Ex-boyfriend doesn't say hello why. Look here, or what to do if a guy doesn't notice you
Hello! Happened to me recently next situation: I had a rather ridiculous quarrel with my friend. The fact is that a friend with whom I recently became friends came to visit me and brought a newspaper with erotic content. At this time, my mother came home from work. She started saying that “Why are you (at me) reading these things again? Can't you read something more intellectual? You (said my mother, turning to me) are studying at the philology department!” The friend, thinking that her mother had expressed her dissatisfaction with the newspaper, knowing that this newspaper was a friend’s, was offended and left.
Then my mother started talking to me. Saying, “Why doesn’t your friend ever say hello? No matter how much I watch her, she never says hello! Now too - I (I mean, mom) came, and your friend told me neither hello nor goodbye when parting. And this also applies to her parents. “I,” says the mother, “have met her dad several times, I was the first to say hello to him, but he is silent. The woman greets him, but he is silent.” And mom also goes to herself: “You don’t know us and we don’t know you!” And, accordingly, my friend, too, even when visiting us, is never the first to say hello, although, in fact, usually, the younger ones are the first to greet the older ones. Of course, I can be the first to say hello, but I already have an unpleasant aftertaste.
About the newspaper. “It’s just, as my mother said, I don’t like these publications. It's the same everywhere. one fuck-a-thump (sorry). And then, I’m at home, why can’t I express my opinion? And I didn’t know that this newspaper was not yours.” But then, my mother still said that she felt guilty and that the problem was more that my friend (and her parents) did not say hello.
Of course, my friend was offended and then told me many times that, “Such things also need to be read. Your mother doesn't understand this." Or she would start saying, “Oh, I completely forgot that you can’t read such magazines” (although my mother had nothing against ordinary magazines, like Cosmo. On the contrary, she said, “At least read this magazine then.” Although my mother noted that “My friend is not yet old enough to be offended by me (my mother).”
One day, a friend suggested that I talk with her mother on any topic, if my mother is a woman of strict rules. But the problem is that my mother, in my opinion, is more right - why read erotic magazines with or without reason? And the behavior of my friend’s parents is strange to me - they really never say hello. One day, when I agreed to come to visit a friend (she told me that the door would be open), I walked in and her father was walking towards me. I told him: “Hello, where is (friend’s name)?” And he walked past me, completely ignoring me. Often her mother also “behaved.” For example, I said hello to her, and her mother, without saying hello, said: “Make peace with her.” Otherwise she’s worried.” This really surprises and worries me. And how best to behave in such conflict situations that arose between mom and friend? And what could be the reason for the fact that people don’t say hello?
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
There may be four reasons why people you know may not greet you.
The first reason is biological, such as deafness, muteness or blindness. The second reason is general bad manners. The third reason is arrogance, where you are not respected or considered your equal. The fourth reason is social phobia and hidden grievances, as a form of suppressed aggression.
The most common reason for this behavior is arrogance and unhealthy pride.
Unhealthy self-esteem (grossly inflated ideas about your abilities, self-esteem, arrogance and a sense of superiority over other people) is sign No. 2 of the The bottom line is that other people may consider themselves superior to you. To greet you means for them to humiliate themselves, to “stoop down to you.” Outwardly, this belief manifests itself in communication in the form of overt rudeness when they don’t greet you. Also, such people may pretend that they did not hear or make you to blame for all conflicts.
It is advisable for you to analyze the personality of your friend and her parents.
If you see three or more signs from the checklist of signs of psychopathy, then it is wiser to end the relationship with them. If they themselves understand their mistake and correct it - for example, apologize to you for their boorish attitude towards you and your family - then it will be advisable to observe their behavior. The most important thing is to understand how sincere their desire to improve is, to begin a relationship with you on new principles of mutual respect. If you see that the apology was false and the arrogant attitude towards you continues, then it is wiser to choose other people to communicate with.
Many modern publications, especially those of an erotic nature, convey psychopathic values
Please note that your friend does not feel the perversion, which is the essence and main message of modern erotic publications. The problem with these publications is that they are not at all engaged in sexual education, as their adherents claim. Genuine educational publications emphasize the maturity of the individual, emotional union and emotional intimacy, the quality of relationships, the psychological space for the emergence of erotic impulse and sensuality. What is now called an “erotic publication” would be correctly called a “psychopathic publication,” because it reflects the point of view of psychopaths on sexual relationships.
Normal (in the sense of those capable of having moral feelings, not in the sense of not crazy) people have a different approach to love and relationships than psychopaths. The difference is this. Since psychopaths have a biological problem with the part of the brain that is responsible for moral feelings - for example, love, affection, conscience, honesty, trust, their publications do not contain emphasis on these topics. Peculiarity (because they lack the ability to bond with a partner) or multiple short-term marriages (Item #18 on the Psychopathy Checklist). Usually the partner leaves them when he finds out the unsightly details of the double, immoral lifestyle behind the façade of a “prosperous ideal family.”
Psychopaths are often sexually promiscuous.
Also, psychopaths do not feel attachment to their gender, therefore it does not matter to them what gender the partner is, just as it does not matter how many of these partners there are at the same time and it does not matter how often they change. Psychopaths can experience a sense of pleasure in power - therefore, their publications can popularize types of relationships based on humiliation, aggression, violence or pain (fetishism, sadism, masochism and other contents of the section on sexual perversions and disorders). The description of deviations is presented under the guise of “enlightenment.” But in fact, the purpose of such propaganda is to create pathological conditioned reflexes in the sexual sphere among unsuspecting young boys and girls. In the future, this will lead to difficulties in a normal (without deviations and perversions) harmonious sex life in a couple. Many will need qualified help from a sexologist or psychiatrist-sexopathologist. Of course, it is possible to remove pathological conditioned reflexes in the sexual sphere, but this requires time, effort and money. The fact is that consultations with such specialists are very expensive, and the course of treatment is usually long.
Has it ever happened to you that you like a guy who doesn’t notice you, walks by and doesn’t even say hello or look at you? What to do if a guy doesn't notice you? You constantly look at yourself in the mirror and think what else is needed, because you have a very good appearance and a lot of abilities.
Does he know about your talents and feelings for him? Well, show me what you're worth.
What do you look like
First of all you need evaluate your appearance . You are beautiful, cute, but perhaps you dress like a gray mouse, so the guy doesn’t even look at you. Always be neat and well-groomed, know how to dress in such a way that your advantages are emphasized, but not hidden. For example, you shouldn't wear jeans if you have sexy legs, even if they're your favorite item of clothing. And if you have beautifully shaped breasts, you don’t need to hide them under a turtleneck. Don’t dress too brightly and pretentiously, it’s better dress simpler and complement the look with a couple of accessories(handbag, scarf, hat, belt, etc.). Don't forget about your hair and makeup; if possible, try not to wear makeup, except for light makeup.
What do you smell like
Your perfume should exude a pleasant light aroma, and not an intrusive and literally tickling nose smell. Yes, maybe the guy didn’t turn his eyes to you before, but now he’ll definitely turn his scent to you. Of the sense organs, a person has not only eyes, remember this and carry out your attacks on several fronts at once.
Find out about his interests
You need to play on the similarity of interests. It will be easier to talk this way when you already know something about the guy (from mutual friends, at parties, by accidentally overhearing a dialogue, etc.) and get to know each other. Knowing about a guy’s hobbies, you can quickly establish communication and begin the process of seduction.
More randomness
Set up accidents so that time after time, step by step, you let the guy know that you have designs on him, that you like him. For example, you are sitting in a lecture hall, and the same guy and your girlfriend are sitting in the next row. Ask your friend for a pen or something else, and when you reach for the thing, you seem to accidentally touch it outside palms to the guy's shoulder. He will turn around, and you modestly say, sorry, by accident. And then immediately smile and look away in embarrassment. And such accidents can be invented by a carriage and a small cart. Even thick-skinned guys sooner or later realize that all these accidents are not accidental at all.
Smile
When a guy looks at you, sincerely to him smile. By your smile he will feel that you are not indifferent to him. And this is a clear hint about the seriousness of your intentions regarding your relationship with him.
Who among us has not encountered a situation where a person to whom we seem to have done nothing wrong treats us with obvious hostility. “Well, why doesn’t he love me so much?” - we begin to rack our brains. There is always a reason. But we may not even know about it.
Understanding that a person doesn't love you is quite simple. Either he avoids communicating with you - he doesn’t say hello or greets barely, through gritted teeth, and during a chance meeting he can pretend that he doesn’t recognize you... Or he communicates, but at the same time he can constantly make offensive barbs at you, put him in front of you (if you work together) and do other dirty tricks, small and large. Sometimes we learn about a person’s hostility towards us through a third party, to whom he expresses his opinion about us.
I have had quite a few similar situations in my life. For example, a former classmate, with whom during my school years my relationship was, if not good, then quite tolerable, suddenly stopped “recognizing” me on the street, and at alumni meetings she never said hello or returned a greeting, although she greets everyone else... Or CEO on my former job, with whom I didn’t say even two words the whole time, and who, when I said “Hello” to him at the meeting, looked gloomily and did not answer... (By the way, he said hello to all the other ordinary employees in front of my eyes).
How do we usually react to such situations? Or we start looking for the reason in ourselves - what are we doing wrong? - or we blame this person - he, the bastard, doesn’t love me, who is so good!
The mistake of many of us is that we believe that we must be loved. And we bend over backwards to prove to our ill-wisher how great we are. Which most often ends in failure.
We don't actually have to please anyone. There is a good saying: “I am not a cake to please everyone!” And the attitude of another person towards us does not always depend only on us. It may depend on individual characteristics this man, his own “troubles”.
So, what could be the main reasons for someone not liking you?
1. He doesn't like your image.
A person may be annoyed by the way you look, dress, a voice that is too loud or, on the contrary, too quiet, a manner of speech or behavior, the smell that comes from you... And many other little things. Maybe you just remind him of someone else who he feels has done him wrong. And he transfers this onto you.
2. I don’t like some details of your biography - nationality, social class, previous place of work.
A person may have prejudices against people in a certain circle or profession. Many are distrustful of those who have a criminal record, even a teenage one, who once abused alcohol and drugs. Even if you have improved, you have started new life– for some, such biographical facts do not have a “statute of limitations.”
If you have a reputation as a woman of “easy virtue”, if you have stolen men from other women, this can also become a reason for dislike for you, especially from people of the same sex.
3. I don’t like the type of activity you do – the content of articles, books you’ve written, your hobbies, your political attitudes...
Even if you don’t advertise what you do, you can easily find out from it.
4. Envy.
The most common reason for hostility. The person believes that you have undeservedly received some benefits from life - family, money, a good position at work... Accordingly, he treats you as an “upstart” and a “slut.”
5. The person has drawn some negative conclusions about you from your words or actions.
6. Negative information about you received from a third party.
It may not be true. But if a person heard from someone that you are a thief, impudent, lazy, whore, etc., then he, without knowing you closely, will certainly take this into account.
What to do if you realize that someone really doesn’t like you? Under no circumstances should you flirt with this person, impose yourself on him, or prove something, psychologists advise. But you shouldn’t answer in the same coin. For example, if an ill-wisher provokes you to do something, do not give in - after all, that’s all he wants!
If you practically do not intersect with this person, then you should take a philosophical approach to the situation. After all, all people are different, everyone has their own “cockroaches”. And you really can't please everyone! Let everything remain as it is.
If strained relationships really bother you - let’s say you are forced to live or work together with your enemy, then best option- talk to him frankly, listen to his complaints against you. Frankness often helps build rapport. There are other ways: to help a person or turn to him for help in difficult times, to support or ask for support... Such situations often bring people together. In addition, by taking a closer look at you, a former enemy can change a negative opinion about you to the completely opposite one.