How to look at yourself from the outside. I want to see myself from the outside

Learning to see yourself as you are can be an excruciatingly difficult process, but if you put the time and effort into it, meeting your true self has significant rewards. An objective and honest self-image helps us accept ourselves and determine the paths for our growth and development in the future.

Steps

Part 1

1. Describe in writing your perception of yourself. Take a pen and a piece of paper and write down your own description of yourself. As much detail as possible, from all sides: physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.

   • Begin statements with “I...” or “I am proud that I...”
   • In each section, write down 8 to 12 statements.
   • List your strengths and weaknesses. Most people are able to identify at least one positive quality and one negative quality about themselves, no matter how inflated their ego or damaged self-esteem is. Write down what you think are your strengths and what you think you are not strong at. Rely solely on your inner feeling.

2. Remember significant moments in your life. Think about what stories from your past you share most often. Ask yourself what these stories say about you and why you feel the urge to tell them to other people.

   • Pay special attention to what these stories say about you as a person. Are these stories about your honesty or courage? Do you tell them because they are examples of your usual behavior or, on the contrary, they demonstrate a rare manifestation of qualities that you would like to have?

3. Think back to your childhood. Most people were most honest about themselves as individuals and their desires when they were children. Remember what made you happy when you were a child and what made you feel disappointed. Reflect on what your belief system was like when you were a child. If something has changed since then, note what exactly it is and determine the reasons that influenced these changes.

   • For example, as a child you valued moments of independence and independence. If you still strive to increase your personal space, then this desire for freedom is obviously part of your true personality.
   • However, if you currently have a number of commitments, ask yourself why. Perhaps you have learned to value family and friends in a new way, in which case the desire to fulfill your obligations is also part of who you are. On the other hand, perhaps you are simply trying to live up to other people's expectations, in which case the real you is still the same independent person that appeared in you when you were a child.

   Part 2

   Take a step back

   1. Ban yourself from the mirror. Take a step back from the mirror and refuse to look at your reflection for an entire week. This will allow you to reduce the influence of the false perception of your physical self that is maintained daily by looking at your reflection in the mirror.

      • By the end of this period, you may come to the realization that the only one who cares so much about your appearance and who is so critical of it is yourself. Once you force yourself to stop focusing on your physical disabilities, you will be surprised to find that no one insists on focusing on them instead of you. As a result, you will eventually realize that the negative perception of your appearance is not true.

   2. Quiet the noise in your head. Life can be very challenging high demands, and your own thoughts can pull you in hundreds of different directions at once. Simplify your life for a few weeks to minimize the anxious thoughts and negative self-talk that tend to accompany a busy schedule.

      • If you find it too difficult to quickly calm this inner noise, plan ahead for a vacation or weekend that you can devote to calming the inner rowdy. Take maximum care to organize this time so that during your “vacation” you don’t need to do anything. Resolve the issue with all obligations so that no external worries can infiltrate your thoughts at this time.

   3. Encourage others to be honest with you. You need to look at yourself in a new way. Anyone who knows you well most likely has a pretty good idea of ​​who you really are, but the thing is that few people close to you will want to be completely honest with you about your weaknesses. You should find friends who will be honest with you, and convince them not to be afraid to tell you everything as it is.

      • You can make people feel comfortable criticizing you if you learn to criticize yourself constructively. If you can demonstrate constructive self-criticism, people around you won't feel as uncomfortable telling you things like they are.
      • Some people are naturally more willing to tell the truth than others. Most learn to speak the truth to those who are willing to accept it. It's good if you have both in your environment.
      • If people give you constructive criticism, listen carefully and accept what they say. Don't react with anger or force your friends to go back on their word for you.

   4. Put people before yourself. People tend to hate the feeling of their own insignificance, so, as a rule, if a person has a bad opinion of himself, he is looking for someone at the expense of whom he can rise. This greatly distorts self-perception. It is better to find those people whom you consider superior to yourself.

      • If you associate with people you consider better than yourself, it helps you set goals and see what to strive for. No one is perfect, but we often tend to admire people who have positive qualities that we don't. Admiring these people, we become more and more clearly aware of what we ourselves lack, and having realized this, we can strive to acquire them.

   Part 3

   Perceive yourself in a new way

   1. Analyze every point of self-perception you had. After you've taken a vacation and taken a break from your original self-image, take out your newly compiled list and go through each item. Consider how relevant each point is. Spend as much time as necessary on the list.

      • Ask yourself a question about every statement you make about yourself:
        • "Is this really true?"
        • "Can I prove that this is really so? Can I prove that it is not so?"
        • “How does this thought or idea make me react, physically and emotionally?”
        • “Are there any positive aspects this one negative quality? / “Are there any downsides to this positive quality?”

   2. Step outside your comfort zone. Force yourself to test each statement as if you were a beginner who has just started learning something new. Personality strengths and weaknesses tend to be more pronounced in times of uncertainty. Be very aware of your own reactions to better understand what your strengths and weaknesses are.

      • The challenge is to discover something you know nothing about and force yourself to learn it. For example, if you don’t know anything about cooking, then learn how to cook deliciously.
      • You should carefully monitor your reactions during this period. You need to go through this process yourself. Don't rely on other people for this.

   3. Accept all your weaknesses and failures. People hate to make mistakes, but no one is perfect. Instead of denying your failures and mistakes, stop making excuses for yourself and honestly admit everything that was wrong. This includes both what you yourself considered wrong and what you previously denied.

      • Realize that accepting your failures and mistakes is a necessary part of the process of learning about yourself. Additionally, if you ever hope to change these areas of your life, the place to start is by admitting and accepting your mistakes.
      • In addition, you need to get rid of all your excuses. For example, if you are constantly procrastinating, don't try to justify it by saying that you are doing everything anyway, so it doesn't matter. It’s better to just admit to yourself that you are putting everything off until the last minute.

   4. Look inside yourself. When faced with a problem, look for the cause within yourself. The easiest thing to do is always to place the blame on other people, but in order to avoid an exorbitant increase in your ego, you should seriously ask yourself whether you are also to blame for the current situation.

      • Likewise, you should turn to yourself whenever you are tempted to complain about other people. When this happens, stop and ask yourself if these people have a reason to complain about you.

   5. Look at the situation from the outside. Think about your goals, ideas and desires. You may have already justified and explained each of them in your head, but try to imagine what they would all look like if it were not about you, but about another person. If the reaction is mixed, try to figure out why.

      • For example, if you desire a relationship with a certain person and justify yourself in this desire, think about how this desire looks from the side of a person not involved in the situation. If an objective view tells you that you are being naive or irresponsible, you need to recognize this trait in yourself.

   6. Keep a diary. Write down all your discoveries and doubts throughout the process of updating your self-perception. You can write about your feelings, disappointments, worries, or anything else related to the topic. The main thing here is to write regularly and as sincerely as possible.

      • Whenever you sit down to write in your journal, you should write until you come to an awareness of your emotional state.
      • Make sure you write in your journal when there is no distraction.
      Reflect on who you see in yourself and who you would really like to see in yourself. Perhaps this is the same person. If you see differences, determine what you need to transform yourself and make your dream a reality.

No doubt this will be a familiar situation for many of you: the reflection you see in the mirror is nothing like the image you see on the own photos. What is the reason? Is it really the camera that changes your appearance that much? Or should we blame it all on the mirror?

Today we will try to find answers to these questions: what is closer to your real appearance - a reflection or a photograph? And why do we often perceive reflections in the mirror and photographs differently?

Psychological aspect

Most often we look in the mirror at home, in the environment where we feel free and most relaxed. When it comes to photographs, most of the time we take them outside of this cozy environment, surrounded by other people, which means we feel more stressed and unprepared.
Therefore, when you look in the mirror before leaving for a party, you will notice that you like your own reflection. But the next day, when you check the photo, you notice that everything was not so good.

Viewing angle

Another reason for differences in appearance is that people's faces are not symmetrical. And this is true for absolutely everyone, only for some these differences are noticeably greater, for others less. This is where all the confusion lies. Every morning when we look in the mirror, we stand in the same place, which means we see ourselves from our usual point of view.
As a result, we get used to seeing our face from a certain angle. But when it comes to photographs, you can't always control how, when, or from what angle the photo is taken. Unless, of course, you're a star who knows his best sides and always takes photos from only one angle, like, for example, Audrey Hepburn.

White balance

Each type of lighting has its own temperature. But in most cases, when we look in the mirror, we cannot notice this difference. This happens because our brain - a kind of “supercomputer” - automatically smooths out all the differences and “shows” us the complexion to which we are accustomed.
On the other hand, the photograph always shows real lighting, with all the shifts and differences in temperature. When you look in the mirror, even if the lighting comes from different sources and there are many colors and shadows on your face, you still see your usual reflection, while photography forces you to see yourself from the outside and in the lighting that actually exists.

Focus on individual objects

Don't forget that when we look in the mirror, we usually focus on a specific part of our reflection and therefore do not see the overall picture. But when we look at photographs, we perceive everything holistically and notice things that we previously did not pay attention to (for example, poor posture, awkwardly placed hands, etc.).

Mirror image

In reflection, we always see a “mirror” version of ourselves, and this ultimately shapes our perception of what we look like. Photographs, on the other hand, show us how others see us, and this is an unusual perspective that can lead to surprises.

From all that has been said, we can conclude that only photographs give you objective information about your own appearance. But even if you don't always look good in photos, that's no reason to despair! You may have been photographed in inopportune moment, or you simply didn’t have time to suck in your stomach.

Instructions

To learn to see yourself sides, first of all, take a simple step - start a diary. Beautiful, pleasant to hold in your hands. Yes, yes, that's right! It's not burdensome, but incredibly useful. Regularly write down your emotions and impressions of your day in your diary. By re-reading old notes, a little later you will be able to make small discoveries, find the pros and cons, bad and good traits in yourself, and evaluate your actions in a given situation. A diary allows you to take a step back, look at your life and actions from sides and, by the way, often once again make sure that any problems tend to end.

From time to time, psychologists advise using a three-stage analysis system. For example, sit in a chair this evening and try to remember your day in detail. How did it start? Who did you see today? How did it end? The second stage is work. How are things going in the office (school, factory, etc.)? Is everything okay here? If not, why not? The third stage is life in general. Now try to analyze it, and then compare all these three steps. Maybe it's time to change something?

Also, look through old photos and videos of you. Video analysis is especially recommended. It allows you to detect those features in behavior that would not hurt to correct or completely get rid of them. At first, after watching the videos, strong emotions may arise. Your task is to try to move from them to constructive actions to improve your character and your precious life. In general, it is best to see yourself from sides Criticism helps us, the main thing is that it does not turn into constant self-criticism.

Video on the topic

Sources:

• how they see me from the outside

People are born with both strong and weak character traits. If you see only the good in others, but to myself- bad, imbalance occurs. Personality manifests itself in actions, and this is the key to correcting the situation.

Instructions

Look around carefully and find the disorder environment. A person accustomed to order instantly notices scattered things. Those who are accustomed to living in chaos will not pay any attention to them. People tend to see things that they can fix, but they have different talents, so they notice different things. If you pay attention to what you see, you can positively influence the world around us. Depending on the scale of thinking and natural talent, disorder can be noticed in personal affairs, family, society, politics, etc. Please note that this is a creative type of thinking, not a judgmental one. The difference is the willingness to make an effort rather than just talk.

Do a self-assessment to see if you have the potential to declutter. If you think that you can’t do something, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have talent, it’s just that your self-esteem is low. You're not ready for great job. Then go back to step one and find something simpler.

Make a plan and attract resources. A good business requires conscientious preparation. You don’t have to improve your life alone; you can inspire others who agree with your vision of the situation. Resources can be tools, knowledge, money, permission from authorized persons, etc.

Most people do not understand their actions and the motives for their actions. This confuses many who think about the meaning of life and what to do next.

Psychologists have developed special questions that will help you and the reasons for your actions, emotions, and failures. These questions are very simple, but they are absolutely necessary to ask yourself if you want to find out who you really are. Try answering the questions first and then reading the transcript to see if you know yourself well enough.

Who am I?

This is a rather difficult question, the answer to which cannot be found immediately. That's the whole point. You need to answer this as quickly as possible, otherwise you're in trouble. Every successful person should know who he is. The answer could be anything. YOU can answer: fireman, doctor, beautiful girl, good friend, athlete and so on.

What do I love most?

You shouldn’t think too long here either. Love is a pretty broad thing. Answer this question specifically. The question contains the word “what,” so answers like “your husband” or “your wife” or “mother” are prohibited.

What is my future?

There is also a philosophical catch here. One can answer that the future does not matter, because only the present plays a special role, but pragmatic people always think much longer when answering this question than in the case of previous questions.

How far are my dreams from me?

This is a good question for people over 30. Life is about making dreams come true. This is a kind of equivalent to happiness, because the more goals you achieve, the happier you are. Ask yourself this question more often in everyday life.

How can I describe myself?

What qualities do you have? Try asking someone around you to answer this question and answer it yourself, without knowing what your friend answered. If your opinion differs for the worse, then you have low self-esteem. The qualities should be approximately the same for you and for the observer, since narcissism does not always lead to good things.

What are my shortcomings?

You always need to know what you need to work on. Everyone has shortcomings. Anyone who is familiar with them will follow the right path.

What am I hiding from people?

Assess your fears, your cockroaches. Share what you said to yourself now. Tell this to someone who will definitely tell no one. It is advisable that this is not your soulmate, neither brother, nor sister, nor mother or father. Let it be a casual acquaintance. Let him tell you his opinion about your secrets. Develop your courage.

What pisses me off most about people?

You just described something that irritates you and about yourself. Get rid of this so that people become different for you, so that your environment is cleared of qualities that you hate. Most likely, you attract it in some way.

What are my dependencies?

Smoking, alcohol, computer games, Internet. The list could go on forever. The problem is that a person cannot live without addictions. A person can find such an addiction that his friends, relatives and himself would not suffer from.

What do I regret?

You can't regret anything. Don't even think about it. If you have offended someone in the past, then ask the person for forgiveness, but do not regret what you did, because you would have done it anyway.

What are the most important things in my life?

As the hero of Chuck Palahniuk’s novel once said: “Only by losing everything completely do we gain freedom.” That’s right - don’t tie yourself to your super phone for an insane amount of money, to your apartment, to your car. If something brings you discomfort, then get rid of it. Does your car break down? It's time to sell it. Don't accumulate trash around you.

What is the meaning of life?

This main question all people. If you can answer it, then you are on the right track.

What is love to me?

The simplest question, which will show you what you should do for your loved one. The answer to this question is the answer to the question: “How to love a person correctly so that he loves me?”

Please note that all questions are directed to the present tense. Forget about the past. There is no time or point in analyzing it, because it has been forgotten. Only this minute, this day matters. Happiness is something that is always with you. Learn to generate it, because it is impossible to do right for everyone and it is impossible to be good for everyone. Good and evil are relative. Ask yourself these questions periodically so as not to lose the thread leading to happiness. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

Demonstrating empathy, a willingness to understand someone else's point of view, can be a powerful tool. When you make the other person feel heard, you set the stage for them to listen to you in turn. Empathy is useful in almost any stuck situation, and being understanding is a skill worth developing.

Change your intonation

Sometimes you can significantly influence the response of your interlocutor by changing not even the content, but only the tone of your own statements. The pitch of your voice, the speed of your speech, whether you wait for a pause to respond or interrupt the interlocutor - all this has an impact. great importance. By varying these parameters, you can radically change your relationship.

If you usually talk, try speaking more slowly. If you have a habit of shouting, watch yourself vigilantly so as not to do it again. Pausing between your interlocutor's question and your answer is an effective and underappreciated means of changing an unconstructive situation. Try to maintain a short but distinct pause before answering, and you will notice the result.

Develop “stereoscopic vision”

Each of us needs to learn to look at the situation from a different angle - not replacing ours with a new point of view, but combining one with the other. We must see the situation underneath different angles simultaneously. This is not replacing a “wrong” perception with a “correct” one. This is the acquisition of “stereoscopic vision”. This is an auxiliary skill for getting out of a stagnant situation. I call this skill flexibility of thinking.

Tell the story differently

There is a simple way to better understand someone else's point of view, even in times of conflict - the "Tell the Story Differently" method. It seems easy to tell another version of what is happening - you just need to describe the situation from the point of view of the other side.

But when you try to do this, you constantly mix in your own remarks. Whereas you need to learn to tell a different version, not even in a neutral tone, but with a “reverse bias,” that is, giving preference to someone else’s point of view. Exactly as someone else would tell it. This does not mean that the story told is true. However, letting go of value judgments and seeking to understand others will help you achieve flexibility of thinking, which is a prerequisite for breaking through impasse.

Take a look at yourself from the outside

Have you ever heard your voice recorded? I can guarantee your first reaction was, “Oh my god, I can’t be saying that.” Perhaps you even suspected that the recording was mixed up: “I don’t really have such a nasal voice, do I?”, “Do I mumble so badly?” This is a natural reaction. Just like the voice on an answering machine, our perceptions of how others perceive us may be very different from how they actually perceive us.

As a rule, the less we like what is happening, the less aware we are of our behavior. Looking at yourself from the outside can be an unexpected experience. It is quite natural to resist here. But if you dare and try, it will not only help you overcome a stagnant situation, but also give you the opportunity to learn something new about your behavior and learn a lesson for the future.

Last parable

The martial artist decided to teach his students an important lesson. He suggested that they attack him all at once and try to take him to the ground. A serious fight ensued, the students tried their best, but the teacher invariably repelled the blows, dodged and still stood firmly on his feet.

After this, the teacher asked the students what new they had learned. One of them raised his hand and said: “I think I have discovered your secret, teacher. You repelled our attacks so successfully because you never lost your balance.” To this the teacher replied: “Quite the opposite, I kept losing my balance. But I immediately found it again.”

Likewise, readers of The Power of Empathy will not master magical power, which will forever protect them from difficult situations. But they will have in their hands a means that will allow them to extinguish the conflict in its infancy or successfully get out of it if it does gain full power.

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt: “The best thing you can do is do the right thing. If this is not possible, then the best thing to do is to do the wrong thing. And the worst thing is to do nothing at all.”

Based on materials from the book “The Power of Empathy.”