My husband doesn't want to sign. A man doesn’t want to get married: excuses for getting married

You've been together for five years, but your chosen one ignores all hints about the wedding? Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky believes that this is a path to nowhere. And he tells you what to do.

First, let's understand what marriage is. This institution is thousands of years old, and its emergence had nothing to do with love. The concept of love in general arose historically not so long ago - in the Middle Ages. And marriage - it has always been about money, although now we are all accustomed to the fact that a wedding is about love. When a man marries, he takes on the obligation to support his wife and children. Believe me, nothing has changed in thousands of years, and when a couple lives in a so-called civil marriage, this means that the man does not want to be responsible for his woman.

Civil marriage is a myth. Read the family code: there we're talking about only about officially registered relationships. So let's call a spade a spade: if you live with a partner who doesn't want to get married and comes up with a thousand excuses, you're just his mistress.

Of course, there are exceptions. For example, your man is a three-time widower. And he is afraid that if he marries you, you will also go to another world. But you must admit, this is extremely rare. In all other cases, if a guy does not want to take responsibility for your life, this means that he has not made the final choice, that he is not confident in either your relationship or his feelings.

So what to do, you ask? A classic female mistake is to sit and wait tensely. Either shed a tear, or say a barb, or opaquely hint: “Well, we were at the Petrovs’, and they were already married...” Pressing, persuading - this is all absolutely wrong, this is the behavior of a victim. This is how women behave who have gotten it into their heads that the world has turned like a wedge on this man.

Someone resorts to cheap manipulations. For example, your lover sees that you have started to look at other men, some correspondence appears, calls seem to be about work... This can blow a man’s mind, and he will run to the registry office in the morning. But I’m not sure that your marriage will last a lifetime: after all, the man did not make the decision himself, but was subjected to emotional blackmail.

Therefore, I propose another way, simple and clear. If you really love your boyfriend and want to have a family, tell him so directly. Option one: he is ready, and he proposes to you. Option two: it turns out that your goals do not coincide. And then you say: “I love you, but I’m leaving you because I want a family, and you can’t give it to me.” Do you know the Comedy Club joke: “No matter how a girl runs, she always runs so that she can be caught”? So, this is not your case. You are leaving for good. This is the behavior of an adult strong character who builds his own life.

Here they may ask me: “What if I do this, and the man says - don’t leave, I’ll get married!” If I were you, I wouldn't deal with this person. He has the wrong motivation. In fact, he does not love you, but is simply afraid to be alone.

Another question: how long after the start of a relationship do you wait before you start talking about marriage? This is a question from the “which date to sleep on” series. Whichever one you want. None optimal timing No. If you feel that you are already ripe for a family, ask a question. The main thing: at this moment you should already be living together. If you are just dating, this is a story about nothing at all.

Now is the time when people think that freedom is a value, but love is not so much. Therefore, many people live in a civil marriage, as cohabitation is usually carefully called. It seems that they are together, but it seems that everyone is free. Tired of it - we separated, no need to go to the registry office and file for divorce. As if the hardest thing when breaking up with a loved one is going to the registry office to get a divorce certificate.

Very often, a woman enters into a civil marriage because she wants, but does not know how to really get married (in the sense of officially, with a wedding and registration). She expects that the man, having gotten used to her, will want to make the relationship official. And her hopes are confirmed by the fact that sometimes some men actually do this. But this rarely happens, because the idea of ​​official marriage is not attractive to all men.

Or, perhaps, it would be correct to say that for the majority she is still attractive, but it is better not here and now, but somewhere else and later. Why waste your youth, these golden years, on a boring marriage: pots, diapers, with a wife, a screaming baby, lack of money and a vacation with your mother-in-law in the country? When it’s much more pleasant to “just live”: no children, no problems. The woman you like is here, at hand, she is sweet and helpful (she still hopes for a stamp in her passport and strives to prove that she is what you need), you don’t need children, especially not a mother-in-law. Sometimes a man agrees to have children if the cohabitation turned out to be successful: just to maintain the status quo. This is all to say that many men, entering into a so-called civil marriage, do not want to get married at all. What for? They have free (or very cheap) full board, including sexual services.

Why doesn't a man want to marry his partner?

But why do girls agree to this? Do you really want to appear to everyone and yourself as the most modern and independent? It would be better to think that a guy, having entered into cohabitation at the age of 25, will successfully end it in ten years, becoming good professional and an independent person, he will want to change his life, throwing away his old trampled slippers and his old, tired lover. And so he, young, handsome, self-sufficient, with a car bought with money saved thanks to cohabitation, goes to look for a princess, and his former “common-law wife” can only bite her elbows, cry into her pillow and ask: why doesn’t the man want marry her, such a devoted cohabitant?

That's why he doesn't want to, because she's his roommate. And at 35 he is no longer fresh, he will find something better, but... Well, the love has passed...

That is, simply put, the partner does not want to get married, because he already has everything that a girl could offer him only after the wedding, and a little more: the right to get up and leave when she’s tired of her or something better comes along.

What to do if a man does not want to get married, but insists on a “civil marriage”? It would be better to politely advise him to turn his lip back and decide what he actually wants: marriage or “freedom.” In the first case, there is an official marriage, it protects the rights of any person, including possible children, and, so be it, the girl agrees to consider the proposal. In the second, he is already free. Why change anything?

There are many reasons why a man does not want to marry his partner, but the main one, perhaps, is that he does not want to change anything.

The appearance of a child in a family is definitely a transition of the family to a new level. This is not comparable to planning a vacation or choosing a car. And many women in such a situation, in order to feel more confident and calm, would like to formalize their relationship.

From a psychological point of view, it is not so important whether the spouses have a stamp in their passport if both partners are satisfied with their situation and feel comfortable in a civil marriage. The main thing is that the family is harmonious. For a child in a civil marriage, the main thing is loving parents and peace in the family, even during his intrauterine development. If both of the couple really don’t want “officialdom,” then it’s better to leave everything as it is. True, before the birth of a child in a civil marriage, it is better to discuss legal issues with your husband: the child’s surname, where to register him, etc.

However, if a woman suddenly understands: I want to get married, but the man doesn’t want to get married, the couple faces a difficult choice.

Why do women want to get married?

First of all, you need to understand why a woman wants to get married. There may be several reasons:

1. Dream of a beautiful holiday. For many girls, a wedding is proof of a man's love. Let the celebration be modest, but with a white dress, surrounded by loved ones and friends. And then, it’s nice to feel like a beautiful bride in the spotlight.
2. Family education. Most women from childhood absorb the idea that children should be born in an official marriage. And even if they live in a civil union, they still expect to register their marriage in the future, especially if pregnancy has already occurred.
3. Rights of a child in a civil marriage. Many women believe that the rights of a child in a civil marriage are violated.
4. Status. After marriage, many girls develop inner pride from the realization of the fact: I’m married! And this gives the woman “weight” in her husband’s family. For example, in the case conflict situation with his relatives, no one will dare to say to her: “Who are you here?” If the marriage is formalized, then she will answer: “I am his wife.” And this is an argument! And phrases like “I am his common-law wife” will generate answers: “We know such wives, today one, tomorrow another.”
5. Convenience in the social sphere. If a woman has a child in a civil marriage, she often experiences discomfort when communicating with the administration in kindergartens, schools, authorities social protection and other official authorities. In such cases, they constantly require some additional certificates and confirmations, the collection of which takes time and effort. A stamp in your passport eliminates such bureaucratic red tape.

A woman should remember or write down those arguments regarding official marriage that are important to her. They will be useful to her when talking with her husband.

Why don't men want to get married?

So why don't men want to get married? It must be said that there are men who actively resist registering a marriage for objective reasons. As a rule, this is associated with psychological trauma.

First reason– failed marriage of parents (divorce or “life in scandals”). A child who experienced a similar situation in childhood may decide for himself: it is better not to get married than to exist like his parents. And he delays the wedding moment as long as possible, driven by the thought that after this discord will begin in his personal life, i.e. he believes that this is how he “saves” his relationship!

The second reason- unsuccessful own official marriage, ending in divorce.

Third reason– lack of self-confidence, in one’s ability to provide for a family (or remain interesting to one’s already legal wife, become a good father, fear of change).

Reason four- alas, he is not sure of his choice.

What to do if a man does not want to get married?

Here a lot depends on the woman herself, on her wisdom and tact. First of all, you need to know your man, find out the true motives for his reluctance to go to the registry office. And this not an easy task, because men often don’t understand this themselves. But if the couple has a trusting relationship, there is a chance to find the necessary information from the stories of your other half about family, friends, dreams and plans. Perhaps he will agree to go to a family psychologist to jointly understand the reasons for his wife’s dissatisfaction and his commitment to the idea of ​​a civil marriage. The main thing here is to be patient and attentive to your partner and his feelings. There is no need to interrogate. When the reasons why a man clings to his “freedom” become clear, then one can imagine how to behave in order to improve the situation in the family.

It is not that rare that pregnancy occurs before the couple reaches the registry office. In this case, a woman often hopes that expecting a baby will push her partner to take a decisive step. But if this does not happen, and she really wants to receive a marriage proposal, then she should properly prepare for the conversation.

How to come to an agreement if you are pregnant

First you need to calm down and tune in to a calm wave. Say to yourself: “I am expecting a child from a loved one, and this in itself is happiness. I don’t yet know whether he will propose to me or not, but I know for sure that I want to preserve our relationship. I love him and he is dear to me. Therefore, I will not put pressure on him and blackmail him with pregnancy.” If the future dad reacted positively to the news about the replenishment, this is already positive factor. A good, smooth relationship with a partner, his support is what everyone needs to the expectant mother. And now - approximate diagram conversation.

1. Choose a time and place. A man should not be tired or immersed in any worries. You can wait for an “excuse”, for example, a report about someone’s wedding on TV, but this is not at all necessary. And do not say in advance (for example, on the phone during the day) that you would like to talk about an important topic in the evening. This will make the man wait for the conversation with tension.
2. Start a conversation. The beginning is very important. Think about what you will say, but avoid a long introduction. For example, you can start like this: “We once talked about legitimizing our relationship. I would like to return to this topic."
3. The basis is your relationship. During this conversation, the most important thing is to say that you would like to see him as your partner in life. Talk about feelings for him, about trust. There is no need to focus on future paternity, this is in in this case“weak” argument, because he can be a full-fledged father even in a situation of an unconcluded marriage. A child living in a civil marriage receives the same fatherly love as in an official one.
4. Prepare your arguments in advance. A man who does not want to get married will certainly ask what exactly changes the stamp in the passport. You will have to tell why formalizing your marriage is so important to you. This is where writing down notes about why a marriage is important to you comes in handy.
5. Don't rush! You need to end the conversation on a positive note. Give your husband time to think, emphasizing that although marriage is very important to you, you respect any decision he makes. And be prepared to wait. It’s best until he brings up the topic again.

So the man with whom you live in a civil marriage will receive an impulse that will make him reconsider his views. For some couples, this charge comes from the possibility of purchasing housing together, in others it comes from job prospects open only to married employees, while for others parents or friends help them make a decision. The most important thing is to choose the right “key”.

Carefully! Often women begin to get offended, insist, and start scandals on the topic “I’m pregnant, I want to get married.” And thus they not only fail to achieve their goal, but also lose their partner.

The only path a woman should not take, no matter how strong her desires, is manipulation, deception and coercion. Of course, each case is individual, but if a woman wants happy, harmonious relations, she will need a thoughtful attitude towards a potential legal spouse. After all, even if for some reason he categorically does not want to get married officially, this does not mean that he does not love you or will be a bad dad. This is not at all true; often in a civil marriage, a man and a woman take their relationship very seriously, and such a union is in no way inferior to a registered one. So first, understand yourself by deciding whether official marriage is really necessary for you? Perhaps this is just an established social tradition, which is given too much attention in our society, and you can be happy without the notorious stamps in your passport? And it is quite possible to solve legal problems in other ways (for example, by registering part of the jointly acquired property in your name). The main thing is that harmony, respect, trust and, of course, love for each other reign in your couple!

When should you not get married?

• When there is a situation “either we get married or we separate.” In this case, perhaps the second option is better, since misunderstandings most likely have accumulated in the relationship, and a wedding will not erase it.
• When there are many obvious conflicts in a relationship that need to be resolved. Resolve conflicts first, and then you can think about the wedding.
• When less than six months have passed since the meeting and the beginning of the relationship (or better yet, a year). There may not be enough time to get to know each other.

What they write on

My husband and I got married a week before leaving for maternity leave. He was 40 and I was 31 when we met him. There was no special reason to get married. But six months later I became pregnant. At first they didn’t want to change anything, but closer to the birth they decided that children should be born in a legal marriage. It will be very difficult to explain to a growing child why something in his family is different from others. But this is our opinion. And then, from the point of view of the law, the rights of the child and mother are protected only in the case of legal marriage. Now in the Family Code there is no such concept as civil marriage.

As a result, there have already been cases when an accident happened to a common-law husband (he died), and the wife could not even live in the apartment, since it was registered in the name of her husband, although it was acquired during their cohabitation. I don’t want to scare anyone, but we need to think about children right away.

My husband and I have been living in a civil marriage for 6 years now, and I don’t see anything unnatural in this. The main thing is that there is harmony between you. And the conversation about marriage began to arise only now, when he found out that he would be a daddy.

And if we do this, it will be only for the sake of our baby. And so, I think, everything is God’s will, but numerous relatives tortured me with questions. At first I was also shy, but then I thought - I don’t have to explain anything to anyone, and if it’s good for us, then so be it.

Nowadays there are a lot of men who refuse to enter into legal marriage. Statistics show that the age of men getting married has increased by 10 years. Nowadays, on average, men are ready to enter into serious relationship at 30-35 years old. Psychologists even managed to coin a new term for such men – anti-marriage syndrome.

Before looking for the answer to the question a man doesn’t want to marry, what to do, let’s look at several types of men who, according to psychologists, may never marry a woman.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - types of men who are afraid of marriage

Nowadays, a stamp in a passport no longer gives any guarantee that your chosen one will be with you all his life. Women, just like men, prefer civil marriage, that is, cohabitation. However, this trend is much less noticeable among women. Let's find out if your man belongs to the typology below of men who do not want to get married.
“A man doesn’t want to get married, what should I do?”

Type 1 of men – life is an adventure

People call such men revelers. His need for a family comes first last place. Such men do not establish strong connections with women, they do not become attached to places and people. The decision not to get married is made consciously. The word routine and everyday life scares him. Such men believe that the family will not give them anything new. And the thought of life with one single girl does not inspire them to run to the registry office. And children, in general, will not inspire them to take this step either.

These men are very insidious, they attract women to themselves with their strength and independence. But they need a lot of freedom and personal space. With close communication, it becomes clear that they are egoists who rely only on their own strengths.

You will not be able to re-educate such a man, especially if he is not yet 40 years old. Perhaps by the age of 50 he will understand that it would be nice to start a family.

Type 2 of men - disappointed

This man has a negative experience of starting a family, and is afraid to step on the same rake again. He developed a stereotype that a mark in a passport does not strengthen a marriage, but, on the contrary, spoils the relationship.

If you meet such a man, do not try to prove him otherwise. You don't owe him anything.

If you want to marry this particular man, you should let everything take its course. You can't prove to him that you are better ex-wife and you will not betray him. All you can do is surround him with your attention and love. But don’t wait forever; if he continues to refuse, give him a choice.

Type 3 of men - indecisive

This category is headed by all men who do not want to get married and are not included in the previous two. His condition suggests that he is not completely convinced that you are the most best woman in the world. He loves you, but something prevents him from making a choice in your favor. Perhaps he is afraid of missing out on something better.

In such a situation, 2-3 years of relationship is enough for this type of man to decide. If the years go by and a man does not want to get married, it means that he is afraid to take responsibility for your happiness together. Reasons like we don’t have money for a wedding right now or we need to buy an apartment first are all excuses.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - What are men who don’t want to get married afraid of?

« The man doesn't want to get married»

Why a man doesn’t want to get married, avoids talking about the wedding - every girl needs to know this in order to get married successfully .

According to psychologists, there are 3 main reasons why a man does not want to get married.

First reason– this is the fear of leaving a free bachelor life forever. A man, weighing all the pros and cons of marriage, comes to the conclusion that he does not want to give up night fishing with friends, communicating with them for the sake of a washed shirt, clean underwear and regular meals. Give your man the confidence that you are not going to take away all his dreams, time and interests. Perhaps after this conversation, you will hear the cherished proposal.

The second reason– this is the fear of losing financial sovereignty. A man does not want to get married because he is not happy with control, and even more so with control over him wages. Maybe you wonder too much financial side your life together. For a woman in this situation, the right decision will be to achieve financial independence from a man. This will help the financial issue not become a subject that influences the man not to want to get married.

Third reason– negative past experience. If your man had a lady (mother, grandmother, neighbor, first love) who negatively influenced his life, then his reluctance to marry seems quite logical. The man is afraid to step into the same river a second time. As a rule, in such men low self-esteem And high degree self-doubt. In this situation, there may be a second reason for the fear of marriage; he is sure that no relationship can surpass the past (as a rule, the so-called “mama’s boys” have such fears). This is a difficult case that requires working through all the accumulated fears and anxieties of a man (with the help of a specialist).

What other reasons could there be why a man does not want to get married?

The reason is you. Perhaps you are too categorical in your statements, criticize his achievements or say offensive phrases. A man may not show that you have offended him, but he will also not be in a hurry to propose to you. Watch your statements. Use the “I” message in conversations (“I feel that...” “I’m worried that...” rather than “you should and must...”)
You are asking the impossible from a man. You lack attention, you demand it, and the man begins to avoid you. Learn to feel the golden edge that does not alienate a man. The man himself must want to get closer. Our girls, seeing a guy, decide that he will be their husband, and begin to actively pursue and woo him. But a man wants to make decisions himself - this is inherent in him by nature.
The third option is when a man does everything for the sake of a woman, but she begins to demand an offer from him. The girl seems to suit him, the only thing that becomes an obstacle is that he has lost the opportunity to win her. And all because she starts any conversation with the words: “when will we get married?” He will continue to defend his right to manhood.
The reason why a man does not want to get married may be a contradiction like “I want to propose to her, but I can’t.” This may be due to a certain faith, nationality, parental rules.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - how to push a man towards marriage?

« The man doesn't propose marriage»

According to statistics, the most favorable period for a proposal is a proposal made 1 – 2.5 years into a joint relationship. Why? Psychologists say that this is the most favorable time to get married. The likelihood of a strong union increases. The couple already has information about the partner’s habits, norms of behavior and enough passion to solve joint problems.

If you have just met a man and are already planning a wedding, you are unlikely to have time to get to know him in various ways. life situations. In the future, due to such haste, conflicts arise among couples.

It is more likely that a marriage proposal will occur in couples who have not lived together. If a couple has experience living together, the man will not rush to the registry office, because he already receives all the delights of living together and painting does not stimulate him.

There are other cases when a man is not ready for intimacy. The woman begins to gradually move towards him herself. Inadvertently leaves a toothbrush, a sweater, jeans, cosmetics... This option can work and the man will ask you to marry him.

But if you do not live in the same territory, and this continues for more than one year, and conversations about marriage are not accepted by the man, then the man does not expect a long life together with you.

To push him to take this step, you should ask the question: “how do you see yourself after three years?” If he starts talking only about himself, and doesn’t even remember you, then ask another question: “If I understand correctly, I’m not there? I'm not putting any pressure on you, but I'm worried about my future and I need to think about it too. Of course, this is the business of each of us.” Calmly clarifying the situation will not ruin your relationship if the man takes you seriously. If he is playing for time and refuses to specify the situation on his part, you probably won’t get anything from him. Remember that years fly by quickly and if you realize that you want a family and children, do not hesitate to find out what plans your other half has for you. Otherwise, you may be left with nothing.

How else can you push a man who doesn’t want to propose marriage? You can move him away from you a little, start spending more time on yourself and your hobbies. Perhaps the man’s anxiety will push him to do this. If he is serious, he will be ready to do anything to keep you with him.

When a man does not show interest in marriage, but does not leave, you should try to take a wait-and-see approach. We have already said that a man is ready for marriage closer to 30 - 40 years old. If you put pressure on him and demand, he, of course, can and will agree to the marriage, but will it be his decision and why do you need such a marriage.

A man doesn’t want to get married, what to do - psychology

“What to do if a man doesn’t want to get married? There are no good reasons for this, they meet, everything suits both parties, but they are in no hurry with the proposal, laugh it off and remain silent.”– our beautiful Oksana Chistyakova, the administrator of our VKontakte group and part-time beautiful girl, asks me a question.

Let's look at the situation when a man and woman live together. And they seem to live well. Love each other. They don't quarrel too much. Everything about sex is normal for them.

But when the question of registering a marriage comes up, the man begins to laugh it off, postpones resolving the issue for an indefinite period of time, remains silent or pretends not to hear. Or even begins to push his position on the woman “Why do you need to register a marriage? We already live well. “I love you, but stamping in a passport is outdated and won’t change anything.”.

Why is this happening?

What to do in this situation?

First, let's talk about why this happens? Why doesn't a man want to marry a girl? In principle, I have already written about this several times, for example in the article, but in Lately for a consultation or simply in the comments under articles on the website or on my blog, this question is asked more and more often, so let’s talk about this in more detail.

I’ll repeat banal things, but average man does not at all strive so much for a registered marriage. I hope this is not news to you.

Why does a man need marriage? Marriage means certain obligations and a restriction of freedom in the choice of women. (even if the man does not cheat on the girl. This does not fundamentally change anything)

Official marriage is a woman’s rights to joint property.

Marriage is potentially the birth of children. And if the marriage fails, there will be a corresponding need to support them.

Marriage means much greater rights for a woman to communicate with her relatives, friends, etc.

Therefore, I repeat that the average man does not strive to get married at all.

On the other hand, almost all men by the age of 50 have been (or are) in a registered marriage at least once.

Why do they still get married?

The first reason is that a man loves a woman and wants to continue communicating with her and spend the rest of his life together.

But this, of course, is not enough.

The second reason why a man still gets married is that he is afraid of losing this woman if he does not propose marriage.

The third reason is that the man thinks that he will not find a better woman in the event of separation.

The fourth reason is that there are some minimum conditions . This is not a required feature. But, nevertheless, usually a man before getting married must:

- achieve approximate ideal age in order to get married. (25-38 years approximately)

- you must have a place to raise a family (separate apartment, separate room parents, income to rent an apartment or something similar)

- you and he should be approximately the same social level.

- a man does not have one or two divorces behind him, where he has 2-3 children whom he supports.

Many girls think that if there is love, then they can get married. In fact, simple things like those listed above can greatly slow a man down on his path to marriage. If there is love, for example, but there is nowhere and nothing to live on, then you can meet, love each other, but why get married?

So, let's return once again to why a man does not marry for a long time.

If there is love between a man and a woman and everything is fine, then this is only one, clearly insufficient reason for marriage.

One of the main reasons that a man decides to register a marriage is that, in his opinion, otherwise he will lose the woman. And the second is that, in case of loss, he will not easily find himself a woman approximately the same or better. (He may be VERY deeply mistaken about his value to women, but this is not important in this case)

What to do with male sabotage of marriage registration? What to do when a man doesn't want to get married?

The first thing is don’t delay.

The ideal time to resolve the issue of registering a marriage is approximately 6 months to one year after the start of dating a man.

Previously, there is usually no sense. (This rarely happens)

But the main thing is not to delay!

Dear ladies, do not delay raising the question of marriage. I know a lot of examples when a woman and a man live together for 4-5 years and then separate.

I think it’s clear why there is no need to delay, but I’ll remind you.

First. As the relationship progresses beyond a year, the likelihood of marriage begins to gradually decline. After all, gradually a man and a woman get tired of each other, some claims against each other accumulate, etc. And by the age of 4-5, the probability of registering a marriage does not disappear completely, but is already close to zero.

Second. Waste of time.

After all, let’s say a girl didn’t work out with a man. He leaves her when she issues an ultimatum to register the relationship. And it’s one thing if this happens after a year of relationship. And it’s completely different if after 5 years. In 4-5 years, a girl could easily meet worthy man and would get married.

And so it turns out that time passes, and the girl loses this time.

Therefore, never delay with this issue. Set yourself an approximate deadline for resolving the issue of marriage - this is somewhere from six months to 1.5 years. (Not marriage registration, but marriage proposal). And 1.5 years is really the maximum.

Then the conversation got worse and worse. The girl comes to terms with her situation. A man, on the contrary, gets used to the fact that it is quite possible to live without registering a marriage.

Secondly, a conversation with a man must be considered with some probability that he will refuse.

If you think that I or someone else will tell you some magic words, after saying which a man will suddenly understand that he was wrong and will immediately offer you his hand and heart, then I will tell you the opposite.

There are no such words. Moreover, it is usually impossible to convince a man with logic.

Talking about marriage is just an opportunity to gain some certainty in a relationship with a man.

Of course, a man can refuse. I understand that this is not very pleasant. But you need to understand that this is a very likely development of events.

The worst option is when a man refuses essentially, but not directly, but refuses with various excuses.

Eg:

- Well, when we have an apartment, then we can have a wedding.“At the same time, the purchase of an apartment is not planned in the coming months, but only theoretically there are some plans for it. Practically nothing is being done.

- I love you anyway. Why all these formalities?. - Essentially, this is a refusal.

After such a refusal, a girl sometimes thinks that the man does not understand the importance of registering a marriage for her and tries to convince the man. In this case, a lot of time and emotions are lost.

— a wedding is very expensive. Why throw money away when we need to buy a lot.(apartment, car, etc.) - This is also essentially a refusal. Don't think it's anything different.

In other words, don't close your eyes to the truth. Whatever the man says, except “let’s get married soon,” without any conditions in the form of buying something or something else (which is not obviously realized in the very near future), everything else is a refusal.

Third, don’t try too hard to convince a man..

If a man refuses, it means that he refused. In this situation, in fact, the only normal option is to break up with the man and look for another. (Exceptions are when a woman is over 40, has children, and marriage is really secondary)

The second option is to continue living with the man, essentially on his terms. Only then is it stupid to continue trying to convince him that he misunderstood something, that he does not understand your needs, that this, and the fifth, and the tenth.

For example, a man voices excuses:

— A wedding means a lot of money.“And the girl is trying to convince him that he can just sit modestly with his relatives and go to the registry office.”

— You need to buy an apartment first.“And the woman is trying, for example, to convince him that many families start their lives without an apartment and then somehow solve this problem.”

— A wedding and marriage registration is a formality, a piece of paper. “And the woman is trying to convince the man that this is not just a piece of paper or a formality for her.”

Usually this is all useless.

Because a man, in fact, is not as stupid in this matter as he sometimes pretends to be. He understands perfectly well that he does not want the marriage to be registered. He understands perfectly well that all his words and excuses delaying the registration of marriage are a refusal. And it is clear that he will not allow himself to be convinced. Because these are all excuses.

The reason is that he does not want marriage with this particular woman. Or at least he thinks that she will not get away from him, even if he refuses or constantly delays this issue.

Therefore, even if you defeat all his arguments, agree to all his conditions, this will not change anything. Let's say a man says that a wedding is expensive. The woman says let’s not have a wedding at all, the costs are only for registering the marriage, which I will pay for myself. Do you think something will change?

In 99% of cases nothing.

Therefore, it is common to argue, convince, etc. useless.

Fourth, it’s usually the woman who starts the conversation about marriage..

Do you think that a man will offer his hand and heart without any pressure from you? This happens, but rarely enough, no matter what movies, friends, etc. tell you about this matter.

Who needs? Marriage registration is more necessary for women. (With the exception of a certain number of cases, of course)

I repeat that there is no need to humiliate yourself. No need to beg. There is no need to threaten to break up, etc. A man who has lived with you for a year or more already understands everything perfectly.

Just tell him calmly that registering the relationship is important to you. And let him run further and offer you his hand and heart. Well, if not, then read above. It's easier to find someone else.

That's probably all there is to it.

The main thing is to decide to talk. And if there is a refusal, in any form, then break up with the man and look for another. If this situation is constant for you, then you need to change something in yourself. Work on self-esteem parent programs etc. You can read more in my books in our online store by following the link or find out during.

In general, this is one of the moments in a relationship where a woman needs to show initiative, some kind of determination, courage and firmness.

Otherwise, I repeat, a sad situation can happen when a girl lived with a man for 5 years and then they quietly separated with a lot of mutual claims against each other, caused by the fact that the woman is dissatisfied and offended that the man did not marry her.

It is better for a woman to leave such a man earlier. Even a wedding and then a divorce is better than losing a few years and lowering your self-esteem.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.