hall. Soon the wife entered there in a magnificent outfit. The ambassador had to take a glass of vodka from her hands, sip it and, if the husband gave a sign, kiss the hostess on the lips.

“His wife came out to us, very beautiful in face... and accompanied by a servant carrying a bottle of vodka and a glass. At the entrance, she first bowed her head in front of her husband, and then in front of me, ordered a glass to be poured, sipped it and then brought it to me, and so on up to three times. After this, the Count wished me to kiss her. Not being accustomed to such an honor, I kissed only her hand. He, however, wanted me to kiss her on the mouth as well. Therefore, out of respect for a higher person, I had to accept this honor, consistent with their customs.”

Snitching is a venial sin

“Nowhere, it seems, except Russia, is there at least one type of incest that has acquired the character of an almost normal everyday phenomenon, receiving the corresponding technical name - incestuousness,” wrote Vladimir Nabokov. This is a widespread practice in the Russian village, in which a man is the head of a large peasant family(living in one hut) - consists of sexual relations with the younger women of the family, usually with the wife of his son (a relationship between a father-in-law and his daughter-in-law, called a daughter-in-law). This practice became especially widespread in the 18th-19th centuries, first in connection with the conscription of young peasants as recruits, and then in connection with otkhodnichestvo, when young people went to work in the cities and left their wives at home in the village.

Tired of your wife - go to a monastery

If family life has completely gone wrong and there is no hope for peace between the spouses, then one of them may go to a monastery. If a husband leaves and his wife marries again, the deceased can become a clergyman, even if he previously brewed beer. If the wife is barren, then, having sent her to a monastery, the man has the right to marry again after six weeks.

The code of norms for “dissolution” (divorce), which is part of the “Charter of Prince Yaroslav” (XIII century), gave reasons for divorcing a wife: in the case of adultery, confirmed by witnesses; due to communication with strangers without permission; for an attempt on the life of her husband or failure to report a threat thereto. The wife, in turn, could ask for a divorce if the husband “slanderously accused her of treason” (without evidence). The reason could also be the long, unknown absence of the other half, when the whereabouts are unknown.

The fourth marriage is illegal

Church marriage in Orthodoxy treats remarriage as undesirable. Canon law allowed only three marriages. Saint Gregory the Theologian said: “The first marriage is the law, the second is the forced forgiveness of weakness for the sake of humanity, the third is a crime of law, the fourth is dishonesty, since the life of a swine is.” Nevertheless, widowers and divorced people got married - both according to the third and according to fourth time. Although the church condemned third marriage, it still believed that it was better than living in sin. But starting a family for the fourth time was definitely considered illegal. The marriage was subject to immediate dissolution, and the priest who married such a couple, even out of ignorance, was deprived of his rank.

If you want a wife, curtain the icon

By fulfilling marital duty, even though it was a legal matter, they preferred not to offend the Lord. Before getting down to business, the pectoral cross was removed. If there were icons with the faces of saints in the room, they were carefully hung. On this day, it was preferable not to attend church, and if an irresistible need arose, then only after thoroughly washing and changing into clean clothes.

Widow - head of the family

A woman who lost her husband and never remarried automatically received all the rights that she was deprived of in marriage. She managed the property, became a full-fledged mistress in her house and the head of the family, if there was one. Widows were respected in society.

Surprisingly, 12 years of marriage are behind us. As far as I can remember, I never set myself the goal of definitely getting married, having children, and living the life of an “aunt” until the end of my days. On the contrary, my goals for life were grandiose, probably like many 15-17 year old teenagers who think that their whole life is ahead of them and “they will still have time.”

I really wanted to achieve results in sports, definitely win Olympic gold, and go to live in another country. Marriage was included in the plans as another necessary life stage, from the “born-studied-married” category.

But I never understood the hype around “getting a guy, definitely a rich one.” I never understood the hype around “I want to get married.” I never specifically looked for a man, doing everything possible and impossible to get attention.

But, to be honest, there were no problems with this in the sports community.

My goals were never destined to come true; life, as usual, made its own adjustments. A sports injury ended my career, my Olympic gold. I had to hang the spikes on the wall.

A life free from sports began. But this did not lead to partying at night, some kind of unbridled lifestyle, there were no alcoholic parties and other “charms” of post-adolescence. Sport taught me moderation in everything, a regimen, and discipline.

While still a student, I met my future husband. At the same time, I never thought about how long I was destined to live in marriage. I understood that life could change at any moment. Just like in sports. Today you famous athlete, champion and winner, and the day after tomorrow you get seriously injured, and the champion and winner is already someone else.

I remember how the coach always told me:

To win, you must be head and shoulders above others. It doesn’t work, you can’t – there are no such words. Get up and do it. Do what you can at the moment and do your best.

And, apparently, the habit of thinking like a champion has become firmly entrenched in my worldview. This can be compared to an inner critic. If your inner critic is silent, it means you’ve done your best; if you feel like you’ve been “freeloading”, you need to finish it.

And under the eternal sensitive guidance of the inner critic, my family life passes.

Everything is like everyone else: love, romance, passion, and suffering, there were periods of getting used to each other, getting to know each other in everyday life, in spending time together, there were periods of disagreements, misunderstandings, and resentment towards each other. And we glued the wallpaper, and we always relax together. We wanted to get a divorce and kill each other. Everything is like everyone else.

1.Love passes

Yes, yes, love passes. Exactly the one that is so imposed in society, and whose real name is love addiction. With crazy emotions, suffering, tears, mental pain and the inability to think about anyone other than the object of such “love”.

The relationship should be GOOD. Without hysterics, brain drain, emotional swings, adrenaline injections after an unanswered message, without broken plates and leaving to “live with mom,” without stress and sleepless, snotty, tearful nights after another scandal.

There should be STABILITY in a relationship. Doesn't mean it's boring. This means that you are at least 80% sure that your spouse will not pull a stunning trick when you are completely unprepared for it.

There should be CALM in a relationship. When you go home and know that everything is fine there, that you won’t run into an aggressively drunken husband and get punched in the face.

“Bursts” may be present, undoubtedly, but the general background of a long-term marriage is evenly calm. If this is not the case, then one of the spouses has emotional dependence.

2. Married life is not one big holiday.

There is no happily ever after without a break for lunch and weekends. There is no joy and enthusiasm without a break for May and New Year. There are illnesses, poor health, fatigue and irritation, anger and resentment. There are breakdowns, swearing, troubles and difficulties. The only question is how long the spouses are willing to get stuck in these situations.

3.Spouses must really be of the same social level.

Cinderella and the Prince are nothing more than a fairy tale. Romantic nonsense that girls have been filling their heads with since childhood. AND unequal marriages most often end in divorce. The chemistry of falling in love can push people towards each other. But when love passes, all the differences in upbringing, mentality, attitude towards life, towards money, towards work, towards children and other manifestations of life come out. Everything that is shown in the movies is not viable, and an attempt to imitate it ends in a colossal failure.

4. Spouses should develop together.

You can't stop there. Neither one nor the other. If a husband and wife, in principle, do not develop in life, the result is sad. Anyone who interferes with growth is abandoned. Sooner or later. The wife, stuck in pots, diapers, children, as well as the husband, whose main interests are beer and TV - ballast that will be dumped. No options.

From here there is another conclusion - you cannot prohibit your spouse from developing. It doesn't matter what. Dancing, guitar, snowboarding, chess, 101 ways to cook chicken - any activity where a person wants to achieve results. It’s optimal to share your spouse’s interests; it’s good to not interfere.

5. A wife should not completely dissolve in her husband and children.

I first devote time to myself, then to my husband and child. A woman who betrays her Self for a man quickly gets bored and becomes a burden. You cannot completely dissolve in the family, you cannot live only by the desires of your husband, you cannot think only about pots and children. “Auntie” is not interesting to anyone. The person next to you is interesting, whom you want to study, with whom you want to talk, to know their opinion. And “auntie” is like a sofa, because no one would think to be interested in the opinion of the sofa.

6. You need to accept each other.

On a deep level. Some habits can enrage and irritate you, and you can disagree with some manifestations of character. You can have different views on some problems, on the process of raising children. But at a deep level, a person must be accepted. With all the “troubles”, with “cockroaches” and other living creatures. That is, you need to allow a person to be who he is. You can, of course, try to remake it, but from a state of acceptance. And so that “rework” would only be an additional option. If it happens, it’s good; if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine.

7. A husband must be needed, and at the same time free.

IN last years I live exactly by this principle. I’m not afraid that my husband may leave, because he, like any person, has the right to a better life for himself. Without me. This is fine. Just like I have the right to a better life for myself. Without him. Yes, the old life will be broken, there will be difficulties, but a catastrophe will not happen. You cannot forcefully keep a person near you. Therefore, you need to remove it in time pink glasses, forget forever the phrase “we will live together for a long time and die on the same day” and be prepared for anything. This does not mean living in this state forever. This means knowing that a person can leave at any moment and not delude himself about it.

8.Everyone can have their own interests and desires. Everyone should have the right to personal space and personal time. Everyone should have their own finances. And that's okay.

This is an axiom of relationships. This is how it should be, and it is not discussed. You don’t need to drag your husband shopping, just as you don’t necessarily need to be on a men’s fishing trip. Everyone should have personal time, and hysteria as an attempt to deprive this time is a reason to think about relationships.

For example, my personal time is time for training, yoga, running. I can go alone to the lake to sit, look at the water, and think. There is also time to read books and do other things. My husband calmly goes to the bathhouse, to meetings with friends, and goes fishing for several days. No one is watching anyone, no one is throwing hysterics. Everyone is happy, everyone is fine.

Everyone should also have their own finances. Without the right of the spouse to demand a report on their use. It is humiliating to ask for sanitary pads, as well as for cigarettes.

Personally, my husband and I have a number of mandatory family expenses each month. And these expenses are sort of divided between us. I know exactly which of them I must pay, and my husband pays “his” expenses. Everything that everyone has left is spent at his personal discretion. I don’t require my husband to report on his expenses, and I also don’t report on mine.

9. People with similar temperaments live long in marriage.

When one has an awl in the butt, and the other, like Emelya, is just lying on the stove and cannot be lifted, then this marriage is unlikely to be long. You can smooth out some differences in temperament, you can adapt to the character and speed of life of another. But if these speeds are polar, then your Ferrari of life is unlikely to be kept for long next to the barely puffing Cossack.

10. There must be an animal in the house.

And preferably warm-blooded. A cat, a dog, a hamster, something you can squeeze and touch. IN different time We had cats, dogs, sometimes both at the same time. And now there live two dogs and a sphinx rat.
Animals also save from

11.Sex in marriage is not the main thing.

It is impossible to have crazy sex, passionate nights and romance as before after 12 years of marriage, even after 3 years everything calms down and moves to a calmer level. In order to save high level The desires of a partner after many years spent side by side require very strong emotions, which in principle cannot exist. Only if one of the spouses does not suffer from love addiction. Then, yes, he may want passion and fire. In this case, the other spouse lives with him out of convenience, out of convenience, out of unwillingness to change anything.

But usually, in normal, non-problematic relationships, sex fades into the background, if not into the tenth place, and really is not the main thing in marriage.

12.Decisions must be made together. But at the same time, a woman does not need to meddle in purely male affairs.

Small, everyday matters do not require approval. But some major purchases and fateful decisions must definitely be discussed. And decisions are made by two people. No “I decided, I said, so it will be so.”

How to raise a child, where to go on vacation, “let’s get a dog,” what car to buy—this is being discussed. But getting involved, for example, in your husband’s business is not advisable. Express your opinion as much as possible if asked.

And the most important thing for a long-term marriage is the desire to compromise, listen and hear each other, leave the opportunity to be alone, not merge with each other like Siamese twins, but leave yourself and the other room for maneuver.

In general, family life is a combination of love, trust, mutual assistance, tolerance and willpower. The order of all of the above changes every few years.

However, we have never done this in family life:

1. They didn’t break plates or hit furniture.

The maximum that can be achieved with this behavior is an extra “ headache", unplanned financial expenses and refusal of some necessary purchases or entertainment. And then, you can’t cope with your emotions - “go bang your head against the wall,” as my grandmother used to say.

2. Don’t tear photos, clothes, etc.

The same as in the paragraph above. Stupidity, that's what it's called.

3. They didn’t go to stay with their mother.

Girls and boys who have not matured, no matter what legal age they are, go to live with their mother, and who cannot be held responsible for their actions and decisions.

4. We didn’t try to intentionally hurt each other.

Everyone swears in family life. Not stooping to the level of a “bazaar woman” who always tries to hit you harder is a sign of a good relationship. And who is in the role of the “bazaar woman” is a secondary question.

5. The child was not manipulated.

Never and under no circumstances. Children have no place in adult relationships. And in my deepest conviction, only idiots can make a child a bargaining chip in their failed life.

Live happily

Every year 1.2 million marriages are registered in Russia. But statistics do not take into account their nuances. For example, a considerable percentage of these marriages are fictitious, others are guest marriages, and still others are generally entered into by polygamists. The publication “Snob” talked to men who have several wives and found out how they live.

Oleg, 37 years old, entrepreneur, Yekaterinburg:

When I say that I am a polygamist, I am mistaken for a sectarian, a pervert and a stud. But the male dog satisfies his lust and runs on, and the polygamous man takes responsibility for his wives: outside relationships are prohibited, no one lies to anyone, and everything is voluntary. So our whole country is polygamous, people just do it secretly and lie. Mistresses and divorcees are condemned, but in principle this is the norm.

I had an ordinary Soviet family: father is a military man, mother is a teacher. When I was 9, my father left us. I saw how hard it was for my mother. She, a teacher, swept the entrances, and I helped her. It was the nineties, everyone survived as best they could. We have 11 million women like this in the country, and now there is also an economic crisis. Why am I for polygamy: here help goes not only to the woman, but also to her children and the state. A man gives protection material, physical, spiritual.

I got married at 25 years old. We had a completely ordinary marriage, four children were born. After 12 years of married life, I met another woman. She appeared at a critical period in my marriage, against a backdrop of indifference and unjustified expectations. A woman feeds a man with energy. I was nourished and blossomed. My wife noticed these changes. Naturally, she began to suspect, but she did not make a scandal, but behaved like a human being.

I explained to the two older children, that there are different families, that I love two, and this woman will live with us.

I was the happiest man on the planet: loved two women, and they loved me. But I understood perfectly well that sooner or later I would have to make a choice. This thought weighed on me, and I decided to live together. Finding myself in such a situation, I felt like an alien. I had no one to consult with. I found like-minded people on the Internet and asked them for advice.

First I talked to my second wife. Like, I have four children, a wife with whom I have been together for a long time, but there is you and there is great love that I don’t want to lose - do you want me to leave the family? She shook her head. That’s when I suggested we all live together.

A month later she agreed and I went to talk to my first wife. For a week she was hysterical, persuading, yelling, beating me, and then said: “Oleg, do you know what’s the worst thing? I know that once you’ve made a decision, you won’t change your mind.” A week later the three of us met. Naturally, the first meeting did not go well: tension, bad words. After another month, we began to communicate more or less normally: we went to the cinema together.

Then there was a grinding-in year. But it’s better to get used to it for a year and a half than to suffer and lie all your life, torn between your mistress and your wife. I lived in two houses, but the man is torn apart, and the wives hate each other. So we moved in together. We live in the same apartment. There is a lot of space, so no one bothers anyone. We've been living under the same roof for a little less than a year. I explained to the two older children (they are 11 and 7 years old) that there are different families, that I love two, and this woman will live with us. I divorced my first wife so that everyone would be on equal terms. In principle, nothing much has changed. The first wife irons, washes and cleans, the second takes over the kitchen and takes care of the children, the youngest even start calling her mom. Wives do not only take care of the house. I have a business, and I involve my wives: some work from home, others come to the office. They earn their own money for all sorts of things.

The most a big problem- jealousy. At first, there were scandals due to jealousy almost every day. It’s hard for a woman to get over herself. Emotions block the mind, and women cannot see all the advantages of such a marriage. Polygamy is not about love, it is about harmony. First you need to find harmony with your first wife and then invite the second. Nowadays, wives act like sisters and help each other instead of hating each other. They become more interested in socializing and do less housework. Sometimes the three of us go for walks and spend vacations together. The two wives go shopping together, to the cinema, to cafes.

Polygamy- a huge mental load that only a morally strong man can do.

One woman in the family grows up to be selfish. Sometimes I walk down the street and a couple comes towards me. First thought: where is the second wife?! For me, a man with one woman is the same as a man with one arm: they are inferior, but I understand that this is the norm in our society.

I don’t recommend this family to average people. Nowadays it’s hard to bear one woman, but when two women bear their brains, it’s scary. Polygamy is a huge mental burden that only a morally strong man can do.

I want four wives and at least 15 children. My third wife is on the way, so I'm thinking about buying a house.

Muhammad, 29 years old, reserve soldier, Makhachkala:

It happens that a man is promoting himself on polygamy: look, I was able to, look, what an achievement. I don't consider this an achievement. Such a marriage is a big responsibility. Whoever treats his wives unfairly will be lopsided on the Day of Judgment. This is what the Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah bless him and grant him peace.

My great-grandfather had three wives, my grandfather has two, my father has one. I got married for the first time at 25 years old. I told my wife that I plan to get married again. Prepared her for this. She pretended that she was normal about polygamy. But the closer I came to realizing my plan, the more negativity I saw on her part. I felt her jealousy and rejection. I told my wife: let it be one of your friends or acquaintances, because it is easier to find a common language with them. In words, the wife agreed, but tried in every possible way to delay this moment. I explained to her, tried to make everything go as painlessly as possible, but I had to give up my wife’s wishes. And after 2.5 years of married life, I got married for the second time and have been living like this for six months now.

Like a mother loves her children equally, That's how I love my wives. My spouses live separately: the first wife and child live in my house, for the second I rent housing. I have been looking for a suitable candidate for a long time. I wanted my wife to understand me. Allah has had mercy and given him an understanding wife.

According to Islamic canons, it is necessary so that the distribution of nights is proportional. But I often go on business trips and it turns out that I spend varying amounts of time with my wives. The second wife is sympathetic to this. I ask her: “Do you mind if I break the line?” She gives in to me. In general, I try not to talk about the second wife in the presence of my first wife, and vice versa, in order to protect their psyche and not excite jealousy.

I married both Due to religious rites, I do not have a stamp in my passport. Necessities for state registration I haven't seen any marriage. In any more or less observant family, a religious marriage is required condition. If it is there, everything else is no problem. There were no big celebrations at both weddings. Only close relatives gathered. Prayers were read among the family, and then the table was opened. There was no dancing, parties or alcohol, but everything was fun.

Of course, supporting two families is not easy. I have Full time job, sometimes I earn extra money as a private driver. But financial difficulties are not the main thing. The main problem is jealousy. The first wife, apparently, thinks that I betrayed her or that her status has somehow weakened. I try not to let it reach the boiling point. I haven’t introduced my wives and I don’t plan to yet. I don't know if they saw each other or not. But they are not ready for the meeting. The first wife saw the second one in the photo, but not from me. I try not to talk to her about it.

I will also have children with my second wife. My children should know each other, this is not even worth asking. The wives will get used to it over time, and I will introduce them too.

I have many polygamist friends, I even know polygamists among Christians. Both friends and relatives are okay with this. I didn't hide my marriage.

Polygamy decides a bunch of social problems: It reduces the number of old maids, divorced children and widows. Polygamy is not a temporary relationship, but a full-fledged family, where the man takes responsibility for the woman. I think that in the future society will begin to be more loyal to this form of marriage. It will mature and soon realize the need for polygamy.