Most people often worry about what other people will think of them. And it doesn’t matter whether they are loved ones or strangers from the street. Psychologists say that this behavior is associated with our perception of ourselves as individuals. It often happens that a choice, whether it’s a job or even choosing a couple for a relationship, is much more difficult for us due to the fear of judgment and criticism from others. This is one of the most big problems personality perception. What does it mean to be independent from the opinions of others?

Why do we pay attention to the opinions of others, even if we don’t want to?

Sometimes criticism from the outside can be very useful, and sometimes even the fear of condemnation protects us from wrong actions. If everyone absolutely did not care about the opinions of people around them, then moral standards would immediately fade into the background. Someone would start running naked in in public places, someone would start fights, and passers-by would pass by, and so on. Therefore, the obvious conclusion to be drawn here is that fear of judgment can serve a useful purpose. protective function for the body. Why do we pay attention to what people around us think about us, how can we not pay attention to the opinions of others? Everything is simple here. Our own perception of our personality is based on the good and bad opinions of the people around us. It works this way: people around you are sure that you are a sweet, kind person who will always come to the rescue, and each person strives to maintain their image so that their own perception of the individual does not suffer. But, unfortunately, everything is not so simple, because personality is not about what others think, it’s just you and me. The question of what people will say should remain a thing of the past.

Why do we need the opinions of others?

Of course, it is hardly possible not to pay 100% attention to the opinions of people around you. Even the most confident people listen to criticism from people they care about. We all live in society, so to some extent we always depend on the opinions of people. And that's okay. However, the problem of excessive worry and even real dependence on what others say is a real problem not of one thousand, or even hundreds of thousands of people.

We live in limitations that we have created for ourselves. This prevents us from living a full, vibrant life, opening up to something new and enjoying every little thing around us. Just imagine what the world would be like if every person did only what he liked, communicated only with those he liked, lived the way he wanted, and not as society dictates. Probably, the Earth would begin to rotate faster from that energy if each person did not pay attention to the opinions of others. Such a life is the purpose of existence of almost every person. At least it should be. Repeat to yourself: “I don’t care what people think of me.” Now you need to figure out what to do if the opinions of others have become a real addiction.

How to overcome the fear of judgment and not pay attention to the opinions of people around you

Recognizing a problem is already half the battle in the process of solving it. The problem of dependence on others has been studied by psychologists for decades. You can try to solve it using following rules that everyone should learn. How to change your attitude towards other people's opinions?

Don't invent unnecessary problems

If every word or action you say is accompanied by endless thoughts about what others will say, congratulations - you have an addiction. To start fighting it, just try to realize that you are not the center of the universe, and most people around you are simply not interested in you, they are also busy thinking about what others will say about themselves. So if you feel like you're being judged, just think about the fact that people around you probably don't care. Try the situation on yourself; you don’t think about every first person you meet, forming a detailed opinion about everyone. The following exercise will help you realize this state of affairs: do something that seems out of the ordinary to you and see how others react to it. You will notice that you will only hear comments from your friends or acquaintances, when others will simply pass by with complete indifference. Remember, no one thinks about you except your family.

Just think for a second that we all live once and life is a very short thing, it turns out that you are ready to allow the opinions and thoughts of strangers to ruin this very life for you? Sounds stupid, don't you agree? Once you start thinking about all the problems from this perspective, you will realize that most of them are simply not worth your attention. Psychologists advise not to take other people’s opinions into account for another good reason: their views change dramatically over time. This is especially true for fashion. Let's say you were one of the first to buy a fanny pack and heard a lot of ridicule around you. We came home, got upset, threw the bag on the farthest shelf, and two weeks later every second person walks around with such an accessory. Shall we get the bag back? And this applies to every little thing, be it a haircut, be it the shape of the eyebrows. In this world, everything changes, and human opinion first of all.

How not to depend on the opinions of others

Everything is simple here, in order not to depend on other people’s opinions, we just need to minimize those cases when we have to think about the opinions of others. Fortunately, this is possible, you just need to be confident in yourself and your actions. Probably, every person in his life has encountered such a “phenomenon”, which, despite the strange clothing, speech, behavior, was normally perceived by the people around him without a drop of condemnation. It turns out that if you are confident in yourself and in your actions, this confidence is transmitted through airborne droplets to the people around you. If you put on a brand new fanny pack and feel extremely awkward with it on the street, those around you will start to feel the same way about you. And some will even consider it necessary to assert themselves at your expense. But the situation changes dramatically if you walk confidently with the same bag, with your head held high, completely ignoring everyone around you. In that case, what will others do? They will say that they also want such a bag. Here it will become easier not to pay attention to the opinions of others.

Self-love is the foundation

If you constantly condemn yourself, hate yourself, and so on, of course, the thought that the people around you have the same opinion about you will not leave you. The problem here lies in self-created beliefs. Accepting yourself is not so easy, often you can’t even do it without the help of a psychologist, but it’s really perfect solution Problems. Let's try to figure out how to accept yourself. Let's start by analyzing what you don't like about yourself and it would be best to write it down point by point on paper. Now evaluate what you wrote and think about how to change it in yourself.

The most banal thing is you fat man, decide how to fix it. Choose the right clothes to feel comfortable or get rid of extra pounds. It happens that we cannot change what we don’t like about ourselves. For example, height. In this case, just think about the fact that things could be even worse than they are. There will always be people who are more “less than ideal” in your understanding and have the same problem. But there is also a danger here; it will be even more difficult to accept yourself if you start looking for flaws in everyone and constantly analyzing what else could be changed in yourself. The challenge of self-acceptance is to do it as you are. And only after some time will you realize how insignificant those thoughts that were spinning in your head earlier can be considered. You will begin to relate to everything more simply and stop driving yourself into a corner over trifles. As the well-known R. Bradbury wrote, every person can get what he needs, but only if you really need it. Understand that the opinions of others in psychology mean almost nothing.

Control yourself

Don't know how to ignore the opinions of others? Control yourself! If you have your own point of view, this does not mean that you need to ignore other people's opinions. There will always be people who have more experience, therefore, they are more competent in some matters and can help you build a business, for example. Before you make a decision, you need to understand whether it is determined by your own needs or imposed by others. It may often seem that the decision was made independently, but in reality it turns out that our parents, spouse, friends made it for us, and we simply voiced their will as our desire.

The most common example is that it’s time to get married, the clock is ticking, everyone already has a family, but you don’t. And then the search begins for “well, at least someone,” just to be like everyone else. People buy what they don't need because it's fashionable, pretend to be someone they're not, just to meet other people's expectations. Therefore, before you make a decision, be sure to think about whether you need it, otherwise it is very easy to go astray. Fear of the opinions of others is a dream killer.

Learn to ignore other people's opinions if they are not constructive

Criticism is good, but only if it is justified. The famous writer Elbert Hubbrad believed that if a person is afraid that his actions will be criticized, then “do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” Naturally, no one wants to “be anyone,” so we learn to accept constructive criticism addressed to you and analyze it.

The well-known Steve Jobs, in his speech to Stanford graduates, said: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Criticism from experienced, competent people, which is reasoned and justified, will only help you develop and grow. Oscar Wilde said that those who cannot create something of their own criticize without reason, and thus people simply assert themselves. You need to feel sorry for them, and it is better to treat them with humor and slight irony. This way, you can stop thinking about the opinions of others.

What is self-doubt

Self-doubt is your most main enemy, which prevents you from achieving goals and success in any endeavor. And if fear is a completely normal feeling that accompanies any undertaking, then doubt own strength can be called the most big problem. And this applies to absolutely every area of ​​life. Be it the decision to start your own business, change of job or profession, choice of a future couple and any important step in life can be accompanied by doubts and endless analysis. However, it is precisely these doubts that can become a real problem in the adoption process. the right decision. And if doubts are the norm, then self-doubt is your worst enemy.

Uncertainty comes in different forms

Now let’s try to figure out how to get rid of the ever-present feeling of constant self-doubt. Someone doubts their external beauty, someone is not confident in their professional abilities, someone believes that they are not worthy of a good relationship. They just aren't sure they can handle it. You can combat this with two simple exercises; it is only important to perform them on a regular basis for at least a month. Ideally, as much as it takes to forget about your crippling insecurities forever. So, let's get started with exercises that will teach you how not to depend on the opinions of others:

• The first exercise is to leave behind phrases like “I’m fat,” “I’m not beautiful,” “I’m stupid,” and so on. This is at least impolite towards those who really have problems and physical defects in appearance. Now we make it a habit to smile at our reflection in the mirror every free minute and start every morning with three compliments about ourselves. Works flawlessly! And the last rule of this exercise is to correct shortcomings that haunt you. I do not like excess weight? Losing a few pounds is the best thing you can do for yourself and your health. And there are also makeup artists, hairdressers, cosmetologists, the essence of whose work is to make their clients beautiful and happy. It's up to you. If you don’t have extra money, you can always practice yourself at home.
• Never be afraid of mistakes. Constantly remind yourself that all great people achieved their success through mistakes and failures. What would happen if each of them gave up? The world would be deprived of many worthy discoveries, music, and inventions. We all know that only those who do nothing make no mistakes. The phrase is as old as the world, but does not lose its relevance to this day. Lack of motivation? Study biographies famous people, and you will understand that mistakes are not the lot of the weak, they are normal.
• Don't forget that you, like anyone else, deserve happiness. Repeat one phrase to yourself every morning: “I can handle this.” All the people you admire started small. It was easier for some, and even more difficult for others than for you. But what would happen if every millionaire doubted his abilities when working as a postman, like Donald Trump? They took risks, they won, they fell and they rose. And the same thing awaits you. Try keeping a diary of your achievements, but don't be modest and get out of your comfort zone as often as possible. If something new scares you to the core, then it’s time to do something new. Several times a week, do something unusual, in other words, leave your comfort zone.

To maximize the effect of the exercises, and to make it easier to track your changes in yourself, keep a diary where you note your achievements and mistakes, which can then be easily analyzed.

We are satisfied with life when our loved ones love and wait for us and significant people. This dependence can be taken for granted and “don’t scratch where it doesn’t itch.” What to do if it doesn’t give you peace public opinion? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who thinks what about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? A famous woman once said: “I don’t care what you think about me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about other people’s opinions, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.

People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most people need the approval of others, sometimes even those they don’t like. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once stated: “... Believe me, I care what people think about me... because I’m not a robot "

Impressionable people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young people, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps they will feel better when they learn about the “18-40-60” rule by American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, including “Change your brain, change your life!” He assures his patients who suffer from complexes, lack self-confidence and are overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18 you care what others think of you, at 40 you no longer care, and at 60 you understand what others think about you.” They don’t think at all.”

Where does this dependence on other people’s opinions, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers, come from?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming your interlocutor and making a favorable impression on him. After all, as they say, “ kind word and it’s nice for the cat.”

It's about about something else: about cases when, in an effort to be liked, a person says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not as he is comfortable, but as his friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their lives. How many destinies have failed because the opinions of others were put above one’s own!

Such problems have always existed – as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., noted: “Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner.”

Psychologists say that dependence on other people’s opinions is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people don’t value themselves is another question. Perhaps they were “shut down” by authoritarian parents or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities due to successive failures. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings not worthy of anyone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, unloved and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or to be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”

By the way, the well-known work of A. Griboyedov, “Woe from Wit,” written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?” In this work, Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not taken into account and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. Essentially, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a feeling of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.

True, there is another extreme: one’s own opinion, desires and feelings are placed above all else. Such people live by the principle: “There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one.” But this, as they say, “is a completely different story.”

Is it possible to learn not to depend on other people's opinions?

As secretary Verochka said from the film “Office Romance,” if you want, “you can teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself

And for this, first of all, you need a strong desire. Writer Ray Bradbury told people: “You can get whatever you need if you really need it.”

Changing yourself means changing the way you think. Anyone who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, he is not satisfied with it). After all, everything we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth thinking about what is paramount for us – our own life or the illusions of other people.

Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to others. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.

There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact everything has already been decided for us by friends, parents, colleagues. A young man is forced into marriage because “it’s the right thing” and “it’s time,” because all his friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some kind of food with her to the village during the holidays. young man, passing her off as her husband, because the mother is ashamed in front of the neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need and have expensive weddings just to meet other people's expectations.

When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking yourself how well it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it’s easy to let yourself be led astray from your own path in life;

3. Love yourself

Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will judge us. There are so many people, so many opinions – it’s impossible to please everyone. Yes, I’m “not a piece of gold to please everyone,” said some literary hero.

So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Isn't it better to take a closer look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a single whole.

A person who does not love his home does not put it in order and does not decorate it. Someone who doesn’t love himself doesn’t care about his own development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he doesn’t have his own opinion and passes off someone else’s as his own;

4. Stop overthinking

Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of others. A married colleague had an affair with a co-worker. No one was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered and in the end quit, unable to stand, as he believed, the behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is concerned primarily with his own problems.

All people are primarily busy with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks different color, sweater inside out, dyes hair pink color, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, who are often completely indifferent to us;

5. Learn to ignore other people’s opinions if they are not constructive

Only those who are nothing are not criticized. American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then “do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” But we don’t want to “be anything.” This means we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to that with which we disagree, not letting it determine our lives. The famous one, addressing graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Other people's success and popularity often arouse envy among people who covet them but lack the intelligence, ability, or self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinions in the comments, trying to break down and force “to leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly received fame. And sometimes they succeed.

Those who like to criticize, Oscar Wilde wrote, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are deplorable, and should be treated with a dose of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.

Consider whether you should listen to the opinions of other people. Just analyze the majority of cases where you encounter an outside opinion. Try to understand other people's dissatisfaction with you. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their motives. Think about how you feel when you encounter a stranger negative opinion. Try to understand other people and the reason for your criticism. It is very important.

Why do people express their negative opinions?

There are many reasons why a person makes his opinion known. Perhaps it is caused by envy and anger towards you. Think if this is not true. In most cases, a person speaks negatively about you so that his words have some effect on you. Try to understand why you express your opinion and how often it happens.

Ignoring

Indifference is best protection against the words of a person who wishes you harm. If someone says something unkind to your face, grin and show that you don't care. Try to remain cool not only externally, but also internally. A successful person can always have many envious people and rivals, but you should not pay attention to them.

Confidence

You need to clearly understand that you must be completely confident in yourself and in your actions. An insecure person becomes too vulnerable to other people. However, when detractors see the indifference to their opinions and your continued confidence, they eventually stop all attempts to lead you astray.

Enlist the help of friends

Always listen to what your good friends tell you. Find out what they think about other people's opinions. If people constantly criticize you, talk to your friends more often about the subject of your criticism. The words of loved ones are much more valuable and therefore they can give you self-confidence.

Do what you love

It is always easy to knock someone down without reliable support. If you have a favorite job or hobby, do it, despite outside opinions. The main thing is that it brings you pleasure and you feel satisfied.

Remember that you will emerge victorious if you don't give in great importance other people's words with a negative meaning. Chat with friends more often and do what you like best.

Many of us are dependent on other people's opinions. This interferes with life, takes a lot of energy and complicates personal growth.

How to stop depending on other people's opinions?

1. Assess all the pros and cons of depending on other people's opinions.

Draw a table and divide it into two columns. In one column, write down all the benefits you get from this addiction. In the minus column, write down what you lose when you adapt to the opinions of others.

2. We cannot predict other people's opinions.

For example, a girl is going to a party, wearing the most best outfit in your wardrobe. She is sure that everyone will be delighted, but here is someone who prefers light and relaxed clothes. Therefore, no matter how hard we try to go out of our way, it will be useless.

3. The opinion of another depends on the mood.

Many people express themselves in an unflattering manner just because they are in a bad mood. Imagine that you accidentally hit someone else in transport, and he is in such a terrible mood that he hates the world. He will say such words not only to you, but to anyone who is in your place.

4. Famous people are condemned.

Just go to any video site and see what comments are written on the most beautiful women and successful men.

When we get rid of other people's opinions, lightness and ease appear in our actions.

Tip 3: How to respond to criticism and stop depending on other people’s opinions

We often hear criticism addressed to us. It can concern both appearance and behavior. For example, people make comments about the fact that you are too emotional or, on the contrary, too phlegmatic. Because of such statements, not only our self-esteem often suffers, but our dreams are also broken.

Saying “don't listen to them” or “don't look at them” is easy. But doing this, of course, is much more difficult. Realize the equality of people before each other and the equality of their opinions. The main problem of such “critics” is that they present their super-opinion as the only correct one, and if you understand for yourself that the opinion of someone else is not at all more important or correct than yours, then you will understand how stupid the behavior of these “critics” looks. .

Expression: “Evelina, your cheeks are just terribly huge, don’t you see how bad it is?” is equivalent to saying “I don’t like apple pie, how can you like it? You just taste disgusting, you need to stop eating it.” Get it in your head that people, despite the fact that they are individual in their views, are equal in their rights, and therefore no one can forbid you to eat this apple pie or not.

Decide on your goals in life. When a person does not know what he wants from life, he often gets confused in an endless series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so any phrase uttered by a person he knows is perceived as a sentence. For example, your friend didn't like it color palette the picture you painted. This absolutely does not mean that drawing is not your thing, and your paintings are simply terrible. Think about what you like about your creativity and what you would like to concentrate on and what you could turn a blind eye to. After you decide, think about the words of your interlocutor: is the information that he tells you so important?

Understand that everything that is in you is part of your personality and you are all unique, and beauty and abilities are a relative concept, and therefore for every negative criticism there will always be a positive one.

It seems that everyone you meet deliberately wants to hurt you - push you, look at you disapprovingly. You feel like you're being targeted. And you kind of understand that you can’t please everyone. But reproaches do not allow you to breathe easy. Are gentle and kind people really doomed to suffer? How can we put up a shield so that condemnation cannot break through and wound the heart? How not to depend on other people's opinions?

You can’t take a step without looking back. And people just try to inject. It is bitter and insulting to receive a negative assessment. And you kind of understand that you can’t please everyone. But reproaches do not allow you to breathe easy. Are gentle and kind people really doomed to suffer? How can we put up a shield so that condemnation cannot break through and wound the heart? ?

This article is not going to teach you not to care what others think. We will talk about what unconscious processes govern a person who is afraid of any comments addressed to him. Understanding the underlying causes of a problem is the most important step towards liberation from shackles. The “System-Vector Psychology” training by Yuri Burlan will help you gain inner core and self-confidence, even if your opinion differs from the judgments of others.

How to stop depending on the opinions of others for the most fragile and vulnerable

It seems that everyone you meet deliberately wants to hurt you - push you, look at you disapprovingly. You feel like you're being targeted. Even a turtle has a protective shell, but a sensitive person has nothing to hide from negative impact from outside.

This is how nature intended - some people do not have “claws”. They are very sensitive to the opinions of others about themselves. But they have their own special techniques to succeed in life and stop feeling constant danger from other people. To do this, you first need to understand your characteristics.

The desire to please, to be liked, to receive praise comes from childhood and is natural for a child with an anal vector. He is dependent on the opinion of the main person in his life - his mother. However, the mother does not always understand how important praise is for the child, and therefore she rarely praises. But without receiving evaluation from the mother for a job well done, without receiving approval from her, the child becomes unsure of himself. He experiences fear of doing something wrong, fear of making a mistake. In the presence of an emotional visual vector, all experiences receive a special emotional intensity.

“Mom will love you if you clean the room quickly.” “Of course, go for a walk! “I don’t mean anything to you if you can leave when mom has a fever.”. Mom's small manipulations lead to big ones psychological problems child in the future, up to the “good boy/girl complex”. If you do not recognize the problem, the relationship of an adult person with society will be built according to the same infantile model.

A person who values ​​quality in everything. And he makes the same demands on himself. He wants to be the best, do everything perfectly, have an impeccable reputation, family, and be known as a professional in his field. His natural desire is to be respected at home and at work. If he is not appreciated, his whole life seems to go wrong.

The owner naturally strives to touch the heartstrings of those around him; he wants to be the brightest and most impressive, loved by everyone. But if, according to a child’s algorithm, you want to be good for everyone as an adult, then difficulties arise. Such people are very sensitive to any criticism. For them, this is a manifestation of the dislike of others. And this is unbearable.

How can you not depend on the opinions of others and align your inner state?

The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan shows that every person has natural desires. By implementing them for the benefit of society, we gain a feeling of inner comfort and joy of life.

But often we don’t know our desires and rush around at random in search of the right path. To gain at least some support in life, owners of the anal vector ask others for advice. They treat their elders with special respect life experience. Even when choosing new boots, they want an expert opinion: “What would you recommend?”.

But no one except ourselves can tell us how to deal with own life. After all, each “helper” looks through the prism of his values ​​and desires, and they may have nothing to do with your desires.

Thus, blindly following the advice of a mother with a skin vector will lead a person with the properties of an anal vector to a joyless dead end. A fast, resourceful, dexterous mother, wanting the best, but focusing only on her abilities, will advise you to become a lawyer, economist or entrepreneur. Whereas a person with an anal vector does not have any internal resources for these professions, and such work will only bring him stress and a feeling of worthlessness.

When we understand ourselves, we cease to be plasticine in the hands of others. We choose our path unerringly, relying on accurate knowledge of ourselves and the human psyche as a whole.

What to do with your opinion?

Owners of the anal-visual ligament vectors consider themselves soft and incapable of simply saying “no,” even if they don’t want to agree at all. With this internal state life flows under the slogan: “I will do as you say. Just don’t judge me!”.

This is due to two natural characteristics of such people:

owners of the anal vector are afraid of disgracing themselves,

Those with the visual are the most fearful of all; at the root of all their fears is the fear of death.

Unconscious fears rule us. You can change the situation by realizing your fear and realizing the potential of your innate properties.

When a person does not go against his nature, he can express himself as effectively as possible for society and himself. For example, a person with the anal vector, who has excellent memory, diligence and attentiveness, does not go to work as a sales manager, following advice, but becomes an analyst, teacher or artist following an inner call. If he studies, acquires skills and becomes more and more good specialist in a field that suits him by nature, he is not stupefied by the fear of disgracing himself.

Those with the visual vector are born with the fear of death. They are not able to give a tough rebuff. But they have their own means of achieving internal comfort - realizing themselves in culture. Yuri Burlan, at the “System-Vector Psychology” training, reveals that culture appeared thanks to people with a particularly sensitive soul.

Visual people, experiencing fear for their lives, managed to transform it into sympathy for others. They are the first who learned to feel compassion, rather than hostility, towards another person. They teach this to all of humanity to this day - through their creativity, medical and charitable assistance. When there is a big goal, all efforts are devoted to its implementation. The ability to help someone and the joy of self-realization leave no room for fear of those who do not understand either themselves or anyone else.

A clear idea of ​​life, other people and oneself is formed at the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. And then the question of how to stop no longer bothers you.

Those who completed the training talk about how they freed themselves from the fear of doing something wrong:

“I was no longer bothered by other people’s opinions and fears of “what people will think.” The habit of mentally justifying yourself to someone, explaining, painfully proving has disappeared. Such internal dialogues took me so many sleepless nights, they simply exhausted me.

“I gave myself permission to live, even if I made mistakes, the excellent student complex is slowly gluing my fins together! And I carried it on myself for as long as I can remember.

I am slowly freeing myself from the fear of what people will think or say about me. I went to learn competitive swimming (I dreamed of it for many years, but was afraid). Because Now I don’t focus on other people’s opinions, there is no tension, and everything works out the first time!

I took out brushes and paints that had been abandoned after art a hundred years ago and began to paint. Previously, there was always a fear that I wouldn’t do it beautifully, that I wouldn’t do it well, so I didn’t even sit down. And now I sit down and enjoy the process.”

Critics and brawlers

You can build joyful relationships with most people. But there are also those from whom you really need to be able to protect yourself.

It happens that the owners of the anal vector, created to pass on skills and abilities to younger generations, did not have adequate conditions for development, did not receive proper education. Such people continue to stubbornly stand on their limited idea of ​​​​how it should be, without delving into the essence of the issue. Then the main thing for them is not to “clear the fly of ointment from the ointment,” but, on the contrary, to criticize, denigrate and devalue.

Arguing with such people is like butting heads with an oak tree. Understanding that for a person, criticism is the only way to temporarily relieve tension, you can not take his attacks seriously.

Another category of people dangerous to health are those with an oral vector who failed to develop and acquired. Such people can put others under extreme stress. Their scream is like an injection of adrenaline. Some people fall into a stupor from him, others flee. Having acquired the skill of systems thinking, you will be able to avoid unwanted contact by anticipating the danger in advance.

How to choose your path in life

Experience the taste of pleasure from fulfilling your desires. Without tinsel and your own old traumas. Awareness of your own characteristics and the principles of human-human interaction will allow you to consciously choose your path through life and enjoy every moment of it.

“Before, at the whim of the boss, of course, unreasonable, I fell into a stupor, the meaninglessness, unappreciation, undiscovered OWN HUGE potential was instantly covered with a copper basin, I waited for someone to knock on my copper basin and apologize, then I could leave. Surprises now happen when I create them for myself.

It's not even a matter of total control over each step, but in understanding, simple awareness of possible results, just a couple of steps forward.”

“My own thinking appeared, and codependency on people, on their opinions and moods disappeared. And even those whom I, in my opinion, were unworthy of, became very pale and pale, and a craving for completely different people and events appeared. I think it just increased my self-esteem, which was sorely lacking all these years.

Some childish naivety and immaturity have gone away, and confidence has emerged that something can be changed in better side. Relationships with people in general have improved. My relationship with my mother has become better: she finally realized that I am a different person, unlike her. I think my behavior has changed and, as a result, her reaction to me has changed.”

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Sometimes it's not so easy to not worry about what others think. However, there are many ways to become a more confident person, build your own opinion and develop your style. Try not to think about whether others are looking at you or whether they are judging you. Don't take their opinions too seriously. Listen only to reasoned opinions based on facts. Make a decision based on your values, do not neglect your beliefs and principles. When it comes to style, remember that everyone's tastes are different, so no one has the right to judge you.

Steps

Become a more confident person

Accept yourself for who you are. Be yourself, try to become better, but accept what you cannot change about yourself. Don't try to become someone else just to please others.

• Make a list of the things you like about yourself and also a list of the things you would like to change. Think about what specific steps you will have to take to become better. For example: “Sometimes I am too aggressive towards other people. Every time someone makes a remark or says something to me, I need to first wait and think about what I want to say, and only then speak.”
• Accept what you cannot change. For example, perhaps you would like to be a little taller. But understand that you cannot change this. So instead of constantly thinking about how nice it would be if you were a little taller, try to think about the benefits of being taller, like not having to hit your head on a doorway.

1. Don't be afraid of embarrassment, imagine a successful outcome of events. Try not to set yourself up for an unsuccessful or awkward outcome, and don't worry about what other people will think of you if you do something wrong. Set yourself a goal, break it down into small subgoals and try to visualize your success at every step!

   • For example, if you want to appear more confident during a conversation, break this goal into several subgoals: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when the other person pauses, ask questions, answer, tell stories from your life.
   • If the result is not exactly what you planned, don’t be embarrassed, just try to understand what your mistake was. Remember that you are just learning, no one succeeds right away, especially on the first try.

2. Don't try to predict every step and every action. Realize that people around you don't notice every little thing you do. Before you become embarrassed and lose confidence, remind yourself that people are more interested in the time they spend with you, they have no time to evaluate and criticize your every thought and action.

   • Try to control yourself, notice in time that you are starting to get hung up on one thought. Tell yourself: “Stop analyzing! Calm down and relax."
   • The ability to calm down quickly and the ability to learn from your mistakes are very useful things, especially if you are committed to success rather than negative thoughts.

3. Don't let someone's negative opinion define who you are. Maintain balance and do not take negative judgments as absolute truth. If you think there is some truth to this judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve something about yourself, but do not let negative judgments affect your self-esteem.

   • For example, suppose someone says that you have a nasty character. If you barely know this person and don't know him at all, just ignore it. However, if a close friend or a good friend who spends a lot of time with you told you this, think about why he had this opinion. Work on learning to stay calm when you get angry (you can do this by breathing slowly and deeply).

4. Consider whether the person who expressed a negative opinion about you has good intentions. What a person's intentions are determines whether you accept that opinion or simply forget about it. Ask yourself: “Does this person have a vested interest in this matter? Did he say this to let me know what I need to work on to improve, or is this just a petty attempt to insult me?”

   • For example, your good friend may say: “It seems that with you Lately It’s impossible to communicate, you’re not yourself.” This judgment can be accepted and considered. On the other hand, if they tell you: “You are always so inattentive, you are so stupid!”, then it is better to simply ignore such a judgment.

   Form your point of view

   1. Find information from various sources. When forming an opinion about certain news topics, try to seek information from several sources. Read articles published by different news outlets. Also try to read literature that challenges your beliefs. Try to gather all the information together and analyze it, and not just instinctively agree or disagree with the other person's position.

      • For example, parents may have their own opinion about a certain article. Instead of just agreeing with them because they are your parents, you can search for information about this article on the Internet and read several sources that discuss this topic. After reading several points of view on the issue, you will be able to form your own opinion based on what you have learned.

   2. Understand how informed a person is in this area. Before you worry about who will think what about you, pay attention to their experience and the way they express their opinions. If your professor wrote a dissertation about a particular historical event, his opinion will be more significant to you than the opinion of someone who is less informed in this area.

      • In addition, in addition, pay attention to the style of conversation. Does your interlocutor, who knows a lot about the topic of conversation, speak to you calmly and clearly? Or is he just throwing insults and criticizing your opinions just to disagree with you?

   3. You should not agree with your interlocutor just to please the other person. Don't be afraid to stand up for your opinion, even if it violates the norm. Especially if you have put in the time and effort to form your point of view. Maintain a balance between sound reasoning and argumentation rather than immediately agreeing with everything others say. Respect other people's points of view and accept the fact that not everyone has the same opinion as yours.

   Find yourself and your style

   1. Work on finding harmony with yourself. Observe yourself and compare your behavior alone and in the company of people. Ask yourself, “How do I present myself to strangers, to people I feel comfortable with, to myself?”

      • Think about what really makes you who you are. Make a list of characteristics that are important to you (eg, honesty, loyalty, humor).
      • Spend some time quietly reflecting on your character traits, talents, and passions. Try to find things that make you unique as a person.