When we talk about neurotics, we first of all imagine a subject who poisons the life of himself and those around him. He either moans and wrings his hands, then falls into hysteria, then hides in a corner and mourns his bitter fate, then tears out his hair. Usually we associate the concept of neurosis either with people of a subtle mental organization, such as: artists, poets, painters, or with dissolute individuals who do not know how to control themselves and are constantly in conflict with others - loved ones, colleagues, and just random people met through on the way to work or in the store.

So who can be neurotic? What is neurosis and how to deal with it? And how can you avoid becoming neurotic yourself? And if it so happens that we too have become part of this large army of people suffering and unable to cope with their condition and their emotions on their own, what should we do, where should we go for help?

What is neurosis and who are neurotics?

First of all, we note that neurosis is not a mental illness, but personality disorder, which can be cured at any stage. So, neurosis today is the most common neuropsychic disorder, which is protracted and, despite its reversibility, even after successful treatment, can cause relapses.

It seems that the definition of a neurotic was excellently given by Doctor of Philosophy E.V. Zolotukhina-Abolina: “Neurotics are... a whole army of variegated people who suffer mentally and, willingly or unwillingly, turn their lives and the lives of their loved ones into a good rehearsal for the underworld.”

There are three groups of people who may be neurotic:

1. People experiencing internal crisis(war, loss loved one, grief), who are not yet neurotic, but could very well be if they do not receive timely help
2. People who have psychological crisis associated with unhappy love, failed plans, and traumatic factors of varying severity. These are people who are disappointed in themselves and give up.
3. People with possible crises: puberty and old age. Here we're talking about O hormonal changes, which can affect the emotional sphere.

Actually, the second group is neurotic. Or rather, those of us who were unable to cope with the internal crisis on our own. Of course, both representatives of the first and third groups can be neurotic if they are not given help in time or if they themselves cannot cope with their condition.

Formation and development of neuroses

Most often, neuroses are rooted in deep childhood and can be results of improper upbringing. Simply put, neurotics raise neurotics. The formation of a future neurotic often follows the following path from childhood:

The development of neurosis can be comparable to an avalanche or a chain reaction. Over the course of their lives, patients develop a system of values ​​that does not correspond to the realities of life and their real needs. As a result, a person’s life can take the following path, the ending of which is very sad:

1. Wrong life attitudes.
2. Internal conflict.
3. Conflicts with the outside world and people.
4. Neuroses.
5. Psychosomatic diseases.
6. Injury.
7. Alcoholism and (or) drug addiction.
8. Infectious diseases.
9. Malignant tumors.

Of course, things won’t necessarily go that far, but no neurotic can rule out the possibility of a worst-case scenario. The development of neuroses follows a vicious circle and has a long history of pre-illness.

Personality in the development of neurosis

Personality formation starts at early childhood. Freud argued that in the process of formation in early childhood, an attraction to a parent of the opposite sex arises in a child, which is repressed into the unconscious. It becomes a source of unconscious anxiety and anxiety, and if sublimation does not occur, neurotic symptoms arise.

Adler rejects Freud's claims and believes that early development associated with creative efforts. He declares that the basis for the formation of a neurotic is tension caused by the discrepancy between individual impressions and objective realities.

From the point of view of Karen Horney, improper upbringing causes basic anxiety in the child (a feeling of insecurity and vague anxiety), which over time develops into a basic conflict and leads to the formation of a neurotic personality.

Cognitive psychotherapy states that a person’s thoughts shape his mood, and calls frustrating thoughts maladaptive. They are the ones who contribute to the emergence of neurotics.

An interesting approach is that of Eric Berne, who introduced the concept of transactional analysis. He claims that life path A neurotic personality is determined not by the demands of life, but by a “personal script.” Moreover, throughout his life, a neurotic, together with his communication partners, is in the triangle “Persecutor – Deliverer – Victim”, constantly moving from one position to another. He also introduced the concept of three personality states (I-states): Adult, Parent and Child.

Personality and psychopathological component of neurosis

The patient’s personal characteristics are closely related to psychopathology; when treating neurotics, it is wrong to underestimate the latter. Not all manifestations of neuroses are associated exclusively with psychological defense, therefore, treatment cannot be limited only to psychotherapeutic methods. The development of neuroses, especially protracted ones, is possible only if there are biological prerequisites, and moreover, it is subject to the laws of medicine.

Over time, the symptoms of neurosis are difficult to separate from personal characteristics. But in prolonged and severe neurotic conditions it may be impaired normal functioning brain structures. This requires adding to psychotherapy drug treatment.

Personality and somatovegetative component

Very often, a person is diagnosed with some kind of somatic disease, but the treatment carried out by a general practitioner gives only temporary relief - the disease returns again and again. This happens when the psychological component of the disease is ignored. Often allergies, gastrointestinal problems, increased arterial pressure occur against the background of the patient’s neurosis.

No matter what treatment is prescribed for a neurotic patient, it is impossible to completely defeat the disease without the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. And, on the contrary, if due attention is paid to neurotic manifestations, drug treatment of a somatic disease may not be required.

Personality and adaptation component

A neurotic is a person with impaired adaptation. There is biological and personal adaptation. Biological determined by genes, random and oriented processes. But genes determine only the boundaries within which individual properties can change.

Psychological adaptation allows a person to adapt to new circumstances by changing his behavior. Good example adaptations - athletes. During the training process, the body adapts to the load: what previously required enormous effort becomes familiar over time.

Forms of neuroses

Neuroses are usually divided into three types:

Treatment of neuroses

The sooner a neurotic person seeks help, the easier it is to help him. You cannot forcefully cure a neurotic person; you can only make the situation worse.

The best results are obtained by psychotherapy together with the use of medications prescribed by a doctor depending on the course of the disease and the severity of the condition. Moreover, it is necessary to influence all four components of neurosis simultaneously.

On initial stages development of neurosis, a person can try to help himself on his own. If the process has gone far enough, you need an experienced professional psychologist or even a psychiatrist. In severe forms of neurosis, outpatient treatment methods are ineffective; it is necessary to go to the hospital.

Prevention of neuroses

Neurosis has a tendency to return if we remove the cause that causes it and continue to live as before. You need to change yourself, look at life in a new way. How to stop being neurotic? The following will help:

• Personal growth - a person who has something to strive for is less likely to suffer from neuroses.
• Find a job that brings you not only material, but also moral satisfaction, and achieve success.
• Remember that you cannot control everything.
• Communicate more.
• Spend more time connecting with nature.
• Visit a psychologist or psychotherapist regularly.
• Fall in love - many great psychologists have argued that neurosis can be overcome by true love without any medications or doctors.

Psychological Aikido

Rostov psychologist and psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences, corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences Mikhail Efimovich Litvak, based on the works of Eric Berne on transactional analysis, developed a concept called “psychological aikido”. She helps to get out of it with dignity conflict situations, and over time, avoid them. Like real Aikido, psychological Aikido teaches you to use the opponent’s strength against him. This technique will help nip in the bud conflicts that arise at home and at work, and those that simply arise by chance in in public places without turning your opponent against you.

M.E. Litvak in 1982 organized the psychotherapeutic club CROSS (club of those who decided to master stressful situations), which not only works in different regions Russia and the former Soviet republics, but also in more than two dozen countries in Europe and America. His book “Psychological Aikido” became a bestseller, went through several editions and sold millions of copies. It is written in clear language, with gentle humor and is an excellent guide for those who are tired of conflict and want to start living.

Tell me honestly, are you annoyed by endless advice on how to become an optimist, behave confidently, think consciously? They are probably annoying, especially if you are a neurotic - an anxious, insecure person to whom all this new philosophy does not seem so rosy. A neurotic person is also characterized by depression and fatigue, mainly from all these recommendations. And the neurotic seems happy to try to adjust his thinking to new way, but there is no motivation for it. Vicious circle.

And what to do if a person suddenly, unexpectedly, decides that maybe it’s enough to suffer and it’s time to start living? First, admit that he is neurotic. Not crazy, thank God. Without accepting the problem, no changes will begin. There’s also no need to create drama – it’s not the end of the world after all. Recognizing your neuroticism is already the beginning of working with yourself. What to do next? Listen to yourself, your feelings, allow everything to be, do not engage in self-flagellation and gradually accept all sensations. Allow them to be. That is, it is absolutely impossible to blame yourself for anything. And period.

What do we do next? Let’s forget about the eternal whining about “my parents didn’t love me.” From now on you are your own parent. Go to the mirror and talk to yourself. Sit on the sofa, cover yourself with a blanket and listen to yourself. Do everything that will set you up to “communicate” with you. In difficult situations, do not rush to join another person, try to become a support for yourself.

Another good advice– do not be led by a stressful situation. Deliberately stop reacting, even though it seems like something cosmic. Try to close your eyes to the negative, be it a tram running away in front of your nose or difficult negotiations at work. If you do find yourself in an unpleasant situation, hold out for ten minutes without breakdowns or thoughts about it - the effect of useful meditation will not be long in coming. After these ten minutes you will realize that nothing happened in such a short time of absence of thoughts and emotions.

Organize a “Thirty Days of Happiness” marathon for yourself. Okay, take twenty or start with ten. You already know how to observe yourself, so it’s time to record all the joys that come your way. That is, the goal is to see exclusively good things. At first it may not work out, if only because you don’t have this habit yet. And then you will feel that it is truly a pure thrill to see happy moments in the surrounding space and joy in the little things. Stick through these days without negativity, you will like it.

Of course, along with these tasks you will be faced with the fact that you will feel resentment, irritation, even anger. After all, some things will not work out right away, and some you will doubt. Well, in general, a neurotic classic. What is important here is to admit your right to make mistakes. Live through the shame and guilt, knowing that it will soon pass. That's all.

Believe it or not, you will be pulled back. Into the captivating neurotic world of doubts and fears. In addition to all the above practices, be sure to add sports to your life. Any. Walking, jumping, running, badminton, swimming - basically anything. It has been proven and tested that movement and physics are much stronger than the psyche. Therefore, when working with the soul, we do not forget about the body. In addition, playing sports distracts you and keeps your endorphins high for a while.

Forgive everyone you are angry with. Whom you mentally cannot let go. Ideally, you need to recognize all unhealthy attachments and understand that as long as they exist, you will not become free, and therefore happy. We all understand that neurotics are very vulnerable people. But their vulnerability is directly related to touchiness. And touchiness is the same habit that is very difficult to get rid of. Desire alone cannot overcome it.

Try changing your environment. Now you understand that it is possible to control your own toxic behavior. But those who are toxic to you need to get out of the picture. Cut off unpleasant ties without regret. They still won't bring anything good into your life.

Give yourself more things to do. From cleaning to writing a story, anything where you are busy will do. Not with thoughts about how bad everything is and how cool it would be if... I must say that this is a very common problem for neurotics - sitting still and chewing on their sorrows. A neurotic is perhaps the most inactive human type (I say based on own experience). And the more tasks you have, the happier you will become. Do you know why? Thanks to the result. It doesn’t matter whether it’s large or small. The main thing, apparently!

If a person is not socially dangerous, then all his mental manifestations are considered acceptable and normal. He may have deviations, he may suffer or cause psychological problems. However, this is acceptable. Many people today are becoming neurotic. They can be recognized by certain symptoms. If you study the topic of how to communicate with neurotics, you can find the right approach to building relationships.

Considering the topic of neuroticism in the online magazine site, it can be noted that to one degree or another this phenomenon manifests itself in all people. This is due social environment in which a person lives. Everyone goes through an upbringing that partly makes people neurotic, and also lives in a society that is itself neurotic.

Symptoms of a neurotic

A neurotic person exhibits symptoms depending on the severity of his condition. A mild degree may be manifested by mental imbalance due to external factors. He feels slightly unstable. The severe form manifests itself in obsessive, hysterical or asthenic behavior. This condition must be treated.

Symptoms of a neurotic are:

• Temporary loss of mental and physical disability.
• Difficulties in overcoming fears.
• Inability to stop an activity that even to a neurotic seems unreasonable.
• Learning difficulties.
• Fear of getting sick.
• Difficulties in intimate life.
• Fear of missing out on something important.
• Headache.
• Dizziness.
• Changes in blood pressure.
• Excessive concern for your health.
• Desire to be alone.
• Fatigue.
• Tightness.
• Hysterical.
• Closedness.
• Taking negativity personally.
• Complexity.
• Not admitting your mistakes.
• Attracting attention to oneself and the desire to receive benefits from other people.

Neurotic love

A peculiar manifestation of love is a feeling on the part of a neurotic. He never gets enough attention. He resorts to any means to get what he wants, even scandals and intrigues. He strives for consolation, calmness and support from his partner, while he himself does not want to show willpower or demonstrate his abilities.

The neurotic wants everything to be the way he wants it. He concentrates exclusively on his desires, demanding that his partner fulfill them. If a partner is tired and wants to rest, then the neurotic perceives this as a lack of love for him.

A neurotic person will never leave his partner alone. Loneliness makes him anxious, so he always wants to know and even be where his loved one is. He can pester you with calls and talk about empty topics. A neurotic is demanding and capricious, small and unhappy.

Only a codependent relationship is possible with a neurotic person, when one demands and takes, and the other fulfills and gives. If a neurotic is denied help or the realization of his desires, he will perceive this very painfully.

IN love relationships the neurotic constantly makes himself the victim. He exposes himself as a defenseless and weak person, on whom not everything depends. It evokes feelings of guilt and pity in the partner. He may cry or suffer in front of his partner.

Being prone to anxiety, a neurotic always commits indiscriminate and obsessive actions.

1. On the one hand, he needs kindness, advice, and help.
2. On the other hand, he wants to make others happy. He can help, while inside he remains hostile, picky, and demanding.

He cannot sensibly evaluate his words and actions, which others may not like, which is why he does not understand their behavior. Thus, other people always remain to blame, and the neurotic himself simply considers himself misunderstood.

How to communicate with a neurotic?

IN modern society most people are neurotic. The prevalence of neuroticism makes the phenomenon normal. If you yourself have encountered a neurotic person, it will be interesting to know how to communicate with her. Follow these rules:

1. Don't teach a neurotic about life, it's useless.
2. Don't try to change his attitude towards anything. No arguments or arguments will help.
3. Do not prove that you are right, as you will only experience irritation. It is better to make decisions regarding a neurotic yourself, instantly and ruthlessly.

It is better to end a relationship with a neurotic person, if possible, since such a person can only absorb the energy of those around him, without being able to give it back. Next to a neurotic person, a healthy person will turn into a sick person. This is due to the fact that a neurotic person will commit actions (which cannot be changed) that will not be adequate and appropriate. And constant contact with a neurotic person will develop neurotic qualities in a healthy person.

Bottom line

The desire to receive understanding and support from other people, as well as the desire to command and control others, ultimately makes a person neurotic. In order not to develop neurotic qualities in yourself and not to aggravate your condition, you must not engage in increasing your importance, but focus on your own actions. What matters is what a person does, not what impression he makes or how people evaluate him. Focusing on oneself (one’s own strengths and actions) makes a person healthy, while focusing on the assessment and opinions of others turns a person into a neurotic.