IN modern culture It is common to hide and suppress your emotions and not express your true feelings. Instead, you should wear a mask, and it is better to keep smiling all the time. The child is brought up with prohibitions on expressing emotions: “don’t cry”, “don’t scream”, “don’t run”, “don’t make noise”, “sit quietly and calmly”, “don’t grimace”; They prohibit “showing” anger, rage, and aggression in general.

Any emotion is energy, and, according to the law of conservation of energy, it goes nowheredoesn't disappear. Therefore, you can suppress the expression of an emotion, but you cannot destroy it. It remains to live deep in a person, being unmanifested, and does not disappear until it is expressed outwardly.

EMOTIONS.

What is "emotion"? The word emotio implies action (the preposition e - “outward, outward”, motio - “movement”), and in this sense, emotion (“outward movement”) is a universal manifestation of all forms of life. Back in 1872 Charles Darwin, in his book The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, wrote: “Expressive movements of the face and body are essential to our well-being.” Sigmund Freud later discovered that the therapeutic effect is achieved only by experiencing an emotion.

Each emotion, in its own way, is experienced by our body. From joy - “the chest is bursting”, from resentment - “everything in the chest is compressed”, from disgust - “the stomach is turning out”, from shame - you want to “burn” (burning in the diaphragm), and from fear - “the stomach is cramping”. Emotion always requires expression through facial expressions (facial muscles), gestures (mainly the muscles of the arms and shoulder girdle), and body movements (muscles of the whole body).

But to express emotion, the energy provided by deep breathing is also necessary. Therefore, for the normal expression of emotions, a free, flexible state of the muscles of the face and the whole body, free, easy and deep breathing are necessary.

CONTAINING EMOTIONS.

If we restrain the external expression of our emotions, hide them from people, then we achieve this only by blocking their expression with our own muscles. We intervene in normal work own body by blocking muscle movements. If some feeling is very strong, and we hold it back for a long time, muscle blocks are formed, which, in turn, disrupt the entire functioning of the corresponding segment of the body, and not just the expression of a specific feeling.

The expression of emotion is suppressed by tensing the muscles and blocking the body segments corresponding to this emotion. In many cases, not only the expression of a specific emotion is blocked, but also emotionality in general, by reducing the energy supply of the body - weakening the depth of breathing. This is often accompanied by a predisposition to colds. Blocking breathing is based on an unconscious fear of receiving such a flow of energy that will break through all muscle blocks and emotions will come out.

CONSEQUENCES of holding back emotions.

What happens to us when we restrain ourselves, limit the expression of feelings and emotions?
Unbeknownst to us, this leads to the following:
. neuroses are formed,
. there is a painful feeling that you are not living your life,
. we don't do what we want
. we suffer, justifying ourselves by saying that, supposedly, “everyone lives like this,” “nothing can be done,” etc.
. our loved ones do not receive enough love and tenderness from us, which we do not know how to express,
. “we swallow grievances” instead of fighting back, etc.
Blocked energy “circulates” inside our body in search of a way out.
The person continues to experience impulses of unexpressed emotions, but fights them. As a result, the body, instead of bringing joy and pleasure, brings pain and suffering, “earns” diseases (psychosomatics). Man turns away from own body, betrays him (one of the books of the famous psychotherapist A. Lowen is called “Betrayal of the body - Betrayal of the body”). What other harm can a person do if his mind ignores his own body?

Our bodies reflect our experiences.

Example. The feeling of resentment “squeezes” the chest, regardless of whether a person shows his resentment to people or not. After some time, if, being unexpressed, the resentment does not go away, back pain may occur between the shoulder blades. You can go to a massage therapist, but the procedures will only bring temporary relief. He may even be given an incorrect diagnosis - “thoracic osteochondrosis.” But until he removes the chest block and reveals his resentment, his back will not go away...

Example. Increased control of emotions by the mind leads to the formation of a cervical block. A “tight” neck, in turn, leads to stooped posture, neck pain, upper respiratory tract diseases, and chronic colds. (We will talk about what happens to the voice later). Can a massage therapist help? Again there will be an erroneous diagnosis of “osteochondrosis,” but now “ cervical spine" But this person can learn to express his emotions, and stop suppressing his screaming, crying (“a lump stuck in his throat”)...

WHERE EMOTIONS LIVE.

So where do emotions live? Lowen identifies 9 “basic” emotions:

Basic Emotion - Where Lives The sensation evoked in that area

Joy - expansion, lifting, opening in the chest

Sadness - compression in the chest, decrease

Resentment - shrinkage, squeezing in the chest

Tenderness - pleasant warmth in the chest, expansion, “spillage”

Anger - in the chest, comes from the pelvis, goes up through the whole body, “blowing”, expansion

Shame - diaphragm area (between chest and abdomen) burning sensation

Disgust - upper abdomen compression, turning over, eversion

Fear - lower abdomen contraction, squeezing, shrinking

Sexual arousal - a pleasant expansion, “spillage” in the pelvic area.

This list may seem too short. It does not contain many well-known emotions and feelings: rage, melancholy, guilt, etc. Because now we are talking about basic emotions. The rest of the emotions are “superficial”, i.e. they “cover” the basic ones. Beneath the “superficial” emotion there is always a basic one. The basic one is always more authentic and has much more energy than any superficial one. Therefore, with all the possible diversity of feelings and emotions, Lowen recommends that for therapeutic purposes it is always the basic emotion that is identified.

What does Body-Oriented Psychotherapy suggest to do?

Understanding the unity of mind and body makes it possible in body-oriented psychotherapy not only to diagnose the psychological causes of bodily diseases, but also to eliminate them. After all muscle block can be removed, and a person can be taught to express his own feelings and emotions that he is holding back.

You cannot make graceful movements just by lying on a couch or sitting in a chair and talking about your experiences. This conversation is necessary and beneficial, but the chronic muscle tension that comes with loss of grace must be combated through movement.

“All emotions belong to the body, the mind only recognizes them.” D. Lawrence.
It's scary to show people your true emotions, isn't it? And even admitting them to yourself can be scary. If we answer “yes”, then look at the table - where does fear live? And let's get started!

Exercise.

Let's study our face.

We approach the mirror. We look carefully at the facial features that have developed over the years. What emotion are they expressing? Raised eyebrows? Surprised or scared? Or maybe shifted? Out of rage? Are the corners of your mouth downturned? In sadness? Or has the smile been frozen on your lips for years? Do the eyes smile then? Or just lips? Or maybe the eyes are wide open? Scared? Are your lips turned outward? Out of disgust? Or tensely drawn in, turning into a thin line? Out of anger? Are your cheeks puffed out? Like a child who is about to cry? Or is your face drawn and your muscles tense? From pain and suffering? Let's take a closer look...Is this the expression on the face of a person who wants to bare his teeth? Or maybe he'll burst into tears? Let's take care of ourselves...

"Every person, in order to preserve mental health must make faces at his reflection in the mirror for at least 3 minutes every day.

You can not hold back your emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry bitterly and be loudly indignant. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing yourself to be led by false feelings, we commit actions that we later repent of. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions have prevailed over reason. That is, we did not control our emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the lack of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate their feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They do not think about tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Intemperate people flare up like a match in any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which is what they deserve for their reputation. conflicted person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors claim that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can fulfill them. It is not surprising that no matter what field they work in, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for it all is lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to maintain cool head, sober thoughts and understanding that feelings may turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. “The secret... is to understand when to be one and when to be another!”

People who control themselves deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, many people think they are callous, heartless, “insensitive blockheads” and...incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time “go all out,” “break down,” lose control of themselves and commit unpredictable acts! Looking at them, we also seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, becoming restrained and strong-willed is not so easy. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason and not by feelings is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

That this is not the case is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist from Stanford University. It is also known as the “marshmallow test” because one of its main “heroes” is an ordinary marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay in a plate on the table. Each child was told that they could eat it now, but if they waited 15 minutes, they would get another one, and then they could eat both. Michel Walter would leave the child alone for a few minutes and then return. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before he returned, and only 30 waited and received a second one. It is curious that the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two other countries where it was conducted.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his students and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more learnable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves a person’s quality of life.

Isaac Pintosevich, who is called the “success coach,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Let's remember the “marshmallow test”

30% of 4-year-old children already knew how. This character trait was inherited from them “by nature,” or this skill was instilled in them by their parents.

Someone said: “Don’t raise your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself." Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, but we ourselves throw tantrums in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower, but we ourselves show weakness. We remind them that they must be punctual, and every morning we are late for work.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying “weak points” - where exactly we allow ourselves to “unravel.”

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not occasionally;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve a problem within such and such a period. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the stated time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount of money will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet of paper and put (or hang) it in a visible place

Every day we monitor how much we have managed to move towards their implementation.

4. Putting our financial affairs in order

We keep our loans under control, remember whether we have any debts that urgently need to be repaid, and balance debits with credits. Is our emotional condition depends quite a lot on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems there are in this area, the less reason we will have to “lose our temper.”

5. Observe our reaction to events that evoke strong emotions in us and analyze whether they are worth our worries

We imagine the worst case scenario and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inadequate and thoughtless behavior.

6. We do everything the other way around

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say “a few kind words” to him. Instead, we smile welcomingly and give a compliment. If we were offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, we should not be angry, but would be happy for him and wish him a happy journey.

Since the very morning we have been overcome by laziness, so we turn on the music and get down to some business. In a word, we act contrary to what our emotions tell us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change our circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them.

We are surrounded different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we encounter someone else's envy, anger, or rudeness. We need to come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation.

How physical exercise develop the body, just as meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, you can learn to avoid negative emotions and not give in to passions that interfere with a sober view of circumstances and can destroy your life. With the help of meditation, a person immerses himself in a state of calm and achieves harmony with himself.

Human emotions subtly but steadily depreciate as life goes on. Neither in the cradle nor in kindergarten None of us even thought of limiting them in any way. We looked at the disgruntled parents with sincere misunderstanding and continued to laugh out loud and make funny faces. Emotionality is something that begins to be actively suppressed at primary school age: don’t scream, don’t run, don’t laugh loudly, don’t whine, don’t roar, and a lot of similar twitching and nagging suddenly falls on the fragile shoulders of a junior schoolchild. Adults call this “upbringing,” and a well-mannered child is considered to be calm in all respects.

Have you noticed that children do not know how to hold a grudge against someone for a long time? This is because they have nothing to “hold”; they all cried at the first impulse. An adult can be stuck in black depression for a month. Think about it.

But how can and should a child be calm if he has nowhere to put his fountain of life energy, expressiveness, enthusiasm and seething curiosity? The calmness of a child of this age is a reason to take him to the doctor, because it indicates, first of all, apathy and indifference. Nevertheless, in order not to anger school teachers and parents, we learn to perceive the open expression of emotions as something worthy of blame, and from an early age we begin to cope with feelings, or rather, to work on destroying our own emotional background. The further life takes us, the more we get used to fighting emotionality, hiding behind masks and hiding our real feelings.

Emotionality is an outlet for feelings

In adulthood we strive for the ideal strong man, able to control emotions, remaining calm in the face of any unforeseen situation. Emotionality can be high, low, or “average.” Increased emotionality in women and men is perceived as a sign of immaturity or lack of upbringing, not only in oneself, but also in others. Under the pressure of a stereotype, we tend to cast sidelong glances at adults who, for some reason, cannot restrain themselves: if it is loud laughter, we are indignant; if there is a quarrel and indignation, we try to stay away.

A person who does not restrain or poorly restrains emotions goes beyond the generally accepted model of behavior in society, and therefore seems unpredictable and even dangerous.

In fact, a person who expresses emotions openly and in a timely manner, without trying to overcome every impulse of feelings, is doing the right thing. However, it is possible to get rid of emotionality, but it can lead to serious negative consequences. A suppressed and retained emotion does not go away; it remains inside and waits in the wings. After some time, the person again tries to reduce emotionality, put feelings away, and the amount of unrealized energy increases. Ultimately, some little thing will certainly play the role of a snowball from which an avalanche begins, and then a person will really show himself in the most unpleasant way. So think twice before suffocating yourself with masks.

Psychology of the issue

The reasons for increased emotionality lie deep inside. Both female and male emotions as a phenomenon are a kind of indicators by which you better navigate the surrounding reality. The emotion that a phenomenon evokes in you gives it character and determines your attitude towards what is happening.

Emotions may indicate:

• danger,
• necessity,
• urgency,
• importance,
• priority and so on.

These indicators make you feel differently about different things. For example, you worry more about your mother's health than about showing up for work on time because the news of her illness makes you so emotional that everything else fades into the background.

Don't confuse emotionality with impulsiveness. Impulsivity is the tendency to act rashly under the pressure of strong emotions. The roots of this problem are insufficient behavioral control and inability to weigh risks. Fighting impulsivity by suppressing emotionality is the wrong way.

Increased emotionality

High emotionality as a personality trait means a manner of taking everything to heart, making mountains out of molehills, and freaking out over any reason. Overly emotional people are not necessarily impulsive. These phenomena are related to each other in much the same way as air and fire: without air there can be no combustion, but this does not mean that air is flammable. Excessive emotionality in men and women is accompanied by the main problem of eccentrics - they experience stress more often than others, and are statistically more susceptible to nervous disorders and diseases of the cardiovascular system.

Low emotionality

Low emotionality, if it is not a deliberately developed quality, may indicate a decline in vitality, apathy and depression. A person not showing healthy emotional reactions(even if hidden from prying eyes), he is indifferent to everything: his life is smooth and empty, nothing in it seems worthy of joy, sadness, or attention. The lack of emotionality complicates communication, because such a person can be of interest only as a carrier of valuable information, but the process of communicating with him is disappointing.

And as always, a certain average “normality”, beyond which rebellious youth so loves to break out, turns out to be the most the optimal means and from a heart attack at 40 years old, and from clinical boredom at the same time. Because everything is good in moderation. To successfully maintain an average level of emotionality, you need to make friends with emotions.

1. First, understand that sensitive emotionality is not an extraneous element that has overwhelmed your life, it is you yourself. Just as you control your arm or leg, you can control your mental state, except in rare cases when emergency processes are triggered.
2. As soon as you understand this, sign up for any self-development courses that include emotion training.
3. If you don't know which courses to choose, choose an acting school for adults. You can determine the direction of study yourself - all types are suitable: from an emphasis on communicative improvement to business theater and personal effectiveness. The development of a person’s intellectual emotionality is dealt with in all acting courses without exception.

Often on the Internet, films and books we come across discussions on the topic of “mind and feelings”. Quotes from many works convince us that “ mind and feelings must be in harmony", other quotes state that the world of human feelings is interesting, but the world of reason is boring, and therefore, " man, give free rein to your feelings! In short, in the matter of a healthy relationship between reason and feelings, we cannot always correctly assess what should prevail over what, reason over feelings or feelings over reason.

My opinion is the following: Harmony of feelings and reason is possible only when feelings are subordinated to reason. This is not even harmony, but hierarchy. What are feelings? The result is a surge of hormones, often caused by external stimuli. Therefore, a person lives by feelings, be it love, fear, envy, greed, etc. - a person who is not at all free and dependent on the world around him. A person who lives by feelings is controlled and unreliable. Of course, we are not talking about completely eliminating feelings from life; that would be impossible and stupid. But the supremacy must undoubtedly remain with reason.

What does it mean to live by reason and not by feelings? This means separating your feelings from yourself, understanding where “my feelings” are and where “I” are. Strong feelings prevent you from objectively assessing the situation and analyzing the situation. If you fall in love with someone, you will not be able to adequately assess the person’s ability to participate in any activity; if you are bursting with anger, jealousy or hatred for the person, you will also not be able to appreciate the ability this person, or you will demonize his influence on the situation. What happens when we are influenced by feelings? We commit actions that are completely inappropriate either for the situation in front of us or for our own, as a result of which we run into mistakes and mistakes. If we can separate feelings from ourselves, we will have the opportunity to look at the situation “from above,” “from the outside,” thanks to which we minimize the possible distortion of our behavior and actions by our feelings.

I would also like to say something about the quote “give free rein to your feelings.” The fact is that will is a property of the mind, and only he can properly dispose of it. Therefore, giving free rein to feelings is like putting a dreamy artist in charge of a country. At first the picture will be beautiful, but soon a crisis will break out.

Of course, the world of human feelings is really interesting and beautiful in its own way., feelings will always be an integral part of the harmony of our lives, the main thing is to set priorities correctly and not drown in the abyss of feelings.

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How to understand, win and keep a man. Unique tests and rules Tarasov Evgeniy Aleksandrovich

Rule No. 43. Give free rein to your feelings.

How often we hold back our feelings, not allowing ourselves to express them fully. We are afraid of being misunderstood, we don’t want to look funny and ridiculous. And in vain! Only openness and rejection of prejudices help to establish a trusting and warm relationship with your loved one.

Plato compared human life to a chariot: “It is harnessed to two mad horses: feeling and will. These forces rush forward, drag the chariot along and can overturn it. However, the mind controls the chariot. He holds the reins tightly, restraining the crazy impulses of the horses.” Love awakens in us the desire to give free rein to our feelings, while the mind tries to restrain them. But it is not always worthwhile to be guided only by reason in this matter.

After all, if we're talking about about love and mutual trust, then expressing your feelings is not only not shameful, but also very useful. This is the only way to show a person your innermost emotions and desires, and the only way to hope for reciprocity on the part of your partner. After all, it is frankness that evokes reciprocal frankness and spiritual closeness.

Holding back the impulses of your feelings is harmful both to your health and to your budding relationships. By hiding emotions, we risk being simply misunderstood or misunderstood. Thus, a woman who hides her desires may seem cold and unapproachable. While a woman who knows how to show her feelings arouses not only interest, but also respect from a man.

Only feelings that break free can make their mistress happy. Don't be afraid to do something stupid, your man will forgive you anyway. And you will only free yourself from unnecessary prohibitions. They should not exist in a relationship between a man and a woman. Only this approach will help not only establish, but also strengthen and maintain for a long time reverent and, most importantly, trusting relationships.

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