The loudest coming outs in history. What is coming out - we explain in simple words What is public recognition called in non-traditional

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He believed that the secretive existence of minorities reduced their ability to influence public opinion, and therefore encouraged homosexuals to become more visible by coming out.

Therapist Iwan Bloch, in his work of the year entitled “The Sexual Life of Our Time and Its Relation to Modern Civilization,” asked older homosexuals to come out to heterosexual members of their families and acquaintances.

The first significant person to come out in America was the poet Robert Duncan. After announcing his orientation that year, he was discharged from the army shortly after being drafted. That year, in an article in the anarchist magazine Politics, under his real name, he declared that homosexuals were an oppressed minority.

The formerly secretive human rights advocacy "Mattachine Society", founded by Harry Hay and others involved in the Los Angeles presidential campaign for candidate Wallace, also came to public attention when the group led the group in San Francisco this year. openly gay men Hal Call, Ken Burns and Don Lucas stood up.

Other people who are hiding their sexual orientation do not have any heterosexual relationships and simply want to protect themselves from discrimination or rejection by hiding their sexual orientation or attractions. M. Beilkin states: in order to “understand the motivation of such behavior, special knowledge is not required. We are talking about the forced submission of a homosexual to the social rules of a society that does not encourage sexual dissent.”

Coming out process

premonition differences from other people that arise in a person before puberty;
doubt in heterosexual identity, during adolescence;
Adoption their non-traditional identity, which may not be achieved due to hostile social attitudes;
identification yourself as a representative of sexual minorities, establishing a connection between sexuality and emotionality, integrating your sexuality into the image of “I”.

Since specific “reasons” for the formation of the sexual identity of homosexuals have not been discovered, the process of coming out and its theoretical justifications are controversial: none of the developed models can be considered exhaustive. However, they agree on one thing: the process is not linear, and a person can simultaneously solve several psychological problems related to different stages of the process.

Awareness of one's own orientation

The psychological model of the coming out process, developed by Eli Coleman, assumes the presence of a so-called “pre-detection” stage preceding coming out, in which the child in early childhood begins to feel different from his peers, as well as the emerging conflict of his feelings with those learned in the family negative attitudes towards homosexuality. At this stage, many people are unable to explain what is wrong with their same-sex attraction, and feel different from others long before they relate it to their belonging to a sexual minority.

Psychotherapist Henley-Heckenbrück emphasizes that

“individual nuances of definition [ person] its identity is difficult to list. They are determined by personality and character traits, the age when a person first realized his otherness, the characteristics of physical processes, the rigidity of family views (in particular those related to sexual behavior), religious upbringing, negative or traumatic experiences associated with sexual orientation.”

The age at which gays and lesbians become aware of their homosexual experiences is different. According to observations conducted by researchers Jay and Young, for men this age is 13-14 years, and for women - 18. Most men begin to engage in sexual contact with people of the same sex even before they realize that they are gay. Women usually guess about their orientation long before entering into intimate intimacy with people of the same sex.

Coming out may be preceded by a period of uncertainty when a person believes that his sexual orientation, behavior or sense of belonging to another gender is some kind of temporary “phase”, or rejects these feelings for religious or moral reasons.

Psychological and social problems of coming out

Coming out is a complex process that can have both positive and negative social and psychological consequences for the individual who commits it. In this regard, people who have already come out and, through trial and error, determined which behavior is the least traumatic for the person himself and his loved ones, tried to generalize this experience in the form of recommendations. Materials distributed by an American organization called Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (PFLAG) discourage, in particular, coming out during the holidays and other stressful situations, such as arguments.

Typically, coming out is not a one-time process, but a gradual, evolving process. In most cases, sexologists recommend “opening up” first to a trusted close friend or family member, and then taking a break, postponing further confessions. Some people are known about their orientation at work, but are not suspected at home, or vice versa. However, in fact, coming out is not limited to a one-time confession to one person or group of people.

Some researchers have found that the degree to which a person is open about his orientation in different life situations is directly related to his lack of stress and neurosis.

Parents' attitude towards coming out

For parents, a number of websites, as well as other publications, provide various psychological recommendations on how to adequately deal with a child’s coming out.

National Coming Out Day

According to the American LGBT organization “Human Rights Campaign”, the so-called “National Coming Out Day” is intended to consistently and organizedly implement the concept of coming out throughout society. It is held annually on October 11. Initially, this event was held only in the United States, and then spread throughout the world. According to the organizers, it makes it possible to reduce the possible negative consequences of coming out both for the psyche of a person’s relatives, loved ones and friends, and for himself.

Story

The history of the American “National Coming Out Day” dates back to October 11, when 500 thousand demonstrators marched through the streets of Washington to demand equal rights for gays and lesbians. The decision to hold an annual coming out day was made this year with the participation of Dr. Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary, an American gay and lesbian rights activist, politician and former nun. The founders of the event set the goal of introducing the majority of the population to the LGBT community and its movement for equal rights.

Symbols and attributes

National Coming Out Day emblem designed by artist Keith Haring

The emblem of the American Coming Out Day was created by the American artist Keith Haring, who became famous in the 1980s, who worked in the genres of urban street graphics, graffiti and pop art. Many of his works played on themes of same-sex relationships.

The organizers of the event recommend that participants wear certain signs or symbols on this day: an inverted pink triangle, the Greek letter “lambda”, as well as a 6-color rainbow in the form of jewelry, flags or on clothing, in order to clearly demonstrate by example the presence of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people in all walks of life, among all ages and ethnic groups.

The famous hit “I’m Coming Out” performed by American pop star Diana Ross can be considered the unofficial anthem of coming out day in particular and the entire gay community in general. It was composed and produced by composer Nile Rodgers in collaboration with other musicians, inspired by a party at a California disco club where he once saw several drag queens imitating Diana. After the song was released in the spring of the year and firmly occupied the top of the charts (the highest position was number 5 on the Billboard music chart), Diana Ross became a gay icon of the LGBT community along with such artists as Madonna, Gloria Gaynor, Cher, Kylie Minogue, Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich and Shirley Bassey.

Support

National Coming Out Day is sponsored by one of the largest LGBT organizations called the Human Rights Campaign. She publishes special materials with recommendations on how to correctly approach the issue of disclosing your own orientation to loved ones, relatives and friends. The organization also disseminates data on which companies and corporations are most accepting of LGBT employees at work (the so-called “Corporate Equality Index”).

Celebrity coming out

The scandalous kiss of Britney Spears (left) and Madonna (right) at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards

Coming out is most noticeable among popular people whose personal lives are constantly in the media's field of view. These are mainly representatives of creative professions: ballet dancers, pop singers, designers, actors, directors, etc. However, some extremists also come out, for example, British neo-Nazi Nikki Crane, who died of AIDS, confessed shortly before his death in his homosexuality.

There is a point of view that even representatives of pop culture who are not gay, lesbian or bisexual resort to fake coming out in the form of “sensational revelations” or public actions as a means of increasing public interest in their person (for example, this is what the Russian group Tatu did ", using a lesbian image at the beginning of her career, as well as singer Madonna, who kissed Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears on the lips while performing the song "Like A Virgin" at the MTV Video Music Awards in 2016).

The case of British pop singer George Michael illustrates the exact opposite reaction of the public: his public admission of his own sexuality this year alienated some fans from his work, as a result of which the singer’s popularity in the United States fell sharply, which became one of the reasons for his prolonged depression and creative crisis .

Ballet dancers

Musicians, singers

Actors

Designers

Politicians

The cover of Time magazine, dated April 14, 1997, in which TV presenter Ellen DeGeneris admitted that she was a lesbian.

Journalists and TV presenters

Writers

Athletes

Social significance and influence

The result of the implementation of the concept of coming out within the framework of public programs (in particular, the almost 20-year-old annual coming out day and a number of other events to reduce the level of homophobia in the United States) was the fact that an Internet survey of almost 3 thousand Americans revealed : 70% of heterosexuals aged 18 years and older personally know someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (for comparison, in Russia this figure, according to statistics from the Public Opinion Foundation, is 10%). Moreover, 83% of those who identify as members of the LGBT community in the United States report that they are open about their sexuality.

Another multi-year study, based on 120 public opinion polls and conducted by political science professor Kenneth Sherrill of the Center on Sexuality and Public Policy at Hunter College and co-authored by Patrick Egan of the Center for Democratic Policy at Princeton University, found that having a family member who is openly gay or lesbian, increased public support for registering gay partnerships by 17% and improved public attitudes toward the adoption of children by gay couples by 13%.

The theme of coming out in works of art

Some works of fiction discuss the situation when a heterosexual character commits a “fake coming out”, identifying himself as a member of the LGBT community for the sake of fame, money or some other preferences. Subsequently, the situation repeats itself, and later he performs the same “coming out procedure,” but only in the LGBT community itself, publicly declaring that he is heterosexual. For example, the film “Tango for Three” was dedicated to a similar problem, and in Francis Weber’s comedy “Chameleon” the hero of Daniel Auteuil makes a fake coming out in order not to lose his job (he works as an accountant at a condom production company, among whose clients there are a lot of homosexuals ). In the anime Strawberry Eggs, a student publicly admitted that she had a crush on her teacher, who was then publicly revealed to be a guy in disguise.

The theme of teenagers coming out is also raised in the film Krumpak.

Criticism

The largest Christian organization, Exodus International, part of the anti-homosexual movement, founded the celebration of its own “National Coming Out Day” this year in response to “National Coming Out Day” ( National Coming Out of Homosexuality Day) in honor of "the changed lives of former homosexuals - several thousand men and women." The organization's president, Alan Chambers, states: “As one of the thousands of people who have experienced change, I know that there is life beyond homosexuality. For many who feel lonely and empty in their gay lives, there is a way out.”

John Paulk, an "ex-gay" and organizer of regular anti-gay conferences called Love Won Out, sponsored by the traditional family values non-profit Focus on the Family, says : “To the millions of people concerned about [ homosexuality], they say that coming out is the solution to their problems. But for some, this is just the beginning, and we want them to know there is a way out of the emptiness, loneliness and confusion many experience in their gay lives."

Anti-gay activist Mike Haley, an “ex-gay” and presenter of the Love Overcomes conferences, states: “Hundreds of thousands of people struggling with their sexuality, including at-risk youth, are being pushed to come out. as a means of solving their problems. People need truthful information to make healthy life decisions, and so-called “pride” events in this regard are only regrettable. The truth is that there is a way out for those struggling with unwanted homosexuality.”

Therapist Warren Throckmorton, an assistant professor of psychology at Grove City College in Pennsylvania, USA, responding to teens questioning their orientation and sexual identity, says they don't need to rush into coming out and "labeling themselves labels”: “You yourself may not know exactly what to call your sexual feelings. You should not hastily decide which category of people you belong to. This is true both in adolescence and later in life for young people. Some well-intentioned people, teachers or counselors, may claim that young people come out and identify as gay and lesbian as early as 12 or 13 years of age. Although there are some teenagers who are in a hurry to take such a step, it is actually unwise. Sexual feelings develop over a long period of time [...] Teenage sex hormones are more active than ever, so your sexual feelings may be extremely strong, but not focused on one thing. This is fine".

Feminist criticism

The concept of coming out is also criticized by some in the LGBT community. In particular, feminist Judith Butler argues that the metaphor of being “inside” and “outside the closet” implies that life “in the closet” or in the shadows is a dark, marginal and false existence, then how life “outside”, “in the rays of the spotlights” reveals the true essence of a person. American feminist theorist Diana Fuss explains: “The problem, of course, is the inside-outside rhetoric: such a debate misses the fact that most of us are both inside and outside at the same time. “outside” as well.” Fass continues: “being 'out', or 'in the public eye' as gays say, actually means the exact opposite; “being outside” means finally ceasing to be constrained by external circumstances, as well as all the exceptions and deprivations caused by being “inside.” In other words, “being outside” is actually being inside. Within a visible, articulated and rational cultural space.”

Gender studies and feminist theorist Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick writes in her 1990 book Epistemology of the closet"based on literary heroes, analyzes in detail the perception in modern society of the phenomenon of male homosexuality and the “closet” itself, which homosexuals “leave.” Kosofki criticizes the strict division between heterosexuality and homosexuality, as well as the thesis that the homosexual is some kind of separate type of person whose sexuality is “contagious.” The author admits that perhaps there is a “woman’s heart” hidden in every man, like in a “closet”, and that this is not a characteristic of some “species” or “minority”, but rather one of many likely possibilities. The author comes to the conclusion that the “closet,” perceived as a kind of secret, private homosexuality, is in fact a public entity, and the “exit” from it performs the function of a kind of “performance” or “spectacle.” Rejecting the opposition between private and public, Kosovsky’s argument does not come to the conclusion that homosexuals are “coming out of the closet,” but to the discovery of the fact that in fact the “closet” is “transparent” or “empty.” Thus, homosexuals, according to Kosofka, turn out to be only a “hastily formed group of men” for “ostentatious” purposes.

Notes

Constitution of the Russian Federation, Article 23 “Everyone has the right to privacy, personal and family secrets, protection of his honor and good name.”
"Tattoo" in the lesbian wilds. Moscow's comsomolets. No. 46, December 22, 2000
Johansson, Warren & Percy, William A. "Outing: Shattering the Conspiracy of Silence." Harrington Park Press, 1994
Gross, Larry. "Contested Closets: The Politics and Ethics of Outing." Minneapolis & London, University of Minneapolis Press, 1993
Meeker, Martin " Behind the Mask of Respectability: Reconsidering the Mattachine Society and Male Homophile Practice, 1950s and 1960s" Journal of the History of Sexuality - Volume 10, Number 1, January 2001, pp. 78-116
Paul Varnell. " Revising Early Gay History" October 2, 2002, Chicago Free Press
Hooker, Evelyn. "Male Homosexuals and Their Worlds". Sexual Inversion: The Multiple Roots of Homosexuality. Judd Marmor, ed. New York: Basic Books, 1965, pp. 83-107.
Gay pioneer's papers enter Library of Congress
M. M. Beilkin. “The Gordian knot of sexology. Polemical notes on same-sex attraction”, pp. 89-91
Ericson, E. (1946) "Ego development and historical change." The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 2: 359-96
Davis D., Neil Ch. “Pink psychotherapy: a guide to working with sexual minorities”, St. Petersburg: Peter, 2001, ISBN 5-318-00036-3
Grace, J. (1977) “Gay despair and the loss of adolescence: a new perspective on same sex preference and self-esteem.” Presented at 5th Biennial Professional Symposium of the National Association of Social Workers, San Diego, November
de Monteflores, C. and Schultz, S.J. (1978) "Coming out". Journal of Social Issues, 34(3): 59-72
Kimmel, D.C. (1978) “Adult development and aging: a gay perspective.” Journal of Social Issues, 34(3): 113-30
Cass V.C. (1979) “Homosexual identity formation: a theoretical model.” Journal of Homosexuality, 4: 219-35
Troiden, R.R. (1979) “Becoming homosexual: a model of gay identity acquisition.” Psychiatry, 42(4): 362-73
Woodman, N.J. and Lenna, H.R. (1980) “Counselling with Gay Men and Women: A Guide for Helping Positive Lifestyles.” San Francisco, CA: Jossey Bass
Coleman, E. (1981/82) “Development stages of the coming out process.” Journal of Homosexuality, 7: 31-43
MacDonald, G.J. (1982) “Individual differences in the coming out process of gay men: implications for theoretical models.” Journal of Homosexuality, 8(1): 47-60
Minton, H. and MacDonald, G.J. (1983/84) “Homosexual identity formation as a development process.” Journal of Homosexuality, 9(2/3): 91-104
R. R. Troiden (1989). "The formation of homosexual identities." Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 17, No. 1/2/3/4, pp. 43-74.
Jay, K. and Young, A. (1979) “The Gay Report: Lesbians and Gay Men Speak Out About Sexual Experiences and Lifestyle.” New York: Simon and Shuster
Hanley-Hackenbruck, P. “Psychotherapy and the “coming out” process.” Journal of Gay and Lesbian Psychotherapy, 1(1): 21-39
Weinberg, T. (1978) “On doing and being gay: Sexual behavior and male self-identity.” Journal of Homosexuality, 4: 143-56
19 tips for a successful coming out
Eight Tips for Coming Out
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/holiday_tips.pdf
Kon, I. “Moonlight at dawn. Faces and masks of same-sex love." Part III. Me and others - In search of myself
Evelyn Hooker, "The adjustment of the male overt homosexual", Journal of projective techniques, XXI 1957, pp. 18-31
Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality // American Psychological Association FAQ
T. B. Dmitrieva, director of the “Center for Social and Forensic Psychiatry named after V. P. Serbsky”, academician of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, Doctor of Medical Sciences, professor, in the work “Guide to Forensic Psychiatry” (2004) writes: “Modern official Russian psychiatry is against any psychiatric treatment, whether “conversion” or “restorative” therapy, based on the premise that homosexuality is itself a mental illness, or on the premise that the patient must be willing to change his sexual orientation. As for practice, there is not a single case known in which psychiatric or drug treatment in this area had a positive result. Sexual, sensual, emotional experiences of a person are artificially unchangeable.”
The average age of coming out is 13 years old
Dale O'Leary. Gay Teens and Attempted Suicide
Teen Suicide
Excerpt from Miletski, Hani. "Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia". East-West Publishing, LLC, 2002, ISBN 0-9716917-0-3
Pet-abuse.com: Admitted zoophile beaten by father with crowbar
Richard Dyer (2002). "The Culture of Queers". ISBN 0-415-22376-8
Blood & Honor - Britain's fascists split
Oi! – The Truth by Harry Bushell
Jim DeRogatis. Kiss them off. Chicago Sun-Times, Aug 29, 2003
Barry Walters. Listen, without prejudice - pop musician George Michael's professional life. The Advocate, May 12, 1998
Judy Wieder. All The Way Out George Michael. The Advocate, Jan 19, 1999
Rudolf Nureyev: the tragedy of the richest dancer // RIA Novosti
An Italian writer wrote a book about the 10 “great homosexual passions of the 20th century”
Claude Bernardin, Tom Stanton. Rocket Man: Elton John from A-Z. Praeger/Greenwood, 1996. ISBN 0-275-95698-9. Page 48.
Walters, Suzanna Danuta. All the Rage: The Story of Gay Visibility in America. University of Chicago Press, 2003. ISBN 0-226-87231-9. Page 4.
Burston, P. "Honestly." Attitude 1.4 (August 1994): pp. 62-69. http://www.glbtq.com/arts/pet_shop_boys.html

Coming out is the voluntary disclosure of information about sexual orientation or gender identity. WITH On the one hand, a person communicates intimate information about himself, which, in theory, no one should care about; on the other hand, The very process of reporting in the context of homophobic legislation can be perceived as a political act, although it rarely is. Is it worth coming out, and how to do it correctly, explain the director of the Family Therapy Center, Inna Khamitova, and the psychologist of the LGBTQIA Resource Moscow center, Natalya Safonova.

- Why such fear of coming out?

- Public opinion portrays heterosexuality as a social norm, thereby excluding people whose sexual orientation or gender identity differs from the generally accepted one. Therefore, many LGBT people say that they are afraid of upsetting their loved ones with their confession or simply want to protect themselves from the emotions of people for whom homo-/bisexuality is not the norm.

- Why come out at all? After all, sex life and preferences are everyone’s personal matter.

- In order to feel comfortable, it is important to be in harmonious contact with yourself and other people. If a person hides what is important to him, this forces him to constantly lie and get out. Coming out or not is a choice between peace of mind and “life on a volcano.” Self-disclosure can bring relief, but you should take into account the possible consequences and take care of your safety in advance, because coming out often causes psychological and physical violence.

Sometimes LGBT organizations They state that coming out is a prerequisite for the normal life of the community as a whole, and this largely influences a person’s choice. In most cases, in response to the question: “Why do you want to come out?” - psychologists hear: “In order to get closer to your relatives, friends, to get support.” Others say that they simply want to get rid of their parents' constant attempts to arrange their personal lives. But, of course, whether to come out or not is everyone’s personal choice.

- Where to start if I have made the final decision to come out?

- You must be aware that the reaction of those to whom you want to open up may not be what you expect. Answer yourself the question: “What resources do I have to survive a possible crisis?” If you live with your parents and are aware that they may not understand you, think about where you can go to spend the night. If the person you are about to open up to is aggressive, consider whether you can protect yourself. Main - Don’t be left alone with possible pressure. If you understand that you do not have enough resources to cope with the crisis right now, perhaps you should wait.

- I have enough strength to survive possible negativity. What to do next?

- Next step - forming a network of people who will definitely support you. First, trust someone you don't doubt so you don't end up alone. It's not always your parents, sometimes it's someone in the community, maybe a psychologist, a person on an LGBT forum, or your best friend. It is important to create a “safety cushion”.

- What is the likelihood that the reaction of the people I plan to tell about my homosexuality will be negative?

- There are too many factors influencing this. Let's divide this question into several blocks:

- What to expect from parents?

- Psychologist Ekaterina Petrova, in her study “Motives, obstacles and consequences of coming out in the relationships of adult homo-/bisexuals with their parents,” analyzed the behavior of 80 parents who were faced with the non-heterosexuality of their children, came to the conclusion that their reaction is influenced by the following reasons:

- personal: openness, willingness to perceive the child as an individual. Remember how they behaved in situations where you made an independent choice;

- socio-demographic characteristics of the family: social and professional status of parents, religiosity, origin.

Some perceive the information more or less calmly, others take teenage children or already quite adult and accomplished people to a psychologist or psychiatrist and repeat that homosexuality - this is a mental disorder.

Parental shock - normal reaction. Therefore, if you hope to receive parental support immediately after confession, difficulties may arise. In this situation, the parents themselves need support; they need time to get used to the new, rather difficult information for them, because their life, previously built according to a heteronormative scenario, has been turned upside down. In this situation, it is important not to put pressure on parents, but to give them time. After this, you can, for example, invite them to go to a support group for parents who could exchange experiences and support each other.

- How to tell friends and colleagues?

- Sometimes this is a psychologically safer conversation than talking to your parents. Also try to predict your friends' reactions by analyzing their ability to perceive your right to choose or their attitude towards the LGBT community in general. At work, you can also inform some limited circle. If a company positions itself as loyal in principle, there is less risk of facing a negative reaction.

In any case, it is impossible to predict everyone's reaction. It is likely that there will be someone who will devalue your recognition with statements like: “It will pass with age, you will have fun and calm down.” - or will chalk it all up to “fashion and the desire to stand out.” Such devaluation is usually explained by internal denial.

- How will life change after coming out?

- Some people, after coming out, begin to feel more comfortable and accept their identity. However, in the case of a negative reaction to coming out, the consequences can be dire and even dangerous.If you are facing pressure after coming out and need support, please contactCenter for socio-psychological and cultural projects. The center's psychologists conduct face-to-face support groups and free consultations. In St. Petersburg, you can turn to the initiative group “Exit” for help. The Russian LGBT Network provides online counseling in the regions.

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Not every person dares to loudly and publicly declare their non-traditional sexual orientation. The story of Kevin Spacey's coming out received great resonance even in the United States, where homosexuality has long been accepted adequately. In Kazakhstan, one of the large cinema chains used this story for advertising, offering an annual subscription to Kazakh actors who dare to follow Spacey’s example and come out. True, no one has confessed yet. And the actors can understand: coming out is a serious and important step for an LGBT representative..

No. 1. What is coming out?

Coming out . - English)literally means "opening", "exit". This expression goes back to the phrase “Coming out of the closet,” that is, “to come out of the closet.” From the same metaphorical closet in which LGBT people often sit, fearing public opinion.

The birth of coming out as a phenomenon is associated with the activities of fighters for the rights of sexual minorities in the mid-19th century and the beginning and middle of the 20th century.

The idea of coming out dates back to the work of Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a German lawyer, journalist and inspiration for the LGBT rights movement. At one time, Ulrichs was dismissed from the district court in Hildesheim due to homosexuality.

He wrote a series of books " A Study of the Mystery of Love Between Men,” in which he proposed a somewhat naive, romantic theory about “uranus,” people who are neither men nor women, but a kind of third gender. Ulrichs considered the love between them more sublime than the usual connection between a man and a woman Despite the fact that in his work Ulrichs mixed the concepts of gender identity and homosexuality, LGBT representatives appreciate his contribution to the development of the idea of coming out. The scientific term coming out was made by the North American psychologist Evelyn Hooker, who studied the problems of sexual minorities.

The official coming out day is October 11th. It was on this day in 1987 that 500 thousand demonstrators marched through the streets of Washington in support of LGBT rights.

Of course, coming out is usually associated with the LGBT community. But sometimes this concept is used in other contexts. For example, “coming out of an alcoholic,” “coming out of an atheist,” and even “coming out of a vampire.”

No. 2. The loudest coming outs

Not only Kevin Spacey, but also many other celebrities and even politicians have publicly acknowledged their LGBT identity. In 1988, British actor Ian McKellen (many know him as Gandolf from The Lord of the Rings) admitted his homosexuality on a radio station. In 2016, Twilight star Kristen Stewart came out as bisexual.

In 2014, Apple CEO Tim Cook wrote in a Bloomberg Businessweek column: "While I have never denied my sexuality, I have never publicly acknowledged it until now. So let me be clear: I am proud to be gay, and I consider homosexuality one of the greatest gifts God has given me."

Actress Judy Foster, singer Elton John and even the famous Angela Davis have come out over the years. On November 6, 2014, Latvian Foreign Minister Edgars Rinkevich wrote on his Twitter: “Proud to be gay.”

No. 3. What is the meaning of coming out?

Anti-coming out or homophobic people usually say something like: “Do it quietly in the basement, why tell everyone about your preferences.” Why is it so important for representatives of the LGBT movement to come out of the shadows? Human rights activists say that coming out is necessary for a gay, lesbian, bisexual or person with a non-traditional gender identity to express themselves.

Visibility is a step towards legitimacy and acceptance. Thus, the person who has revealed himself emphasizes that he is a full-fledged representative of society, and draws attention to the problems of people with the same orientation as his. When someone famous declares their membership in the LGBT community, it has a particularly powerful effect. Although in this case one cannot exclude the element of PR and attracting attention.

LGBT-friendly psychologists emphasize the importance of coming out to combat stigma. This allows the one who comes out of the shadows to get rid of frustration and constant tension due to the need to hide. Also, coming out allows a person to feel more comfortable and accept himself as he is.

No. 4. Outing or forced coming out

Outing is when information about a person's sexual orientation becomes public against his will. That is, someone deliberately informs those around an LGBT person about his orientation. This may be done to discredit a person if they are in a homophobic environment. Outing can also be unintentional, for example, someone close to you saw the corresponding entries in a person’s personal diary or an open messenger.

No. 5. How to come out correctly

Before coming out, make sure that you are sure that it is really necessary at this stage of your life. Don't forget about personal safety and weigh how this could change your life. Remember the importance of coming out, because you do it primarily for yourself, plus thereby express your civic position.

If you are going to come out in the family, for example, in front of your parents, then take into account their attitude towards the topic of homosexuality. If it is negative, then you should not declare your orientation suddenly and sharply. To move smoothly into this topic, you may want to first prepare the context and try to change your loved one's negative attitudes. Let the parent read popular science literature about homosexuality or gender identity, watch a film together on this topic. Anyone who is about to come out of the closet would also do well to familiarize themselves with specialized literature in order to be able to answer questions if they arise.

Of course, the reaction of loved ones can be unpredictable, so if you, for example, are a minor, it is better to think in advance about where you can go to spend the night in the worst case scenario.

If you intend to come out to your colleagues, then also weigh the pros and cons. It may be worth starting with a limited circle of people with whom you have a good relationship, rather than making an announcement over loudspeaker.

It is recommended that you refrain from coming out at work if it could pose a serious risk to you, such as the prospect of losing your job, or if it could have a serious impact on your professional life.

Coming out should be done with a sober memory and sound mind, remaining cool and firm, ready for any reaction to your statement.

No. 6. Criticism of coming out

The idea of coming out is usually criticized by homophobic communities and anti-gay activists. For example, the Christian organization Exodus International, which even established “National Coming Out Day” in defiance of “National Coming Out Day.” In 2013, the organization ceased its activities. And its former leader made an official apology to representatives of the LGBT community, admitting that it is impossible to change sexual orientation.

The feminist community has an ambiguous attitude towards coming out. In particular, queer feminist Judith Butler, in her article “Imitation and Gender Insubordination,” argues that the very gesture of revealing a secret is, as it were, a recognition of one’s otherness and exclusion from society. Thus, the person who comes out, according to Butler, seems to support the fact that we live in a society where only heterosexual relationships are normal.

No. 7. Symbolism of coming out

American artist Keith Haring created the official coming out emblem. This is a picture of a door and a man coming out of it. The unspoken anthem of coming out is Diana Ross's song "I'm Coming Out."

The sexual revolution gave men and women the freedom to choose sexual partners. This was the impetus for the creation of same-sex couples. At the same time, new concepts appeared concerning certain aspects of the life and behavior of people with non-traditional sexual orientation. As a rule, these words are of foreign origin and are not entirely understandable to citizens who are far from the “blue” and “pink” themes.

For example, not everyone knows what coming out is. How does it differ from the similar concept of “outing”. Meanwhile, in certain circles this is a frequently used expression, which even has its own holiday in the year. But first things first.

What is coming out?

This word is borrowed from the English language and translated means “opening”, “coming out of the closet”. A man or woman who openly and, very importantly, voluntarily admits their non-traditional sexual orientation or their relationship to a gender minority, commits an act called coming out. As a rule, this definition is applied to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals (abbreviated as LGBT) who openly admit their sexual preferences or that their body does not correspond to their mental state.

Outing is also the exposure to public view of the fact of an unconventional personal life, but by other persons in a violent form, against the will of the homosexual himself. Usually this is done in order to discredit a person, ruin his reputation, career, change people’s attitude towards him, because homophobic sentiments are present in any country. Even in modern society, not all people are ready to open the doors to their bedroom, but there are also those who deliberately arrange a public coming out in order to attract attention and gain extra popularity, while being heterosexual individuals. This phenomenon is very common in show business.

Some historical facts

The first time people thought about the basic idea of coming out was in 1869. This was done by a German lawyer and journalist defending the rights and interests of minorities, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs. He was of the opinion that if you want to become noticeable, you need to loudly declare yourself through coming out. The significance of this act, according to the German, is great; an open homosexual will be able to exert greater influence on people and enjoy authority.

The first public important person who was not afraid to tell the truth about himself was the American poet Robert Duncan. He came out and was soon dismissed from the army. After that, in one of the magazines, he stated that minorities were oppressed in the country and throughout the world.

In the mid-20th century, the concept of “coming out”, thanks to psychologist Evelyn Hooker, who devoted many of his works to the study of gay communities, ceased to be jargon, moving into the section of scientific terminology.

The importance of coming out

Moral satisfaction from life occurs only if a person lives in complete harmony not only with himself, but also with society. To achieve this result, you need to muster up the courage and openly declare your sexual preferences. If a man or woman is truly homosexual, they have accepted this fact and are confident in their choice, then there is no need to hide it, camouflage it with heterosexual relationships, even marriage against their will for the sake of society. This negatively affects the mental state of the individual. Only coming out can help here. The meaning of what has been done will have a positive impact on your state and mood, and long-awaited relief will come.

This is in case of understanding on the part of the audience. But, as practice shows, this is not always the case. That is why there is a lot of literature on the topic “what is coming out”, how and when is the best time to do it. One of the most famous is a manual written by the American organization Parents, Families and Friends of Gays and Lesbians.

Recognition process

Coming out is a complex multi-step process. Psychologists advise gradually revealing your sexual orientation to everyone, preferably starting with a close friend or family member with whom you are most warm and strong. It often happens that all his colleagues and friends know about a person’s unconventionality, but close relatives have no idea. Sometimes it’s easier to tell someone else than your own.

Some dedicated to coming out and a person’s general openness to society have shown that the less a person hides from others, the less he has to lie, be nervous, and worry.

Confession to parents

One of the most difficult stages of coming out is confession to parents. They are unable to receive information correctly and with understanding. Parents are shocked to learn that their child is not like everyone else. They need time and help from a psychologist. Most parents refuse to accept this fact and may punish their children, ignore them, kick them out of the house, or abandon them. Some people try to avoid any conversations related to sexual topics for some time, believing that all this is a whim, a cost of age, and if you don’t focus on it, then everything will go away by itself.

Other parents seriously consider homosexuality to be a disease and begin treating their children with reparative therapy. With all these actions, mothers and fathers cause serious harm to the child’s psyche, only escalating the situation.

2013 - the year of coming out

October 11 is considered the official day when everyone remembers what coming out is, and also observes public confessions of not only friends, relatives, but also important famous people from the stage. The number of LGBT politicians, musicians, athletes and actors is growing from year to year, which suggests that people are less and less afraid of popular condemnation, and unconventional choices are becoming the norm. We can safely say that in 2013 we did not limit ourselves to one day of recognition, extending it for 365 days.

It is impossible to talk about all the confessions, there are a huge number of them, but here are the most expected and loud statements:

Jodie Foster came out during her awards ceremony at the Golden Globes.
American actor Wentworth Miller announced his homosexuality in a letter refusing to come to Russia, since there are many homophobes here.
British diver Tom Daly made a video with his confession and posted it on the Internet.
The Canadian actor and singer admitted that he is gay and has been in a relationship with a man for 14 years.
NBA basketball player Jason Collins, who decided that he needed to be honest with everyone.
Filipino singer Charrisse.
Robbie Rogers has come out as gay and retired from football.
Irish actor Andrew Scott, who stopped learning Russian from V.V. Putin’s speeches after he issued a homophobic law.
Professor of Psychiatry Dinesh Bugra.
Figure skater Brian Boitano.

Coming out- the process of voluntary open recognition of one's belonging to a certain sexual orientation or gender minority. Translated from English “come out of the closet” or simply “come out”. Usually people perform this act in order to reveal themselves as a person and stop hiding their real orientation. It is worth understanding that coming out will not hide you from oppression and discrimination.

Outing- the process of forcibly disclosing a person’s sexual orientation without his permission, disclosing personal information about a person.

Glass cabinet- this is also another term associated with the LGBT community; it characterizes a person who is accustomed to being associated with any orientation, but he has not come out openly.

How to come out?

Try to understand who will not judge you and will understand.
Tell your parents or close friends first, start small. It could also be various forums or people who have already come out, or you can shoot a video for the Internet, the main thing is not to be afraid to ask for advice.
Test the waters.
You shouldn’t talk about your orientation in a homophobic environment, start from afar, ask your loved ones for their opinion about the LGBT community. Don't be dependent on your parents in case they get angry or abandon you.
All life is little coming outs.
You'll encounter this every day, whether you're going out to dinner with your date or booking a hotel room. Your parents will also come out by telling their friends about your sexuality.
Be prepared for criticism.
There will always be evil people, so just be calm and always respond constructively to criticism or not notice it at all, never be offended, give only love. Understand that everything depends on a person’s personal upbringing, it does not depend on race, gender or nation.
Consider whether this is really necessary.
Don't do everything hastily. Think about what pros and cons this will bring, whether you can do without it or whether it will make you feel better mentally. Will you become happy or puzzled?
Are you ready?
First of all, you must love yourself, and then demand this from the world around you. Remember that there will always be people who will support you and help with advice or kind words.
Do not be afraid.
Be strong and confident, it’s okay if you encounter intolerance, everyone has experienced this in some way. The main thing is to love yourself.

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