Do not doubt stable functioning. Psychology is simple

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Imposter syndrome 1, as this disorder is called, does not make it any less unpleasant for many of us. Those who doubt their talents and merits may never show themselves to their full potential. They also have higher stress levels on average and are more likely to become depressed because they are unable to enjoy their accomplishments.

The term “impostor syndrome” first appeared in the English-speaking scientific community in the 1970s and was used primarily to describe women. But subsequent studies showed that this complex occurs with equal frequency in both men and women.

How to recognize him?

• Constant self-doubt. He immediately questions any decision that the “impostor” makes. Even having before his eyes numerous evidence of the correctness of his choice, he will still be tormented by the thought that he should have done exactly the opposite.
• Success is an accident or luck. If something works out, it is in no way the result of the efforts made - it is “just lucky”, “once a year the stick shoots”. The “Impostor” believes that it doesn’t happen that something turns out well simply because he worked hard on it.
• Tendency to perfectionism. On the one hand there is the fear of failure, on the other there is a constant feeling of inadequacy (I am not as good as what I have done). Together, these two tendencies often lead to obsessive behavior. In constant attempts to maintain a given level, people with impostor syndrome often work many times more than is required: they double-check every little detail, suspiciously prepare for any performances, and redo everything that seems less than ideal to them.
• Short memory. Only the last achievement is worth something. No matter how great the "impostor" was in his past work, if anything doesn’t go well in the current one, it’s all his fault.

What to do?

After all, it is impossible to live your whole life with such a feeling - sooner or later, constant anxiety will, if not drive anyone crazy, then, in any case, unsettle them. So, five techniques for fighting the “imposter” in yourself.

Cut off doubtful thoughts

Thoughts such as “I have to do everything, and do it perfectly, because no one else can do it,” fuel not only our desire to achieve our goal at any cost, but also our fear of failure too. Learn to catch yourself in such thoughts and cut them off; tell yourself, “That’s an exaggeration,” “That’s not true,” or even “That doesn’t make sense at all.” Instead, remember often that we all make mistakes from time to time.

Remember your strengths

Accept: you have strengths. Just like the rest of the world's population. Train yourself to accept gratitude with the words: “Thank you” or “Thank you,” and not “Well, there’s nothing to talk about,” “Come on,” or “Oh, nonsense.”

Let go of the reins

At least a little bit. At least sometimes. Changing your mindset is good, but it may not be enough. Then it’s worth changing your usual lifestyle. Relax a little. Don't worry about little things. Yes, this may make you feel uncomfortable at first, but it's good way(especially if you do this regularly) accustom yourself to the idea that the ideal is unattainable.

Share your passion

Instead of fanatically and completely devoting yourself to the work you love, try to broaden your horizons a little. The easiest way is to start teaching others what you already know yourself - conduct master classes on your profession or, conversely, tell about it to those who don’t know anything yet. Or start a page on the Internet where you start talking about your profession. Helping others achieve their goals is a sure way to remind yourself how much you have already achieved.

Imposter syndrome is one of the main reasons why perfectionists come to consult a psychologist. Professional psychologist can provide invaluable assistance in changing the way you think and behave. Therapy can often help relieve depression and anxiety and allow you to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

Amy Morin is a clinical psychologist, resilience specialist, and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do (Harper Thorsons, 2015).

For more information, visit the PsychologyToday website.

1 J. Vergauwe et al. “Fear of being exposed: The trait-relatedness of the impostor phenomenon and its relevance in the work context.” Journal Of Business And Psychology, (3), 565.

Greetings, dear blog readers!

From this article you will learn how to doubt less and learn to make even the most difficult and life-changing decisions. Including which one to choose, whether to go to work after maternity leave or not, to call a friend whom you offended yesterday or not.

Before moving directly to the techniques that help you make a decision, let's talk about the fact that not all decisions are equally important and, in this regard, they can be approached in different ways.

Fateful, important and routine decisions

All situations in which we need to make a decision can be divided into 3 groups:

1. Fateful decisions.

These are the decisions that will significantly change our lives; the results of this decision seriously affect our future destiny.

For example, the decision to radically change profession, start doing business, moving to another country for permanent place residence, choose a husband.

Here long-term doubts are justified. Rather, it is justified to think about a decision for a long time, collect information to evaluate options, and discuss it with other people.

2. Important decisions.

An example of situations where it is necessary to make an important decision could be the search new job(choosing an employer), choosing a school for a child, purchasing a car, talking with a significant person about your relationship, deciding to go to a paid training on a topic that is important to you.

These are decisions, the importance of which is determined by significant monetary or time investments, the expenditure of emotional resources (for example, when you have a not the most pleasant conversation with a loved one), when the relationships with which this decision is associated are of great value.

3. Routine decisions.

This type of decision is related to everyday, passing situations, from what color of a new blouse to buy to what movie or ice cream to choose.

The consequences of these decisions do not change our lives much, but despite this, we can spend a lot of time and effort making them. Hang on to them, waste your energy worrying that you made a mistake by going to this cinema.

Techniques to help you make decisions easily

1. Cartesian questions.

Suitable for making important and fateful decisions in which you determine whether this should be in your life or not. It is not suitable when there are several options and you need to choose from them.

Ask yourself 4 questions in sequence; it is better to write down the answers. And don’t stop at the first answers that lie on the surface. It will be better if you can find more than 5 answers to each question.

Question 1: What will happen if this happens?

Question 2: What happens if this does NOT happen?

Question 3: What will NOT happen if this happens?

Question 4: What will NOT happen if this does NOT happen?

Here is an example of reasoning when you are faced with the situation of whether to go to work after maternity leave or not

1. What happens if I go back to work after maternity leave?

• I can be financially independent and buy gifts with my own money
• I will have an incentive to dress beautifully, put on makeup, and take care of myself
• I will have less time to spend with my children
• I'll break out of the house-sandbox-house wheel
• I will be able to realize myself not only as a mother and wife.

2. What happens if this does NOT happen?

• If I stay at home, I can keep the house clean, play more with my child, and relax more.
• I will turn into a housewife who only cares about “what to cook” and “where to go for a walk with the child”
• If I don't go to work, I won't have my money.
• If I continue to sit at home after, my relatives will consider me a slacker.
• I will have more time for hobbies and self-development.

3. What will NOT happen if this happens?

• If I go back to work, I won’t be able to monitor changes in my child so closely.
• In this case, I will not be able to sleep until 9 am and take a quiet hour in the middle of the day.
• I won’t reproach myself for being dumb and completely forgetting what I knew before.
• When my child grows up, he will not be ashamed of the fact that his mother is a housewife.
• I will not listen to my husband’s reproaches that he is the one who supports me

4. What will NOT happen if this does NOT happen?

• If I stay at home after maternity leave, then I won’t be able to prove to everyone that I’m capable of much.
• If I'm just a housewife, I won't be able to fully realize myself.
• If I don't go to work after maternity leave, I'll never know what it's like to be a working mother.
• My life won't be as fulfilling as I want it to be
• I will not listen to accusations from my husband that because of work I completely abandoned my home and child.

For making a decision when you need to choose from several options, the technique

2. Selection matrix.

To do this, you draw a table where you write the name of the options in the lines and the selection criteria in the columns. Then you evaluate each option according to each criterion and assign it a certain score. Then you calculate the sum of points that each option scored and the one that received the most points.

I talked about how to choose your favorite job from several options using this technique at the webinar "Formula for your favorite job". You can download it for free.

Another technique for making a final decision on an important matter is

3. Deadline.

You can choose this or that job for a very long time, decide which car is better to buy, because... There is a lot of information, a lot of contradictory data. To ensure that this process does not drag on for a long time, you can set yourself a deadline for making a decision.

For example, in a month, on such and such a date, I definitely have to choose what brand of car I want to buy.

A well-known technique is very suitable for making routine, everyday decisions:

4. “Heads” or “tails”.

In this case, you simply toss a coin and wish for “heads” or “tails”. Very well suited for deciding which of two perfectly fitting business suits to choose and what to wear to an interview today.

What other techniques help you make decisions?
How to deal with wrong decisions?

I talked about other techniques that allow you to make decisions easily and be calm about your mistakes in the audio cast for the training “A confident mother means a confident child” .

Learn how to be calm about your mistakes and make the right decisions in any situation. Click on the favorite button social network and listen to the audio recording"

To listen to it, press the play button (triangle).

Write in the comments what techniques you used and what results you got.

Psychologist helping mom find a job she loves

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If you want to find a job that you will like and bring the desired income, then. To get free access to the course, enter your name and email in the form below.

Whether you're about to prepare a presentation at work or you're having a rough day, life is full of ups and downs. Everything gets worse when you start hearing a nasty voice that constantly reminds you of your failures.

Lisa Firststone, Ph.D., researcher and author of Conquer the Critical Voice, describes this mental threat as “the critic who comments on every action” and “thoughts that relentlessly sabotage our progress.” She calls the inner voice a filter that ignores everything positive points and focuses solely on the negatives in our lives.

This small voice manifests itself in different ways. He may whisper that you'll never get a promotion, that your date was wrong, that you'll be a terrible mother, or that you'll never be able to get your body in shape again. Sound familiar? The ability to recognize and treat yourself will help you more adequately assess reality.

What happens when you believe your inner critic?

Famous personalities like writer and director Neil Gaiman and actor Tom Hanks have stated that they often felt like they were out of place. In psychology, this is called “imposter syndrome,” and the term was first coined in a study of mental disorders in extremely successful women. With this syndrome, a person constantly wonders whether he deserves what he has.

If you go into an interview and think, “I'm going to fail because I'm nervous,” you'll focus on panicking and appear nervous. It's doubtful that a nervous candidate will seem like a good employee, so your chances of getting the job will be low. This phenomenon is called the Rosenthal or Pygmalion effect - after the character of ancient Greek mythology and the name of the psychologist who discovered this phenomenon.

Tell yourself, “I am nervous, but I will relax and do my best to answer each question.” Don't become a victim of your own prophecy from your inner critic.

Find out why the voice turns on

To resist the internal monologue, you must pay attention to why it turns on. By knowing your triggers, you can better control your reactions. In the book, Firststone emphasizes that the events to which we react negatively are not actually the root cause of stress. Problems arise during the interpretation of events that are filtered through the inner critic.
According to Firestone, it's important to remember that your inner critic isn't real. It undermines our ability to interpret events realistically and sabotages our desire for satisfaction.

Change your thinking

Our thoughts are often biased, exaggerated and disproportionate.

Ph.D., founder of the psychological movement and author of Learned Optimism writes:

Emotions come directly from what we think. If you're thinking, "I'll never get this job," you're already feeling defeated. On the other hand, if you think: “I wasn’t the best at the interview, but I’ll submit a good test assignment and thank you letter", you're more likely to feel more optimistic.

Turn your critical thoughts from first person into second person:

“My idea was rejected at the meeting because I never have good ideas.” -> “Your idea was rejected because...”

This will create distance between your personality and your inner critic and help you challenge negative assessments.

Create counterbalance statements.

Someone may have had better ideas than me, but that doesn't mean I have bad ones.

I had an unproductive day, but I had good ideas in the past and will definitely be in the future.

Therapist Julia Hogan, in her book A Field of Dandelions, describes an exercise she uses to work with her inner voice. It is based on the fact that one person can look at a field of dandelions and see hundreds of weeds, while another will see beautiful and delicate flowers swaying in the wind. These are two ways of seeing the same picture: positive and negative.
Turn “That was the worst interview of my life” into “I didn’t do as well as I wanted, but now I know my weaknesses and can improve them.”

Be gentle with yourself

If a friend, colleague, family member, or random person on the street said to you, “You'll never do that!”, how would you react? Agree, it would be completely unacceptable to hear from an outsider “How could you think that this would be a good idea?” Then why does your inner critic allow himself to make such statements?

Allowing yourself to be overly critical affects your self-esteem, which is associated with negative thoughts. Christopher Mruk, author of Self-Esteem and Positive Psychology, says that if... Lately You often hear that critical voice, it's time to spend a few evenings doing something that gives you confidence. This may mean that it's time for you to go to the gym (hello, endorphins!) or get started. Be creative and try to find interesting ways increase your confidence.

I know the situation is depressing, but there will be more opportunities ahead!

Life is too beautiful to let bad things happen inner voice spoil it. Forgive yourself for mistakes, encourage yourself for achieving goals. By following these tips, you can reduce your critical monologue and gain confidence in life.

First described in 1985, this syndrome causes people to believe that their achievements are undeserved and worry that they will be exposed as frauds. The Impostor Phenomenon.. They think that any success in their life can be attributed to luck or the manipulation of other people's opinions.

This happens even to the most successful people. It’s hard to believe, because they have achieved a lot. But impostor syndrome is not based on the real state of affairs, but on a person’s distorted idea of ​​reality. Here are four techniques to help combat this mindset.

Report on your progress

Ask a friend or colleague to help you keep track of your goals and be honest about what is going well in your work and what can be improved or improved. This way you will know your strengths and weak sides and you will feel more confident. You can agree to help each other.

For example, you both set goals for yourself in several areas of life. Now check your progress once a quarter to see if you're off track or need to speed up. And every few weeks, discuss what steps you have taken to achieve these goals.

Save compliments and gratitude

“I can get a hundred compliments, but if I hear one person say, ‘You don’t deserve it,’ that’s the one I’ll believe,” said Tobias van Schneider, former art director at Spotify.

If you too are used to brushing off compliments and praise, start retaining all the good things that others say about you. You can create a personal board for this in Trello, write everything down in a regular document, or save screenshots from kind words in a separate folder.

This may seem like narcissism, but in fact it is a real reminder that you and your work are valued and respected, and that people are willing to turn to you for help.

Share your experience with others

• Look for community meetings that cover topics that are important to you.
• Look for organizations in your area of ​​interest that need volunteers.
• Organize a seminar in your office for dining table and share your knowledge.
• Contact the university where you studied and see if you can give a lecture on a particular topic.

When you see how your experience and knowledge really helps people, you will no longer always feel like you have nothing worthwhile to offer.

Understand that failure is inevitable on the path to success.

Fear of failure or feeling unworthy of success doesn't just get in your way in the present. They can also harm the future. We begin to create obstacles and difficulties ourselves, so that later we have something to explain our own.

If you are afraid of flying on an airplane, you will be advised to fly more often to get used to the process and perceive it as something ordinary. It's the same with the fear of failure. To get rid of it, you need to constantly force yourself to act and accept the fact that failure is a natural part of the path.

Then you will begin to see and positive side failures are an opportunity to try something new, a way out of your comfort zone. And this will help you grow and develop.