How not to be a gullible person. How to change the focus of naivety and build new relationships without fear

A naive, simple-minded attitude towards everything can bring a touching smile to those around you. It's so nice to meet a good-natured person who openly believes every joke. It threatens you with constant trouble, and you need to know how to fix it.

A slight degree of naivety will not hurt anyone, because not all situations require a serious approach. For example, in a relationship with a man, she only decorates, makes her want to take care and protect the poor thing from the harshness of the world around her. Constant faith in everyone and everything requires radical decisions. Excessive naivety, when the mistakes of the past are not perceived as experience, will only lead to tears from failed relationships, ruined plans, banter and misunderstandings. So let's start looking for these solutions, but first let's look at the reasons why naivety is dangerous.

You perceive reality incorrectly

An uncritical perception of the world makes you misunderstand current events, phrases, actions - you do not see their subtext, hidden reasons, which means that you initially incorrectly structure your reactions to events, your behavior. So, if you directly understood the man’s hint to “come for tea,” then you will be surprised by what is happening, and that’s putting it mildly.

“Partial” perception drives you into a world of illusions, where everything is contrasting, without halftones. A person is either good or bad for you, and you treat him accordingly. But this is already an evaluative delusion that limits you. And so it is in everything: every detail of the world is not fully perceived by you, which means it’s difficult for you to build your own life line. Your plans do not correspond to reality, so they are difficult or even impossible to implement.

You yourself are not taken seriously. This means that you are not assigned responsible tasks at work that could bring you a bonus or salary increase. This means that you are not perceived as a reliable friend. This means that they don’t see you as a good wife and mother of their children. That's it, and the reason is simple naivety.

Girls have such a quality as gullibility. However, such an attitude towards people can lead to dire consequences. Therefore, a girl needs to know how to stop being naive and gullible. After all, if you continue to treat people this way, they will begin to take advantage of this quality. As a result, the girl will experience a lot of stress.

Is it bad to trust people?

There is nothing wrong with naive character traits. Strong relationships and strong friendships are built on trust. In such cases, the girl doesn’t even think about how to stop being naive. After all, this trait only helps her always. The people around you appreciate it. Naivety and trustfulness also help in professional relationships. After all, not every person likes having their actions doubted and their work monitored all the time.

A girl who is in a relationship is always naive with her boyfriend. Without this trait it would be impossible to build a strong family. After all, then the girl would not trust her partner, she would always suspect something and monitor life. This would lead to frequent quarrels. Therefore, in such cases, you should not think about how not to be too trusting. IN family life this quality only helps.

What's wrong with mistrust?

Almost all people want to be treated well. Especially when it comes to relationships. It often happens that a guy starts courting a girl who doesn’t trust him. As a result, a man may stop paying attention. Besides that, most friends can drop out if they are not trusted. However, there are people in the world to whom you should not tell or rely on anything. In this case, the girl needs to know how to stop being naive. This will help her preserve her psyche and prevent further failures.

If a person decides that others can harm him, then he needs to become more restrained and reasonable. However, this does not apply to loved ones and your significant other. These people should always be trusted.

How to not be naive:

1. You should stop being afraid of everything that happens in the world. Naivety can sometimes be defense mechanism from unwanted incidents in life. Therefore, you should not close yourself off from the outside world.


2. You need to be a moderately selfish person. You shouldn’t completely forget about those around you, but give in strangers it is forbidden.


3. In a relationship you need to be naive, but guys only like this at the beginning of a relationship. You can remove gullibility only by going through many life situations. To do this, you should communicate with people, meet new personalities, which will remove naivety.


4. You need to observe human behavior. Thanks to this, the person will become a little more confident and begin to think critically if he analyzes people's actions.

How to overcome psychological trauma?

Most people, after a negative experience, begin to believe that they are too naive. As a result, such individuals become withdrawn, irritable and sad. Accepting the situation will not only help you stop being naive, but will also improve your relationships with relatives and friends.

To do this you need:

• Find out why the person betrayed.


• Accept the current situation.


• Gradually start trusting people.


• Be wary of new faces around you.

However, not every person can easily survive betrayal. You should accept the situation at least because it is inevitable and does not depend on the person. Trust is not a bad quality. However, you should not show it to every person. Almost all people should be tested.

Psychologists' opinion

Experts believe that there is only one way to stop being naive. To do this, you need to live and gain new experience. After all, thanks to the situations experienced, a person will learn to understand more and more new patterns. As a result, the girl will learn not to be naive. Because when a person lives, then the world tells him how to live and act in future situations.

To become a more rational person, you should carefully analyze the situations you have experienced. After all, thanks to this, you can understand what led to a negative experience and how naivety got in the way in a particular situation. As a result of analyzing his mistakes, a person will learn to prevent them in his future life. This means that the individual will become more pragmatic. However, you shouldn’t always treat people around you this way. After all, there are many exceptions that can be made several times better life person.

“The thought that someone wishes me harm or could deceive me hurts me,” admits 38-year-old Marina. – Probably because I myself absolutely trust people, I believe in their integrity as in my own. As I grew older, I had to learn to make allowances for my own naivety, but it’s difficult: for example, many colleagues still manage to keep me busy with their work!” A naive person often feels like a victim, but is he really a victim?

“Naivety presupposes goodwill and gullibility,” explains psychotherapist Gleb Lozinsky. – But often such people hide an unconscious delight in their own helplessness. A person is ready to again and again find himself in the role of a victim in order to relieve himself of responsibility by shifting it to other people. That is why the words and actions of a naive person often cause irritation and even aggression among others.”

The desire to be loved

Gleb Lozinsky finds an explanation for this behavior in the psychoanalytic theory of object relations: “Its origins may be in an overly close connection between the mother and father of the naive. In such a family, the wife, as a rule, dissolves in her husband. She is confident that only her self-sacrifice will save her wonderful family. And even if a man devalues ​​and humiliates her, she does not notice it. Such relationships do not imply close communication with the child; he grows up with the personal absence of his mother and the confidence that she is... the best. As an adult, he will most likely also not notice negative features personality and character of other people."

“I sincerely believed that between us - real love, and turned a blind eye to my friend’s actions,” says 32-year-old Karina. “I sacrificed a lot for the sake of our relationship, although I did not feel happy.” And this continued until Karina’s partner unexpectedly left her.

You should not rush to console your interlocutor as soon as you hear his complaints again: they say, I again became a victim of my own naivety. On the contrary (without causing feelings of guilt), try to bring him to the idea that he needs to take at least part of the responsibility for what is happening. You will help him if you ask clear questions instead of dealing with complaints. Ask, for example, whether he could have behaved differently in this situation. Take the conversation in a humorous direction, and together come up with options for behavior in situations that provoke him to show naivety.

Escaping reality

An adult who looks at the world with wide open eyes, not distinguishing between fiction and reality, is not much different from a child. Retaining an infantile consciousness, he lives in his fantasies and dreams, stubbornly not wanting to return to earth. 30-year-old Elena recalls: “My mother, an honest and scrupulous person, taught me to trust people. Now I can be offended and even disappointed in other people, but I still try to remain open to the world, I don’t isolate myself from others and don’t stop trusting them.”

This story illustrates another mechanism of naive behavior. “It may be a manifestation of an unconscious desire to escape from reality, to stop perceiving it as it is,” explains Gleb Lozinsky. – Perhaps, as a child, Elena was subjected to emotional pressure from loved ones. And naivety now protects her from possible aggression: it’s easier to seem like a naive fool who doesn’t understand what’s going on than to try to be an adult ready to take responsibility for her actions.” Such a reaction, having worked once, is fixed on long years. This is how naivety becomes a behavior style.

Ksenia, 25 years old, ballerina

“I know what friends and colleagues say about me: Ksenia is a kind soul. And I really try to be open and reliable, despite the fact that I suffer a lot because of my naivety. At the choreographic school where I studied, classmates cruelly pranked me more than once. About two years ago, a good choreographer was recruiting a new cast, and we decided to go and see him. But my friends made fun of me, giving the wrong date for the meeting... However, that incident did not affect our relationship - I am still happy with them and help when they ask me. And yet, after going through a series of disappointments, trying to maintain my principles, I came to the conclusion that I need to surround myself with people like me. Naturally, this decision has narrowed my social circle, but now I feel more protected.”

What to do?

• Change your perspective on the situation. Suffering again and again from your naivety, you often do not even try to draw conclusions from bitter experience. Try to remember when and why you first had to behave “naively”. Think about how you can change this behavior while developing your self-confidence.
• Study your own “I” How did your parents treat other people? Do you feel like an adult? Focus on the adult part of your personality and answer these questions for yourself. Can I stop believing in what I have religiously believed in until now? What does my experience teach me? What can I rely on in myself to feel like an independent person? Transactional analysis is one of the psychotherapy methods that will complement your self-analysis.

IN In this article we are talking to you about how to stop being a naive person and why this is important.

How to stop being a naive person? And why is being a naive person dangerous for life?

Imagine the situation: You, a very trusting and highly intelligent person, encounter a robber in the gateway. If you don’t have a weapon with you, because “the world is friendly” and “everyone around me only brings good things” - you will be left penniless and it’s good if you’re alive.

A naive person never assumes in advance that he might encounter a bad life situation. And even if he does, he still doesn’t really think about how to protect himself from it.

So, how to stop being a naive person?

The answer to this question lies in your thinking. You need to stop deifying naivety and believing that it is thanks to it that you are. You may be an honest righteous man, but what benefit do you have from this? Let's think about it.

Being a naive person, you automatically give people the opportunity to shit on their heads with impunity.

You say: “God is his (her) judge!”, but this will in no way save you from the current reality: you were hurt once - the same person will treat you even worse the second, third and tenth time.

Why?

Because the one who acted badly is not guided by the logic of nobility. He thinks: “Since this sucker forgave me once, he will forgive me again. He ignored it when I shit on his (her) head once - great, that means in front of me, over which I can spend as much time as I please!”

The calls of noble people and the commandments about “world peace” are alien to pests.

And you will encounter pests in your life; you will not be able to isolate yourself from society and live in an artificial vacuum. For every barrel of honey there will be someone who will stand next to it and want to add a fly in the ointment. The only question is: will you remain silent next time or will you give the impudent slap on the head, driving him away from your “honey of achievements”?

Naivety is a disgusting character trait that can be present even in an adult, “experienced” person.

There are times when people are attacked by a bear, but they do not defend themselves, even having such an opportunity. If they had taken weapons with them, the bear most likely would not have even attacked them - they would have been afraid.

But the highest echelon of naive behavior is not a passive position taken instead of a defensive one.

The most dangerous behavior pattern of people with this type of thinking is to try to throw themselves naked into their clutches. wild beast, in the hope that he will not bite them.

And it really won’t bite. He will devour them - he will devour them without hesitation! Why would an animal lose the opportunity and miss out on its food when naive prey crawls into its hands? And he also talks about trust! Mmmm... Delicious.

Being a lover of getting into the hands of danger is a talent. They often say about such people: “He (s) simply attracts failure. Problems just stick to her.” We will talk about where this comes from and what to do with it in the next article.

And in this article, we discussed the question of how to stop being a naive person and why naivety is by no means a positive character trait.

As Krzysztof Zanussi said: « To protect faith and hope, you need to carefully dose trust. Naivety can be costly, because sobering up can be painful.»

Be careful right away or painfully sober up later - you decide for yourself.

IN modern society A sucker is considered to be a naive, trouble-free person who is used by other people for their own purposes. Simply put, a sucker is a person who has been deceived by a bully.

If your characteristics match this description, perhaps you are simply too kind a person. But excessive kindness will not add happiness to a person when all he does is find himself in ridiculous situations, because of which he feels like a failure. Try to understand the reasons for your failures, then you yourself will find the answer to the question of how to stop being a sucker.

Features of suckers

The reasons that other people are taking advantage of you can be anything. For example: low self-esteem, phlegmatic type of character, not entirely correct upbringing in childhood, unsuccessful life experience in the past, lack of intelligence, excessive kindness, inability to behave in unusual situations. What makes people succumb to other people's influence and be a loser?

The main problems of suckers:

1. Excessive generosity or greed. Society doesn't like greedy people, so being in
   team, do not skimp on drink and food, share items if asked. But you shouldn’t run at the first call and fulfill all the demands of your colleagues; do everything in moderation. If you notice that you are being used, fight back immediately. They may talk to you politely, but behind your back they will laugh and call you a sucker;
2. Diffidence. Getting into new team, immediately win people’s favor and gain respect for yourself, as it will be very difficult to do this later. Express your point of view, don’t think that you are doing something wrong, then people will consider you an individual. Don’t apologize to a person if you’re not at fault, don’t agree with everything he says to please you. In general, be yourself;
3. Fear of society, fear of offending a person, seeing his reaction, not meeting expectations, being threatened, ruining your relationship with him. Usually people who are afraid of saying no will exaggerate, thereby only complicating the situation.
4. Trust in everything.

Learn to fight back

Here is a list of questions that often run through the minds of losers: “What will people think of me? How can I refuse? How will a person react to rejection? What if he doesn't like what I say? Perhaps I will cause him inconvenience?

In order not to be a sucker in life, you should think differently: “I don’t care who thinks what. I won't do anything I don't want to do. Why do I need this trouble? It’s easier to immediately let the person know that he attacked the wrong person. I need this, but I will achieve my goal. If I cause problems for someone, let them say so themselves, and don’t rely on my politeness!”

Such thoughts need to be scrolled through your head in certain situations for confidence. Of course, you don't need to talk rudely to anyone. Learn to say “no” to people gently but confidently. Write down a list of potential requests and questions that people might ask, and then come up with and write down answers to them. Practice a few phrases in front of the mirror.

Try to refuse people more often what you don’t want, they won’t beat you for it, they’ll rather respect you.

And you shouldn’t even talk to those who begin to put pressure on your conscience. IN in this case people use phrases like: “You are so heartless, selfish. Aren't you sorry? Can't you understand me, put yourself in my position? I will do the same to you!”. This banal ways manipulation.

Don't trust everyone

Not all people are as honest and kind as they seem. Always be wary of people you don’t know well, but don’t show it so as not to offend them. For example, there is no need to ask to look after your bag stranger. Do not let the first person you meet call from your phone if he asks you to do so. Don’t believe it if they try to sell you something, convincing you that you can’t live without it. Read as much information as possible about scammers on the Internet, be prepared for all their tricks.

You need to understand that comrades and friends do not always tell the truth. If a friend refuses to meet you, citing some problems, maybe he just doesn’t want to spend time with you, but out of politeness he doesn’t talk about it. Therefore, you don’t need to run and solve your friend’s problems so that only he can spend time with you, especially if he doesn’t ask for it himself.

A sucker is the one who believes in it himself

Why are some people happy and successful, while others are failures?

The status of a loser does not come on its own; people come up with it in their own heads. In fact, we are all the same, the only difference is how we position ourselves. Not a single piece of advice on how to stop being a loser and a sucker in life will help if you continue to consider yourself a loser.

If you try only to prove to people otherwise, then nothing will work. Tell yourself: “I am a strong personality, I am successful”. Don’t just say it, but sincerely believe it, repeat a similar phrase in your thoughts several times a day.

Features of a strong personality

It turns out that among women the topic is "How to become a strong personality" is no less relevant than studying foreign language. Is it really possible to change your character? better side, develop willpower, get rid of complexes? With the help of a psychologist, this is possible, the main thing is the desire, motivation and desire to change.

What distinguishes a strong personality from others:

• determination;
• reliability;
• trained willpower;
• constant ;
• self-confidence and self-confidence;
• the ability to get out of any situation thanks to logical thinking and cause-and-effect relationships, thinking through actions in advance;
• intelligence, ability to improvise.

All these features can be developed by anyone who specifically knows what they want.

Becoming a strong person

With the help of seven steps, you can gain self-discipline, strengthen your strength of character, and stop being a sucker. Each step must be taken slowly. Do not move on to the next step until you have fully developed the habit of the previous one. It may take several months to complete such a psychological course, but both you and those around you will notice the effect.

7 steps to a strong personality:

1. Be responsible for your actions. Never rely on anyone, rely only on yourself. At
   In this case, do not push away your loved ones, know how to listen to them. Don't blame anyone for your problems.

Result: this task promotes the ability to listen to the advice of others, but make independent choices;

1. Achieve your goals. In life, “falling down” is not so scary as "don't go up". Set yourself a desired goal and achieve it, even if it scared you before. If you wanted to learn English, sign up for courses right now. All my life I dreamed of flying hot-air balloon and see the beauty of nature from a bird's eye view, but if you are afraid of heights - go ahead!

If you just can’t lose weight, no one will do it for you.

Result: willpower training, absence of phrases such as: “I can’t”, “not enough time and money”, "I'm afraid" , “nothing good will come of this”. After achieving one goal, you will gain confidence in your abilities, and it will be much easier to move towards the next goal;

1. To risk . Is there an opportunity to change your life for the better, to make your dream come true? Take action. This is what we live for! When, if not now? Why torture yourself at a job you don’t like, communicate with people who don’t respect you?

Result: the task will help you build your own life, and not give it into the hands of others;

1. Defend your point of view. If you believe that you should not offend those who are weaker, protect them. Conscience doesn't allow "spend money" people, don't do this. Stick to your principles and respect them.

Result: lack of fear to express your opinion, presence of common sense. Now won't you say: “they still do it”;

1. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Know how to refuse what you don’t need or that causes inconvenience.

Result: more energy and time for personal growth, increased self-esteem due to the understanding that you can influence the situation;

1. Constantly develop your horizons, increase intelligence. Read books you like
   take an interest in the biography of great people, learn something new every day, train your memory.

Result: The task contributes to the development of personality in your person. People are always more interested in communicating with competent interlocutors who have a broad outlook, so it’s unlikely that anyone will want to consider you a sucker;