There is such an opportunity to get rid of manipulators. Steals psychic energy

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Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulleten blog!

“My beloved is a manipulative man. It's always easy for him to make me do what he wants. I notice more and more manipulations on his part. I began to doubt whether I would be happy with him. My married friends have completely different relationships with their husbands, they discuss problems together, meet each other halfway. I tried to explain this to my friend, but he managed to talk me down and turn everything inside out. I feel empty and sick from my relationship with him,” writes Maria.

« ... my ex me doesn’t let go and makes her feel guilty all the time. We meet with him at work, and every time I feel overwhelmed by such meetings, I begin to doubt myself as a specialist and as a woman. My work colleagues have already noticed this and are telling me that I should be careful with him. I think he is a manipulative man. Is there any way I can protect myself from it? negative influence on me. Previously, before my relationship with him, I was a cheerful and happy person, now I am filled with pain, doubts and do not see the light at the end of the tunnel,” writes Svetlana.

In previous issues, we examined the behavior of a man capable of aggression, see more details →. And in this article we will touch on another dangerous behavior that you can encounter in a relationship - manipulation.

It can be argued that all people, consciously or unconsciously, to one degree or another, use manipulation. Sometimes manipulation is necessary for survival and can be beneficial. But often the use of manipulation suppresses our true nature, and the ability to express ourselves directly and directly is lost.

The manipulator uses and controls other people using certain techniques.

When you are being manipulated:

You are not doing what you really want.
You lose energy and feel empty and exhausted.

Why do we use manipulation?

Manipulative behavior strategies are adopted from the parental family and close environment. The child screams, cries, and is capricious in order to achieve what he wants, and if his parents encourage him in this, he begins to learn manipulation techniques. The behavior of loved ones also becomes a role model. If manipulations were often used in relations between parents and relatives, the child begins to imitate them.

The child unconsciously develops the ability to manipulate others in order to avoid trouble and achieve what he wants.

Psychological reasons for manipulation

1. The manipulator gains confidence through control over other people.

The reason for manipulation can be defined as a conflict between the desires to be independent and receive support from one’s environment (F. Perls).

A person does not believe in his own strength and wants to find support in others. But he doesn’t trust others either, so he tries to control them through manipulation. It is typical for him to treat another person as a worker who must do what he is told. We can say that the manipulator resolves his internal conflict at the expense of other people.

2. Afraid of close emotional connections with other people - fear of involvement

Another one possible reason manipulative behavior is given in the works of psychologist Eric Berne. He suggested that people start playing games with each other in order to better manage their emotions and avoid proximity. There is a hypothesis by psychologist William Glasser that one of the main human fears is the fear of involvement. If a person experiences fear of involvement and intimacy, he begins to use manipulation.

3. Steals psychic energy

The manipulator uses the energy of other people to compensate for a lack of self-esteem. Because the Lately Since I most often encountered this type of manipulation in my work, I decided to pay special attention to it.

Emptyness and emotional exhaustion in relationships

In practice, I have often encountered cases where women felt empty from a relationship with a man, emotional exhaustion, lost energy, both physical and mental. It is not always immediately clear where the cause of excessive energy consumption is. At first it seems that it’s a matter of everyday stress and work pressure. A woman perceives her condition as a given, and does not understand that the reason is in her immediate environment.

We also come across cases when women after, against the background of ordinary experiences that are to one degree or another characteristic of people, feel a strong loss of strength. They literally don’t have enough energy for ordinary everyday activities; they don’t want anything. When we begin to compare their state before the relationship, the picture comes out diametrically opposite: they were full of energy, cheerful, active. We begin to analyze traumatic events for the period of the relationship, and do not find real reasons for excessive energy consumption. It turns out that all this time they were in a relationship with a man to whom they gave more energy than they received from him.

Psycho vampires

People who steal our energy are called “psycho-vampires.” They use other people's energy to compensate for their lack of self-esteem. Psycho-vampires take advantage of the vulnerability of some people who have mental wounds.

Psychovampirism has been studied in detail within the framework of positive psychotherapy H. Pezeshkian, who in his book “Psycho vampires. About positive communication with those who steal our energy" examines this phenomenon in detail.

Psycho-vampires recognize their victims, guided by their sixth sense, reacting to phrases in conversation, signs and hidden signals. The main signal is the victim's temporary or chronic low self-esteem.

There are psycho-vampires who are constantly present in our lives, sucking energy out of us, and there are those who attack us occasionally when we are weakened. The hardest thing is to be in a relationship with a psycho-vampire man. To better understand this phenomenon, let's look at what types of psycho-vampires we can encounter in life.

Classification of psycho-vampires and methods of “antidote” according to H. Pezeshkian

Vampire setting traps

He needs to devalue others in order to feel good about himself. He is a narcissistic person who is impossible to please.

Victim needs recognition from others, looks for reasons for failure only in himself.

Antidote- remember your strengths and stick to your line.

Vampire "Yes, but"

This type sees only problems in opportunities and chances, and is afraid in advance of not being able to cope.

Victim– a purposeful person, determined to actively solve problems. As a rule, the victim wants to stimulate and inspire his partner to overcome problems, gives some of his energy, but the psycho-vampire does not appreciate this, he only whines and builds new “yes, but...” schemes.

Antidote- give up trying to change a person and his doomed attitude towards problems, carry out your plans, not paying attention to his whining.

Depressed vampire

This person constantly feels bad and in his interpretation others are to blame for this, he is fixated on himself, believes that others are deliberately harming him. Unable to realize and admit his mistakes. A person with low self-esteem is filled with fear and envy and sucks energy from those around him.

Victim– can be any person, a depressed vampire can ruin anyone’s mood.

Antidote– analyze what is bothering this vampire. The most constructive way to neutralize this type of psycho-vampire is to gain his trust and help.

Vampire Conservative

Feels afraid to turn off the usual path and try other ways. Doesn't know how to let go of a situation, very stubborn. In a relationship, this is a person who does not like to leave his comfort zone. He doesn’t want to change anything, and if his partner has chosen him as his wife, he must accept him as he is.

For example, a man, having gotten married, does not want to change his lifestyle taking into account the needs of his wife. When she tries to offer alternatives to his lifestyle, suggests trying something new, he feels insulted.

Victim– a person capable of taking certain risks, trying new opportunities, open to new ideas and projects.

Antidote– unfortunately, if you are not satisfied with the lifestyle of a conservative vampire, his usual methods, then the conflict here is pre-programmed and there is little you can do. Give him a certain amount of time to change and if he doesn't want to get out of his comfort zone, move on.

Vampire cold heart and ignoring vampire

These are emotionally cold people who carefully dose their kindness, are more focused on business and things than on relationships, and are overly rational. They are unable to understand the feelings of another person.

Victim– emotional, relationship-oriented person.

Antidote– don’t open up too much to rational people, communicate rationally and clearly, and satisfy your emotional needs through communication with friends. This will ease tension in the relationship.

Himalayan vampire

A person who constantly strives for new heights and is impossible to please. He believes that the most important thing in life is success and achievement. Everything is fine in a relationship with a Himalayan vampire as long as there are no complications.

Victim- a person who is highly dependent on the opinions and influence of other people, striving to gain approval and please the Himalayan vampire, as a result of which he only depletes his emotional resources.

Antidote– increased self-esteem. A conscious decision not to give others power over oneself. Find people to whom you are truly important and discuss your affairs with them, without paying attention to how others evaluate you.

Vampire Expert

Rational, selfish people with a low sense of self-worth. They believe that their world can be transferred to the life of another person. They are unable to look at the situation with different eyes. They like to criticize their partner. In close relationships they have a destructive effect on the partner, literally driving him crazy.

Victim– a sensitive person, insecure and doubtful, emotionally weakened, in a stressful situation. The vampire expert increases the victim's doubts.

Antidote– analyze whether the criticism of a vampire expert can be qualified?

For someone to become an expert for you, two conditions are required:

- the person must be truly an expert,

- you must contact him yourself.

Let's sum it up

Unconsciously we ourselves give to a certain person power over oneself. Each of us has several sore spots. We often do not realize them, thinking that everything is long behind us. Psycho-vampires find our sore spots and press the right button.

It is impossible to contain psycho-vampires if you are not aware of your weak points from the past.

It is difficult to end a relationship with a manipulator. But it’s even more difficult to do without psychological trauma: maintain healthy self-esteem, do not become depressed and do not lose the joy of life. After all, the manipulator doesn’t want you to leave at all, and uses his entire arsenal of pressure and coercion

It is difficult to end a relationship with a manipulator. But it’s even more difficult to do without psychological trauma: to maintain healthy self-esteem, not to become depressed and not to lose the joy of life. After all, the manipulator doesn’t want you to leave at all, and uses his entire arsenal of pressure and coercion to force you to stay. What to do if you simply cannot continue this relationship?

1. Leave without goodbyes or explanations

When we part, we feel the urge to talk for the last time, to explain everything, to sort it out... Perhaps this is how the subconscious hope manifests itself that the partner will suddenly understand everything and improve, or maybe we are just trying to relieve ourselves of the burden of guilt for leaving, trying to shift responsibility on the one whose behavior provoked the breakup. But in fact, the manipulative partner will never correct himself: he will not transform and will not thank us for awakening his conscience. More likely, he will get angry or try to turn the “last explanation” to his advantage - and if he is a good manipulator, then after this conversation you will not be able to leave again. So, as in the song - “When you leave, go away, don’t regret and don’t wait.” Drop everything, turn around and leave without warning, don’t try to say the last word of accusation or self-justification - if you don’t want to be brought back quickly.

2. After a breakup, do not communicate with your ex-partner.

Having broken off the relationship, break off all contacts at the same time - absolutely everything, without a single exception. Be Methodical: Block Everything phone numbers partner (both mobile and home). Set up your email inbox so that any emails from it go into spam. Delete your ex-partner’s contact on social networks and place him on all sorts of “Black Lists” so that he cannot write anything to you. And he will definitely try! The manipulator will not be able to accept your departure so easily. And since he is a master of manipulation, everything will start very innocently: he will come up with a good reason to contact you, and then he will say the very words that you want to hear. Once you believe, you lose: after a while you will return to the manipulator, and everything will again be the way it was. Or maybe even worse. So take a preventive measure and eliminate such a turn of events immediately by cutting off all contacts. And, by the way, if you left some thing in your partner’s house, even if it’s important to you, then say goodbye to it forever and under no circumstances try to return for it.

3. Beware: mutual friends!

Yes, it's very disappointing. Still, you may have to severely limit your interactions with mutual friends. In the same systematic way as with the ex-partner himself: block their numbers and accounts on social networks so that they cannot serve as intermediaries if your ex suddenly wants to contact you. Friends are not to blame: they either think that they are doing what is best, or simply cannot refuse the master of manipulation. They don't know your situation, and what's more, they don't know the manipulator as well as you do. As a result, all your efforts from the previous point will be in vain: your partner will calmly get in touch with you, using mutual friends or relatives, and in the end will take you out of your shell. Don't be angry with mutual friends, even if they side with your partner: they just don't know the details. Don’t be angry with yourself for blocking strangers, innocent people. Time will pass, the memories will be erased from memory, and you will be able to communicate again.

4. Write down all the reasons you had to leave.

Take the time to write down your reasons for leaving. To make it easier to understand, make a list of them, like a memo - at the same time, while you write, dot all the i’s. After leaving, you should have absolutely no doubts that you did the right thing: the fewer doubts, the less torment, and at the same time the less risk of changing your mind and returning. Don’t feel sorry for your relationship, write down everything bad that you can remember: everything that hurt you, tormented you, everything that put pressure on you. And pay special attention to those moments when the manipulator lied to you. These episodes are the most offensive: you knew that they were lying to you, but the manipulator stated that you “made it all up”, or “just forgot”, or “confused”. Write everything down as it actually happened: this will give you an important sense of justice.

5. Prepare for your ex to find a new partner quickly.

The manipulator does not need much time to recover from a break. Quite the opposite: the sooner he starts a new relationship, the faster he will regain his inner balance. For a manipulator, a relationship is an opportunity to fulfill his need for control, so he won’t wait long. Get ready to find out that he is in love again, or even see his new passion. Maybe you will even find out that they knew each other long before you broke up - that is, he had an option in reserve all this time. Prepare yourself for this news so as not to suffer and not take it personally. There's nothing personal here. This shouldn't affect your self-esteem or self-confidence. This doesn't mean that your ex-partner has "found someone better." He simply switched to the most accessible object, because that is precisely his understanding of relationships.

6. Give yourself enough time to be sad.

So, your ex has a new “love”, and you can’t even think about dating someone - your life seems like such a scorched desert to you. Don’t blame yourself for this and under no circumstances try to force yourself to look for a new partner - otherwise you too will turn into a manipulator! After ending a so-called “toxic relationship,” a person experiences complete devastation, and this is completely natural. Give yourself time. Don't forbid yourself to be sad. You had a strong emotional connection with your partner - and this is precisely the reason why you lasted in a relationship with him for so long, although you probably realized long ago that you would have to leave. This connection will not evaporate overnight: it will dissolve slowly, and you will inevitably feel sad. Try to accept it as it comes and don't try to speed up this natural process. It will end on its own.

7. Do something that makes you feel emotionally rewarded.

Yes, you are sad, and you are not trying to force yourself to have fun and enjoy life. But this does not mean that you need to completely focus on universal grief and lead yourself into the very depths of despair and loneliness. But how to prevent despair if you are not in the mood to have fun? There is a wonderful and effective method- get down to business. Throw yourself into work or, better yet, into a hobby, invest your vitality in some activity that can give you an emotional return (sport is an excellent option). True, you shouldn’t try to invent new hobbies for yourself: subconsciously you will always feel that you are trying to artificially fill some kind of inner emptiness, and sooner or later you will begin to be tormented by a feeling of your own inferiority; it will seem to you that the collapse of the relationship with the manipulator has caused you too much great damage. Instead, think about those hobbies that you have been craving for all your life, including before the start of this ill-fated relationship. Remember your interest in these activities, and at the same time try to find a group of like-minded people. But just don’t have any expectations of meeting new love in this group! There is a time for everything: while you are just looking for the company of new people, take a sip fresh air after a period of stagnation in life. The readiness for new love and new relationships will come later, and you will feel it before you have time to plan.

A woman’s relationship with a manipulator is always an example of a relationship in which a man, intentionally or subconsciously, uses the psychophysical resources of his companion for his own purposes. The main signs that reveal such one-sided consumerism are the woman’s personal feelings. She understands that she is constantly forced to act against her desires, but does not find the strength to resist this.

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How to recognize a manipulator by observing him?

Statistics show that women of three categories risk becoming victims of male manipulators:

young and inexperienced girls;
thrill seekers of any age;
women depressed by external circumstances: a long relationship with a cruel or unloved person, loneliness, overwhelming moral responsibility.

Signs by which you can recognize a manipulator:

he brightly “bursts” into the life of the victim, as if seeing the main goal of blinding her, eclipsing the whole world for her with his extraordinary personality;
the emotional background of his actions is poorly expressed, and if he tries to simulate feelings of delight, fear, disgust, anxiety, then it looks false;
his attitude towards people who do not bring him obvious benefit, or towards those who are lower on the social ladder, is rude and tactless;
his communication with a potential companion is built on the principle of “carrot and stick”: he responds to actions that are beneficial for himself with a positive reaction, to unfavorable ones - with aggression, depression or “deadly” resentment;
he does not hesitate to insult his former lover (wife) and openly blames her for the collapse of the “enviable” union, in the strengthening of which he allegedly invested a lot of effort and money;
he skillfully operates on a woman’s feelings of guilt, and can conduct any dialogue in such a way that the interlocutor soon begins to feel guilty of selfishness towards the tyrant.

Experienced male manipulators are generous with promises that are not confirmed by actual actions. When the time comes to reinforce the previously given words about a monetary investment or an expensive purchase with real action, circumstances of an external nature, supposedly independent of the man, arise that prevent this.

Signs of a manipulative relationship

The main goal of a manipulator at the beginning of a relationship is to secure a guarantee of their constancy, for which any methods available to him will be used. The tyrant’s task is to tie his partner to himself and make him fall in love with him, so the period of courtship with such a man is very romantic.

The lover almost never presents large gifts, but the partner does not skimp on signs of attention. Such ostentatious romance is especially clear when lovers communicate on social networks, when a man gives a girl virtual gifts and shows off his serious intentions publicly.

Having barely gained a foothold at the stable stage love relationship, the man imperceptibly or obviously begins to change his line of behavior. Having already studied the weaknesses of his victim and her “threshold of patience”, beyond which she can fight back, he skillfully maneuvers between adequate actions and inadequate manifestations of his tyranny, confusing the woman and putting her even more in a dependent position.

Attempts to humiliate a woman in her own eyes

Since a manipulator is always a skilled liar, he immediately strives to create an unattainably significant image for himself, built on grains of truth, which he willingly confirms. For example, a small entrepreneur in debt appears to be a successful businessman, demonstrating a certificate of registration of an individual entrepreneur as proof of his words.

Simultaneously with the exaltation of his person, the tyrant shows a patronizing or disdainful attitude towards what his companion has achieved in life. This is presented in such a light, as if the woman should be grateful to fate that such a rare person paid attention to her. Monetary investments and other significant steps taken by her to “support” his business or to provide for their general living needs are accepted by him with carelessness and condescension.

Aggression

This is the main way of a manipulator to insist on his own when his partner expresses doubts about the correctness of his opinion or deviates from the “rules” he has established. Aggression can manifest itself in a hidden way (a man refuses to eat, boycotts his companion, disappears from sight, drinks) or openly (abuse, reproaches, threats or humiliation, followed by assault).

The actions of the hidden aggressor are aimed at making the woman independently “realize” that she is wrong and recognize her partner’s opinion as the only correct one. Whether her confession is sincere or expressed to restore peace in the family does not matter. It is important for the manipulator to “teach” his partner to agree, and the reasons for which she does this are of no interest to him.

An open aggressor does not like to feel the inconvenience of postponing the result, so he will demand that the woman immediately agree with his opinion. The actions of such a man often get out of his control, but even after “reconciliation” he never regrets what he did, no matter how severe the consequences may be. Forcing his companion to admit that she herself provoked the outbreak, and punishing her for it, is the only acceptable strategy for developing the situation.

Mood swings

The manipulator would not be able to subjugate the victim if she could always predict the partner’s reaction to her actions and predict the consequences of her actions. The tyrant consciously and methodically models any situation that has arisen so as to be able to react to it in two ways and be right in both cases. This position allows him to constantly keep his partner in suspense, which automatically reduces the risk of receiving a counter-protest. The woman simply does not have the strength left for this, since all of it is spent on resolving the next problem.

In a family whose head is a manipulator, the anxiety scale always remains at high level . Manifestations of love and passion on the part of a partner are so often replaced by fits of aggression that the woman no longer knows how to behave and is unable to resist him.

Sometimes, during a long-term relationship with a tyrant, a girl’s consciousness ceases to resist provocations. When this happens completely, the partner loses interest in her.

Cutting off external connections

A peculiarity of the wives of manipulators is their total loneliness. An egoist who seeks to take possession of all the resources of his victim will not tolerate competition in any form and will try to ensure that his half ends up in the role of an outcast. To achieve this goal, the husband will tell obscenities about his wife not only to her friends and colleagues, but even to her parents. He will quarrel with her neighbors, and the open aggressor will go further and begin looking through his wife’s gadgets and communicating with people from her phone book.

There are many cases where a disgraced woman deleted her social media accounts and changed her phone number to avoid angry attacks from friends and family. This situation suits the manipulator, because it only strengthens his position next to the girl abandoned by everyone. He even becomes affectionate to show her that he can replace the rest of the world, but this does not last long because he has to keep a positive attitude long time he is not capable.

False care

A manipulator “takes care” of his woman with one goal - so that she fully meets the requirements presented to him. Most often, tyrant husbands act as “upholders of morality” and force their partners to give up elegant clothes, jewelry, and high-quality cosmetics. This is done under the guise of “justified indignation” that his wife will be looked at as a “girl of easy virtue” and “he will be ashamed of her.”

Women rarely find objections to manifestations of such “care” and begin to doubt the adequacy of their taste. Gradually, the man’s word becomes decisive in any, even everyday, purchases, and every independent step of the wife is subjected to detailed questioning: “Why didn’t you ask? ", "What were you thinking? "

IN best case scenario the man begins to put pressure on his partner’s psyche with a boycott or scenes of “mortal resentment,” until she admits the error of her choice and begins to beg him to participate in the next purchases. At worst, a woman will hear a whole range of insults regarding her ability to “always do the wrong thing.” The same situation awaits her in all areas of life, into which the “care of an attentive spouse” will penetrate.

How do you know when it's time to break up?

Over time, the difficulties encountered in communicating with a manipulative guy will only get worse. What previously seemed like attempts to defend your opinion and force your partner to compromise, gradually develops into total control.

A woman can find out whether she continues to control her life by noting whether the scenarios in her own relationships correspond to some of the options proposed below:

without the permission of her husband, a woman cannot go to visit a friend or visit her parents (relatives);
there were cases when a partner took his wife’s phone (laptop, tablet) and examined the information contained there;
the husband had attacks of aggression, after which he was attacked by sentimentality or passion;
previous attempts to break up with this man led to his threats to commit suicide or harm the “traitor”;
in public, a companion can humiliate or laugh at his beloved - put her in an unfavorable light, tell about an absurd incident from her life;
if a woman, taking part in a general conversation, raises her voice, laughs loudly or says something that her partner does not like, he will immediately interrupt her or silence her in another way (pulling her by the hand, taking her out of the room);
the wife has to fulfill demands of a sexual nature that do not correspond to her desires, which the partner is well aware of;
The husband often tells his wife that the way she is, no one else needs her but him.

If the similarity of her current position in the relationship coincides with three or more points, then it makes sense to take a closer look at her partner.

An alarming sign for a woman should be her own changed worldview. If all the wife’s thoughts are occupied only by worry about how to please her man, not to cause his reproaches or counter-offenses, and her personal priorities and goals have long since faded into the background, the relationship must be ended urgently.

How to get rid of a tyrant?

A family manipulator will never let his partner go. You need to prepare for this in advance and think through several algorithms for breaking up relationships.

If your ex-lover is prone to outbursts of anger during which he cannot control himself, talking to him about breaking up face to face is dangerous. You need to ask a family friend, brother, father - any person who can stop the aggressor - to be present at this scene.

In the case of living together with a man, if the apartment is his property or is rented, it is necessary in advance, but so that he does not notice, to remove all personal belongings from the house. This is necessary to prevent further manipulations on his part that will follow when the girl tries to take away the remaining clothes or household items. Things are transported to territory beyond the control of the guy, where the woman will live later.

It is acceptable not to give the manipulator a chance to put further pressure on the psyche and to leave him without any explanation. A good option inform him of your decision, a paper or electronic note will be left. But, as in the case of a face-to-face separation, it should be brief and succinctly report the very fact of leaving without any excuses.

Personal conversation requires more careful moral preparation and endurance. You cannot tell a man about your intention if he is drunk or in an aggressive state.

You need to proceed as follows:

you must speak calmly, without preambles or complex phrases;
You can’t cry, gesticulate, or use facial expressions - the more dispassionate the message is, the less opportunity your partner will have to “play” on the response emotions;
a prepared speech of 2-3 sentences should not contain accusations towards a former lover;
You should not inform the man about your future place of residence (this will sound like an invitation).

After all is said and done, you just need to turn around and leave - with empty handed, since everything you need has already been transported to your new place of residence, and bags and boxes will make care much more difficult. The man will try to prevent separation and will use the usual tricks:

will strive to establish contact with a woman, trying to take her hands;
will demand the opportunity to explain himself and accuse the woman that all the problems occur because she “always doesn’t want to listen to him”;
will reproach her with a gift, a trip, a shared child, or something he “sacrificed for her.”

The main thing for a woman is not to give in or show weakness during this final conversation, otherwise the painful relationship will never end, and attempts to break it will be used by the manipulator for his own purposes.

A woman's behavior after a breakup

The former partner will not disappear without a trace and, having lost hope of reviving the relationship, will begin to take revenge. This is almost inevitable, so negative rumors about yourself, spread by a “devoted husband,” must be met calmly and with minimal emotions. By responding to these attempts with counter-attacks, a woman only makes it easier for a man to put her in the unfavorable position of being “guilty.”

You need to avoid any contact with your ex-husband. It is even necessary to stop visiting places where it may appear. Sometimes abandoned husbands deliberately set up “random” meetings with the intention of “having a heart-to-heart talk,” “finding everything out completely,” and, ultimately, “remaining friends.” Falling for such a trick, a woman risks finding herself in the manipulator’s net again.

After a breakup, you should strive to fill all your free time with communication with loved ones and activities for which you did not have enough energy and time in the relationship. If a woman has not worked before, she should look for a job - this will stimulate the development of her independence and the need to start taking care of herself and following fashion again.

Not all manipulative men are a threat. Weak individuals who have focused on self-pity in their life together leave the woman after 2-3 attempts to renew the relationship and quickly switch to another person. But there are men who do not allow for any other turn of events than the one they had previously planned. They may set out to prevent the “victim” from living normal life and continue to manipulate her from a distance using public opinion or blackmail.

It is dangerous for a woman to remain alone in a situation in which actions are dictated by fear of physical harm or the risk of falling under universal censure. The way out may be to contact the police or even change permanent place residence with moving to another city. The only unacceptable scenario is to continue communicating with the manipulator.

Good day, dear readers. Today we will talk about what a manipulator man is in a relationship. You will learn by what signs you can identify such a person. Find out what are the reasons for the formation of such a personality. You will know how to communicate with him correctly.

Types of manipulators

Depending on the young man’s temperament, as well as your character, one of five types of manipulators may be nearby.

Prosecutor. Such a person tries to penetrate deep into your subconscious, finds out all the dark sides and sins. Subsequently uses the information received. It will humiliate you. Constantly point out that you are very lucky to be next to him; no one else would pay attention to such a person.
A little boy. He behaves thoughtlessly and makes mistakes. At the same time, he does not try to make excuses in any way, but asks to accept him as he is.
Tyrant. People are drawn to such a person; they see him as a protector. However, then excessive jealousy appears, intimidation of the victim begins, control over his every step begins.
Player. Uses manipulation to obtain pleasure. Your relationship is like another adventure for him. He can boast about his former victories over weak women. If you are wondering whether it is possible to make such a person fall in love with you, then the answer is no. He lives only for himself, he does not need serious meetings. Even if he behaves like a person in love, gives you gifts and showers you with compliments, this is just a game, his words mean nothing.
Pretender. When starting a relationship with a woman, such a person will do everything to completely conquer her heart. As soon as a girl falls in love with him, everything will change dramatically. He will become completely different and will demand satisfaction of his needs; he will no longer extol her.

Reasons for the formation of such a personality

How to recognize a guy who is turning into a manipulator? You need to understand that this is preceded by psychological reasons, and not congenital anomalies.

Initially, a man has low self-esteem and does not believe in his own strength. It is vital for him to find support in the environment and at the same time remain independent. However, such a person cannot trust others. That is why he tries to control everyone. There is a desire to use people for your own purposes. In essence, such a person resolves the conflict of his inner self at the expense of other people.
Fear of close relationships. The culprit is a previously experienced trauma, the betrayal of a loved one, the fear of becoming attached, the desire to remain detached.
The person has an unsatisfied sense of dignity. He uses other people's energy to increase his self-esteem.
A man drains his partner's life energy to become stronger. At the same time, the woman remains unhappy, feels empty and exhausted.

Characteristic features of the manipulator

Let's look at what the signs of a manipulator are and how to understand that such a person is next to you.

He tries to control everything that happens. At the very beginning of your relationship, he tries to find out all the details of your life down to the smallest detail. Then he tries to find out information related to current relationships with friends and colleagues. Some girls mistake such interest for falling in love and a desire to care. In fact, it is simply important for the manipulator to keep everything under control.
He begins to speak negatively about his past relationships, insults ex-lovers. You must understand that you yourself may find yourself in the place of unhappy women.
The manipulator is trying to turn you against friends and even relatives. It is important for a man that a woman belongs to him and devotes all her time only to him.
The guy is trying to change you, wants to create a creature that will fulfill all his whims. Be prepared for him to suggest changing jobs or getting plastic surgery.
The manipulator likes to talk a lot and promise. However, all his words are just air thrown into the wind.
A man who manipulates may often change his mood. Such a person will not be consistent; he may talk about something good and then change his mind. He is easily offended and may not speak for several days.
Such a person, through his actions, provokes you into a constant feeling of guilt. Be prepared for the fact that in all quarrels and conflicts you will be portrayed as the instigator.
It may be characterized by pathological jealousy. A man finds fault with any male who happens to be near you, even if it’s just a colleague. He controls everything, does not let him go outside without his accompaniment.
Completely depresses your desires and aspirations. It is important for such a person that people live for his sake; he is characterized by selfishness. You will rarely hear that a manipulative man is in love. And if this happens, then such relationships are of a peculiar nature. A person is not able to properly express his feelings and in any case can oppress his other half and make her unhappy.

How to communicate

Let's look at how to resist a manipulator and not submit to his will. Let's figure out how you can coexist with such a person.

When giving in to manipulation, you need to do it consciously. It is important that the man feels that you are in control of the situation.
Every word and action of your man needs to be weighed and considered. It's important to show your young man, that they themselves planned to do so. We need to be proactive.
If a man tries to make you angry, tell him directly that he wants to see you angry.
Don't hide the fact that you are aware of his manipulations.
Watch your boyfriend. Make sure his words match his gestures.
Be able to promptly identify the difference between care and total control, sincere feelings from false flattery.
Learn to analyze your weaknesses and strengths. Knowing about them, it will be easier for you to communicate with the manipulator, because it can put pressure on shortcomings. If a man points out your weaknesses, remain confident. Calmly answer that you know about your shortcomings, that they are part of your personality.
Increase your self-esteem, love yourself. A girl should realize that she is not obliged to fulfill other people's wishes. Spend your free time doing what you love.
You can openly talk about manipulation and, together with your partner, try to find out the reason for this behavior.
It is important to be able to say the word “no” and not follow his desires. First of all, you need to think about yourself, no matter how strong your feelings for a person of the opposite sex.
If you feel strong psychological pressure from a man, take a break from the relationship. This time is necessary to come to your senses and sort out your feelings.
Behave unpredictably. This will prevent the young man from keeping everything under control.
Control yourself, don’t allow yourself to cry when a man is waiting for it. Stay calm, don't be indifferent.
If you are thinking about how to outplay your man, speak to him using his own phrases. If he tries to put pressure on you, threatening to break up, feel free to answer that he wants you to break up. If you see an attempt at manipulation, cut off your interlocutor mid-sentence. It is important to pull the blanket over yourself in time. You can say that the conversation is over or the topic is already closed.
A man will try to subjugate you to his will, so it is important not to lose touch with reality and continue to communicate with other people and friends. Don't let your partner stop you from these meetings.
Stand up for your opinion, do not allow personal boundaries to be violated. This will not allow the manipulator to subjugate you to his will and use you for selfish purposes.
If a man completely controls you, you are no longer able to resist him, seek help from a psychologist. He will help you get out of the hole into which you were driven, he will teach you how to live on.
If you feel discomfort, you feel uncomfortable being around such a man, your self-esteem drops below zero, then it’s time to think that such a relationship is not for you. Remember that you have the right to be happy and loved.

Now you know how male manipulators behave and who they are. It is important to realize that not every woman can save her face next to such a man; she often becomes a victim. If you are a strong personality and can openly resist manipulation from your partner, fight for your relationship. If you see that you are not capable of a happy future next to such a person, run away from him. Remember that you need to love yourself and not allow someone to rule your life or make you a toy in their hands.

Hello, dear readers! There are men for whom it is easier to give what they want than to explain why you won’t do it. You will spend a lot of time, effort, energy, but in the end you will still get tired of arguments, conversations and give up.

Today we will talk about how to get rid of a manipulator: what are his signs, how they behave, whether it makes sense to continue the relationship and why leaving a manipulator is so difficult. Let's start with trying.

Symptoms

In a relationship, a manipulative man is quite easy to recognize. The first sign is total control. He must know: what you are doing, when, with whom. Often he tries to correct you even in those things in which he is not very knowledgeable, for example, in work.

At first, women may really like this. She has finally found a caring friend who is interested in her life and tries to help. Over time, the advice begins to irritate: “I myself know how to communicate with my boss,” “I guess I’ll figure it out,” “Listen, I told this to my mother, because we have such a relationship with her, this is normal for us.”

The manipulator, as a rule, is of others. He cannot do wrong; his actions are always logical and justified. You might want to pay attention to how he talks about his exes. If they are always to blame for everything, then this is an indicator of immaturity. Both always participate in a breakup, and if your other half always finds justification for his actions in the imperfections of others, most likely he is a manipulator.

By the way, it is possible that stories about exes are just a way to give you step by step instructions how to behave with him, and what not to do. I recommend . Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to get rid of the shadow of a girl who will always be present in your relationship. You will compare yourself to her and think: “What would she do in this situation.”

Playing on your feelings, the desire to make you feel guilty, these are also signs of a manipulator. “I love you, and you went out with friends.” “Love” and “meeting friends” have nothing to do with each other, but your partner will try to convince you otherwise. By the way, you can read in one of the previous publications of this blog.

Well, if you are interested in more detailed analysis technologies, I can advise a large book of persuasion techniques by Oleg Serapionov.

Addiction: big and small

We are used to perceiving manipulation in relationships as something negative. However, many women find this positive sides, and quickly become psychologically attached to the manipulative partner, learn to live with him and are quite happy in marriage, so you shouldn’t be so categorical. Let's try to figure it out.

Getting emotional from a manipulator is a fairly common phenomenon. Many women generally subconsciously strive for this. Their goal is to stand behind a wide back and calmly stay there until the end of their days.

The girl stops thinking, making decisions, and taking responsibility for own life. For many, this is an advantageous position. The next time a controversial issue arises, she calls her husband and finds out what to do about it.

This strategy is ideal for those with low income. They relax and continue to live in calm conditions. The only thing is that you have to get used to the manipulator. A woman must completely forget about her own preferences and always follow clear instructions. Not everyone can do this.

One thing I can say right away is that it is impossible to beat a manipulator. He has experience on his side and there is a counter to almost any technique in his arsenal. You'll just get tired of struggling and trying. The only way out is to come to terms.

Even if you begin to manage to manipulate, after some time he will simply leave you and go look for someone who will happily listen to his advice. If this does not happen for a long time, it means that he has not yet found suitable option, but work on this is underway.

The desire to manipulate for a man is like breathing or eating. If it is great, then he will try in every possible way to realize it.

Before making a decision, I advise you. Does he always give bad advice? How does he react when you don't follow recommendations? How important is freedom to you and to what extent, because everyone loses it in a relationship.

If you are, then just talk to your man about the fact that you want to break up. There are no rules here. All you need is perseverance and confidence. That's all. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

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