How to protect a teenager from bad influences. How to protect a teenager from bad influences

It's no secret that adolescence is one of the most difficult periods in the lives of our children, and in ours too. This is the time for the formation of various harmful addictions, a time of disharmony between the teenager’s inner worldview and the demands of society. For our children, their friends become their authority figures. But the life example of such comrades is not always positive.

Total control of the child

Imagine that your teenage child, with a distorted perception of the whole world, suddenly falls under the influence of bad company. In this very group of so-called “comrades”, your child has become addicted to all sorts of bad habits, did not understand at all the desired model behavior, learned to be rude and swear. Of course, as a responsible parent, you begin to take action. And most often they resemble Stalin's times. Any free thought means execution or exile. But if the great leader did this physically, then the parents often put moral pressure.

Suddenly, imperceptibly, everyone becomes a philosopher, a judge and a Chinese sage at the same time. Usually this is expressed in long, frequent and, however, leading nowhere conversations and moralizing. They most often carry a negative connotation. The teenager finds at least ten answers to every word you say. Result: everything just gets worse. In fact, teenagers have a tendency to contradict and, out of principle, do what they are told not to do. Moreover, the more strongly you express your dissatisfaction, the more resistance your child has.

Think about it! Is it worth banning everything, including little things, and limiting a teenager’s communication with friends too much?

Liberal permissive attitude towards teenagers

However, not all parents behave like prison guards. There is another extreme - to let everything take its course. Such parents have something like a motto: you should definitely try everything in life! Well, just think, your child drinks beer, smokes, swears, and dresses too provocatively. This will all certainly pass. And it passes... Sometimes... Rarely. Basically, as a child grows up, his habits also “grow up.” And here, dear parents, you are unlikely to be able to do anything. While your child is growing, you can show your authority, but then it becomes more difficult to do so.

We have already said that teenagers are greatly influenced by their friends. As soon as you said that the influence was bad, your children proved the opposite to you. In the end, you gave up and gave up. Now your child is absolutely free in his actions. You think that the child can do as he wants, but he will still get bored sooner or later.

Think about it! What if the epiphany comes too late? Is it really worth the risk of allowing a teenager to do whatever he wants and communicate with anyone he wants? And do you really think that you will regain your child’s respect in this way?

Democracy in relations between parents and children

So, total control gives rise to a rebellious mood, a permissive attitude makes it possible to behave as you please, be in any company and listen to the advice of not entirely necessary comrades. There is another model of relationships between parents and adolescents - democratic.

Here there is a certain synthesis of the previous two. On the one hand, you must control your child’s actions, but at the same time, try to give him the opportunity to choose and make decisions on his own. Teenagers begin to position themselves as adults. So you need to communicate with them like an adult. It is necessary to have confidential conversations, over a cup of tea, for example. Under no circumstances should you prevent your child from seeing his friends. Try to teach him to draw conclusions from the words and actions of these same comrades, try to become a friend for the child. Yes, usually it is very difficult for parents, but believe me, it is possible. You yourself will then like that your child asks for your advice and trusts you with secrets already in adolescence.

Your task is not to forbid your child to communicate with certain people, but to push him so that he himself understands who surrounds him and what to do about it. By the way, you can tell me what to do. But delicately, without quarrels and scandals. Just to give friendly advice.

If you want to protect your child, remember:

• prohibit less;
• talk to him more, try to highlight the importance of his decisions;
• don’t leave everything completely to chance;
• Don’t try to protect your child from milestones, experiences, friends and habits.
• shout less, have a dialogue.

Our children are the most important thing in our lives. Let them have their own head on their shoulders, which will help them understand who is who in this world and make their existence more joyful and warm!

And you will find that very cherished middle ground that will help you prevent your child’s mistakes and become the best for him among all.

Especially forLadySpecial.ru - Marie Matveyuk

Any parents want to see their child as a successful, happy and decent person. But sometimes something goes wrong and the child gets involved with bad company. Naturally, this leads to disastrous consequences. What to do to prevent a teenager from falling under the influence of bad company?

Causes

Why is he looking for communication with such companies? There can be many reasons. But here are the main ones:
the child lacks attention in the family– if parents are constantly busy, communicate little or practically do not pay attention to the child, then he strives to get it in another place, namely: in a company;

novelty of emotions– if a family pays a lot of attention to rules and various prohibitions, then over time the child gets tired of this and, if he sees how other children behave (swearing, fighting), such behavior will seem more interesting, unusual and more attractive to him than constant observance rules;

uncertainty– if a teenager is timid and unsure of himself, then the bully seems to him to be an authority. After all, he is not afraid of anyone. Moreover, the child does not think that such behavior may be caused by the bully’s inferiority complex. The teenager only sees the outer mask and believes it. He begins to copy the behavior of such hooligans or become friends with them, and all because he hopes to become as confident and courageous;

adult misbehavior– a child can take revenge on his parents if, in his opinion, they behave incorrectly. And revenge will be expressed precisely in communication with bad company;

misunderstanding in the family– if parents do not listen to the teenager’s opinion and do not understand him, the child has no choice but to seek understanding on the street;

low self-esteem – if a child considers himself ugly, stupid, etc., then he can get involved with a bad company, since he will believe that they will not take him to another. Moreover, in such a company, other children will treat him with fear and respect, which means that self-esteem will increase;

– if adults do not want to take into account the child’s opinion and make an unfair decision (in the teenager’s opinion), he protests this way – by getting involved with bad company;

admiration for such companies– bad companies often look attractive in the eyes of other children and act as informal leaders. A teenager can admire such guys and strive to get into their company, then the illusion of being involved in something important is created;

overprotectiveness– if a child cannot take a single step without parental approval, this leads to the fact that the teenager strives to break out of such care. As a result, he may fall into bad company.

So, first you need to find out the reasons why the child has fallen or may fall into bad company. And then act.

How can parents cope with the situation?

Naturally, it is important to act in accordance with the reasons that prompted the teenager to behave in this way. That is, if a child lacks attention, communicate more with him and spend time together. If parents realize that they usually do not listen to the child’s opinion, change their behavior. And if adults recognize themselves in overly caring parents, it is worth giving the child more freedom and independence.

You can protect your child from bad company if you communicate with him a lot, spend time together, share experiences, listen to his opinion and trust him.

And here are a few more useful tips:

it is important to be an example for a child- not only how to behave correctly, but also how to have fun, how to communicate;
Find more interesting activities for your teenager – sport sections, various clubs, creative master classes will allow you not only to learn something interesting, but also to find new friends;
spend leisure time with the whole family– you don’t have to do this every day or every weekend. However, at least a couple of times a month you can all go on a hike, a picnic, a ski trip, play volleyball or snowballs together;
give the child more freedom– it’s important for a teenager. Therefore, you should not constantly interfere in his life;
increase self-esteem– if a teenager has problems with self-esteem, it is necessary to increase it. For example, find something in which he succeeds or can succeed and help the child or guide him. In addition, praise your teenager more often and give him tasks that he can complete, that are truly important and not too easy. This will help the child become more self-confident;
confidence– Trust is very important in a relationship. If a child has been accustomed since childhood to sharing his thoughts and feelings with his parents, and his parents have always listened to him attentively, then there is unlikely to be a problem with the influence of bad company;
if the child has already contacted bad company- You shouldn’t constantly scold and blame him. It is better to gently and carefully convey to the teenager why it is better not to communicate with such guys, and the child should think that he came to this idea on his own.

Parents should carefully guide the child, and not force or order.

February 2012 brought a sad “harvest” of suicides among teenagers aged 14-15. First, the boy who hanged himself in Yakutsk. Then a boy from Moscow who jumped from the 14th floor after a quarrel with his parents. Girls from Lobnya who jumped from the roof. By February 11, the REN-TV channel reported 10 cases in different points Russia, but with a sad pattern - all of these were students in grades 8-9. Unfortunately, you can no longer help these children. Psychologists work with their parents, and some are under investigation on charges of “incitement to suicide.”

The most important thing we can do now is answer the questions: is it possible to protect your child? And how can one recognize that he is ready for the worst thing - to take his own life?

Why might a teenager want to commit suicide?

1. Difficult relationships in the family, with parents and other loved ones.

Usually, we're talking about about numerous conflicts, “misunderstandings,” moral or even physical humiliation, disrespect for the child’s personality, his desires and aspirations. There is a “conflict of dependent relationships” here. The teenager is still very emotionally attached to his parents, but at the same time he is already beginning to realize the need to “separation” from them. Difficult age provokes conflict situations, and if the parents are too harsh, despotic and cruel, the son or daughter tries to devalue their personalities, cultivating a hostile attitude towards them. But since identification with mother and father is still strong, this leads to a decrease in the teenager’s self-esteem. If the process goes further, life itself depreciates. In this case, suicide may be perceived as the only way to restore the “status quo” and, through it, one’s own value. And if an adult in this situation understands that suicide will not improve the relationship, then the teenager still does not assess the situation realistically enough. In addition, he may have the hope that he will be saved “at the last moment,” which, unfortunately, is often not justified.

IMPORTANT! Try to be understanding of your child's desires and aspirations. Maintain a respectful attitude. Even if you scold him, do not use offensive epithets, talk only about problematic behavior, about what bothers you. Be sure to discuss what way out he sees from the current situation. Don't insult his personality and feelings! If you see that you can’t cope, go to parenting competence training.

2. Unrequited love.

A teenager’s self-esteem suffers significantly if the object of his affection rejects him, especially after a period of “relationship”. Mostly when he is “replaced” by someone else. If the attachment is great, then the same laws of “conflict of dependent relationships” come into force, but only aimed at the object of love.

IMPORTANT! It’s good if you are aware of your child’s “love affairs.” Of course, this is possible with a certain amount of trust and a sufficient degree of closeness between you. Therefore, try to maintain a respectful relationship between you. In this case, there is a high probability that, after crying on your shoulder, your child will be comforted, and it will not occur to him to say goodbye to life.

3. Humiliation in educational institutions.

Not all teenagers react sharply to the rudeness and disrespectful attitude of teachers. To commit suicide for this reason, the academic field must be of paramount importance to him. A strong emotional attachment to teachers is rather an exception. Therefore, this reason may become the “last straw” if there are insurmountable conflicts in other areas of the child’s life. Suicide notes containing indications of demeaning behavior by teachers may be an attempt to cover up the real problem that led to the decision to commit suicide, as well as revenge.

IMPORTANT! Monitor your teen's relationship with their teachers. Even if he is "difficult", do not allow him to be humiliated. Recommend him communication training, where he can increase his own social competence and reduce conflict in communication.

4. Acute grief reaction.

Teenagers, with their emotional instability, are at greater risk of committing suicide in the wake of acute grief than adults. The death of a loved one, friend, loss of home, news of an incurable illness, rape - all these are serious reasons that can lead a teenager to an unbearable situation and the desire to “end it all.” An attempt to take one's own life can occur at almost any time during the first year after the incident. If he "did nothing" in the first hours or days, this should not deceive your vigilance.

IMPORTANT! If your teenager has experienced a traumatic situation, seek help from a psychotherapist. In this case, it is especially important to get help from a professional who knows about the stages of grief and knows how to help. Be close to your child, talk to him, provide support, outline plans for the future. Anyone who sees the future will not commit suicide.

On the way to making a decision

A teenager does not commit suicide right away, especially if it is not a state of acute grief. In all other cases, it goes through a certain path at which it can be stopped.

The appearance of suicidal thoughts

This is the initial stage when the child begins to “try on” – still timidly – ​​the possibility of committing suicide. You can pay attention to the fact that he has developed an increased interest in everything related to death, that stories about completed suicides do not cause a reaction of rejection in him. Suicidal thoughts can manifest themselves in jokes about this topic. Of course, a certain amount of “black humor” is present in the speech of each of us. But the “critical amount” and the special pleasure obtained in this case should alert you.

Suicidal intentions

If the teenager has moved on, he begins to think about how exactly his death could happen. For example, look for information on the Internet about how suicides are committed. If aesthetics are important to him, he can choose a way so that his body doesn’t look disgusting afterwards. He may even ask his parents about some things related to death. If this topic is raised in his presence, he will most likely act as an informed theorist. This should alert parents. Be especially attentive to the phrases: “Soon you will have no one to scold,” “If there is no me, there will be no problems,” and the like.

Preparation

At this stage, a person has already made a decision and is preparing to implement it, finally choosing a method, place and time. At this time, his mood may improve, which often deceives loved ones, who may decide that “the crisis is over.” But this is not so: after the decision is made, temporary relief comes. You may be alarmed that your child is giving expensive things to one of his friends or in some other way “putting things in order.” He may have a hiding place in which he will store something related to a future action. At this stage, the teenager can once again warn someone that he will soon be gone. It is important not to take this for manipulation and take it seriously!

Implementation

A future suicide may be waiting for an “opportunity,” some last straw that will overflow the cup of patience. For example, it could even be a small regular quarrel with parents. They may then be perplexed: nothing special happened! There is no need to deceive yourself: everything accumulated much earlier. Sometimes, in order to make it less scary, a teenager involves his boyfriend or girlfriend in the action, who may decide to do this due to emotional attachment. But the same friend or girlfriend can stop someone who has decided to do so if they do not have a critical mass of problems.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW!

(R. Shader, 1998)

- most suicides share their intentions and sorrows before death;
- Suicide is rarely an impulsive act. Much more often it is preceded by a period of preparation, and there are many signs of increased risk of suicide;
- suicide is usually preceded by attempts to find consolation and help; the decision can take quite a long time;
— a predisposition to suicide is not inherited and is not a character trait, although the risk increases if such cases have occurred in the family or social circle;
- the improvement that you can observe can be deceptive, and under the external calm there can be hidden a firmly made decision, and a certain increase in strength only helps to accomplish your plans.

Completed suicide is a suicide that results in death. Incomplete – an “unsuccessful” attempt, as a result of which the person was saved.

Every baby, passing into this beautiful world, does not carry a bad intention. But why does your child, at eight, ten, thirteen, fifteen years old, suddenly have new friends that adults have never heard of? Why do these new friends instantly become closer and more necessary to the baby than their parents? Why does the baby, at every opportunity, try to run away from home to these Denises, Marinas, Petyas?

Teachers say that it is not uncommon for a teenager to try to make friends with a child who has character traits that are unusual for him. In other words, a shy, repressed and insecure daughter follows on the heels of the one who, at the age of 14, has gone through thick and thin. And the timid kid begins to make friends with the desperate and brave one, the silent one with the talker, the obedient and quiet one with the bully. Naturally, adults, having learned about such friendship, begin to worry: will their baby be manipulated and used for their own purposes? Will he turn from a quiet person into a difficult teenager?

Ways to solve the problem - how to protect your child from bad company

It’s a pity, but many parents in such situations make the same mistake: they strictly forbid the teenager to be friends and play with specific children. Do you think results can be achieved this way? Maybe in some situations it is possible - if your authority with the child is higher than the authority of the school or yard informal leader. But it’s not uncommon for children to start doing everything out of spite, especially in... Their contradictions rule them. Often the baby simply stops telling you. Where was he? What did you do. You become poorly informed, do you need it? “Secret”, “shadow” friendship is very suspicious, it smacks of interesting adventures. And what kid would refuse fun adventures and the opportunity to lead a shadow life? It can be very difficult to distract a teenager and tear him away from his friends in such a situation.

Simpler and effective method- Allow your child to be friends with all his friends. Do it from pure heart, no matter how hard it may be. You can’t be biased towards new friends: what if he’s just so conflicted, uncontrollable, rude at first, but in reality he’s a wonderful person whose character traits really complement the character traits of your teenager? Look at these friends with different eyes and try to find something good and attractive in them, because your teenager saw something in them. And if teenage criminals actually come to visit, don’t worry and don’t kick them out if you’ve already let them in. Explain to your teenager correct solution. There is one important point, which can reassure you: not uncommonly, children's friendships are fleeting. After the winter or summer holidays, children find new friends, but may not even remember the old ones. Wait a while - maybe the situation will “resolve” itself.

"Switching Interests"

Maybe your teenager lacks hobbies in life, but there, in the company, they offer him mutual assistance, “friendship to the grave,” risky adventures. Some children try to travel on trains and buses as “hares”, traveling far from home. Of course it's interesting! Some people like to sing with a guitar, bake potatoes, or sit in a vacant lot in front of a fire. For others, riding motorcycles is scary, but you can’t be a weakling! There are plenty of opportunities to get a thrill and assert yourself.

Try to find an activity for your teenager that can fully satisfy the craving for interesting adventures. After all, you have as many opportunities as others! There are sports sections - not only volleyball and football, but also karting, karate, boxing. Let better baby will climb rocks under the supervision of an instructor, and jump from a parachute, rather than disappearing unknown where and with whom. There are also clubs in which they engage in speleology, archeology, mountaineering and tourism, looking for traces of destroyed cities, going down into caves, going on hikes...Romance? Risk? Yes, it is - but it is an organized adventure!

What about the scouts? After all, your teenager will definitely appreciate the loyalty and brotherhood of scouts - and this will turn out to be your victory. In other words, use your mind, find out what clubs and sections exist in your city - and go ahead! Don't worry if you don't succeed the first time. After all, maybe your baby doesn’t like climbing mountains, but is more attracted to competitions in the pool or scuba diving. It is not uncommon that he himself does not know what he really wants - in such a situation, help him choose the type of entertainment.

What to do if a teenager is already in bad company?

It’s bad if a child is dragged into their network by bad company. There are many situations when group crimes are committed by children with prosperous families, and it is difficult for them to explain why they did this. “Crowd effect”, “herd instinct” - such concepts were invented for this phenomenon experienced psychologists. This is a powerful force that is difficult to resist. If such a situation happens, the task of adults is to find the reason. It’s not uncommon for a teenager to find himself in such a company feeling like an outcast, rejected - despised in class, not understood at home... What else can he do? Just make friends out of spite with various hooligans: be surprised and envy!

Try to test the waters: is the teenager really comfortable with such friends, or is he doing this to spite everyone. Probably he himself is no longer very happy with the situation in which he finds himself? And he’s afraid to ask you for help. In such a situation, you need to let him know that you will not punish or scold him - no matter what happens. The child must be sure that his parents will understand him and accept anyone.

If there is no parental trust in your home, then adult prohibitions can play an unfavorable role - pushing the teenager towards someone whom he can trust more. That's why The best way protect a teenager from bad friends and unwanted communication - friendly and trusting relationships in the family. Such a relationship should begin with the birth of the baby. But, if you are late, it has never been too late to correct the situation, to put your relationship on the right path. You can make friends with a child even when they are adults - of course, it will not be the same kind of friendship.